Bucky Barnes x Daughter!Reader
Warnings: Death, Angst, swearing,
A/N: This is 100% inspired by Hamilton, the lyrics are in bold and italic. I watched this and actually sobbed, so what better way to take out my emotional instability on all of you! This is really fucking sad, so yeah, beware of that I guess. I promise I'll get some requests done at some point! I hope you all enjoy this because I really liked writing this! The angst is right up at 100 for this, so have your tissues handy boys!
A shudder twisted through your body as your eyes peeled open to take in your rather grim surroundings. Nothing in this room gave you a feeling of safety or assurance, in all honesty, you thought you were already dead and you were a ghost. Grime and dirt coated the damp walls, creating an awful smell. The only light in the room was the dimming light bulb that was hanging over your head, illuminating you and only you, so you had no clue what kind of monsters were lurking in the shadowy corners of the room. You tried to struggle against the ropes you were tied to, but they had no give and you were only causing yourself more pain by struggling against them. Anxiety spiked in your chest - did your dad know you were here? Did he even know where you were in general? Your head snapped up to the huge, steel door in front of you creaking open. Grim nausea came over you, 3 men, all much stronger and larger than you walked in.
"I see our little fighter is awake," One of them said, crouching down beside you and brushing your hair away from the side of your face. "We were scared you would never wake up." He said, grinning at you evilly.
"I'm beginning to wish I didn't," You snarled, giving all three of them a dirty glare. You were doing your best to try and appear strong, but inside, you had never been more scared in your life. The rational side of your brain told you that you had no way of escaping, even if you did manage to get out of your restraints, these guys would easily catch up on you and put you right back on square one. But the other side of your brain told you that you were good enough to outsmart them and that you were trained well enough to escape and get back home without getting hurt.
"You're going to. After the state you left poor Logan in, we're gonna have to hurt you, sweetheart," Another said, coming out of the shadows and standing in front of you. "You put up one hell of a fight, did your daddy teach you how to fight like that?" He asked you mockingly. You sighed and smiled innocently.
"Yeah, he did," You said, experimenting in moving your legs so you could wake them up and make a run for it. "He also taught me that guys like you have the brain capacity of a goldfish." You said, looking up at him. You kicked him in the crotch and pushed yourself back on the chair, falling back and breaking the weak chair. Hope began to raise, you were actually going to get out of here. You slipped your arms out of the ropes and grabbed two of the legs of the chair, using them as your weapons of defence.
"You little bitch," You ducked as one of the men ran at you, hitting on the back as hard as you could with the leg of the chair, groaning when it did nothing other than snap in half. You gulped and saw you were surrounded. "That was the stupidest escape plan I've ever seen, what about you boys?"
"I've seen some things here, but a girl trying to outrun us and thinking she has a chance of getting out tops them all," One of them says, walking towards you. The other one followed him and soon you were surrounded. You didn't know what happened next, but you screamed, and then everything around you disappeared and turned to black.
"Where the fuck is she?!" Bucky roared. You were never one to go out without informing him, and the fact you hadn't answered anyone's phone calls or texts were making Bucky's anxiety levels spike through the roof. The rest of the team were sitting in one of the meeting rooms, trying to figure out where you could be. Steve was the first one brave enough to meet Bucky's enraged face. Bucky's anger wasn't aimed at the team, anything but. It was for himself for not being there to protect you, he felt as though he had in some way failed you.
"We're still looking for her," Steve said, looking up at Bucky with sorry eyes, a glint of remorse in his blue eyes. "But we know who took her." Steve added on.
"And who would it be?" Bucky asked. In fact, Bucky already knew who had taken you. Who else would be looking for a 16-year-old kid and try their damnedest to hide them? Steve sighed.
"HYDRA has her," Steve said. Dread filled Bucky's system and paralysed him. "We're still working on specifically where Y/N is, but we have everyone looking at every single possibility." Steve assured Bucky. Bucky scoffed and shook his head, running his hand down his face and holding tears back in his eyes.
"You better fucking find her, Steve. Because if you don't, I won't hesitate to knock the ever-loving shit outta you." Bucky threatened. Steve knew it was empty and that Bucky wouldn't do anything if they they couldn't locate you, Bucky would be too overcome with guilt to even think about harming him. Bucky wasn't angry at Steve or anyone else, he was angry at himself for letting this happen to you.
"I know this is difficult, Buck, but we're gonna find her," Steve told him. "I promise." Bucky looked up and looked at Steve with an aggressive furrowed brow.
