I think the reality is, this time in your life is one of the most difficult. Everything feels so overwhelming and so scary because like...your world is getting so much bigger and you have so many more responsibilities, but you're not always given the tools to do what you need to do. Plus, it's ten times worse for people in your generation (god I sound old) because of everything going on in the world right now, and the fact that you're AWARE of what's going on.
You're NOT a failure. You're doing so well surviving every day during one of the biggest changes of your life- going from childhood to adulthood. It's scary, it's overwhelming, it's emotional, it's exhausting, and I promise you, so many other people feel like they're failing too. Look at the asks people send me! Other people are exhausted and feeling like the can't do it either.
And please understand, I don't say this to minimize your feelings, but rather to say: it will be okay. You can do this. I believe in you, and you have so much to be proud of. Please take the time to be proud of yourself, too, because you are getting through every day <3
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binder anon (new)
I've worn my binder every day for months, and I went a day without wearing it, and lowkeye forgot how to breathe. Has this ever happened to anyone else? Or just me?
Hi!
Okay so I have to ask...is your binder the right size? You should be able to breathe in it. Especially if you're young and still growing, and you've had it for a while...make sure you're wearing the correct size! Safe binding is SO important.
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jfp anon
Hi!
If you want to tell him you like him, I don't see anything wrong with that! As far as the age gap...I feel like you're right in saying it /could/ be questionable, but since it's not illegal, I'd say it depends on how he treats you. Like does he ever pressure you to do things you don't want to do? Is he glorifying the difference in a weird way? As long as he never break boundaries (friend boundaries or something more boundaries) and isn't creepy in general, and people you know also get good vibes from it, then I (a stranger on the internet who knows none of you in person) feel neutral about it.
Lmk what happens when you tell him! I feel like his reaction could be a good indicator of what kind of person he is, too.
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fiction anon (new)
I’m so thankful for fiction, oh my god 😭 I kinda use fiction as therapy. Today, I’ve learned that potentially the reason I search for any form of attention in relationships even when i don’t really totally like it is probably because of being neglected as a kid. Which is heavy but like good to know. Thank god for a certain fictional character (not actually marauders related)
OMG I relate to this so much, and i think a lot of people do! Fiction and fanfiction is a great way to explore emotions in a way that's safe and not as triggering. Actually, I've spoken to my therapist a lot about this: about how it's easier to talk about Sirius's shit parents than mine, or Regulus's dysphoria than mine. People use fiction to explore the things they might not be able to talk about for themselves, and it's so cool!
the anon, jfp anon (new), orange anon, rainbow hearts anon, favorite friend anon (new), lost yourself anon (new)
the anon
CAS CAS CAS
Okay- so it’s thé anon. I have a bunch of good things I wanna talk about today because I wanna share them with someone, but idk who to talk to (unfortunately none of today’s topics involve me leaving my partner, but oh well)
So, I got my first binder the other day and AHHH. My mom said she nearly started crying when she saw the look on my face. Wore it out in public for like, an hour, and oh my god I felt so much more confident 😭😭
Also, this gay club I go to starts next week (sept 11th to be exact) and whenever I say the amount of days left, my brother immediately asks me why I’m counting down to 9/11. Ah yes, because that’s just my favourite tragedy /j
My sister also moved out recently, so my mom and I are working on getting some renovations done so that I can be moving into her old room by sometime in October. Which is really exiting cause it also means à new bed frame.cI broke one of the legs on it awhile back, rn it’s literally just got a couple 2x4 pieces of wood in place as a leg, so I might be a bit excited. Plus my mom said if we get me a simple wooden frame, she’ll let me paint it and do whatever I want with it.
OOO, AND I STARTED LISTENING TO MORE MUSIC. Newest obsession, Arctic Monkeys. My Pinterest board for them has like, 600 pins on it. Which isn’t too much for some people, but for me that’s a lot.
