currently up late thinking about how gabe cried a lot as a baby and none of the doctors would figure out what was wrong bc they assumed babies crying all the time was normal and also how natalie spends approximately 75% of her time on stage either bawling her eyes out or on the brink of tears
sick of seeing people being like “gabe is evil!!” no gabe is not evil because he is not actually gabe. he is the embodiment of grief and mental illness. he is quite literally not real. like this show is not a ghost story it’s about generational trauma and grief and love and mental illness. dan can’t suddenly see gabe at the end because he’s acknowledging a ghost. this is the first time dan has let himself feel his grief. same with natalie showing slight signs of noticing him at the end. it’s a reflection of how grief affects not only those who lost someone. to reduce gabe to an angry ghost is to entirely miss the message of the show
Please read context HERE before reading to better understand this concept
Reached flow state writing this lowk, enjoy :) comment to be added to taglist for the mini series
Gabe sat in the basket of the shopping cart as Diana walked through the dairy aisle
“Aren’t you a bit big to be pushed around gabe” a few bystanders turned their heads and gave concerned looks as she walked past.
“You’re acting like I weigh a ton” Gabe’s legs hung over the side of the cart. He picked up a jar from the cart.
“Mom since when do you eat kimchi?” He held it up to read the nutrition facts.
“The doctor said my medicine would work better if I take good care of my body, so I’m trying a few new things” gabe hated the idea of her getting better, he wanted her to be okay,but he also knew that meant he would not exist.
Meanwhile another young girl was standing next to the yogurt with her father, observing her surroundings as he shopped.
“Dad look, if i did that mom would kill me” She pointed to gabe sitting in the cart as they passed by. Her dad turned around only to find Diana and her cart full of herbal bullshit.
“See what darling?” The girl had a look of disbelief on her face.
“The boy my age sitting in the shopping cart, are you insane?” Her dad started laughing which also earned him a few stares
“Insane, maybe but there is no boy in a cart sweetheart” gabe over heard them and turned to look in their direction to find her staring at him.
“I’ll be right back dad don’t go too far” she started walking towards gabe before he could even respond. Gabe got out from the cart and readjusted his clothes being bunched up from sitting.
“Hello?” He whispered to not alarm Diana… she still heard
“Gabe, baby, who are you talking to?” He turned and gave her a reassuring smile, though he himself was confused as to why she couldn’t see the girl either.
“Don’t worry mom” he turned back to the girl and whispered once again “come over here” she followed him around the corner to the freezers.
“Hi, are you real? My dad couldn’t see you. I thought id bring you to him to prove a point but I guess it’d be no use.” She crosses her arms over her chest and sighs.
“Im not sure what I am, but I know that I died when I was 8 months old and now I’m 18 somehow. Only my mom can see me, my dad refuses to acknowledge me and my sister… shes coping.” He wanted to overshare even more so badly, about his mom’s mental health, his family dynamic. Diana has been his only real friend and he was desperate for a reason why she could see him.
“well I’ve only ever lived inside my mom. At least you felt the warmth of the sun. I always stare up at it and wonder what warmth feels like, outside of ‘the womb’” she air quotes “it’s so hard to remember anything. Slowly I started feeling more and more,emotionally. Until I realized my dad had allowed me to grow up in his mind. I assumed i was trapped in some kind of limbo. That was until my mom started seeing me too.” she paused staring down the isle “but yeah my parents are divorced now, my dad blamed her for everything that went wrong. I go wherever they need me I guess. My mom’s got a new fiancé and has been pretty distracted from me. avoiding me even.” He reaches his hand out to her.
“Im Gabe” she grabbed his hand and for the first time she swore she could feel warmth again.
“y/n” they stood there for awhile taking in the feeling until gabe pulled her back to where their parents were.
“Gabe where have you been” he had the biggest smile on his face, still holding the girls hand behind his back, he stuttered a bit in his response
“I uh I just really wanted some ice cream” Diana was confused by his response.
“Is that…what you’re hiding behind your back..?” His eyes widened and he turned back to look at the girl. She held in her laugh and slowly let go of his hand.
