"'I was hopeless about being like this for a long time,' she said, and then she shook her head. 'But I'm not any more. Finally. Finally I'm not hopeless any more.'"
i started writing this over a year ago and kind of abandoned it, but with the iwbft reread happening i had to think about some of the scenes again, so i thought i'd post a part of it that i'd already written and really enjoy.
for context: jade and ellis met at a gala for the first time at the beginning of iwbft week and hit it off, ellis had a breakdown in the stairwell and jade calmed her down with chiquitita by abba.
Chapter 2
Wednesday 6 September
Rowan (11.43 am)
the boys&i are back in london now
can you come over soon? there’s a lot i need to talk about to be honest
Jade (12.15 pm)
I’ll come right after work!
Rowan (12.16 pm)
can’t wait! xxx
When she went to the boys’ apartment complex later that day, Jade was surprised to see Jimmy in the lobby in deep conversation with the doorman, Ernest.
“Hi, Jimjam! Hi Ernest!”
Jimmy turned around and grinned at her.
“Jade!” He rushed up to her and they hugged each other.
“Good afternoon, Ms Omondi!” Ernest said.
“Hi! So all the cool people hang out in lobbies now, do they?”
“Yeah,” Jimmy said. “Lister accidentally broke something and I didn’t feel like dealing with the aftermath of that so I thought I’d catch up with Ernest a bit. But I’ll come up with you. I have to face the music eventually.”
“You know, somehow Lister breaking something in the first week of your hiatus is not very hard to believe.”
Jimmy snorted. “My thoughts exactly.”
The two of them said goodbye to Ernest, who made Jimmy promise to find him whenever things got unbearable in the Ark household, and stepped into the lift.
“So, how are you feeling after everything?” Jade asked on their way up to the flat.
Jimmy shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s all pretty weird right now. I don’t think I’ve fully processed everything that’s happened yet, to be honest.”
Jade ruffled Jimmy’s hair. “I’m sorry things are a fuckhub right now, Jimjam.”
Jade had always felt protective of Jimmy. Back when they both lived in rural Kent, they were two of the only out trans people in their town, so he’d often come to her for advice or when he needed to vent about cis people. Naturally, she’d immediately adopted him as her third little brother.
Jimmy smiled. “Thanks, Jade. We’ll get through it. With therapy and stuff.”
Jade chuckled as the two of them reached their floor and went to face the music.
Rowan, Lister, and, to Jade’s surprise, Cecily Wills, were on the second floor of the flat, standing in front of the crime scene. On the ground was a very expensive painting, knocked off the wall, frame smashed and torn right down the middle. Lister noticed Jade and Jimmy first and smiled at them bashfully. Jade stepped up behind Rowan and wrapped her arms around his waist. He jumped and turned around.
“It’s just me, mate.”
“Jade! Help us,” he pleaded and gestured to the wrecked painting with a look of despair on his face.
“What happened, then?”
“Allister over here just devalued a 10’000-pound piece of art,” Cecily jumped in.
Lister rolled his eyes. “In my defence, I’m the stab-ee with a broken leg, so this sort of thing is to be expected.”
Rowan nodded. “Yeah, it could’ve been much worse, Cecily.”
Lister stared at Rowan, surprised that he’d stand up for him.
“Of course.” Cecily sighed. “Just be more careful next time, babe. That charity auction with Jacques Flaubert was a big milestone in your career so I don’t know how I’m supposed to tell him we just broke his piece.”
“Maybe you just shouldn’t give a shit?” Jade suggested. Cecily raised an eyebrow. “I mean, didn’t you hear about Jacques Flaubert’s blatant aphobia?”
She frowned. “I did not.”
“He said some pretty fucked-up stuff about asexual people and refuses to apologise, so maybe it’s a good thing Lister broke that painting.”
Lister snapped his fingers. “Exactly! We don’t support aphobia in this house!”
“Plus, you’re superstars, so if anything a tear in the painting will increase its value,” Jade continued. “‘Expensive painting broken and patched up by boyband auctioned off for tons of money’ has a certain ring to it, doesn’t it?”
“Jade, you are speaking my language,” Lister said. Jade winked at him, which made his grin even wider.
“Alright, I’ll go put this painting somewhere safe for the time being. Jimmy, make sure Lister doesn’t break anything else on his way through the flat,” Cecily ordered.
“What, why me?” Jimmy said.
“Because Rowan needs a well-deserved time-out to talk to his sister.”
“Are you saying you don’t want to spend time with me?” Lister asked Jimmy. His tone was teasing, but Jade sensed some genuine hurt behind the question.
“Of course not! Come on, let’s go to the kitchen.” Jimmy touched Lister’s back and guided him to the stairs while Cecily picked up the shredded painting and followed them.
Once all three of them were out of sight, Jade turned to Rowan to finally get a good look at him. He looked tired. His hair, which had previously been in twists, was undone and he still had traces of a healing wound where the brick had hit him.
He smiled at her weakly. “Hi.”
“Hi. Wanna play dark souls?”
***
“So, how exactly did Lister end up breaking a 10’000 pound piece of art?” Jade was standing in front of Rowan’s impossibly large window and looking at the London skyline while Rowan was installing the video game.
