How did J. Jonah Jameson become spider man?
Let’s see, where did I put that one…
Fine, you really wanna do this one last time? We’ll do this one last time. And then you get the hell out of my office.
My name is J. Jonah Jameson, Junior. I was bitten by a radioactive spider, and what did you think I was going to do, put on a mask and my whole life on hold to start using these insane powers? What do you take me for? No, what I did was, I finished up that report on our soldiers in the Korean War, came home...found out that my wife had...had been mugged and killed while I was away...and went back to the press. Made some decent investments using my newfound Good Sense, started up a company (the Joan Darling, J.D. Foundation), kept the Bugle running smooth as silk, got married again and technically adopted my wife’s niece (Mattie Franklin, real firecracker), fostered another kid (Cynthia Moon, promising journalist) from a family who took me in during the War while we worked on getting her family out of Pyongyang, saw my son Jon land on the Moon...
And that’s been the last twenty-odd years of my life.
Look, if you’re looking for me to tell you that I became a masked hero and went around making a mess of things, you won’t get it. I don’t like masks. I don’t think heroes are heroic all the time. So I might be handy in a fight, I might have hunches that make me the envy of the world of journalism, but I’m not going to go out and make an alter ego. Anything I do, it’s gonna be as J. Jonah Jameson.
That said...with a company dedicated to buying and selling stocks that produces tens of millions of dollars in revenue, a newspaper that’s the pride of New York, and a network of agents trying to find kids with superpowers and help them learn to control them, J. Jonah Jameson can do a lot.
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