Discover Top Posts Tagged with #inner children

Popular Recent

Personally I think children are one of the best versions of humanity and we should take them seriously more often instead of always dismissing their ideas and telling them to "grow up!"

#children #inner children #child abuse #child neglect #cw child abuse #life #bad parenting #raising kids

the head psychiatrist at the trauma ward told me the other day that in situations that are triggering or even put me into a state of emotional flashback, i should think of the child that went through the trauma in question like my little sibling. instead of attempting to ignore them or leaving them to deal with this situation alone, i should picture my inner wounded child, take them by the hand and talk to them: "this is what happened to you, but you are safe right now. you got out of that alive and you're okay." she told me it's often easier to treat your inner child(ren) as their own, separate entity because we are usually cruel and judgemental to ourselves, but not to others, and this way we can extend empathy and care to our wounded and confused parts of ourselves

#survivor suggestion #survivor support #seriouslysurvivor #actuallytraumatized #ego states #inner children #recovery #therapy toolbox #self help #self care #flashbacks #emotional flashbacks #text #op

It is an emotional and cathartic time

Trigger Warning: mention of child abuse

I think it is important I solely focus on my own recovery, right now. Why people do what they do, I might never know or fully understand. What matters is that I keep myself safe and make sure I am aware of my needs and that I work on having them met, knowing that, in any relationships, I matter too. How can I meet my needs? How can I make sure they aren't being put on the side in my relationships?

I feel like what I recently wrote gave the impression, to some people, I wasn't grateful, that I had forgotten about what some people did for me in the past and that I also might have forgotten about what others are going through. This couldn't be further from the truth. I remember what happened and I know what is happening. I want my friends to known that what they did for me or what they are going through: I know. I forever hold you in my heart.

The other week though, it was about ME expressing my feelings, no matter how awkward and raw I was, it was about me and my feelings. I was not pointing the finger at anyone: I was just trying to express what felt so hard to express. Yes, I was hurt and upset. The past came rushing back, after present events triggered some old emotions. I was aware and careful (as much as I possibly could anyway) not to confused the past with the present as I didn't want to hurt anybody. I knew the people I was really mad at were my childhood abusers. Those are the ones who betrayed me, abandoned me and hurt me deeply.

When I was 3 years old, I was hospitalized for a muscle biopsy. My Mother told me her boss wouldn't let her visit me... For whatever reason, I was left alone. The other day, I saw myself, back then, as a little girl, being carried around in hospital by a nurse. I didn't know what was happening! No wonder I am terrified to be one in hospital.

It is becoming clearer and clearer how as a child, my parents were too busy going through their own stuff to even care and notice when I was in emotional and in physical distress and, sometimes, in danger. I reached out but, they always had excuses for not being the reliable and available parents they should have been. My Mother, for instance, always used the excuse of how mistreated she had been by her parents, then she raised the single mum card: "I was all alone." Later, she added, yes, she might have been "a bit" hard on us but, it also was our fault: we were terrible, terrible ungrateful children. All I heard throughout my childhood, were BS excuses and I am done with excuses!

This is what is playing in my head, these last few days: "You left me in emotional and in physical pain and you didn't give a shit. I needed you so much but you weren't there. I cried and called for help but, I was left alone. Nobody cared. You were all too busy excusing your horrible behaviour, by using your past. And you also punished me for your own mistakes as well as making me believe I deserved it because I was "the crazy child."

Nethertheless now, a few days later, I feel calmer and I still feel some of my needs aren't being met,in the present time. I am praying to find a way forward within my current relatioshionships and I decided to let go of what no longer suits me. It is nobody's fault but, it is necessary.

I get it: you meet people and form a relationship. It might last a few weeks, months or years or even a lifetime. People change and, sometimes, grow apart. The growing apart is very distressing for me. I hurts me deep. Yes, I sometimes take it really personally. My first reaction to anything that feels remotely like a rejection brings up strong emotions of anger and hurt within me. It bloody hurts. I am always ready to make amends if I hurt anyone while I am hurting - not a excuse, here. (I even tend to apologize too much!!)

I was seeking some sort of validation from others as a way to validate my painful expereince. I decided to give it to myself: it was awful, you were alone, struggling at each breath and scared. I am experiencing a lot of emotional and visual flashbacks. When I was sick with the Flu, I could barely eat and lost some weight. Since then, because of stress and anxiety, I find it hard to eat: planning a meal, going shopping and cooking are very difficult at the moment.

I was chanting a couple of days ago and remembered having a burn upper lip after my uncle forced me to eat just boiled instant mash... Meal times were terrorizing and always a time for more abuse. Now I understand why food is something I easily forgot when I am experiencing trauma.

