Rejection in Recovery
Today was a really crappy day. I found out this project I was working on got rejected and, within the span of several hours, was turned down for a job I really wanted (and felt pretty positively about). It took all my coping skills that I’ve acquired in my time in recovery to get me through the first one. A lot of sitting in my feelings, journaling, reflecting, thinking through the consequences of my actions. I finally got enough of my shit together to get some other work tasks done and not go out and get day drunk (I work from home and there’s a liquor store at the end of my block). And then the job rejection came through. I’m working really hard to keep myself from drinking right now. I thought I’d gotten through the worst of it with the holidays behind me but they only put me in a really vulnerable position for this to happen. So I’m kind of on the edge right now. And this was only the first in a series of job applications I’ve put forward so now I’m feeling the dread of a lot of other rejections coming forward. I’m trying to cope and I’m trying not to spiral but I feel like I’m slipping. I’ve been trying so hard but I feel like it’s for nothing.