Hi, need some advice
I’m 28 and my wife is 26, we’ve been married for 4 years and she’s wants a baby. She asked during our first year of marriage but I said no because I thought we were to young and I wasn’t financially stable enough, but honestly there were just excuses. She recently asked again and I don’t know what to say. I think we’re both old enough, I make great money at my current job, we have the space, but part of me is scared. What if I’m a bad parent. My parents were not the best, my dad was in the military and almost never around when he was home, and my mom left whenever my dad was home and would only show up when he was deploying. I work in a corporate setting so I make well over 6 figures, but I’m gone almost 3 to 4 months of the year due to business deals and meetings. And I don’t wanna be like my parents and never there for my kid. I wanna give my kid everything I didn’t have but I’m scared I’ll just end up like my parents( My dad). My wife has been so supportive of me and has helped me get to where I am now and I feel like the least I could due is give her baby, but I don’t know how to tell her how I’m feeling about it.
Wanting to have and raise kids is the first and best step to becoming a good parent. If you did not want kids or you were hesitating because you did not want the committment of children it would be a whole different thing. If you don't want kids don't have kids. If you are happy at the thought of raising a family and the work seems worth it and something you and your wife can handle together then absolutely move forward.
We are not destined to be our parents or repeat their faults, especially when we are aware of the mistakes they might have made, whether intentional or accidentally.
As far as travel is concerned, kids can handle that especially in this age of technology and things like zoom, facetime etc. I know families in which on parent travels quite a bit and they have built in to their routine Marco Polo videos, zoom calls and even letter writing as a way to stay engaged and have fun connecting without little kids getting too bored.
Your wife should have lots of on ground support in your absence. Having a built in (or two or three) emergency sitter just in case is a great relief. Make sure you have a good pet boarding facility and are in good standing if you have dogs or cats so that if something were to arise she has back up when you are away. Putting in place these kinds of support take a lot of worry off the table. A cleaning service can help as well as a decent list of good places she can call for things like car problems, plumbing and other household repairs.
Take time from your job (you probably get adoption or maternity leave even if you are not the birth mom) to bond with an new arrival, baby or not. The first few months are important to establish a relationship with both new borns or older kids in the case of adoption or foster.
When you are home you don't have to over compensate for your absence. Your child and wife will have a routine in place, don't disrupt that too much. It will stress you and them out. Just becasue you have been gone you don't need to "make up lost time" if you have been communicating with your family while away. Make sure you take time for your wife and don't feel guilty for getting a baby sitter once in a while, you still need your intimate connection (grown up time) with each other.
Lots of families are healthy and happy with both parents working 40 plus hours and barely making ends meet. If creating and nuturing a family is what you both want, go for it.
