#i do think this is going to decrease trust overall

[l1vjay]

Sevika headcanons- 🩶

{No smut. Mainly angst/fluff. Tw: alcohol, low self-esteem, depression, addiction. You’ve been warned}

☆ Sevika is a sucker for stray cats. If theres a cat on the street that rubs against her legs, she'll fuss over it, pet it and murmur sweet things to them quietly: "hey pretty thing, you cold?". Occasionally she'll bring them home wrapped up in her cape thingy, she'll feed them then let them come and go as they please. They always sleep curled next to her during the night.

☆ Sevika drinks her sorrows away. However, she drinks so much she's built up a tolerance to it. So now when she drinks its not numbing the pain anymore, only destroying her liver and decreasing her overall health. She knows its unhealthy but she can't stop.

☆ Sevika loves fasion. She couldn't express it when working for silco and doing dirty work all day, but now that she's not fighting as much and working on the council, she has time to build her outfits and express herself as she wants. Usually she keeps up with the trends in Zaun to keep in touch with her home place because she spends so much time in topside.

☆ Sevika fucks around. As much as I believe she prefers women generally and would end up with a woman long term, I dont think shes picky as to who she has sex with as long as they're feminine.

☆ Sevika and Scar are friends. I like to believe that after Sevika's speech plus saving everyone from still water, Scar began to trust Sevika more and developed a friendship. They're far from best friends but they have a mutual understanding: wanting the best for Zaun.

☆ Sevika hasn't properly dated someone in years. The last time she was in a relationship she was in her early 20s. She's had forms of situationships since then but when she realised nothing was going to change in Zaun, no matter what the government did, she became more focused on Zauns success. Sevika didnt have time for relationships anymore, nor did she have the space within herself to care for something as strongly as she does for Zaun. So she'll settle for occasional flings and one night stands.

☆ Sevika prioritises the children of Zaun. Sevika doesn't particularly like children, thinks they're annoying and doesnt know how to get along with them, but when it comes to the kids in Zaun, she softens a little. She has sympathy for them. Zaun is an unforgiving place to be, something so innocent doesnt deserve the harshness only Zaun has to offer.

☆ Sevika feels extremely vulnerable and insecure without her mechanical arm. She covers herself as much as possible when she's without it. She cant look at herself in the mirror too long either, she hates the way her skin is discoloured from her neck to her rib. She set the shower to almost boiling so the room steams up and she can't see herself anymore. (She doesn't shower like that she just doesnt want to see herself)

☆ Sevika glows in the dark due to her hexcore scars. She hates it and has to sleep on her left side so it doesnt bother her.

A/n: lol that got dark quick. I love this woman to death. I will be writting a sevika x reader one. Lemme know what you think 🩶 HAPPY PRIDE MONNTHHHH!!!

[fiamat12]

Quick PSA: Speculation/ Ambiguity

So before I get to the point of the PSA, I'll go ahead and address L's sighting today, and unblocking of fans on his IG profile. Call me a skeptic, but the sighting screams collab to me. L's followers have been decreasing (wonder why?) and him alone looking fit helps. As for the poster, sure Jan! She didn't want to ask him for a selfie but proceeds to film him... it's actually edited, too. What happened to "normalise not filming strangers in public"? LOL.

(I can't w/ the mistype of casually) ⬇️

Anyhow, I can see his team wanting to stop the bleeding. His engagement rate is good but he recently undid all the follower growth from S4; after Cyprus in April, it plummeted 📉. He's lost approx. 22k in 2 mos. but last mo. was about 15k alone. It's still not alot in the big scheme, but I'm sure he'd prefer an upward trend when a promo comes out, which is surely imminent... and which leads me to the unblocking: that would also help w/ the decrease.

Note: We determined long ago Lukola's teams likely employed an autoblock feature that looks for key words across social media (not just on their profiles) and blocks anyone using them, so it appears they adjusted his settings... for now 😉 ⬇️

Now onto my PSA...