"Do not promise shit, Steve! You don't know that we're gonna find her!" Bucky yelled, frustration on his features. Steve sighed and gave Bucky a sympathetic look.
"Okay, I don't. But we can't just rule out that we're not going to find her," Steve said. "You have to stay optimistic, Bucky."
"I stayed optimistic for years and look where it got me, Steve," Bucky said. "It's just easier to assume the worst, then when it comes I'm never surprised." Steve hated to see Bucky so hopeless, it was heartbreaking. No one else said anything, just trying to ignore their own looming fear. They all sat for a minute before one of the S.H.I.E.L.D agents came in, a nervous look on their face.
"Mr.Barnes, we-we uh, located your daughter,"
The dull throbbing of your head subsided as your eyes opened, you found yourself in a different room from the one you originally woke up in. This room was straight up dark, nothing gave you any light, you couldn't see anything. It felt like being trapped in a void, it felt like you couldn't even breathe. Your bones ached and screamed for you to sit back down as you stood up and tried to figure out where the door was, you found it bolted shut, but despite that, you tried your best to beat it open. But as soon as your fists made contact with the solid steel, you screamed out in pain as a burning feeling spread throughout your body, making it feel as though your whole body was on fire. You fell to your knees as a cries tore through you, you were doubled over, clutching your stomach. A crackle came across the intercom system, making you look up at the ceiling. In all honesty, you didn't know if it was the ceiling anymore, your whole sense of orientation felt off.
"Good morning, Y/N," A voice said, it sounded like one of the men that had knocked you out. "If you can't feel it already, there's a deadly serum in your blood that will kill you if your father does not get here within 10 hours," You could picture the grin on his face as he spoke, telling you of your inevitable fate. "If he doesn't get here, you will die alone in a dark room, where no one is likely to find you." He finished. Fear hit you like a speeding train that dragged you along the tracks. Everything fell silent, making it all worse for you. You fell into a corner, sitting with your legs out and head against the corner. The fear of your dad not finding you made you burst into tears. You didn't want to die, no, not right now. You wanted to go to prom, have a real boyfriend, get married, have children, have a life. But you didn't even know if your dad knew you were missing, or if he even cared. You didn't know how long you had been crying for, but it was long enough for you to know it was getting closer. You knew you were really alone, there had been no snide remarks from your captors. You were hot, sweat stuck your hair to your forehead and your clothes to your body. At some point, you had ran out of tears and had become numb to the situation facing you. You felt tired, like you could close your eyes and just go to sleep for days upon days. It was a peaceful numbness, it felt good to finally feel like you could sleep without fear of nightmares. You could finally rest well and not have to worry about anything anymore.
Bucky's anxiety was spiking, he was filled with fear and dread. He didn't want to think of the unimaginable, but knew it was a high probability, probably the highest among all of the other options. He and Steve decided that they would go, you trusted them both the most and if there was anyone who could calm you down after something going wrong, it was Bucky. The base was quiet, were you even here? Steve and Bucky searched for any trace of you in the seemingly abandoned base, but found no trace of you. Bucky peered into one of the rooms and saw a bloodstain on the floor, it made his stomach lurch.
"Steve," Bucky called out, turning on his heel. Steve came into the room and grimaced, then looking to Bucky. "Do you think it's hers?" Bucky asked fearfully.
"It's dry, Buck. I don't think so," Steve murmured. Bucky let out an exasperated groan, where the fuck were you? A shrill, pain filled scream got both super soldiers attention. They both followed the sound to a huge, steel door. Bucky knew that scream, he raised that scream.
"Y/N?!" Bucky cried. Relief flooded him, but it was replaced by fear, why were you screaming? "Y/N, honey, tell me what's going on?!" Bucky yelled, watching as Steve made attempts to try and get the solid door open? You didn't answer him, causing the fear inside of him to rise. "Dammit, Y/N, answer me!" Bucky yelled, his voice breaking. Steve got the door open, they waited in fear as it creaked open. Bucky was the first to walk in, freezing when he saw you slumped in a corner, your eyes glassy and tired. This is what it was. It was the dreaded unimaginable. Bucky made his way over to you, his guiding light being that from the hallway of the base. "Y/N, honey."
"Dad," You said quietly. Bucky smiled and nodded as tears came to his eyes, he tried to hide them from you, but knew you were smarter than that. You sluggishly brought your hand up to his face to wipe away his tears. "Don't be sad." You told him. Steve had taken a step back, standing outside of the room to keep his own emotions in check. Steve wanted to push away the unimaginable. Bucky smiled and pushed your sticky hair away from your forehead, smiling at you sadly.
