#devil may shitpost

[theartloca]

A pretty average day for the Sparda family🙂‍↕️

[residenteval]

Vergil the type of guy to hold heavy eye contact during conversations, purely out of interest or politeness but intentionally do so once he realizes it makes you nervous just to see you get flustered

Vergil the type of guy to write little love notes on sticky notes and leave them around the house for you to find

Vergil the type of guy to watch you sleep for a few minutes every morning, admiring the features of your face while you rest before getting his day started

Vergil the type of guy to correct your order in a resturant if any mistakes were made and you were too shy/nervous to say anything

Vergil the type of guy to rub his thumb across your skin whenever you hold hands

Vergil the type of guy to show up at your front door the second the time ticks over to the time you had planned.

Vergil the type of guy to always make sure the vases in your home are filled with fresh flowers

Vergil the type of guy to pay close attention to almost everything you do and say, remembering the smallest details and even unintentionally mimicking your small habits. (how you hold a pen, the way you nod when speaking to people, tone of words, etc)

Vergil the type of guy to have the most flattering and gratifying compliments up his sleeve but delivers them in a contradictory or flat tone, giving you a bit of whiplash in a very loving way

Vergil the type of guy to save all displays of affection for just the both of you, unless anyone tries to make a pass at you, to which he stands ominously behind you with an arm around your waist

Vergil the type of guy to watch you get ready for anything while leaning against the doorway, just watching you

Vergil the type of guy to kiss the crown of your head habitually whenever he leaves your side to do something else

Vergil the type of guy to enjoy, even prefer, spending time with you in near silence while you both do your own thing, enjoying the comfortable domesticity rather than unnecessary chatter

this doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy you talking though, Vergil could listen to you talk about something you were interested about for hours, taking in all the words you say and asking thoughtful questions about the topic/s.

as mentioned beforehand, he remembers everything you say to bring up in later conversations.

a/n: jarred my finger right before writing this it hurt like a bitch

enjoy!

[heartkaji]

currently thinking about dante sparda who’s a feminist, 6’3, built—and oh, did i mention feminist?

“say, dante, what’s your opinion on men’s rights ?”

“irrelevant.”

dante doesn’t miss the slight pause you make before continuing to stir your drink. he sits in the booth across from you, enzo munching on fries opposite him as he sneaks a sip of his sundae.

“yer joking !” enzo says between belches. “something wrong with ya kiddo ? what do you mean men’s rights are irrelevant ?!”

but dante isn’t listening. he’s more concerned about the gap between your lips & coffee cup, the way you tilt it slightly above your mouth so as to not stain the glass with your gloss. your lips tug into a pout when you find the rim stained in coke pink regardless. you pull out a napkin & wipe it with a frown. cute.

“well, as a six three, employed and financially stable male,” dante clears his throat, smug, “i can’t help but turn my focus to more important things. for example, the widening gap between men and women’s wages. and we can’t forget the rising prices of feminine hygiene products, of course.”

enzo wipes his mouth with the back of his sleeve. he doesn’t miss the way dante’s pupils seem to flit over to you every now and then. he clicks his tongue,

“kid, please, y’know she hasn’t even looked at ya, right?”

“she will.”

you continue to scroll through your phone.

but dante takes your silence as intrigue.

“anyways,” dante pauses as if searching for the words, “i just think it’s important to raise awareness—”

“yer raisin’ my freakin’ blood pressure.”

dante shoots him a glare. “i just think that, as a six foot four male, it’s my duty to raise awareness about the issues women face and the obvious gender bias in america’s modern day economy.”

“y’said six three before, kid—wait, what’s yer’ height gotta do with anything ?!”

as if on cue, your teaspoon clatters to the ground, and dante, ever the feminist, is quick to lean down to pick it up—rattling the table and spilling enzo’s fries in the process.

“hey! watch it—“

“your spoon, lady,”

you blink. dante’s taken his time to wipe the spoon clean & present it with a napkin. you hesitate a little before obliging with a murmur, “thanks..?”

“you’re welcome,” he says smoothly, relaxing into the booth seat. “no woman should ever have to bend over in a skirt. i mean—unless she wants to. then it’s her choice. her feminine power.”

“oh !”

enzo chokes on a fry. you stare at dante for a beat too long & he can’t tell if you’re confused or interested, but dante has an ego bigger than his head so he decides upon the latter.

“say, lady, don’t you agree that men should always pay on the first date ?”

you raise a brow. “the first ?”

dante waves his hands. “all, really. i only mention the first because i know some strong, independent women prefer to pay too. i respect that. i respect all women, really.”

“right. and is this your way of offering to pay for my food ?”

dante’s pupils shift to your table. only now does he realize you’ve ordered the most expensive french breakfast on the menu, as well as a drink too milky brown to cost the same as your average cappuccino. his wallet aches heavy in his pocket. “with pleasure ! lemme just get my wallet out…hope i didn’t leave it in the hellcat…”

“huh? wasn’t our uber a toyota?”

dante bares his teeth, ready to strangle enzo when you giggle—

“oh, gosh,” you sniffle, wiping tears, “that’s enough, you two are hilarious.”

clearing your throat, you raise your hand to reveal the diamond settled on your finger. “i’m sure you’re lovely and all, but i’m happily engaged.”

“that’s okay! i support women having multiple streams of happiness—ow !”

dante rubs at his shin as you continue. “that’s nice for you, but i’m fine with my fiancé.” you set some cash on the table and dust your skirt off, standing up to leave. “thank you for the laugh, though, gentlemen.”

you wave them goodbye and make your exit.

“God, i love women.”

“seek help,” enzo mutters, as he sneaks a sip from dante’s drink again.

© 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐊𝐀𝐉𝐈 ー do not edit, copy, translate or re-upload.

[the-phantom-otaku]

[bluskksk]

It’s that day again…

[deadscell]

[khayos]

I usually post resident evil here but ive been really into devil may cry so this is Nero looking for a midnight snack in the van. 😛

[vbtrigona]

Vergil "asking out" his partner by just being around them more often than usual and gradually inserting himself into their life to the point where he acts like it's suuuuch a buuurden to take caaare of you. Well, if he must, he offers you a sliver of his great power, thus becoming your patron through a blood pact. He just has to so he'll know where you are at all times so you don't waste his power on something stupid that only a stupid, dumb, stupid little human could think of. Only a sliver because you don't need that much of his magic to defend yourself against demons.

Also, it would be best that you understand what enemies you may face, so he supposes that he just HAS to start a 10-week long lecture series about the vulnerabilities of low-level demons that come up to the surface while you HAVE to let him lean over your shoulder and point out the key things to note from the 200 page PowerPoint he made. The 200 page PowerPoint he SLAVED over because he knew that it was the ONLY WAY such a STUPID human could understand his GRAND AND COMPLEX MIND.

Oh, you got hurt anyway? Well, since you're soooo pathetic that you can't even defend yourself with magic, he guesses that he just HAS to keep an eye on you. He can't do that without being close, so he supposes he can take the time in his day to move all of his stuff into your apartment because it's his DUTY as the STRONGEST BEING to PROTECT THE WEAK. And cleaaarly you don't take care of your body properly or put in the time for proper training so he suppoooooses that he could study your dietary habits to ensure you have the BEST practice routine and diet that only someone as WISE and EFFICIENT as HE could put togetherrrrr.