I've gotten a few messages lately of people confused by the state of the Lukola union, largely because all that's left is the adjacent fakery. Don't forget how we got here! Many end up looking at things in microcosm and forget the OVERALL picture OR are taking to heart opinions of bloggers who have the premise wrong or don't even care what it is, as long as they get traffic to their page. (We've seen many a user flip-flop, and even when proven wrong, try to back track 👩‍🦰)

There's also a herd mentality on the internet where people conform to the masses instead of relying on their independent judgment. A good example of this is on Traitors... the contestants periodically vote for who they think is a traitor and every time the "herd" votes for a person on mere speculation - w/ out any real evidence, which they usually don't have until late in the game - they are usually WRONG. It's a survival mechanism not a tactic to get to the TRUTH... ⬇️

So, if you're just a normal person like me who doesn't follow celebs closely, has never shipped before Lukola, initially followed to merely understand what was going on, and isn't looking for engagement, you must do your own research (or if you decide to blindly trust, that's on you). I try to provide as many evidence based facts as possible but we only have what is publicly available so resources are limited...

That's where logic and timelines come in to eliminate the impossible and land on what is the most probable scenario, which again is up to YOU to analyze; I deduced 3 non-negotiables based on a mountain of evidence over several years, and I believe we've gotten confirmation as time has passed that they are correct. Sure, there's always room for error, but I'm willing to take that risk because it's ultimately just my opinion anyway.

Lastly, the accuracy of certain minutiae doesn't matter... if it can't be proven and it's mere speculation, don't DWELL on it because if it could go either way and it doesn't make a difference to the overall outcome, it doesn't really matter, eh? I.e. Who is in the shadow kiss? Is it current or from mos. ago, and in what city? Why did JVN follow JD just now? Meh. It all gets washed away when Lukola comes out anyway. 🌊🚢💪👨‍👩‍👧‍👧 (Note: not saying NOT to speculate, but keeping it in perspective is important 🙏)

Come to peace w/ ambiguity on details you couldn't possibly know and that don't matter!!! (also, i.e., what A knows, baby names, exact birth dates, etc). Estimation has to be enough for some stuff!!

Update: N's TT followers are also down (see below) so unblocking may help that acct, too... but I'm not opposed to those who think Lukola is opening up a bit (again, speculate w/ a grain of salt). ⬇️

We can note it, and see what happens. I'd be more impressed if Lukola's follower counts weren't down on said profiles BUT it could be killing two birds w/ one stone as they like to do... getting some attention to their profiles that need it and also testing the waters...

[the-flying-lemur]

I wanna talk about Iron Lung. And I want to talk about it as a movie and not Markiplier’s movie because it’s good. Not just good for a YouTuber but good in general. Spoilers below!

Themes

The creative team obviously had a vision and a goal and they achieved them.

Simon as a character is interesting since Ive only seen about 20 minutes of the gameplay, I don’t know if he’s explored in the game like this. My initial question going in was whether or not Simon was actually a convict or if he had just been labeled one. Both are kind of true.

I really like his arc because it is not clean. He starts off dejected, holding limply onto this one scrap of a chance at life. He then chooses to keep going out of spite and anger. He struggles several times with finding meaning in what he’s doing and its all muddled up in the fact that he doesn’t really have a choice either way. He’ s stuck down there at Ava and David’s mercy, and yet he still searches desperately for reasons to keep doing this. In his conversation with the monster (alien? previous convict? hallucination? idk.) he goes back and forth between baseless hope and baseless dispair. Its very nihilistic and yet hopeful in the place his arc lands. If there’s no proof one way or another that there’s hope or that there is no hope, then why not choose to hope that his death will mean something.

Simon spent his life shuffled from one cause to another, forced to do things he doesn't really believe in. What changes is his connection to Ava. Maybe its misplaced but the fact that they exchange names (on purpose, deliberate; they make a deal, a bond), ties them meaningfully together even if it's for that short time before Simon dies.

Related; I love the reality and the metaphor of the iron lung. It conveys that this is a tragedy. Simon starts the story already on life support having been welded inside of a literal iron lung (old timey ventilator system). Over the course of the story his oxygen level decreases and on the other side lies death. Then, the blood begins to coagulate and the iron lung literally becomes a lung. Another user said theres enough blood in the cabin to oxygenate it and I think this is true on both a literal and metaphorical sense. The blood turns the ship into a literal lung; keeping Simon alive long enough to accomplish his goal.