Something I haven't yet shared: that day, 3 weeks ago, in Lewisham Hospital, I ended up outside of A&E, crying and screaming my emotional pain. I sat in a corner, outside the hospital for a few minutes, sobbing my heart out. Someone tried to give me advice but, it really wasn't the time!! I finally got up and got myself home. The journey back is still a blur. Once in my flat, I closed the door and ignored my phone for a few hours. I was done with people, in general. I didn't want to hear anything from anyone, for a few hours. I could barely "keep it together" at this point.

I don't have a family, so, yes, I have to rely on the few close friends I have. As my physical health sent me to A&E on a regular basis, I feel I have to rely on my friends a bit more too. It scares me to rely on my friends as I know sometimes, life happens and gets in the way or people grow apart. It makes me feel very vulnerable.

I cry a lot at the moment: I am lovingly sitting with my two inner children (one small child and a teenager) and feel everything there is to feel.

The small child is the one who wants to be loved so much! She is caring and loving. When she loves a friend or a partner, she does it with her entire being. She will be her for her friends no matter what because she knows what it is like to be alone, scared and in pain. My love addiction and codependency tendencies come from her. Its ok. She did what she needed to do to survive. We are learning to do things differently. We have come a long way. She also hates sex and she doesn't want it at all. That is fine too!

The teenager is the one with the anger but she finds it hard to express it as it scares her: there was a lot of violent anger at home. She feels bad when she is angry. If someone hurts her, she will retreat a bit trying to find out what to do with this anger and the hurt she feels. If she loses trust in someone, she will take a step back and tread carefully. She will let people know how she feels when she is ready. She is passionate about the world and wants to fight for the most vulnerable because she knows what it feels like to be treated unfairly.

I am spending a lot of time with them. I hear them and feel them so clearly! I was asking myself:" How do I meet my own needs?" Well, it starts with listening to myself/ inner children. I need to validate their feelings and experiences, past and present.

My life is changing from the inside out. It takes me great vulnerability and great strength at the same time.

Sylvie

#friendships #relationships #needs #boundaries #prayers #universe #recovery #flashbacks #trauma #feelings #child abuse #mental health #c-ptsd #inner children #inner truth

Inner Children

Hi babygirl,

It’s you. A slightly older you, but I want to tell you a little bit about your future.

You’ll learn how to sing way before you can speak, and every adult will fall in love with your insane dancing anytime MTV is on.

Mom will never be able to get you out of the sea and you’ll never stop asking questions about basically everything.

But, you will also feel a lot of pain. You’ll spend most of your time with nannies, some dragging you across the floor by your hair, asking where mom is, as she lies in bed again with another hangover.

You’ll learn, eventually dads not on a business trip but that he doesn’t live on earth anymore, and everyone around you will act like you don’t understand.

You’ll be a bit silly, at 9, you will think you’ve fallen in love and you’ll get into a fight, and he’ll tell you that your dad dropped you on your head.

You’ll be called small ears, and four eyes for that lazy eye and feel awkward because you’re a head taller than everyone else, and your mom makes you wear dresses that make you look like a Mexican maid.

You will spend teenage years trying to find prince charming to save you, hating yourself and eventually cutting every inch of your body and one day, the Universe will have to get so loud, it will hit you with a car and you will hit rock bottom – but something will shift.

Light will begin to seep through.

You will make a commitment. To begin again. You will recover.

You will learn you are more than recovery. You will learn, your ears are just the right size to hear the whispers of Love. You will learn those four eyes are just lazy enough to pierce into the golden hearts of people. You will learn to Love yourself so much that you will choose to walk away from the beautiful South American boy who has not found his own Love, to respect you yet.

You will design the perfect situation to stop you from going to University in the US, which your mother planned.

Because, my gorgeous girl, you planned for so much more.

You will learn that your greatest magic is the sparkle in your eyes and the love in your heart.

One day, when you’re old enough, you’ll find a Shaman Cacao angel, named Angela and Love Warriors, just like you; and together you will discover how you are a revolution, just because of your existence.

You will meet a man who holds you up with both hands and begs you to be the perfect thunderstorm that you are.

And if you are patient enough, really patient, you will get to meet a precious Rainbow, with curly black hair, and little Miss Azaya you will protect so she can purify this world.

I am so incredibly proud of you.

You have become a force to be reckoned with.

You are here to heal.

You are here to endlessly, fiercely love everything in your path.

Trust me when I say, your journey has only begun.

With endless love, Me.