Can we stop pretending OCD is helpful? Like it's some sort of quirky superpower or something? OCD already tries to pose as being helpful and a friend while actively destroying a person's life and relationships.
It's a very hard and painful illness. It's not just wanting things clean or organized or tidy or wanting to be thorough or do well in school.
That may be what it sometimes looks like on the outside, IF the individual has high functioning OCD (which isn't necessarily better, seeing as the person still experiences a lot of distress and sometimes doesn't get the help they need or isn't believed about how serious the problem is).
But even people with high functioning OCD don't enjoy having OCD. It still hurts them and can hurt their relationships if they either are afraid to explain their behavior, won't accept that their behavior is OCD, or when they explain their behavior the person refuses to believe them and ultimately rejects and leaves them, while making the person with OCD feel like they are bad and it's all their fault, even if they were doing their best with a difficult illness.
I know cuz I've been there. I got amazing grades, did a bunch of extra curricular in high school, got a lot of scholarships to different colleges, and got into a very difficult and exclusive program, even graduating college with honors.
So it SOUNDS like OCD helped me, maybe even looks like it. But it didn't. Everything took me at least 1.5x if not 2x as long as everyone else. I was constantly stressed about getting good grades because failure meant I was a bad person and not trying my best and doing everything I could, according to my OCD. I couldn't take a many classes as my peers, and that sometimes led to uncomfortable questions, plus I tried to make up the difference during summer terms. Sometimes the added stress of my OCD led to test taking anxiety and lower test scores. It definitely led to excessive studying (aka I could have spent less time and gotten about the same result). In fact, with how much over thinking OCD causes me it may have led to worse test scores. It led to having almost no social life in high school, and therefore pretty much no close friends and a lot of isolation.
But it doesn't matter whether it hurt or helped in school and other endeavors. It hurt me, and hurts me. Everything takes more effort and time, even when my OCD isn't completely freaking out. I don't have a much energy because of the amount of physical and emotional stress it takes. It is physically painful. It makes normal, everyday activities into life or death situations (in my head), and choices into go to heaven or go to hell, even incredibly inane choices at times.
And it has also made me pretty much go on autopilot at times, because I had things I had to do so even though I was literally shaking with anxiety and in pain, I couldn't not do what was expected of me because I was certain that would make me a bad person. I was pretty much a puppet of my real self like 95% of the time for years after it got bad the first time. It makes functioning very hard.
So please don't misuse the term OCD, or use it casually. If you legitimately think you have OCD, do your research and get help so you can feel better:). But don't use it like a cute way of saying you like things organized or tidy. Because that isn't what it is. It isn't, oh I like things tidy. It's, oh my goodness if I don't make everything tidy in exactly the right way, something bad will happen, and that pillow is out of place and somehow that will cause bad things to happen so I must fix it right freaking now. It isn't, oh I like having clean hands to cook. It's, oh my goodness of I touch that shoe and don't wash my hands I'll get aids which will then kill my family. Or whatever a person's type of OCD is (those aren't my type).
And if someone tells you they have OCD, please have compassion. It's a really difficult, painful (yes, even physically painful), and scary illness that can cause serious disability and make a person not very functionaland sometimes completely dysfunctional. Even if you don't see it. Even if you don't understand it. Even if they do weird or confusing things or panic at a threat you can't see and probably isn't there. But it feels very real to us. You don't have to enable our compulsions, but please have patience as we learn to work through them. We aren't hurting or annoying you on purpose. I'm not saying the illness pardons abuse. But it does mean sometimes we might do awkward or strange things, maybe even occasionally hurt someone's feelings. Please don't assume the worst intentions when we do those weird OCD rituals. You can ask us about it if you want, but be prepared that not everyone will feel comfortable talking about it, and if you ask in the middle of a compulsion or ritual, we might freak out a bit. It's usually best to wait until we are calm to ask.
And if we apologize, YES, we mean it! We don't want our OCD to hurt you any more than we want it to hurt us. Or at least that's how I feel. But it's a hard battle, and sometimes I say weird things when I'm panicking. But never with the intent to hurt anyone's feelings. And if I do, I always want to apologize. And I sincerely mean it. But I've had people refuse to believe my explanations then blame me for literally everything that's gone wrong, even if it's legitimately not my fault. Even if there's no way for it to be my fault. Which is one of the most toxic behaviors you can engage in with a person with my kind of OCD.
Oh, and if we apologize and then explain our behavior, that's not us saying our behavior was okay or appropriate. It's us trying to let you know what happened and why, that we didn't mean any harm though we are sorry we caused it, and that we would appreciate compassion as we learn how to avoid the behavior in the future and how to respond more appropriately to a trigger.
If we ask you to avoid a trigger, it's because those triggers are very painful and scary to us. So if you don't want us to panic and maybe have to leave, it's best to avoid that. And if we're already stressed, DEFINITELY avoid it unless you're a jerk who wants to see a meltdown, in which case you're part of the problem.
I hope this helps some people understand the truth about OCD. If you think you might have it, go see a doctor or therapist, it really helps once you know what's going on and how to handle it. And there's no one way to have OCD. There are a lot of types and themes, and each one is a little different. If not doing or thinking something an exact certain way causes you extreme distress, that may be OCD (talk to a professional about it to be sure).
