The Highs and Lows of Sobriety
When I got sober, I was desperate. I was willing to do anything to get and stay sober. I followed the 12 steps out of the book, stayed close to the program, got a service position and went to meetings like it was my full time job. I’d stay at clubhouses until 3am chain smoking cigarettes that weren’t mine and flirting with boys who made me feel wanted at the most vulnerable point of my life.
When old timers told me I’d receive a life second to none if I stuck around I believed it hook line and sinker. In the past four years, I have lost faith many times in this old adage. I fell in and out of love with the program, but I kept coming even when I didn’t want to. I have spent days in fetal positions damning God for the life I was given.
And yet, I still believe. I am in emotional pain right now, and I remain sober. I have been raped, bullied, gone through breakups, restraining orders, jobs and moves sober. And I stayed sober only by the grace of God.
Life is still life, highs and lows apply to every single human’s life. As an alcoholic, I must know that a drink will not make any bad situation better but only worse. I have worked too hard to be freed from the mental obsession of alcohol and the spiritual malady I walked into AA with. Recovery is worth it, life is worth it, even if it doesn’t feel like it my life now is always second to none compared to the life I was living in my alcoholism.