#hadtogetitout

[cupio-credere]

Allurance?

Alright. I have a grand total of one (1) follower but I need to get this out somehow and why not here? My thoughts on Allurance.

More importantly, why at this point I’m against it.

So imma base this on a personal experience of mine, specifically of a guy liking me. Because when Allura was told by the mice that Lance liked her (side note: they really out here revealing everyone’s secrets huh) her reaction highkey paralleled my own when I found out this guy liked me. Literally it was CRAZY how I saw myself in her. Her facial expression, the kind of sad look. The regretful type expression that had me immediately be like aw my god poor Lance my sweetheart she doesn’t feel the same. Because I know I had those same feelings and expressions in my life!!!!!

That being said, I also had a Lotor type guy who I liked for AGES before he turned out to be an asshole. After that, I turned to the guy who liked me for comfort. This was totally not a conscious decision btw! I just gravitated towards him, he gave me affection and cared for me like I felt was what I wanted. So I thought maybe at some point we could be in a relationship BUT it never happened because I knew I didn’t truly like him.

But that may be where Allura and I diverge. I’m terrified she may pursue something with Lance because he cares for her so much and is so into her, she’ll take it for granted most likely without realizing. It’s what I did! And it hurt my guy, led him on, and it’ll do the same for Lance. It so feels like a rebound and I GET it, Allura my girl I so do I’ve been there. But I personally think Allura is better suited to having a sibling type relationship with Lance and being besties instead of anything romantic. She will find comfort in him I’m all here for support like this but not in a way that’ll hurt both of them in the long run.

Allura is an amazing, dynamic character who has now suffered a bit of a heartbreak and will move on with the help of her friends. But she doesn’t need a relationship to be okay again, much like I realized I didn’t. Idk maybe I’m just projecting too much of myself onto Allura but I was struck by how much this newfound Allurance thing hit home with me.

But!!!! I don’t wanna start any wars with anyone! If you ship Allurance go ahead and be happy with the content you got! This is just my opinion that was bugging me a lot and I wanted to get out :)

[sillywillyjade27-blog]

Clean Slate

Welp. The past month and a half has been sporadically filled with emotional breakdowns. Working through the nth one as you read this. This sob fest made me feel the need to write it all out, however. Word vomit, if you will. Vomiting is the body’s way of forcing toxins out, you see, and, I suppose, I’m in need of getting this out. So, I thought, what better way than to bring my angsty, emotional self back to tumblr. You were the topic of most of my posts, on my original, after all.

I miss you so much it hurts sometimes.

I had you in my life for almost 8 years. I loved you just as long. You were the one I talked to about everything. My best friend. I don’t have that anymore. There is a hole there, now, that I keep trying to fill with the most unfulfilling things. The booze and fleeting attention of other men still leaves me feeling empty. I keep myself so busy that I hardly have time to think about being upset. I like to think that I’ve fooled everyone into believing I’ve moved on, but we both know letting things go has never been a strength of mine.

On September 2, I did let go. You let me go, however, and I feel like that was the final nail in our coffin. You didn’t fight my decision. I told myself it’s because you were respecting my choice, but if you love something you don’t just let it drive away, damn it. I told you I already felt you had a lack of faith and trust in us. That I knew that was why you never asked me after four and a half years together. I grew impatient and could feel myself starting to grow resentful of you. So, I decided to remove myself from the picture before that happened. I didn’t want us to end in hate, so I settled for hurt.

Leaving doesn’t mean I stopped loving you. 

So, here’s to a clean slate. I’ve grown far too familiar with new beginnings. You always told me that’s probably why I never felt comfortable settling in with any person or place. I’m attempting to break that now. I’ve finally unpacked all of my things at home and, maybe, I’m ready to start “unpacking” all of my baggage the things going on in my head.