“He was prematurely trying to be independent and walk up the stairs alone. Next thing you know our flat is in need of some new decoration. You coming?”
“Sure.” Jade took one last good look at the stunning view, then she sat down next to Rowan on his bed, leaning against the headrest, and grabbed the controller he was offering her. Rowan pressed play and the screen started to load. “To be completely honest, though, I would’ve expected you to be much angrier at Lister for that. What happened to the guy who didn’t talk to his bandmate for several months after the suitcase incident?”
“Come on, I’m not that mean. We’ve all been through a lot these past few weeks. I don’t blame him for trying to regain some sense of control.”
“Shit, when did you turn into a psychoanalyst?”
“I don’t know. Scary stuff.”
Jade chuckled. “So… speaking of going through a lot… wanna talk about what’s been happening?”
Rowan nodded slowly and paused the game. “What do you need to know?”
“Well, I haven’t really heard much from you except that you’re okay. Physically, at least. I mostly know what the general public knows.”
“Yikes, Jade, we can’t have you compare yourself to the general public.”
And so Rowan told her everything that happened. From the intimate details of their lives being leaked to the press, to the awful meet-and-greet, them almost being forced to sign their lives away with the new contract, Jimmy running away to their hometown, Bliss ending things with him and how Lister wound up with a broken leg and a stab wound.
“So yeah, now we’ve decided to go on hiatus for the foreseeable future.”
“That’s a good thing though, right? I mean, you all deserve a shitload of rest after everything.”
“Yeah! I mean, of course. But… I don’t know.”
“But what?”
“Well… I feel like having all this free time might mean we have to… face some stuff. Like, Jimmy and I had the worst fight of our lives, which we haven’t even talked about yet, I have no fucking idea where… everything has left Lister and me, and I just... really miss Bliss. I mean, now that we’d actually have time to see each other it doesn’t amount to anything anymore.”
Rowan. Even after going through the worst week of his life, all he thought about was other people. “But you’re still friends, right? So you will still see each other?”
Rowan shrugged. “We haven’t really talked since. And I think I need a bit of time to get over her, to be honest.” He looked down at his hands and blinked.
“Come here.” Jade opened her arms to her brother and he sunk into them, finally letting his tears fall freely.
“I think it’s good that you’re on hiatus. It means I get to see you more.”
Rowan chuckled through his tears. “I’m quoting this back at you next time you get annoyed at me for throwing a shell at you in Mario Kart.”
Jade laughed. “Oof, dug my own grave there.”
For a while, they stayed in the same position, allowing Rowan to calm down. Finally, he declared, “I think I want to cut my hair and dye it pink.”
Jade raised an eyebrow at him. “So basically like my hair?”
“Um, no… there’s many different shades of pink, Jade.”
“Right, of course.”
“I’d dye it pink even if your hair was a completely different colour!”
Jade threw her hands up. “Yes, yes! Of course! Do what you want!”
“Yes! Thank you!”
Jade snorted while Rowan rolled his eyes, a smile on his lips.
“You know, Alex is gonna miss redoing your twists every few weeks, though. Just FYI.”
“How would you know what Alex would miss?”
“He told me when I saw him the other day. He said ‘Jade, you know what the best part of my job is? Doing your baby brother’s hair. I’d just hate to lose that last shred of joy’,” she said in a dramatic voice.
“Well, it’s not like there’ll be that much styling in this band for the time being anyway. Besides, Lister’s hair really seems to be growing out, so I’m sure he’ll find plenty to do there.”
“Yeah, but that’s white people hair.”
“Good point. I’m still changing mine though.”
“Of course. I’m sure you’ll look great either way.”
“Thank you. I know.” They grinned at each other. “When did you see Alex?”
“Oh, I ran into him at this gala the other week.” Jade thought back to their last interaction. Shortly after listening to Chiquitita with Ellis, Alex texted Ellis that he wanted to leave. Jade didn’t want to intrude so she stayed behind. That was more than three weeks ago and she hadn’t spoken to either of them since.
Speaking of Ellis...
“I just thought of someone who could help you out with that newly empty wall.”
Gathering every single characters of Alice Oseman's that fall under the aro/ace spectrum like a lifeline. The way all their storyline or how they all are often makes me think, I'm just like them, I have so much similarities with each of them. Felt very seen.
Not me crying every time I read/listen to a (canon or not) aromantic/asexual character describing their feelings and their perception of attraction, basically explaining how their orientation doesn't fit what others experiment ...
Here's something I wish I had in college. An actual community and like older figures in my life. Most especially in the aro/ace spectrums. The entirety of Loveless is very personal to me and I'm sure it is for the rest of those who related with it too. I wish I had seniors who were like Sunil, or Jess, and I was envious of Georgia for having both of them and her older cousin Ellis. Because while I had an access in trying to find out what I identified as, through both library computers and in an actual computer lab. While that was the case, it was awfully lonely to feel like the only aspec student in the entire catholic university. There were tons of queer students of course, but none or probably so little of them (I'm sure most weren't out as I was too) identified under the same umbrella as me.