"You're gonna be alright, honey," Bucky assured you, maybe also himself. "You can rest, you can let go. It's okay." He said, kissing the top of your head. You smiled at him lazily.
"I love you," You said quietly. Bucky let out a sob and pulled you onto his lap gently, sitting against the wall.
"I love you too, Y/N," Bucky whispered. Your head lay on his shoulder as your already shallow breaths became more and more shallow, until they eventually stopped all together. Bucky felt his heart stop at that very moment. He broke down, sobbing into your shoulder and hiding his face. Steve felt his heart shatter, you were like the daughter he never had, any time Bucky couldn't have with you, Steve was always happy to make up. And now you were gone.
There is suffering too terrible to name. Bucky didn't want to know if you suffered, part of him wished that you didn't feel any pain, but the part of him that knew HYDRA told him that they didn't do painless. He resigned from the Avengers, they understood, they didn't pretend to know
The challenges he was facing. Bucky moved to uptown New York, he had to get away from everything, but had to learn to live with the unimaginable.
Bucky never quite understood grief or loss before, in fact, he had never truly experienced it before. No amount of preparation could have prepared him for the amount of grief he was going to experience due to your death. It tore him apart in the most brutal of ways, every time he walked by a park and saw parents with their young children, he couldn't help but a shed a tear. That had been him once, he had to put your plasters on your scrapes when you fell off of the swings, he had to pull you away while you cried and screamed. Now, he didn't get to have a child. The days blended into each other, every day felt the exact same, quiet, dull and lifeless. Bucky came to the conclusion that he never realised just how much he never liked the quiet before. You were the light in Bucky's life, and now he was left in the dark without you.
Steve and Natasha stood outside of the apartment that Bucky lived in, a bag of groceries in each of their hands. The door opened to reveal the dishevelled Bucky Barnes, he looked broken.
"Hey," Bucky said quietly. They could tell he'd been crying, his voice was hoarse and his eyes were red. "Come in." Bucky moved out of the door, letting Natasha and Steve in. They looked around, seeing old photo albums out on the table, multiple cups of coffee placed around the apartment. Both Natasha and Steve sighed, turning to face the vulnerable looking Bucky.
"Steve, please don't give me any of the it's gonna get better bullshit, because I've heard too much of it," Bucky said. "I don't get why people are telling me that. My daughter is dead. I'm never gonna get to scare away any potential boyfriends, and the one I don't scare off won't get to ask me if he can marry her. I won't get to do any of that," Bucky's voice broke, so did Natasha and Steve's heart. "God, if I could just see her smile one more time, that would be enough."
"I'll leave these here," Natasha said, putting the plastic bag on the counter top. "I have to go." She said, smiling at Bucky, who returned the gesture. Natasha left, leaving Steve and Bucky.
"How are you doing?" Steve asked, sitting down on the couch beside Bucky. Bucky sighed and looked up.
"Okay, I guess," He answered.
"Do you want to talk about her?" Steve asked him. As much as it hurt, Bucky liked to talk about you. He nodded.
"I think she would like it uptown, it's quiet uptown," Bucky said. Steve nodded and smiled. "It's just like the moments when you're in so deep
It feels easier to just swim down," Bucky explained. "I just really miss her." Bucky looked down as he felt the all too familiar sting of tears come to his eyes.
"We all do," Steve told Bucky. "I never told you because Y/N begged me not to, but she was going out with that Parker kid before she died." Steve revealed. Bucky laughed and nodded.
"I already knew. I just didn't want to burst their bubble, they thought they were doing well at hiding it," Bucky said, a smile on his face. "I just didn't want to say anything because I thought it would upset her." They both sat in comfortable silence for a minute before Steve decided to speak up.
"I know there's no replacing what you've lost, and you need time, but if time is what you need, then you'll get it," Steve told him, noticing that Bucky was tearing up.
"I just really want her back. If I could spare her life , I could trade her life for mine, God, I would do it in a heartbeat," Bucky said. "She-she was barely 16, Steve. She hadn't even gotten out of highschool. She wanted to do so much, and now she'll never get to do it." Bucky broke down into tears, Steve too had shed a few, but he didn't have the same rights to mourn as Bucky, he didn't even want to begin to understand how he was feeling. Steve put his arm around Bucky and let him cry into his shoulder. Bucky hadn't ever cried this much, never in his century of living. Everything hurt, Bucky wanted to give up, but knew if he did, you would come and kick his ass in the afterlife. He had to keep going and work through the unimaginable.
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