The hivemind angler fish can also be paralleled with Ava and the other humans on the station. The biggest difference (imo) is that the hivemind takes and melds without asking and so do the humans. Except for when Ava and Simon make their deal. They come together, on purpose, as individuals in service of a higher goal.

Thats why this was always a tragedy but one with a silver lining. Simon’s last moments are him being conscripted into another group (hivemind) without really getting to choose, but at least his last act was his own. He chose to get the black box out. To align himself with Ava and trust that she was leading him down the right path. Simon chose to pull his own plug, instead of coasting along on life support.

___

Plot and Mechanics

I think there was time in the overall run time where we could have gotten a bit more depth about Ava and David or at least some heavier contrasts between the two. Theres a section in the middle that draga a bit. I didn’t really mind because I was engaged in uncovering the mystery of the cosmic horror beast but on a rewatch I can see myself skipping bits.

Overall though I liked the isolated nature of Simon’s experience. The slow creeping drip of blood and condensation as time goes on. The isolation and disorientation and slipping drag of time passing disjointedly.

The first hallucination was by far the best scare but the whole movie leaves you with this grimy, uncomfortable feeling thats just perfect and obviously what they were going for. Theres a sense of pressure that just doesn’t go away and constantly reminds you of your own paranoia.

The limited but consistent access to the outside world via the camera and the porthole; the throwaway details uttered by characters or in evidence on screen; the constant sense of limited resources and consequences to using them up, really served to make this movie feel like it had real stakes and not just “ahh all of humanity” but the kind that makes you care about the guy on screen and what happens to him.

Theres a strong sense of limitation: in information, in resources, in time. There is a slow march towards an inevitable end. Simon was always going to die and this was just his journey on the way to his death.

___

AudioVisual Experience

A gripe I have with this movie is that the sound didn’t feel like it was tuned for a theater experience. I don’t know if thats because my theater had poor audio settings but there are a ton of moments that would have hit harder if there had been more dynamic sound. I can’t wait to have it on my system at home so I can tune it how I’d like.

I did love, however, how muddled the dialogue is. At times Mark’s delivery of lines felt way too quiet for the speaker to possibly pick up so that kind of took me out of it every once and a while. But I like that they didn't try to make the dialogue clearer at parts. It was scarier knowing there could be a miscommunication at any time.

The images taken by the camera are mostly nonsense that can sometimes come together to make an image make sense.

The movie is confusing in all the right ways. It makes you pay attention to details and doesn’t hold your hand through explaining to you what it is you’re seeing.

There are some amazing shots, especially in the last act, that creatively utilize what could have been a very bland space. The use of light (the camera flash, the spark of the wires, the light for the speaker box) all feel like they are working towards a clear sense of atmosphere.

This is all not to mention the cool as hell sea of blood/staring the cosmic horror beast sequence. That was just super rad.

___

The Mark of it All

Anyway I’m sure I’ll have more thoughts on this movie but for now I really liked it and I’m so happy Mark made a movie that was so clear and well done. He truly showed that he levels up by a million with every project he does. In the past I haven’t liked his acting very much. There are some good moment in the Edge of Sleep but overall I was nervous going in about a movie that basically stars only him.

He really pulls back some of the stuff I haven’t liked from him before performance-wise and stepped up with his physical acting. There are some great comedic moments that he delivers well without undermining the stakes or cutting the tension too deeply.

He is honestly such a pure creator in it for the love of the game and always willing to demand what he’s worth or break down walls to get it. I’m really excited to see what he does next!

If you made it this far you’re a super cool guy and you should yell at me in the comments about your fav part of this movie. I’ll go first, it is a tie between Simon ripping his arm off and the first hallucination!