“No I did find the right flavor” gabe brought his hand back around to rest it on the cart.
“Second thought I think I want some fruity pebbles let me grab some ill be back” Diana shook her head
“I don’t know what you are up to but it better not be drugs.” he grabbed the girls hand once again and led her to the cereal aisle. They went behind a product stand and sat down across from each other. He sat hugging his knees and she sat criss cross
“So gabe, what do you do every day?” She rest her hands on his wrists while looking down at them, craving more warmth.
“Well my mom thinks I go to school so I go there. I can’t formally take classes but I still learn and it helps that they’ll never call her for me mis behaving. It’s spring break so I’m here. What about you?” He studied her face when she looked up, the way her skin looked flushed yet still perfectly hydrated. The way her eyes almost looked as if they were looking through him, though he knew she could see his face redden as she spoke
“I used to spend the day with my mom, she was drunk most of the time. I could tell she doesn’t like me being around. So i just stay in my dad’s apartment. I can really go anywhere but it gets so lonely. We come here every Wednesday. Only Wednesday though because my dad swears it’s the best day to come early. Gives him good luck for the week… You said you have a sister, what is she like?” She turns her head slightly and gabe looks away for a second.
“She’s 16, uhh she plays piano I think. I think my parents had her as a ‘backup child’, they would never admit it though. Sometimes I feel bad for her, it wasn’t anyones fault that I died but she has so much weight to carry. Lately she’s been kind of invisible-“
Gabe’s sentence was cut off by the girls father calling her name from down the aisle.
“y/n I have been looking everywhere for you why did you wander off” his voice was stern but she ignored him for a second still facing gabe
“Im sorry he’s protective, this was nice. Hopefully I’ll see you again. Thank you beautiful stranger.” She let go of Gabe’s wrist and stood up.
“I’ll explain in the car, okay dad?”
Gabe
He felt cold, like something was missing. He wanted so desperately for her to just stay. It felt nice to just sit and talk about the reality of things. Not living in an illusion of a perfect life. Diana soon came with her cart chugging along the tile floors.
“Baby are you okay why are you on the floor” gabe didn’t even bother responding, he just climbed back in the cart zoned out. Diana knew better than to push for a response. They went to check out and one by one gabe handed items to his mom. Contemplating how he could have kept in contact with her.
“its unlike you to be this upset” Diana attempted to break the silence again
“How would you feel if you could never talk to me again?” Diana pulled over, eyes watering.
“What makes you think that gabe, you’ll always be my baby” ‘No literally’ he thought. He put his head on her shoulder
“Im sorry mom I didn’t mean it like that. I met someone.. a week ago… at uhh school” he sighed as he tried to find words “our conversation felt so different and I just know they get me. We have this connection thats just on a different level. But I don’t know when or how I’ll see her again.” He lifted his head and Diana turned to him. She gave him a questioning look
“Her, you said her. You’re getting all existential about a girl?” She starts to laugh and wipes her face
“I thought you were going to kill your self or something” he wanted so desperately to say I’m dead already mom. But he knew he is there for her comfort. She got back on the road. “So, will I be able to meet her? What’s she like?” It pained him that they would never be able to meet. He wished they were real and could live happily ever after
“Save the questions mom, I’ll update you as we progress. We just met.” They pulled into the driveway.
Reader
“Dad you know how I’m not alive right.” He stayed silent for a moment before nodding slowly, giving a low ‘mhm’ in response
“Ok cool, well you remember when I was telling you about the boy in the shopping cart?” He felt un easy, anxious even.
“Yeah what about it” he almost didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to hear that he wasn’t the only person with pain and a dead child.
“He’s dead too, he died as a baby. He was a few months old when he died but he is my age too. He was really sweet.”
Her dad stayed quiet. He refused to give in to this imaginary friend of hers. All these years she had been haunting him with the memory of what could have been. Now what happens when his dead daughter gets married to her dead boyfriend and he can’t walk her down the aisle.
“Go away” he whispered, his rage silent but deadly.
“Where? Do you not want me to-“ he swung his arm over to the passenger seat in attempt to smack the girl. But his hand met the cold leather of his Honda. She had already disappeared.
