#hloc

[nerujikam]

6th year

[sallowly]

Commissions are now (re)open!

I'm opening fresh new slots for sketch commissions, and re-opening illustration slots (very limited tho!) once again.

If you have any inquiries feel free to reach out via dm or at [email protected] 💌

[slytherinsomniari]

Millionth Hogwarts Legacy rant because I'm delulu and too sensitive 😂 I swear, I need another fandom at this point. I wish I could control my emotions but I can't. Otherwise I would have lol

I swear to god, I guess I need lessons on how to talk to people and interact with a fandom because I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Maybe I'm not commenting on as many posts as I thought I was. Should I just dm people? I'm also not sure what questions I should ask about their characters. How does this work?

I was told that I should continue posting about my OCs but no one ever looks at them or responds except one person 🥺 You know who you are and I love you so much for that! But I wish more people were interested in my characters...interested in me. The person that even said that doesn't even look at my stuff. What am I supposed to do in this community if no one cares?

I'm working on an art of my MC Sophronia and I guarantee when I post this art they're going to like it and complement it as if they haven't fucking ignored me the entire time. Why am I not noticed or taken seriously in this community? How come I only have two friends? Why are they so nice when I comment on their posts about their characters and they never express interest in my characters or ask about them. I have six as of now....do I need to be an rp whore and rp with everyone I come across? do I need to suck up to them and tell them that they are gods? My brain is fried and I can't think of anything anymore.

Maybe I should just draw for another fandom. I can at least try once (outside of anime) and see how it goes.

[slytherinsomniari]

HL MC: Sophronia in Exploration

“Like the troubadours of old, Sophronia dons her guise and travels the world. Not to play a merry tune but rather for the sake of knowledge and adventure”

I drew Sophronia in her exploration outfit! I accidentally made the design on the cloak big when it should have been a lot of very tiny designs. But I could not be bothered to do that 😂 I never really use the hats in the game and I loved this one so I had to plan an outfit around it.

[slytherinsomniari]

I did another Hogwarts Legacy drawing! This time it’s of my oc Eleanor Knightley! 😊 the shading sucks and so does the background (because I decided to add it at the last minute so it’s really bad). It was supposed to be hills in the background but I’m too lazy to fix it lol

I found this cycling outfit (1895?) on Pinterest and immediately thought of Eleanor. I’m so happy I got to draw her in it! It’s girly but it’s also practical, fitting for her adventures.

[carrotzcake]

it's strange. i don't know what happened during the insurrection whatsoever, nor the Uvalde shootings. in both of these instances i was committed to some sort of locked treatment facility. these are not the only major recent current events that i've either blocked out due to dissociation or literally was unable to know about due to lack of access to any outside news coverage. i was in treatment in march of 2020, for example, while the pandemic was unfolding and facility rules and regulations were constantly changing without explanation.

it's really disorienting and scary, both to hear through the grapevine while incarcerated and to exist, suddenly, in a traumatically changed and unsafe world when a large part of my anxiety and subsequent coping mechanisms are triggered by that very thing-trauma, instability, poor communication and lack of safety.

how does one get back on track? how can anyone even try to be well?

[mashupofmylife]

Bit the bullet, called insurance, asked about treatment.

Zero copay for PHP. Zero copay for IOP.

All I need is a referral.

(add to the list of things I’m putting off doing until after I get back from leave)

[mashupofmylife]

soooooo, yesterday my chief resident and I talked about some concerns with my upcoming medical leave for PHP and concerns that he had about me continuing to volunteer at the squad and then casually mentioned that he had told my outgoing PD that I was going to PHP when I emphasized to him that I had not yet told my PD. 

He didn’t ask. He didn’t mention it beforehand. He had no clear or immediate reason to tell him.

And then he had the audacity to ask if I was okay with that.

Because I’m such a people pleaser, everything is always fine, which is what I said, but also I honestly could not comprehend why that happened. And the more I’ve thought about it, the more upset it makes me. 

If I had known that my chief was going to disclose that information, I wouldn’t have told him. I would have shared that I had some health issues, that the PD was aware (which, guess what, he’s known since I was a med student), and I could have read him in after the fact. 

He had no knowledge of the whole situation. He didn’t know that I had an admit date. He didn’t know that I had a meeting scheduled with my providers and my PDs (which he’s now attending too). This was a huge step. People have been suggesting HLOC for a year and a half. I deliberately planned and considered every step, but apparently he didn’t think that any of that might be the case. I didn’t explicitly say to not share, but I said multiple times that the PD didn’t know. Controlling the information flow initially was really important to me and that was taken away without my consent.

So basically I don’t trust him anymore. I regret sharing anything with him. And my psychiatrist’s response is that I need to take all of this and have a conversation about how I feel betrayed and that’s honestly the last thing that I want to do, especially because not only do I feel betrayed, but he also wants to take away my leadership positions in the residency (I’ve almost built the entire call schedule for the next year) and make me leave the squad. Not exactly a recipe for getting me to trust him or work with him well over the next year.