Kinda feel like I have such feminine music taste tho, oml. You ever get dysphoria over your music taste? Cuz like, I’m listening to Why Don’t We, One Direction, 5 Seconds of Summer, Midnight Til Morning… it’s giving teenage girl, ngl. The transmasc in me is crying at that. But oh well, who cares 🤷 (it’s me, I care)
ANYWAYS THATS ALL
THANKS FOR COMING TO MY POSITIVE RANT/TED TALK
✨✨✨
Hi! Omg I'm so happy to hear about so many amazing things going on in your life, that's amazing! You are always welcome to tell me about positive things <3
Also the thing you said about your music taste giving you dysphoria- I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE! Like DAMN I WISH I had more badass music taste but sadly I would die for Taylor Swift and that's just how it is. So yeah, you are def not alone <3
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jfp anon
I am so gay.
I’ve been friends with this boy since January and hopelessly in love with him since May or June? He’s actually one of the loveliest people I’ve ever met. When ever I speak to him I just feel safe, you know? Like I obviously don’t feel unsafe with other people I’m friends with but like he’s always perfectly timed with his messages like if I’m having a panic attack and he messages me “how are you?” Suddenly I’m having the sweetest, softest day and I never need to be stressed again, i am completely taken care of.
It feeling worth mention I have submitted an anon thing about him before but it wasn’t an ask. He’s the person who had the most jfp coded reply to me asking if he’d love me if I was a worm. He’s a literal angel. Even the character he’s named after is an angel.
He’s really cute, i don’t know if you got that yet.
And like in relationships I always struggle with the fact I’m ace. I don’t know if ace is the correct term but it’s how I label myself, I’m very repulsed by s*x and I never want to be touched sexually but i don’t know where I lie attraction-wise. And one time it was like midnight and I’d been having a kinda weird mental health episode like crashing tf out related to being ace and he texted me and for like the only time ever it didn’t help me, I still felt bad so I just told him I’d literally die before I had s*x with anyone, it’s my worst fear, this will never change and in any previous situation where I felt comfortable talking about that it just felt so like I’d just isolated myself and so I was TERRIFIED of talking to him but he just acted like it’s no big deal and told me he doesn’t really care about sex and just like oh my word is he trying to kill me? And he like knows any triggers I have because I have tremendous amounts of trauma (shocking i know ) so he never talks to me while he’s drunk or talks about alcohol to me. Cute.
Dude istg I should just be cuddling him constantly, he lives 4 freaking hours away and today I heard his voice for the first time and to say I squealed is an understatement. He feels like what I deserve, he’s so important and sweet and kind. I am so safe and grateful for him.
Omg this asks made me smile so big. I'm so glad you found someone who is so kind to you. And when you said 'he feels like what I deserve' YES HELL YES! Everyone deserves to be treated like this and I'm so glad you know it!
I hope you know that however it turs out with this particular person, you deserve respect and acceptance from EVERYONE, regardless. I'm glad someone is showing you that.
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orange anon
Oh my god, so much had happened in a yeah, huh? Congrats on the top surgery, I'm so happy for you (and so jealous lol)! And I'm so glad things are good with you and your brother and SIL. That cookie story is too funny, I figured out what happened as soon as you said 300, but I fear I might have made the same mistake in that situation...I don't always have common sense.
It made me happy to hear how happy you are <3
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rainbow hearts anon
Cas hiii! School has been better now that I'm more adjusted to it and my friend has sorta eased into it more so I do think her acting like that was just her nerves, not that I'm excusing it but I understand why she was acting on edge. I've been getting closer with a girl in my yoga class and I joined a club and we have a first meeting on Wednesday so I'm hoping to make friends there. The girl in my orchestra is definitely still on my mind but I think I'm going to try and just make friends with a few people because too many would become very stressful for me. I am now taking psychology and I love it!! It's a lot of work but I am very excited to be taking steps towards my future and I think I can make friends in that class also because it's a lot of group work. Hope you're having a great day 💚🖤💙🧡🤍🤎💛🩵💜🩷❤️🩶
This is so wonderful! Yeah I feel like the first few days of a new school year always suck and then they calm down and things settle. I'm so glad you're making friends and you've got some cool classes! Psych is a fun class, I hope you enjoy it!