[missywanderlust]

Sometimes that's all it takes: to hold hands and sing. The song for another when we have forgotten the lyrics. so much gratitude for all the sisters in my life. Near and far. Past and present. For singing with me, laughing with me, listening to me, holding my hand when I need it and giving me a push when necessary, holding space for me when I can't see it, for loving me unconditionally and for having my back. Always! Thank you for being you! #hadtogetitout #blessed #sisterhood #kirtan #bali

[alwaysxknitting]

Been feeling very blah today. Not about myself personally although that never goes away but about my life in general. I was at a store yesterday and fell in love with a beautiful swim suit only to nearly start crying when I saw the price on it. Corporate fashion exploits plus size people so much by charging double for clothes that A) don't really take that much more in materials to make and B ) are usually ugly or badly designed anyway. It just gets under my skin and half the time if I walk away from a shopping experience upset it's not because of the fit it's because of the clothes themselves or the price. That is part of why I started making so much of my own clothes. I would rather pay the price for fabric than deal with the hassle of the store. Sorry for ranting but I just needed to get it off my chest. #wecandoit #weightlossjourney #rant #clothingrant #plussizefashion #becomingahealthynerd #reclaimingmyhealth #beachbody #shakeology #swimsuit #fashionrant #hadtogetitout #sosickofit

[sweetpeamae]

The worst thing about me venting on here is you won't even see it and even if you did you wouldn't care enough to say anything about it. I can't fucking stand how jealous I am. I don't even have words cause I feel like none of the words I say even affect you. I feel stuck and unsure of what I am to you.

[pancrecide]

I don't think anything will ever be as overwhelingly heartbreaking as the first time I saw my mother crying

Do you ever wonder what your parents were like before they met each other. How much of him can be blamed on her. How much of her can be blamed on him. Where did the issues come from. I love you but your demons have forced me away. I hold the knife too close to my skin around you. Everything is better on my own. Addtiction to the solitude set in as soon as I tasted its peace. I long for touch but even if I learn to trust others again I'll never trust myself again.

[formyboyd]

Apologies

I dont know how else to do this. Daddy tried, god knows I did. Its hell knowing i couldnt give you what i wanted you to have. I cant control other people, and nor should I. Your mother claims I ruined her pregnancy and that I was not there for her at all. I was scared, scared out of my mind. I didnt know what to do. We werent ready, and she still isnt ready to be a parent. I did my best to soldier on through it all. I loved her more than life itself and would have done anything to protect her. I couldnt wrap my head around the thought of being responsible for another human being. My fear consumed me. I feared i would be just like my birth mother or worse, so i retreated into my head. I did what i knew how to do best, and that was to work. We both had dead end jobs that paid us extremely poorly, but i kept at it. I couldnt let us down, i couldnt let you down. Despite my fear, i had to protect and provide for you as well. Now four years later, you are all that keeps me going most days. I cant help but wonder if its you protecting me from myself. I live for saturday night when i get you and we are able to sit and play dinosaurs and watch Wild Kratts. Inversely, i dread dropping you off Wednesday morning and knowing that ill sit idly waiting while i miss half your life. I love you more than anything else in this world and I wanted you to have both your parents under one roof raising you and loving you as parents should. I feel as though I’ve let you down before you’re even able to realize it. I threw myself on every relationship grenade to make it work. There was no communication. I am not without fault. I never knew when to back down. I also never knew when to just let things iron themselves out, but how could i when i couldnt pry her away from her phone. She was far more interested in her friends and coworkers than being a parent or spouse. I even find myself stuck having to take accyclovir for the rest of my life because of her. I didnt mind....at the time. Now i find myself sitting at home scared to attempt to find a motherly figure for you. I find myself unsure of my every step. I just had to vent. Im sorry buddy.

Love, daddy 

[sickxndimpatient]

This Society

I hate todays society, mostly the way they look at curvy women/girls and put them down for being bigger than a size 10. There is no problem they say but then they don’t realise they put those girls down when they post pictures of girls who are like size 8 and those bigger girls think if they will look as nice as that girl looks. Also the remarks people make like if a bigger person fell over a person would say omg you made the ground shake! yeah that person would laugh but it’s NOT FUCKIING FUNNY OK you’re not perfect and you’re not a role model for anyone so stfu and close that big ass mouth and keep it in your head with no brain