#nonbinary erasure

[thisisexorsexism]

My 85 year old dad came out as nonbinary and everyone's talking about, "is it dementia? is it Alzheimer's? are his kids making him do it?" No one is willing to admit this isn't new. He wore skirts growing up when he was at home, and dresses. When his family immigrated and they switched to English in the home, he asked to be called it or they or she, not exclusively he. He was seen as progressive and the one based boomer when he accepted my half-sister being a lesbian and my cousin being nonbinary. And yet now, now that he's said he's he/it/they/she and prefers we speak Uzbek with him since it's not gendered (there's only one set of pronouns in Uzbek), everyone's acting like he's either being forced into it or is losing his mind.

this is exorsexism

[duskyumbra-indigo-1hundredand1]

IT/IT'S ISNT DEHUMANIZING ME I ASKED YOU TO CALL ME AN IT! I WANT TO BE CALLED AN IT! FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK

[hunny--hunny]

quick ! the exorsexists aren't mad enough ! start using more xenogenders and micro labels ! start using more neopronouns ! choose a " weird " name ! be more loud ! don't shut up when they tell you to !

[this-is-varsexism-transphobia]

Stop treating fem and masc as the only way to be non-binary.

[PT: Stop treating fem and masc as the only way to be non-binary. /End PT]

Fem and masc enben are real, important members of the community. I am a masc enban myself. But people *cannot* keep pushing this "are you a masc enby or a fem enby?" concept. People cannot keep treating fem and masc as the only two gender types that exist.

Stop excluding androgynous enben.

Stop excluding neutral enben.

Stop excluding null enben.

Stop excluding genderless enben.

Stop excluding xenine enben.

Stop excluding outherine enben

Stop excluding aporine enben.

Stop excluding culturally gendered enben

Stop excluding unlabeled enben.

Stop excluding multigender enben.

Stop excluding multitrans/multicis enben.

And while we're on the topic of treating enben like they have only two categories - lesbian/uranian and straight enben are completely real, and deserve to have a place in the community. HOWEVER, please stop neglecting enben (and binary people attracted to enben) who don't fall into those categories. Please stop neglecting diamoric orientations [link].

Please stop neglecting feminamoric, viramoric, symmaic, contraic, ceteramoric, tria, etc, etc. Please stop labelling every single NBLNB, NBLW, and NBLM relationship as "lesbian", "uranian", and "straight."

Please stop acting like every enban should be comfortable using the gay-straight identities.

Also, stop acting like every enban uses they/them (or that every man uses he/him or every woman uses she/her) pronouns, and stop calling enben "theys." It's very othering to hear "men, women, and theys" and exclusionary towards enben who do not use they/them. Enby/enban, person, enbies/enben, and people are all *right there.*

And please stop erasing cis and other modality enben [link.] Thank you.

[wszechmistrz]

It's exhausting every time nonbinary androgyny is brought up, it's in the context of "you don't HAVE to be androgynous". 99% of the time we're just forgotten about, omitted from any sort of discourse or positivity, unless it's time to remind people they don't have to be like us.

Being androgynous doesn't get us treated better or more seriously than other nonbinary people. There's no nonbinary/androgyonus gender role. We're still seen as an aesthetic, mental illness, ideology. In fact, we're often more visibly queer and trans than fem-aligned and masc-aligned people.

We're a minority in a minority in a minority. Most nonbinary representation is, in fact, not androgynous.

And nonbinary people being androgynous is not even really a stereotype bigoted people have. Most of the time we are stereotyped as either "transmasc lite" (an AFAB person who has short hair and binds but is still visibly feminine) or people who only change their pronouns and do nothing else. Enbyphobes never jump to androgyny.

[goose-24-7]

hey guys can we stop doing this

i know pitaya dragon and sorbet shark dont really get projected onto but theyre nonbinary so stfu

[ardienothesieno]

also i dont know how i havent thought about this before but the terms yaoi and yuri are super uninclusive when it comes to nonbinary people, as is the way we perceive ships in general. like society has progressed enough to the point where they/them pronouns were an option on the paperwork when i went to the doctor recently. when i was applying to colleges and it asked what gender i identified as, there was an option for nonbinary on almost every single application. almost everyone i know irl at least tries to use they/them pronouns for me. im able to exist in the real world as a nonbinary person.

and yet, on tumblr, one of the most progressive places on the internet, there is no official term for a ship between two nonbinary people. the only term ive ever seen floated has been "yaori," a hodgepodge of yaoi and yuri, which in itself makes being nonbinary seem as if it's something in between being a man and a woman. and while some people may identify like that, being nonbinary is a HUGE umbrella term that encompasses a TON of different gender identities, and simply saying being nonbinary falls in between men and women when it comes to gender completely dismisses nonbinary people who identify otherwise!!

also also, on ao3, there only really exist three main shipping labels. M/M, F/F, and M/F. there's Gen, Multi, and Other, yeah, but no categories for nonbinary ships. we deserve better than to be lumped in with M/M or F/F ships! we don't deserve to be dumped in the Other tag! we deserve to be able to be seen as nonbinary!!

also also also, nonbinary erasure is a huge and real thing!! there exist SO few nonbinary characters in mainstream media, and even those who do exist tend to be pointlessly gendered by their fandoms. prime example: a few years ago i saw a person using he/him for a character who canonically uses they/them. i went and let that person know that said character uses they/them, just in case they were unaware (because SO much of the fandom used he/they for this character for NO REASON) and a bunch of people from all over the fandom got really mad with me because i shouldn't have been policing people's headcanons.

and like. okay. sure. you are allowed to have headcanons. but when it's a FANDOM WIDE THING that a character who uses they/them pronouns is referred to with he/they instead, isn't that an issue???? doesn't that go beyond one person's headcanons?????? doesn't that suggest something about nonbinary erasure as a whole?????????????????

i dont know. unfortunately the lack of nonbinary characters in media means that rarely im in a fandom with all that many nonbinary characters (which is a problem in itself), so i can't really say how big of a problem this is in other fandoms. but people grouping nonbinary identities with male and female genders completely disregards nonbinary people and honestly in my mind kind of defeats the entire point of being nonbinary.

[this-is-anti-masculinity]

Saw a bunch of people on threads yell at a 60 something year old trans man who has been out longer than most of them have been alive cause he said that trans issues include those that trans men and nonbinary people face

This is transandrophobia and exorsexism.

People just love to erase trans men and enben at every opportunity they get.

The trans movement is not a trans woman movement. It is a movement for all trans people. Trans women fall under that, but so do trans men and enben.