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favorite friend anon
Hello cas!
i’ve been in love with my favorite friend for a year now and i tried so much to make it go away, it did get better a few months ago to the point i thought it was gone but i also gained confidence with it so now we just somehow grew closer?? all i wanted is to be close with her like we were a year ago and now that i finally stopped trying to please everyone she likes me(platonically, i think..)??? this summer i went to so many new places and met so many cool people but no one just hit the same as her yk?? how am i supposed to survive this. she’s more special to me than anyone i’ve ever met, i can’t even defend myself anymore. at least her cat is adorable so there’s that
Hi!
Sometimes there are just people who hit different, you know? They make a mark on you in a way that won't ever change, even if your feelings fade. And I think the mistake a lot of people make is to try to like...deny or stifle the feelings? But I think to make those feelings go away, you kind of have to feel them for a while. Talk about it, write about it, sing about it, whatever. Just let yourself feel. Eventually, you'll find that the feelings aren't as raw, but it takes time. <3
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lost yourself anon (new)
have you ever felt like you've lost yourself? and you're not the same person that you used to be but you don't know who you are now
Oh absolutely. I think most people feel like this at some point. I think especially in times of change this happens. I feel like maybe doing something that feels grounding might help? Like...listen to a favorite song or go someplace that feels safe?
Okay I have to be really honest with you- it sounds like these people are (maybe unintentionally, but still) using you! It's so backwards- they can vent to you, but you can't vent to them? They can talk to you whenever they need it but they barely acknowledge your texts? Um NO. You're worth more than that. They don't deserve your effort if they're giving you nothing. Honestly, if I was you I'd seek out some better friends because you sounds like a great person who deserves better.
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memories anon (new)
hey cas!
my memories of my childhood are weird. they feel more complete than the people i talk to who have forgotten a lot but not as complete as most peoples memories and i just remembered this memory while talking to my friend. and idk its kind of odd.
i just remembered it randomly but it was me crying in my room and my dad coming in and apoligizing for kicking me like on purpose. and that sparked like me remembering all the times after that that i would cry super loud hoping he would apologize but i dont know what for.
most of my memories that i have from my childhood dont involve my parents. i remember things happening because of what they told me to do (dishes, cleaning out the car, lots of time spent in my room) and a few specific years holidays (one christmas, one birthday, one easter, bits and pieces of 1 or two halloweens, not much else)
is this a normal amount to remember?
hi!
honestly it's hard to say because people have such different memories. Sometimes people don't remember a lot because of trauma and sometimes it's simply because they have shit memories. without knowing more, it's hard to say....are you able to maybe talk to a therapist about it?
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jfp anon
(Regulus anon) right. So i actually have a confession for you before I update you. I am the same person as JFP anon I just sent the ask without mentioning it because i wanted to reduce bias.
Anyway, I asked him how he feels about me, it was what I wanted but he doesn’t like me. I didn’t want him to like me, he said he platonically loves me and i am one of his closest friends which is literally all I want and I ended up explaining to him why i don’t date which he seemed thoroughly entertained by. (It’s very entertaining). We’re staying friends which is truly all I want, I wasn’t nervous that he wouldn’t like me, I was nervous he would. We had actually great conversations tonight, mostly about like when we first realised we were trans and our experiences with that. He just gets it.
Okay! So a happy ending!!! Yeah, I feel like it's clear that he cares enough about your friendship that it doesn't matter that you have a crush, he wants to stay friends, which is important. I'm glad it worked out! <3
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rainbow hearts anon
Hi cas this is rainbow hearts anon. It's been quite a while which is actually a good thing because I've started talking to my counselor frequently and it's really worked which I sorta knew would happen.i love talking and even just typing things helps bring me clarity so talking to someone who knows how to help is really good. A lot has happened that's still hard for me to talk about but I just wanted to check in and say hi from my little bubble. I'm used to adding good news at the end of these so I guess I'll keep it going and say that I am really excited for next year's movies. Like Supergirl, Sotr , and maybe avengers doomsday. That's my dream movie bingeing and I cannot stop talking about it. Ok hope all is well and sending love 🖤🩶🤎🤍🩷💜💙🩵❤️💚🧡💛
omg this makes me so happy to hear! counselling can make SUCH a huge difference, and I'm so glad it's been helping you <3 and YES I'm so pumped for movies next year too! SOTR especially...