[sayusims]

Maomao mini analysis

Maomao in The Apothecary Diaries is such a sad character, but she doesn't act like it because, in her world, it's kind of normalized. First, her mom, an esteemed courtesan, essentially hated her because she gave birth to her. Her biological dad is gone and not in her life (we know it wasn’t by choice, but this is from her perspective). She was raised in a brothel, and while she had people there who loved her, it's still a brothel. Even after she was adopted, she still had to take precautions to make sure she wasn’t going to be kidnapped or that nothing else would happen to her because of men.

After all of this, when she was still a teenager, she was kidnapped by a couple of guys and sold to the Emperor’s palace. These events are really traumatic, but at the same time, she still has the same indifference—as if she doesn’t care that much. She wants to stay in her own lane, and with her tactical genius (stemming from both her parents), this is relatively easy to do. But I wanted to know more, and since I’m taking AP World History in school, it wasn’t really that hard to understand why.

The Apothecary Diaries takes place during the Ming-Qing dynasty (possibly Song), which is evident because of the harem system, the clothing style, and the medicine she uses. During this time, China had been taken back from the Mongols, and the government, in an effort to get rid of their traditions, reinstated many old systems like the civil service exam, improved education, and reestablished the bureaucracy. The education aspect is evident in the series because of the plans to better educate women on basic skills like reading.

The part worth highlighting, though, is that China (and basically everywhere the Mongols ruled) was safer under their rule. So when everything became scattered again, safety greatly decreased, making things like kidnappings more common. This is probably why Maomao wasn’t distraught about being kidnapped. Still, the rest of what happened before this time is traumatic enough.

The main reason I give for this is that she’s used to it—not in a Stockholm syndrome way, but in an “oh, this happens sometimes” way. Being raised in the brothels, she likely saw the worst parts of humanity in the customers and the courtesans. Being exposed to this regularly probably caused her to naturally believe that humans do bad things—but not in an overly pessimistic way, since she still had good people taking care of her. Along with this, she is just practical in everything she does. She weighs the pros and cons of her actions before she acts. She discloses information that is important to wrap up a case so she doesn’t have more drama to deal with (unlike a lot of characters, which is why I love her).

While she still has a curious personality when it comes to mysteries, at this point in season 2, she has gained the trust of literally everyone important, making her unlikely to get into trouble. (This is still China in the 11th-12th century, so she still has to be careful, but compared to before, she has a lot more freedom.)

While her personality may look plain at first, you quickly grow to love her, especially her passion for medicines and poisons. The shift in her demeanor when poisons come into play is so fun to watch. This shows that, at the end of the day, she is still a teenager. She is mature but childlike at the same time when it comes to things she’s interested in. Women in this time were supposed to be, like in almost every other time in history, subordinate to men. Maomao, being as smart as she is, knows and acknowledges this but does not let it stop her. She goes against the status quo by being a completely independent woman who doesn’t need a man.

The best part of this is that she does it without really thinking about it. Her goal is not to go against the status quo or anything like that but simply to pursue her interests in life.

Overall, I just really love Maomao and the series, and it better keep getting new seasons until it’s done, or else I’m going to tweak out. I also wrote this while procrastinating on my AP World homework to “review” for the AP exam (which is like four months away), but I hope you guys like it.

[sunderwight]

Thinking about the weird camaraderie that exists between demons but not angels in GO.

Have we ever seen two angels who are actually friends? Or even friendly to one another? We have met angels with a capacity to be friendly in general, but I think the closest we've come to two angels actually getting along would be Gabriel making a point to laugh at Sandalphon's terrible "can't have a war without War" line in S1.

Most scenes between the angels actually seem to have an undercurrent of absolute hostility. Teeth-clenched teamwork. No wonder it took them so long to notice that Aziraphale wasn't on the same page as the rest of them! The rest of them are barely on the same page as one another, either! When Gabriel goes against the majority vote, no one bats an eye at demoting him and wiping his memory. Michael and Uriel immediately begin vying for his job. The only times we've seen angels team up is when they're working together to bully someone else, like when they're trying to intimidate Aziraphale in S1 or going to the aftermath of the bookshop raid in S2.

Saraqael's overall neutrality towards Muriel is the closest we get to two angels in Heaven getting along, and it's more a lack of hostility than any kind of friendliness. At least until Gabriel loses his memories and Muriel shows up to spy on Aziraphale, and Aziraphale decides to be kind to both of them.

