#higher powered

[closetedtranswoman]

Introduce myself?

- egg broke

-61 years old

-in a committed monogamous relationship (MARRIED)

-not looking for a lover

-not looking for a dom/mistress

-love the beach and #surfing

-in recovery

-love Mexican food

-plus size

-not a fan of the Oligarchy or Corporate and personal greed

-easy going

-not photogenic

[20somethingcomingclean]

Say What You Mean

It is SO hard for me to be direct. I have my PhD in passive aggressive tactics. Growing up as a woman in a family affected by alcoholism makes me the perfect al-anon. Lately, I’ve been practicing being honest. I usually minimize my feelings or wishes to spare people’s feelings. It’s dishonest of me, but it’s what I’m used to. Not making waves. I’m starting to say no more, starting to express myself even if it’s hard to hear for the other party, and saying what I mean without being mean. It’s like writing with my left hand, it feels so unnatural. Yet, in the long-term, I feel better about myself and my relationships are stable and nurturing instead of chaotic and dramatic. Recovery is so hard, but so worth it.

[20somethingcomingclean]

Selfishness, Self-Centeredness!

Dude-I am a selfish fuck 😂 I can laugh about it today, because my actions don’t overtly hurt people like they did when I was drinking, and while the program worked a miracle in me, that alcoholic thinking reigns true! I missed my connecting flight this morning and I legit called the airport to see if they’d hold the flight for me so I could make it. Obviously, they didn’t. I missed both afternoon flights to Reno, and am now waiting for the 1045PM flight. Today I was “stuck” in San Fran, one of my favorite places in the world. I got to go to a meeting in Mission, hang out, read, listen to speaker tapes, join an online meeting, catch up with friends, and have some amazing coffee. God slowed me down before I got to my first PhD interview. How beautiful is this gift that God has given me in sobriety? How amazing is God’s timing? I get in my own way. I am so lucky to have spent the day here, and to be able to recognize my selfishness and self-centeredness. It is a gift to be sober and be alive today.

[20somethingcomingclean]

The Highs and Lows of Sobriety

When I got sober, I was desperate. I was willing to do anything to get and stay sober. I followed the 12 steps out of the book, stayed close to the program, got a service position and went to meetings like it was my full time job. I’d stay at clubhouses until 3am chain smoking cigarettes that weren’t mine and flirting with boys who made me feel wanted at the most vulnerable point of my life.

When old timers told me I’d receive a life second to none if I stuck around I believed it hook line and sinker. In the past four years, I have lost faith many times in this old adage. I fell in and out of love with the program, but I kept coming even when I didn’t want to. I have spent days in fetal positions damning God for the life I was given.

And yet, I still believe. I am in emotional pain right now, and I remain sober. I have been raped, bullied, gone through breakups, restraining orders, jobs and moves sober. And I stayed sober only by the grace of God.

Life is still life, highs and lows apply to every single human’s life. As an alcoholic, I must know that a drink will not make any bad situation better but only worse. I have worked too hard to be freed from the mental obsession of alcohol and the spiritual malady I walked into AA with. Recovery is worth it, life is worth it, even if it doesn’t feel like it my life now is always second to none compared to the life I was living in my alcoholism.

[20somethingcomingclean]

In every relationship I spray painted the red flags green

Samantha M.

[20somethingcomingclean]

NECYPAA

It’s NECYPAA weekend!! Fuck yes! Have a safe and Happy New Year everyone!! I love you lots and lots and lots!

[20somethingcomingclean]

NMCYPAA

Yessss, time to hang with my sober fam for a weekend of fellowship and program 💕🤘🏻🌈