Hope things continue to be amazing!
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anti-ai anon (new)
hi cas!! so im very openly anti-ai, i hate it so so much, its draining people's creativity and overall iq. but sometimes when things become super overwhelming, sometimes i just open up chat gpt and vent and i feel so horrible but at the same time my friends are all going through stuff and theyre kind of not an option 😭. im not asking for a solution or anything, but i feel like such a hypocrite preaching stuff ab anti-ai when i vent to chat gpt every few months.
ugh this is so hard. I think it's frustrating because like...there's morals, and then there's the fact that sometimes it's almost a privilege to have morals? like that sounds so bad but like...people in poverty aren't as likely to think about boycotts, for example. they're just going to think about the cheapest place to feed their families.
It sucks but sometimes people are desperate and I'm not judging <3
pg anon, outed anon, bad sign anon (new), jfp anon, too aware anon (new)
pg anon
honestly, reading your rant...it sounds like you need to forgive YOURSELF. you're talking about needing to apologize for things, about being frustrated because you're a contradiction...but it seems like a lot of what you do and how you act comes down to you not valuing yourself as someone who is worthy of love and forgiveness. it's okay to be a contradiction sometimes, that's being human! It's okay to struggle sometimes...that's being human! But you're holding yourself to some pretty high standards and I'd challenge you to think about how you would judge someone ELSE if they acted the same way you do. would you be thinking of them negatively or maybe feeling sympathy because it's clear they've dealt with a lot of shit?
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outed anon
HELLO CAS ITS OUTED ANON (surprise surprise im alive)
AND IM NOT COMING WITH VENT TODAY SO ITS GOOD WE'RE DOING A LIFE UPDATE TODAY
1. I broke friendship with who i thought was my best friend (not best friend in a way we knew eachother for years(thank gods) but more like a classmate that was basically sharing a brain with me). I did that because he lied to me about some pretty serious stuff and it could affect my position as a head of the drama club. So i broke contact (2/3 weeks strong) AND left the drama club (which is the saddest part because some of my friends from the said club are in their senior year and i won't see them after april sadly :(( ), BUT thanks to not talking to him anymore i got a lot better! I mean my mental health is more stable, i reconnected with a really close and dear friend of mine and i generaly feel more myself so everything is amazing.
2. I GOT HORRENOUSLY(?) PLAYED IN THE SUMMER. It was so pathetic and i mean pathetic not sad or shit because i fell for LOVEBOMBING and waited for an answer like 20h. Mind you i knew she had NOTHING to do in the summer. ANYWAY thanks to her playing with me i realised my worth and im currently meeting this girl (which treats me soooo good). Yeah so healthy future relationship lets go lesbians!!!
3. I lost my voive twice in a span of three months!! New record i do not recommend. My whole health is amazing but the second my throat is involed i turn into sick victorian child. Just my throat tho. I had flu once in my life when i was like 7. Mind you my sister brought flu from school twice last winter.
4. I started crocheting again! Made 3 sweaters in this semester and honestly the moment i pick up painting again it will be over for everyone. I will literally never shut up.
YEAH THATS IT BASICALLY I HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT WEEK AND EVERYTHING IS NICE AND COZY (and that you hadn't lost your voice unlike some people here) (me)
Hi!
I am SO sorry you had to deal with some awful shit to be in such a good place right now but...it sounds like you're in a really good place right now! I'm glad you seem to be doing so well! As long as you're happy now, that's what matters, and it sounds like you're a lot better off without those toxic people (and awful viruses) in your life!
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bad sign anon (new)
i had a mental breakdown of epic proportions last night. like, sitting on the porch for hours sobbing until the sun came up mental breakdown. but I found a box of chalk, and started drawing butterflies and flowers until our walkway was covered. it made me feel stable enough to hop in the shower and sleep it off.
a couple hours and a sweat inducing nightmare later, I woke up to pouring rain. it hasn't rained in my town in over a month, but when I step back out onto the porch, there wasn't a smidge of color left. I'm not religious, or a particularly spiritual person, but boy this feels like a sign. a bad one.
but I have a question for you. if you're not comfortable sharing, I absolutely respect that.
how did you meet your partner? how long have you known them? i think hearing from someone in a happy committed relationship could ease my fears a little. ♥️
Hi!
