#double dipping

[wanderingaldecaldo]

→ skirt

[blakegallo]

[ insp ]

[the-concept-fountain]

Concept Night-Terror

Closing my eyes, teleport into my own personal reality, a dimension where I can be myself. The aura of comfort is spread across the land, and my guardian angel foretells the meaning of truth alongside thorny bushes. This sacred place in which you invaded, seizing me back to the inverted house, holding hands with the cowardly man. Taking my melody as a trophy of victory, none of this is real. What are you saying, how did you get here, how did you find me...?

[anarchistemma]

Jer, taking home the wardrobe from Paramount.

[atlxolotl]

[jtoddsherman]

Civilian Hospitals and VA Money

I am a wounded war veteran under the care of the Veterans Administration. VA made an arrangement with Broaddus Hospital to send a representative to my personal address to check on me. Broaddus Hospital is having a hard time understanding that the disabled war veteran is not financially responsible for services provided for the Department of Veteran Affairs. This is a clear case of fraud against the Department of Veteran Affairs, and undo harassment towards the veteran, especially since the Department of Veteran Affairs has already paid for services rendered.

[weisscoldglare]

👋am i allowed to do this twice bc ily 👋

👋Hello and its Fine, only cause its you, and I love teasing you as much ; )An adorable little princess I love to talk, tease, and to and play GE with ^w^ but quit staying up so late lol, its not good for you esp with the winterness and the semester stuff

[howtohero]

#124 Superhero Civil Wars

Sometimes friends fight. It’s a natural part of a friendship’s lifecycle. Perhaps one of the friends made a really disparaging “yo mama” joke. Maybe one of the friends refused to share their super cool, limited edition, skateboard (again, it’s a collector’s item, and you don’t know how to skateboard, I have plenty of junker skateboards you can use to practice if you’d like). Mayhaps one of the friends whooped the other in Shooty Shooty Army Men 3 for the Gamestation so bad that their friendship just disintegrated. Nick, if you’re reading this, I forgive you for being such a sore loser that time I totally whooped you in Shooty Shooty Army Men 3 for the Gamestation. When it comes to friendly spats, superheroes are no different.  

Well they’re slightly different. You see superheroes, by their very nature, are very dramatic people. You kind of have to be when you dress in all the colors of the rainbow and create fireworks from your fingers. It just goes with the territory. So when they fight with one another they do it in a very dramatic way. When two superheroes get into an argument it becomes a whole gosh darn international affair. Every single superhero in the world is forced to choose a side in these two morons’ petty argument. If you want to stay neutral you have to somehow get off the planet. Magna Carter once stowed away on a UKSA rocket ship just to avoid having to choose between Ultiman’s pro-double-dipping-if-you’re-the-only-one-eating-from-the-garlic-mayo-at-the-superhero-salad-bar-which-is-definitely-a-thing team and Hatman’s double-dipping-is-wrong-on-principle-and-just-because-no-one-else-is-eating-garlic-mayo-now-doesn’t-mean-somebody-isn’t-going-to-come-in-later-and-want-some-garlic-mayo team. 

Once the battle lines are drawn one team will inevitably have to go on the run. Sometimes it’s because the governments of the world inevitably end up falling on one side or the other (and any government with a superhuman head of state has to be sorted onto one team or the other unless they want to flee the planet/dimension). There may even be a law passed that essentially makes one of the teams illegal! (Though again, everyone here is a vigilante, you’re all illegal anyhow.) Other times it’s because they’ve studied war history and understand that armies who are constantly on the move and fight through guerilla warfare (or as in the case of Team Hatman, gorilla warfare thanks to the Gorilla Twins) have a better shot at winning than the ones who make public appearances eschewing “the importance of having the freedom to double dip if it’s not hurting anybody you gatekeeping, beanie-loving twit.”

If the fight goes on without either side seeming to give up any ground, then the fight may escalate. Now, I’m sure you’re wondering how a fight about dips could possibly escalate further than half of the world’s superheroes having to go underground to protect their rights to have unsullied garlic mayo, but these superheroes are petty as anything and they will refuse to admit they’re wrong unless made to. So one side will start building a prison. Yep. A prison to imprison the people who wish to restrict their garlic mayo usage. And not even a nice prison at that! These superhero prisons are the worst of the worst. They have to be if they want to be able to hold people like Titanium Pig Man or La Varox (the French volcano woman). So these prisons have state-of-the-art power dampeners, tiny cells, and robot guards who have never particularly cared for the concept of hats anyway. (In the robots’ view, hair is this amazing, unattainable thing, so anybody who decides to cover that hair with a hat is a fool who deserves to be imprisoned.) 