Demons, on the other hand, actually seem to form alliances and even friendships among one another. Hastur and Ligur are awful, but Hastur seems genuinely distraught over Ligur's death, not just fearful of suffering the same fate. Shax and Furfur conspire together and even though the 1940's investigation into Crowley's fraternizing doesn't work out for Furfur, it's not due to any double-crossing on Shax's part. Unlike the angels, who stick almost exclusively to making threats until the Metatron decides to try dangling a carrot at the end of the season, demons actually offer rewards to other demons when trying to work together. Beelzebub offers Crowley a promotion if he can bring them Gabriel, Furfur offers to back Shax up politically if she goes for the Duke position opening, and Crowley successfully stalls Hastur in S1 by pretending everything was a test and he's going to be put in charge of a legion as a reward for passing. They're still not great at socializing, but they're significantly ahead of the angels.

Of course, it's a fact that demons are awful to one another (Eric's treatment is really bad, they throw that random demon into holy water just to test it, "it'd be a funny world if demons went around trusting one another", etc) but they still seem more capable of forming friendships than the angels do.

I think that's because Hell cramps and crowds everyone together to try and increase their suffering and hostility, whereas Heaven isolates angels to decrease the odds of questioning or rebellion. Hell's methods are unpleasant, but it still ends up putting demons together, and some of those demons inevitably forge alliances and make friendships. Because as Crowley and Beelzebub demonstrate, demons are still social creatures with the capacity for love and affection, even if it's strongly discouraged and buried under nine million layers of trauma and a cultural mandate against kindness.

Angels are the same, but isolation makes is harder to form connections than overcrowding. Muriel and Jimbriel are both so eager to make friends, but Muriel's spent the past millennia shut in an empty office, and Gabriel has been distanced from his peers both through his position and also through Heaven's culture of fear and surveillance. He only breaks away from it when he finds something that's stronger than "choosing sides" (stronger than the fear of being rejected by Heaven and Falling, in fact strong enough that Falling seems worth it if he gets to be with someone he loves). Both Muriel and Gabriel are only able to start forming connections when they're away from Heaven.

I just think it's interesting that demons, despite being supposedly devoid of love, have an advantage in forming relationships compared to angels. Angels are supposed to love, but have far fewer opportunities to actually do so. Demons aren't supposed to love, but they make connections anyway.

[borderlinereminders]

Hey and thank you for your great work about BPD ❤️

I know this is a bit of a vague question, but - How do you "recover" or "manage" BPD? How is it done, overall? I'm getting conflicting info from the treatments, but some sort of -overall goal/aim/vision/something- would be really helpful. Thought I'd ask someone who might have been there.

Thank you so much ❤️

Hi there! 💛 Thank you for the kind words. I really appreciate them. And this is such a good question.

BPD can feel confusing because there’s not one single “cure” or straightforward roadmap. But there are ways to manage it, grow, and build a life that feels more stable and fulfilling.

Here’s how I think of it for me.

Managing BPD isn’t about erasing your emotions, it’s about learning how to live with them in a way that doesn’t hurt you or the people you love.

Some overall goals that tend to guide my recovery are:

Emotional regulation Learning to recognize and calm intense emotions instead of acting on them right away. This can help prevent spirals, and spirals in the past have made my emotions stronger, last longer and sometimes lead to actions that had consequences I would not have had if I had regulated a bit better.

Healthy relationships Building skills for communication, boundaries, and trust, so your connections feel safer and more balanced. Being able to ask for reassurance in healthy ways instead of hinting at it, being passive aggressive or breaking our own hearts by just expecting people to read our mind and thinking they don't care when they can't. Accusing behaviours, 'you don't care' or 'you're going to leave me' can lead to relationships becoming damaged over time and sometimes those relationships ending which for me, decreased my quality of life.

Self-identity & self-worth Developing a stronger sense of who you are beyond your emotions or relationships. Finding hobbies I really love, and finding things that bring me joy outside of other people was so big.