First of all, great job at finding a coping mechanism during a really difficult time, I'm so proud of you!
About the rain, though...could we also see it as a good sign? Maybe it's washing away all of the negative things that were causing you anxiety before, so you can start fresh. I mean, not you have blank pavement to draw on again if you need to, right? That sounds like a good thing!
As far as your question....we actually met on tinder, lol! I had heard of her through mutual friends so I knew she was a good person but yeah...we both swiped right and the rest was history!
We've been together for almost nine years now and married for almost four! And, for the record, still very much in love, so what they say about losing love after the honeymoon phase isn't true.
Sometimes you find people in weird ways, so stay hopeful <3
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jfp anon
Hi cas, it’s jfp anon (one of these days I will be quiet but today is not that day and it’s likely tomorrow won’t be either) I messaged him and said I’m in love with him but I’m not asking him out and I made that very clear. This will possibly not be the only update today because he has not answered since he’s at school so if he responds today you’ll be informed but he’s actually really bad at texting so possibly tomorrow.
(Jfp anon as promised) He was really nice about it, we’re staying platonic because i have issues with relationships but otherwise he was so lovely about it
I really like him but I can’t handle dating
hahaha no need to be quiet, don't you worry. I'm so glad he was so nice about it, that's amazing! and I'm so proud of YOU for knowing your boundaries. it sounds like a happy ending, then? or how are you feeling about it?
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too aware anon (new)
How can I make my psychiatrist realize I have DID without outright telling them. I started saying my symptoms in stories but I need him to be faster. Cmon. Like I did the same with ADHD and anxiety and depression.
It's so frustrating. Being 'too aware' according to my old therapist.
Hi!
I have a question that might be stupid lol....why can't you tell them you suspect you have DID? Sorry if I sound naive, I don't know a lot about it.
Usaid anon just wanted to answer the question about my friend! She is safe but we need a vpn to text bc we use google chat and she lives in china. And her dad took away the vpn and refuses to give it back for literally no reason. So i usually text her while shes at school where she has the vpn but she didnt respond to my texts on a monday when i thought she had school. Apparently she didnt and forgot to let me know. And yes cold showers are the worst :)
Hi! I'm so glad she's okay!! Hopefully by the time you read this, the government will be reopen as well! <3
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Jfp anon
Didn’t intend to make an update until i was confident actually telling him I’m in love with him something happened though.
He bought my favourite book. He’s going to read one of the core parts of my identity???? He bought. My favourite book. What is that? Anyway I got all squealy and excited and yapped a lot and accidentally said i am in love with him which he still seemed to take platonic?? But I’ve kinda followed it up saying I love him a lot and everything seems fine for now until he answers
awww that's so sweet of him! Honestly, I feel like it's SO romantic when people read books for other people. I hope he likes it! But wait...does he still think it's platonic love? Did you clarify? I'm confused, I need to know!!!
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midnights anon
Hi hon <3 I'm so sorry that happened, it sounds like your parents weren't helpful. I hope by the time you read this, you you were able to talk to your art teacher.
Next time you feel overwhelmed like that, what are some strategies you could use? Do you have anything that might be able to calm you down? For example, beep breathing, listening to music, holding an ice cube, fidget toys...
I'm sending you so much love <3
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mirrorball anon
I mean lowkey I've had a crush on her for months that I just pushed down for months because she had a girlfriend (she doesnt know this)
But I talk about her more than I talk about literally anyone else. Even shes pointed out the difference between how I talk about her versus like, guys I liked (im ftm and bi). And I think legitimately no one would be surprised if we dated, because we're just THAT close. Weve agreed that in every universe, we have to be best friends. Its just how it works. There's no me without her. Invisible string theory, soulmates, idk. But shes my other half in any and every way.
