Kevin Hart giving white people his permission to “joke” about George Floyd is a disgusting sellout move. And I positively despise the defense that absolutely anything is allowable as long as it’s a “joke.”
And mark my words, when a sufficiently large number of white and/or Jewish people are offended by a similar so-called joke, Kevin will change his tune and manage to be deeply offended too. Because then it will somehow be different and more worthy of being treated respectfully.
I haven’t cared for Hart for a quite long time. I can’t explain it very well, but I find his brand of humor a bit too subservient, too “step & fetch” ish—and that’s without even getting into his comments joke 🙄 about how he would beat his son if he ever came out as gay.
Anyway, here’s a link to the article if you’re interested.
Warnings: Spiderperson!Reader, gn reader, OC a bit?, fluff, kissing, pet names, non-sexual pinning, bad English, foul language, some strange talk.
It was close to the evening when they finished patrolling. The sun was setting slowly, painting everything around in soft yellow and orange hues. Today was a productive one. Once again, Spideypool duo managed to kick some low-life asses for stealing civilians and beating purses. Wait a moment... It must be tiredness in their bones, talking nonsense. Oopsie.~*
Both of them were sitting on the ledge of some building's roof, taking a well-deserved break. Being a mutant didn't mean eternal stamina. A good stamina, yes, but still not eternal. A break was always a must-have. Especially in the vigilante line of work. So much stress, so much strain on body and mind...
"Hey, can I try your ice cream, babycakes?" Wade asked playfully, leaning his upper body on Spidey. One hand was around their shoulders, and the other had a half melted ice cream cone that dripped down his gloved fingers. It surely will leave sticky stains, but he didn't care at the moment. What he did care about was pretty sugar goodness superhero had in their cupboard cup: three ice cream scoops with different flavors, topped with gummy bears, little cookies, and some rainbow syrup. Tooth rotting kid fantasy at its finest. Little spider needed their energy after kicking ass, it seemed.
Without a word, they scooped some ice cream and fed it to him, taking bite for themselves with the same spoon after. Wade was estatic. It was a bomb off flavors, so sweet it almost gave him a sugar crush. Almost. However, what followed the happiness was confusion. He looked at them with wide eyes while they were innocently eating their little treat. Did they just share their food? Just like that? Spidey never once in the entire time of them knowing each other shared their food or a drink. They were fine with sharing chips and candies, but nothing more. If they ate a sandwich or drank soda, it was off-limits for him. Something about germs and bacteria and all that crap.
But they willingly, without a second thought in their pretty little head, shared with him ice cream. With one single spoon. It shouldn't have been such a big thing, but it was. They were a person who could only share the neck of a bottle with their family. Who gave their food only to their loved ones. It was a very small but meaningful thing. One that made him bury his nose in their shoulder. And, God help him, he wanted to kiss them senseless. They were okay with his saliva on the spoon, sharing it. It was an indirect kiss. His thoughts were spiraling into unhinged direction too fast...
The cone slipped from his hand, splattering on the ground below. It wasn't tasty anyway. He picked some flavor with a stupid name, "Poisonous abyss," without reading the ingredients, and it turned out to be licorice with salt. Blegh. However, his childish stunt was met with the nudge in the stomach.
"Don't litter. There's enough filth around New York as it is." Spidey chided with an adorable frown on their face. He couldn't take them seriously while they were so itsy bitsy. Well, to be fare, he was a hunk. He could've thanked someone for great genes, but he won't. No one deserved praise for the shit he had been through.
"Oh, come on, it's not that bad." Wade grinned, wiping off the remains of ice cream on his pants. "I'm feeding our local wildlife! It counts for something."
"Pigeons and rats, you mean?" They asked, raising a brow.
"What, you have something against our pudgy neighbors who like to shit around and bite our ankles?" He asked, pretending to be upset on their behalf. "I thought you liked animals! But I guess you can only appreciate cute kittens and puppies." He shedded a fake tear. "Justice for rats and pigeons!"
He thought they would give him a smack on the arm or witty comeback, calling out his bullshit, but instead, they made something unexpected. They let out a quiet snicker that was followed with a genuine laugh. They threw their head back, they shoulders shaking. In the setting sun, they looked like a dream, whimsical and warm. It made his breath stutter and heart flutter. They were starting to express their feelings for his stupid chatter. Wade doubled down with silliness, making up plans about starting wildlife protection funds for rats, pigeons, etc. Seeing them rolling from laughter, he just wanted to prolong this moment. They didn't get this lighthearted often, after all. He only stopped saying stupid shit once they begged for some air.
"You're such a dummy." They said between short laughs, trying to regain their composure.
"And I'm wearing this title with pride." Wade grinned, resting his hands behind his head as he lied down next to them. Their bodies were so close that he could've just scooped them up and not let go. Them being this happy was doing things to him. Something he was trying to keep at bay for their friendship sake. Well, mostly. After all, Spidey were pretty strict about his flirt and attempts to win them over. They made it pretty clear 'it' wasn't going to happen. But Wade knew better.
They knew each other for years, been there for each other for ups and downs, and shared their most guarded secrets. They had seen his disfigured face with a gaping hole for a right cheek. They knew his daughter. They knew his past. And they were still here for him. They had shown him so much of themselves, cared for him like on one else, and looked at him like he was precious treasure and not a garbage pail kid personification. He knew without a doubt that chemistry was there. His little spider just needed a final push.
While Spidey were distracted, sorting out something in their backpack as they often did, Wade leaned to their neck, whispering. "You know, I'm still have a craving for something sweet." He was trying to be smooth. As best as merc with a mouth could be. But, of course...
"I don't have any snacks." They replied nonchalantly. He sometimes wondered if they were dumb or just pretending. Probably both, depending on the situation. But he was tired of games, half truths with stolen touches and glances. He needed it to become real. Not an ongoing shared joke.
"I'm not talking about snacks." He threw back, speaking more seriously. His gaze narrowed, his piercing blue eyes demanding an answer.
From the breath hitch and their shoulders tensing Wade knew, they understood the message. Finally. Silence followed. The bustling of the city was a background noise. It was only Spidey and Wade in need to confront their feelings. He wasn't patient enough to spend another day without calling them his partner. He needed it like food and water, like air. And he knew they needed it, too. They were practically soulmates, as cheesy as it sounded.
Wade covered their hand with his, his bigger palm dwarfing theirs. Spidey didn't lean away like usually which he took like a sign to continue. He traced their arm and then waist, tugging them closer. They were stiff like a board, but they'll work on this in a moment. His hand rised up their back, tilting their chin to him. In the brief second their eyes met, he knew it was time. No backing out now.
Wade thought he would be the one smooching first. Sike. They beat him to it. Cupping his left cheek, Spidey kissed him gently. However, he was the one to deepen the kiss. His tongue slipped into they wet cavern as he pressed them to the roof. It wasn't sexual nor flirty. It was pure affection and love clutching their hearts as if a cupid striked its long-awaited couple.
"Oh, now you asked for it!" They tackled him down in mock rage, the kissing turning to wrestling match for a place to be on top while making out. And boy, oh boy. It was a war. Their strength against his, both of them too stubborn to give up. In the end, they both were by each others sides, laughing and hugging. It was so stupid yet perfect.
"Where did you learn to kiss like that? I thought you were a prude." Wade mumbled jokingly in their lips, earning a scoff. He couldn't shut up even now in this moment of intimacy. It was Deadpool, after all. He would be vocal at any given moment.
"Love you, babycakes."
"Love you too, dummy."
This was the start of something new and amazing for sure.~
