#emotionally sensitive

[cannibalgh0st]

: Sometimes I wish I can go in a bubble, and float away from this world. Float far enough until I can reach the exosphere, looking down on what was bothering becoming smaller and smaller...☆

[froody-matriarch-of-bleu-cheese]

Finally got around to reading some of Beatrice Chestnut’s stuff and intend to read more. E5 is the type I relate most to, and I have mentioned this in a post from a while back but I attribute a lot of my ASD/GAD traits to my 5w4 traits, and having a strong 4 wing.

I see a lot of people don’t acknowledge this but type 5 despite appearing cold on the outside is a very emotionally sensitive type. This aspect of the type makes us detach, and this is a big big reason why I identify with the type, the underlying anxiety, not quite having things come naturally, and lacking people skills. Knowledge-hoarding and mastering things that interest me go into it to.

Riso-Hudson/Wisdom Of The Enneagram touches on this and I think Chestnut explains it in even more vivid detail. They are both great resources but I am more referring to this aspect. 

Fives automatically have an emotional detachment to them. This is often learned with experience, some of these experiences negative. They may have had people not tending to their needs in the past, or experienced extreme intrusion. My emotions are present but I struggle to talk about them as they are happening and with a lot of my more negative emotions, I feel unsafe exposing them to others. This and being sx-last intensifies some of my reluctance for relationships. 

“Most prominent in the five’s conscious experience is a desire to keep a safe distance distance away from undue emotional burdens and to maintain a sense of autonomy and control” (Chestnut, pg 240). 

Fives fear being used by others. While I want to help people and be kind, I’m reluctant to get close and strongly dislike the prospect of people taking advantage of me, being fake, and using me. Fives need their alone time and boundaries due to this fear. 

“While fives can appear attached or unfeeling on the outside, this stance reflects a much deeper sensitivity that the five defensive structure is designed to protect. Five’s emotional detachment arises out of a need to protect themselves from emotional pain, precisely because they feel so vulnerable to it. 

Type five’s habit of automatically detaching from feelings serves the function of guarding against the feeling of pain, loneliness, fear, hurt, powerlessness, and emptiness” (Chestnut pg. 241).

Fives want to utilize resources economically. The need for people may be translated into a certain thirst for knowledge. I have always felt a sense of enrichment and security reading and learning about topics of interest to me. Fives separate from the world because we feel we need to do this in order to survive. This is a way to escape from the conflicts and troubles of life and adapting a certain apathy.  Fives also respect other’s boundaries.

“They retain a calm demeanor but may not be able to express themselves emotionally. They may have too many overly rigid boundaries and seem indifferent and hard to reach (Chestnut, pg. 229). 

[ahomeforheadmates]

Everyone wants a “golden retriever / excited / chalant” or an “autistic” partner until they actually want a connection and to talk at least once a day and don’t just want to be fucked and left. Until they actually display symptoms of autism and aren’t just silly and a yapper but need help understanding things and have sensory needs. Until they are actually Chalant and feel things incredibly deeply and are extremely passionate about a lot of things.

You don’t get to pick and choose what you want from any partner and you don’t get to ignore their needs to fit what you desire

[purplebass]

Emotional hyperarousal?

I thought I was too sensitive when I got intense (read: mostly angry and sad) reactions to people criticizing things I like or rejecting them as if they didn't exist. And when I say intense, I mean thinking about that for hours on end, thinking about a way to confront others. Ending up not doing it because eventually, no one cares. I am an adult, I should be able to manage my emotions! Then I found out it might be emotional hyperarousal?

I've never been able to control my emotions. I think, get very intense about it, and I try to keep it inside myself because "dude, you can't get an opinion influence you that much!" I'm a little ashamed of this, of being intense to the point of looking immature.

I remember when I was younger (as in mandatory school). I used to get angry at everyone who pissed me off because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. This resulted in being rejected a lot by people (and hated), and this is also something sensitive to me. Why couldn't I manage these emotions better? Why no one noticed and helped me? And this is also connected to emotional sensitivity and rejection sensitivity.

I am glad that I'm able to interpret these things now, but I wish I knew it sooner. I've lived most of my life being called "too much" or "exaggerated" or being belittled for my emotional reactions to how other people treated me like shit or how I reacted to a lot of these things. I wish I knew how to emotionally regulate better now, because that's one of the reasons I feel so burned out lately. I can't manage my emotions properly and I wish I did.

[everythingthemoontouches]

💙💙💙💙💙

[ndupsychlab-blog]

Criticism in the Romantic Relationships of Individuals with Social Anxiety

by Yara Awit

Ever noticed that some people find it hard to engage in friendships or relationships? Well here’s one reason why: A lot of those people experience something known as social anxiety which basically worries them when it comes to facing people and social situations. Being socially anxious when you’re in a relationship with someone seems to have a bigger effect on the relationship than you would expect.

While you would think that people who experience a lot of social anxiety would be less judgmental of their partners, apparently, they are not. A study has shown that there is actually no difference when it comes to the partner’s judgments between a person who is greatly anxious in social situations and someone who is way less anxious in the same situation. It is actually the opposite, believe it or not. Those who are socially anxious tend to criticize their partners more than the other way around.

However, for all you guys out there who think women are emotionally sensitive, you’re actually right. It is no surprise that when partners are criticized for their social anxiety, it is woman who are more upset than men.

Here’s a tip for socially anxious individuals. This is based on research so hear us out: It is not your partner’s criticism that is affecting the openness of your relationship. It is the degree to which you experience social anxiety that affects how much you are able to open up. The more anxious you are, the more likely you are to be fearful of letting yourself go with your partner and that will lead you to fear being criticized more than you might actually be. Your anxiety may also be the reason why you are critical of your partner. But guess what? Reality is social anxiety and fear go hand in hand. So be careful not to project your fear onto your partner and try cutting them some slack.

References: Porter, E., Chambless, D. L., & Keefe, J. R. (2017). Criticism in the romantic relationships of individuals with social anxiety. Behavior Therapy, 48(4), 517-532. doi:10.1016/j.beth.2016.11.002

[theclassof2018]

September 6th

Amongst the many things that K and I talked about tonight, 2 of them really stood out to me.

1. "Being considerate" versus "taking advantage of". At what point does doing something nice for someone becomes a chore? I think every now and then we all need to stop and reflect why people do nice things for us. Whether that's daily pampering or periodic gestures, it all happens for a reason. Most of the time, and hopefully, it's simply because they like us and want us to know that. What we shouldn't forget, however, is that most acts of kindness have a condition, it may not and should not be so black and white, but it doesn't mean they don't exist. No gifts should be viewed as a "freebie", instead, a reminder for you to take note and return the kindness in a way that the other person would appreciate. I know this is an unpopular way of thinking in the west, where it's all about how it benefits "me", what do "I" stand to lose? Continue to simply sit back and be a receiver is no different than taking advantage of someone. Slowly, but surely, the kindness will stop coming your way, and people will distance themselves from you.

2. Being so emotionally sensitive is an amazing gift. It makes you an incredibly empathetic person. But at the same time, it’s a curse. You have a more powerful response to everything in the world. Think John Coffey in The Green Mile or Cole in The Sixth Sense, you can't help but to become a receptacle for other people's pains and issues, even characters from movies.

[makebpdstigmafree]

The Problem with Saying Yes | The Emotionally Sensitive Person

The Problem with Saying Yes | The Emotionally Sensitive Person

Source: The Problem with Saying Yes | The Emotionally Sensitive Person

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