Reducing harmful behaviors Finding coping strategies that are supportive instead of self-destructive. Or finding outlets for those urges that work for us that might be 'untraditional'. I used to smash mugs (I lived on my own, so it was really just me) because I felt such a relief when the mug shattered. I still have the urge to smash stuff, but I've found other outlets for that so I can do it in a more controlled way.

The urge would make me lose some of my favourite mugs, leave glass where I could hurt myself by accident, or otherwise just lead to me feeling out of control. Doing something similar in a controlled way can help me. (Side note, I really want to try one of those rage rooms.) This is really controversial, and while it may seem to people from the outside that it's unhealthy and out of control, it actually worked for me. I don't give into the urge because I know I have a plan and it helps and sometimes I don't even have to follow through later. And if I do, it's in a controlled and safe way. It's actually been a couple years since I've broken something, even in a controlled way. My main point is that starting with reduction might be more realistic than trying to have a big goal of just ''stop.' I began to replace it with other methods like punching my speed bag, or sometimes even just screaming.

Different treatments approach this in different ways. But the “big picture” is about moving from surviving to thriving and being able to handle big feelings without letting them control your life. It's about your quality of life and how that can improve.

It’s a slow process, but every bit of self-awareness, every skill you practice, every tiny step counts. You don’t have to be perfect to be making progress.

[rxzennia]

smile for the camera

– requested.

✎𓂃 chase you down until you love me. allusions to violence, creepy behavior (stalking, filming without consent, etc.), overall dark content. aventurine, my baby boy, when will i finally e6 you ;;;;;;; bronya came home ;;;;;;;; surely next time ;;;;;;;;; how will i pull sunday now ;;;;;; (oops forgot to post this yesterday)

aventurine. 

the shining star on stage, the man as sweet as honey, the apple of your eye–

the object of your obsession.

every time you see him on stage, your heart beats so hard that you thought you'd go into cardiac arrest

if only he'd look your way for even one second…!

unfortunately, no, he doesn't know you

but you know him better than anyone <3

on top of the merch collection you own as a dutiful fan, you also have a bunch of private stuff

less than appropriate photos, a literal wall full of them.

they're even made into polaroids and all! look at how devoted you are <3

you're proud to say that you've seen more than the average fanatical fan

(which, you know, isn't something you really should be proud about…)

but yeah! you're pretty famous in a certain fan circle!

that said, your collection is mostly private. mostly.

especially the more intimate recordings, you would die before you let anyone else see them

"thank you again for agreeing to appear in our variety show," you say, standing up and offering him a handshake, "i'll be responsible for your publicity where our station is involved. i think we'll be seeing each other often."

aventurine watches you with suspicious eyes – he doesn't trust reporters, any of them – as he takes a sip of his iced latte. "the pleasure is all mine," he replies with a friendly smile, taking your hand firmly, "i look forward to working with you."

lies. all lies.

his smile is fake. faker than the acrylic nails on your colleagues.

(at least he smiled at you)

but you understand, don't you? 

to you, he's the brightest sun who lights up your world

but to him, you're just another face in the crowd of journalists following him around

another pesky camera trying to intrude on his personal life

and all you want to do is just whisk him away from this sea of reporters

rid him of all the pests

but you can't. not yet, anyways.

it hurts

it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts

then again, what's love without a little bit of pain?

you can take it, right? it's all just temporary! 

everything will be worth it once you wriggle your way into his good graces!

oh, aeons above, you can hardly control yourself when filming begins. aventurine, looking all dolled up and perfect as he acts according to the script, laughing and jabbing at his fellow actors. 

it takes all of your willpower to not excuse yourself to the bathroom every half an hour. shit, aventurine looks so hot when he's annoyed… not that he isn't always hot; the mere sight of him is enough to drive you crazy. aah, you're about to turn into mush just by working with him… how will you survive getting even closer to him? 

you'll try, of course you will, but any kind of physical closeness with him just has your legs giving out in the best ways possible – ways that recording him in his own home just can't compare. aventurine must be some kind of wizard, having you under his spell like this without even knowing you, having you more than happy to remove the bothersome drones surrounding him without expecting anything in return except maybe another look in your direction.