But of course, such prisons would not be able to stand in view of the world’s common folk, who know and love these superheroes. So they’re often built in pocket dimensions. This way they’re far away from the public eye and also even if the captured heroes manage to escape (which is unlikely, there’s a hallway full of moving chainsaws on the way out,) they’d still be stuck in another dimension! Brilliant!

With the team that’s on the run’s numbers quickly dwindling, due to either being captured or not caring enough about garlic mayo to risk getting thrown into another dimension, it is likely that they’ll seek to bolster their numbers in other ways. Depending on how kind the public has been to Para-Folk since their introduction to society, the fugitive team might have luck reaching out to some disenfranchised members of the various Para-Folk species. They also might not. Sewer-mutants, for example, generally don’t even like garlic mayo, so you’d have to appeal to them on the merit that double dipping at a public event is unsanitary… and, well, they live in sewers. It is also likely that, in desperation, the anti-double dippers will turn to the supervillain community to give them an edge. I’m sure that will end well.

On the flipside though, the pro-double dipping team will also turn to the aid of supervillains. Specifically, supervillains that they’ve captured and placed in the horrifying pocket dimension prison who are so desperate to get out that they’ll cut a deal with the dippers to work for them in exchange for being placed in a regular Earth prison when the civil war is over. Because apparently dragging every single superhero in the world wasn’t enough for these two knuckleheads, now they’ve gone and brought in supervillains too. (They make individual garlic mayo packets this doesn’t need to be an issue! {Spoken like a true anti-double dipper.} What?) 

With each side continually raising the bar and raising the stakes (and raising the roof at those classic pro-double dipping raves which are definitely the real deal. {Don’t try to pretend you’re a pro-double dipper now all of a sudden.} Excuse me!) The only way to resolve these issues is to one have good no-holds barred epic clash between the two opposing sides. Hatman finally steps from the darkness with his lieutenants, Cowboy Rockstar and Captain Patriot (a shrewd choice, as the appearance of Cowboy Rockstar, the coolest person to ever live, will undoubtedly sway many more heroes to Hatman’s side {You’re so transparent}). Ultiman comes to meet him flanked by Armored Atlas and, what’s this? Hatboy! (A terrible blow, Hatman’s own child sidekick has sided against him in this horrible horrible war). With all of the main players on the board the fight can begin. There will be punches, scratches, scrapes, one lunatic brought a sword to this thing. It’s wild. As the fight goes on more and more superheroes and villains and assorted para-folk will emerge to join the fray. That one guy who assumes that everybody who wears a costume is a secret werewolf will probably make an appearance and shoot a few guys. Someone will reveal that they’ve stockpiled a ton of some other superhero’s weakness. Personal secrets will be shared and insults will be hurled. Someone will throw a truck. A classic maneuver. 

These fights should be held in an out of the way location to cut down on collateral damage and also because come on, this is a bit embarrassing. Some place like an abandoned harbor or perhaps an abandoned airport will do just fine. You should not, under any circumstances, be throwing down in like Times Square or something. We can’t be putting innocent lives at risk. Don’t be foolish. 

Eventually though, as with all things, this ridiculous civil war must come to an end. One good way for these things is for one of the team leaders to go and have their mother change their name to the same name as the other leader’s mother. It’s a very nice gesture and it is sure to do away with any lingering negative feelings. Another thing you can do is create an entire new universe. This way there can be one reality where double-dipping is allowed, and one where it is not. I think you’ll find that most disputes can be solved by simply creating a new reality. Sometimes these disputes are ended when someone accidentally gets killed (no one important don’t worry), leaving the other heroes with the sobering reality that hey, maybe it doesn’t really matter what people do with their garlic mayo (as long as they don’t double-dip! {I knew it!}). Sometimes these disputes never end until one of the team leaders just up and decides to take over the entire world and then enforce his team’s views on everybody. Regardless, these things can’t last forever.