#wicked sober

[20somethingcomingclean]

Recovery Is...

Doing the right thing even when it’s the hardest. I left my boyfriend yesterday and while the old me would have stayed for years, given up my dreams for the sake of someone else’s happiness, and become a martyr, God gave me strength to choose myself. It is acting in self-love rather than co-dependency. It is handling the breakup with mutual maturity and respect. It is letting go of the crazy making and the anxiety that came with the breakups before him. I don’t know what the next chapter of my life is, but I know God is guiding me wherever I go. 

[20somethingcomingclean]

Selfishness, Self-Centeredness!

Dude-I am a selfish fuck 😂 I can laugh about it today, because my actions don’t overtly hurt people like they did when I was drinking, and while the program worked a miracle in me, that alcoholic thinking reigns true! I missed my connecting flight this morning and I legit called the airport to see if they’d hold the flight for me so I could make it. Obviously, they didn’t. I missed both afternoon flights to Reno, and am now waiting for the 1045PM flight. Today I was “stuck” in San Fran, one of my favorite places in the world. I got to go to a meeting in Mission, hang out, read, listen to speaker tapes, join an online meeting, catch up with friends, and have some amazing coffee. God slowed me down before I got to my first PhD interview. How beautiful is this gift that God has given me in sobriety? How amazing is God’s timing? I get in my own way. I am so lucky to have spent the day here, and to be able to recognize my selfishness and self-centeredness. It is a gift to be sober and be alive today.

[20somethingcomingclean]

In every relationship I spray painted the red flags green

Samantha M.

[20somethingcomingclean]

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

TO ALL THOSE FRIENDS IN AND OUT OF RECOVERY-STAY SAFE!

[20somethingcomingclean]

Daily Practice

What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. -pg 85 Big Book Everyday, I do something for my spiritual condition. Around 1 year sober I did the steps but thought I was cured and stopped picking up the tools of the program. I'd go to meeting after meeting and lie about how great I was. My secrets kept me sick. It wasn't until I picked up the spiritual principles of this program once again that I felt better. It took me a while to understand this piece about a daily reprieve. I must maintain this spiritual condition or I will drink again. Below is a short list of my daily (or frequent) spiritual practices. 1. Meditate every damn day-I started with a minute and now I'm up to an hour a day. 30 minutes in the morning 30 minutes at night 2. Connect with God before I connect with my cellphone-I pray all day but I try to make an effort to talk to God before I check my cell in the morning to remind me what's important 3. Daily readings-I read the Language of Letting Go (for my al-anon program) and Daily Reflections (for my AA program) or any AA approved literature; I'm also open to reading other spirituality based literature when I come across it or when it's recommended to me 4. Meetings-I have my regular meetings, but lately I've been shaking things up by going to new meetings in different parts of town because I don't have a strong fellowship right now, I'm meeting lots of new folks and it's fun! 5. Service work-Every Thursday, I drive up to Santa Fe to chair a young people's meeting. Every other Sunday I answer phones at Central Office. Hearing sick and suffering alcoholics on the phone keeps it real to me as to what it'll be like if I go out 6. Yoga-I try to get this in 5x or more a week. It truly is a piece of my spiritual practice. It took some time to find what studio and style worked for me. I'm now contemplating becoming a teacher to deepen my practice and understanding about yoga What do you do to maintain your spiritual condition?

[20somethingcomingclean]

PMDD

The PMDD saga continues. As a person in recovery, I was so obsessed with being free of any mood or mind altering substances that I allowed it to affect my mental health decisions. I was on birth control for so long I didn't know who I was off of it. While getting off of it yielded a much more stable emotional life, I started noticing extreme mood swings in the two weeks leading up to my period. I've been struggling with PMDD for about six months now, and though I've had a prescription for an antidepressant for a few months now, I just filled it. I took my first pill today. I worry that it'll make me feel flat, but the last time I was on them I was drinking alcoholically so I'm likely to have a whole new experience. I truly hope that these help stabilize my emotions during these two weeks before my period. I'm honestly so miserable and I know one of these PMS times I'm going to make a rash and extreme decision to leave my partner or quit my job. Good vibes and prayers please! Does anyone else have experience with PMDD?

[20somethingcomingclean]

It's hard to ask for help

When you've been in recovery for a few years. Your mind tricks you into thinking "you should be better by now", "you're in AA why get a therapist?" or "people are going to judge me for not having my shit together yet". The truth is, recovery isn't a straight line. AA is not the end all, be all. For me, it opened me up to seek help with therapy to address things AA and my sponsor couldn't fully address, like trauma or interpersonal relationship difficulties. There's no shame in getting outside help if you need it. The point of AA is to help facilitate a reasonably happy life. Outside help is encouraged. I'll never "have my shit together". But, with the help of AA and outside help, I can have a better quality of life.

[20somethingcomingclean]

About to graduate with my Masters degree

And I'm in full flight from reality. I have so much anxiety over graduating because school is all done after this. I have a job and a career, but I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do with all of the free time. I have a stable home life and stable job situation and I'm so addicted to chaos I want to keep moving or make a career change or go across the country and get a PhD and continue to run from anything that's good for me. I just can't stand still and just sit in peace for like five fucking seconds. What's my deal?