indeed, the number of paparazzi tailing him has been decreasing(?)

he sure feels like there are less eyes on him(?)

is he tripping, or is he tripping

since when did these crazy stalkers know when to quit????

but it is true! he is seeing less of them around????

how????? no amount of money he's burned has managed to get rid of them????

wait, you did say that you'll be in charge of him where the variety show is concerned

…this isn't your doing, is it?

surely not. your agency is nowhere big enough to fund any sort of legal action against all of them

let alone catching all the obsessed freaks on the internet

but it's nagging at him! something is very fucking wrong here!

he had some private investigators look into them (and you), but they came up with nothing

not much, anyway

the relentless journalists who were borderline intruding on his private life all resigned willingly…?

the stubborn delusional fans had stopped sending him rigged gifts…?

and they're telling him you've only been involved in legitimate reporting and administration…?

maybe you really aren't up to anything horrid, aventurine thinks, as he proceeded to have another group of investigators look into you, and they've turned up with nothing, too.

you're not a bad person, either, just a little awkward. as formal as you are, aventurine can see that you're flustered to be around him. a fan, perhaps? he's worked with many of his fans before, and it's far from uncommon to have one or two staff slightly nervous. 

it's not like he minds, as long as it doesn't affect your ability to do your job. and you're really good at yours, making sure every episode of the show is a success and every promotion in-between is executed flawlessly. you've also made sure no unauthorized filming happened during shooting, including during transport to and from the venue where fans would often gather, which is extremely rare. no wonder he soon started to seek you out to promote his comebacks and fan-events.

was acquiring friendship with the aventurine supposed to be this easy???

you're almost scared, with how he approached you first and offered you a position out of nowhere and told you that he liked the way you handled things

well, okay, you were hoping for something, but you didn't think he'd just come and give it to you

but you're not about to complain

it's one massive step closer to the pretty star who lights up your world

you're careful with how you interact with him, you can't have him getting bad vibes from you now!

you must not fumble the bag, you hear?! 

as you'd already known, it isn't hard to become friends when you work together often

what is hard is the next step

you're more than happy to take your time

there are many more reporters you'd prefer to never see again

would doing pest control gain you some favor? maybe?

oh, why does it matter – you were going to do it, anyway

maybe sneak your way into his heart while you're at it

live in his head rent free type shit 

took you a painstakingly long while, but you've finally managed to cultivate something more than friends with aventurine!

for the first time, you're inviting him over to your place! oh, no, you're going dizzy at the mere idea of aventurine stepping foot into your space. you can't wait, aeons, your stomach feels odd–

sorry chat i ran out of ideas but i didn't want to say "time skip"

and i'd have to declare this piece 18+ if i were to go any further on your excitement

you spent the entire morning putting away anything that could possibly incriminate you

including locking down a lot of rooms

you didn't even know you had bought this many hidden cameras…

anyways, into the drawer they go

the doorbell rings, and you quickly tidy yourself up before opening the door with a bashful little smile

today is the day you're going to confess to him!

he doesn't need to know any of the things you've done, or the lengths you've gone for him

but… if he just so happens to see how crazy you are for him…

you won't mind, in fact, you might even prefer it

then he won't take his eyes off you, even if his gaze will be tainted with fear

it's okay – you've long known that this love that you harbor isn't really "love" in the traditional sense

what you really need is his attention on you, you want to be his world, be on his mind, occupy his every waking moment with thoughts of you

it doesn't matter if he doesn't love you back right away

if you have to give this feeling a name…

"obsession"

but anyway, so you've also set something up that would lead him to one particular room

one of the tamer ones, if you will

because even you don't believe you should show anyone the other ones

(you've done the unspeakable *wink wink* in so many of them, holy shit)

you want him to see the depths of your love for him, how fervently you worship him

perhaps even the most debauched desires he amplifies in you

like i said, if i go any further, this will become nsfw

you'll see if curiosity kills the cat today; it's okay if it doesn't

either way, you'll be bagging this man

oh, is today your lucky day?

it appears that aventurine will be fucking around and finding out!

