I think some people in the LGBTQ+ community who think "blank identity is invalid/harmful/not real because I/others had a toxic relationship with that identity" don't really get that that experience isn't universal. I might not be phrasing this right, so let me explain.
I used to identify as asexual in middle school. I thought "hey, I'm not sexually attracted to people, and I dont have a libido! I'm asexual!" And I was happy with that.. for a little while. I hadn't hit the point in puberty where I actually started to feel those feelings yet. But when I did, I was scared and embarrassed and pushed it away. I was scared because being asexual was part of my identity, I told everyone that's who I was, and I was scared of being wrong. So I pushed those feelings down as much as I could. It sucked, and it was really bad for me.
But guess what? That doesn't mean it's bad for everyone. The problem was never the identity, the problem was that I was scared of being wrong. If it were more acceptable for identities to be phases and still be respected, I would have been fine!
I've heard of lesbians who used to identify as bisexual because they felt pressured to like boys, and being extremely unhappy in that identity. And that's absolutely awful, and they shouldn't have had to go through that. But does that mean bisexuality is toxic for everyone who identifies as bisexual? Not at all! The problem there is that women don't have safe environments to be unattracted to men, and it's a serious issue, but one we don't have to invalidate another identity to deal with.
Tldr; your experiences aren't universal, and the problem is what traps people in the identity, not the identity itself.
I hope this was somewhat understandable, I'm tired and wanted to get it off my mind 😅