-🪩
awww it sounds like it could be such a good relationship! I definitely think that friends-to-more can be so strong, because you have that strong foundation, you know?
Like I said, I think it's good to take it slow, make sure she's healing from her breakup, especially since you have something to lose, but I'm happy for you, it sounds like whether or not you end up dating, you have an amazing person in your life!
posting writing anon (new), jfp anon, gap year anon (new)
posting writing anon (new)
Hi, I hope your having a good days!
So, I recently started posting my writing and I haven't written in a few weeks and I was rereading my microfics (they're only from the last month or so) and I just feel like they suck. Like I know I'm new to writing so I'm not going to be amazing yet but I just feel like they aren't any good. So do you have any advice on what to do to?
Hi!
I think it's important to know that EVERYONE feels this way about their writing. Like I promise, I look back at my stuff and hate 99% of it. You're your own biggest critic, I guarantee other people aren;t looking at your stuff the same way.
The best thing to do is to see what you want to work on, and keep practicing. If you don't like how you described, or repeated words, or whatever, don't get too down on yourself! The important thing is to work on that in the future, and know that the more you write, the better you'll be. <3
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jfp anon
Jfp anon, hope you are well.
HOW ARE MEN SO STUPID? Do they honestly not think? (I am a man :/)
I forgot that i am in fact trying to confess to a guy who's pretty much jfp???
"Hey, I really like you"
“🫶🫶”
DUDE??? I'm trying to say l'm in love with you 😖 l'm gonna give it another go, probably not today because he’s seeing friends today but at some point.
Also, if you're thinking maybe he's being intentionally blind because he doesn't want me to be in love with him, that thought has crossed my mind but I genuinely don't think so???
In response to you asking how he acts about the age gap, he sort of doesn’t? He doesn’t really talk about the age, i don’t think he thinks about it (i don’t know that he thinks about anything after yesterday:/)
The only time he seems to remember is if I’m bullying him for being old.
(I do honestly think he’s insanely smart and incredible I’m just a little annoyed that I was freaking out over what he’d say and he just sent back heart emojis)
hahahaha this made me laugh. yeah, I think you need to be a little more obvious. "I like you" is something you could say to a friend or...like, a dog. You can 'like' a meal, you know? You need to be clearer. "I like you as more than a friend."
I mean there's a small chance he's being dense on purpose, but I'd guess he either has no idea or he's trying not to make assumptions. You have to be more forward, as scary as it is!
As far as the age, it sounds like he's a good guy, then! Like I said, as long as it's legal, he doesn't pressure you, and the people you trust don't see any red flags, then my opinion (and again, I want to stress that I don't know him or you so I'm not the best person to decide) is that it's not a huge deal. Just be careful to set boundaries where they need to be set!
Keep me updated, I'm excited to hear what happens!
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gap year anon
im planning on doing a gap year in between college and university. as a teacher, what would you recommend doing in that year?
not to sound depressing, but i genuinely don't know what to do anymore. i want to get a job, but i don't know if i can. im already struggling to get out of the house and go to college, and i know that'll impact my ability to get a job.
the thought of going to university is killing me. im barely functioning as it is. everything's going to shit, and i don't know what to do.
i just need ideas for my gap year. thank you
Hi!
Okay I'm going to be honest with you: it sounds like you need to take this time to prioritize your health. I'm guessing it's mental health that's making it so you can't leave the house? Please, take the time after high school to get some help.
I don't say this to judge at all. Trust me, Ive been there-I had to go to high school online for the last 2.5 years of school because I had such bad social anxiety.
but the thing is, you have an opportunity now to do something that you might not have to do later- to just focus on what you need.
Get a therapist, get a psychiatrist, check yourself into an inpatient program if you need to. It sounds scary, but it's SO helpful. Figure out what you need to succeed during this next phase of your life. Take baby steps to make it so you can function, you can succeed, you can thrive. This isn't a year off from studying, this is a year to study YOU.
And THEN, if you have time? Travel. Get a job to get some experience. Live.
But please don't put off doing things to help yourself, because the thing with a gap year is that it can either be super helpful by giving you the time you need, or it can be harmful when it turns into two, three, four years.