"what the fuck!?" aventurine starts, really taking in the wall filled with pictures and screenshots of text messages, threaded together by red strings and scribbles in crimson lipstick, and holy shit is that blood on the floor– 

he shouldn't have believed you, shouldn't have tried to pry, shouldn't have let curiosity get the best of him. had he learned nothing from being an idol? people can't be trusted, paparazzi are the worst, and crazy fans are out to get him. and guess what? you're the craziest fan of them all. "you're sick."

"i know." you wrap your arms around him, a lazy grin tugging at your lips – you've got your precious little star right where you want him, and you're never going to let him go. ever. "but what can i do? my heart beats so fast that i thought i'd die… i love you so much…" 

you pull him close, and aventurine can feel your heart thumping loudly against his back, the twisted affection you harbor for him overflowing and almost tangible. "you make me sick, baby," you purr, arms locking him in place, "so sick for you."

"don't call me 'baby'!" he tries to push you away, but you grab his hands and hold him ever tighter, like you want to crawl inside his skin and consume him inside out. "let me go!"

"ah, ah, don't do that." you warn with a firm squeeze on his wrists. "just be good and shine," you giggle, leaning in for a chaste kiss on his cheek, "i'll make sure you get all the attention and none of the stalking… except from me, of course."

wait, when did that camera get here!? and who set it up on a tripod!? fuck, you were the real danger all along!?

you turn him around and pull his lips wide with a gentle tug. against the backdrop of your wall of love and devotion, aventurine is still suspicious of you, but that's alright. now that you have him, there are countless more chances for you to convince him. many more opportunities for you to irrevocably intertwine your existence with his, to have him to acknowledge you.

"3, 2, 1… smile for the camera!"

[plurapony]

Recovery in DID for Dummies!

[AKA THIS GUY ↑ ON R/SYSTEMSCRINGE]

The first step you need to do in recovery is integration. You see everything you experience in being a system is for a reason and the separation of parts is caused by dissociation barriers! Integration is the process of lowering those dissociation barriers which will decrease overall dissociation and amnesia and eventually will lead to recovery!

It's important to note that your brain does things for a reason, and sometimes memories are hidden through the separation of parts for a reason. Make sure you practice recovery in a safe place and with a licensed professional. It's always okay to take a break especially if you can't handle the traumatic memories at the moment 🩷

So, integration - how exactly do you go about it? Think of all your parts being in one room, they're all super awkward and no one is talking to each other. Integration is the process of helping things along so that they can start all talking to each other and feel comfortable sharing the same space with each other.

The most important reminders to achieve integration is to respect and to listen. Respect your parts and their wishes, do they want their own name? What do they feel comfortable doing? Then once you've established trust you can start working on more pressing issues. You can start figuring out their role in the system (ie why they exist and why they exist the way they do) and with learning more about them you can learn more about your overall self. A stronger bond between parts will decrease communication barriers and help overall system responsibility!

And then we talk about MAPPING!!! Mapping is the process of mapping out your system (this is what the syscringe idiot is referring to!) whether that be a timeline of when they formed, a guide to subsystems, a guide to roles or just a visual representation of all your parts!

Here's a few examples of maps we have personally made that helps explain the different types you can make :)

For systems like me, who are unable to visualize and don't have a headspace maps can be really really helpful (though it can be helpful for everyone) It can help you understand how your system works or things you feel but you couldn't properly put into words.

And how do you map? Simple! Grab a sketchbook or a piece of paper, a whole bunch of colored pens/textas and just let your parts take control!! Don't worry about order or perfection just let them feel heard. So much of recovery is grounded in making your parts feel heard.

I wish I could give advice about how to go once you've reached integration but unfortunately I'm not personally there on my journey yet. Me and my parts have a very strong familial bond and we care about each other deeply. We all recognize we are all parts of one whole individual and we do our best to make sure we can thrive the best way we can.

So happy healing! Remember that there's no rules to your own personal healing journey! Do what works for you and I wish you all the best 🌈

[IMAGE ID: ponyville is a (pro) endo free zone break dni and get blocked loser! END ID]