“Hi and welcome to Gotham General Emergency where we put the hell in healthcare. We have a variety of areas based on your unique medical needs so listen carefully.
“If you have been exposed or suspected exposed to a toxin, pollen, pheromone, or chemical, go through door number 5 where you will receive a full radiation shower before treatment.
“If you have dehydration, malnutrition, or exposure related to kidnapping or being trapped in a Riddler puzzle for an extended time period, go thru door number 4 where you will get rehydration therapy.
“If you received injuries in an attack, mugging, stabbing, rape, or shooting related to a random thug, go through door number 3. GCPD is available on-site. This is also where you go for Batman related injuries.
“If you were the victim of a supervillain attack not related to chemical exposure then go thru door 2. Note if a goon attacked you during the course of his or her or their job, this door counts for you. If they freelance attacked you, then door number 3.
“If you have a random medical emergency like a broken arm or heart attack then door number 1.
“And finally if you have COVID, get the fuck out because that the least dangerous thing in Gotham and I don’t have anymore masks.