#staying clean

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

ADHD & Hair Washing

The Mimi ADHD Coach

[crmsnmth]

The Philosophy of Sobriety

When I quit drowning myself in brown liquor putting the bottle and learning to see straight again There are some things they just don't tell you. How do I make friends and meet people? Without a beer or two I'm too anxious to talk to anybody I don't know so every pretty face I want to know is just my brain torturing me Because it thinks no one wants to meet me And I just can't figure out what words work When they're not being added to a page I wish I could speak as eloquently

When I gave up the needle, and started letting blood be the only thing pumping in my veins it took a long time to lose the longing of course I was going to miss my escapes And I’ve held on, and I’ve had my missteps why the fuck is relapse the 13th step? Is it just that every junkie will fall No matter how hard we try? What’s the point then? I’m serious What’s the fucking point then

Excuses I tell myself that make it all ok I don’t have to fight has hard has I did but it’s always there the want to get drunk and drive in oncoming traffic If I’m going, I’m taking all you with me We’ll celebrate in Hell

I think I’ve got this now it’s been a long time since I fell but still, some days the itch is there and I distract myself with thoughts that I’m dying maybe I am Maybe tonight will be the last time I go to bed At least it won’t be my fault I don’t want to replay the feeling of an overdoes

I never stay Because I’m always tempted willpower defended

[outofcontextstuff]

[image ID: screenshot of a discord chat. User Actual Tim Gunn says “I hope Bowser gets covid.” User The Worst Riddler says “He’s staying pretty clean from the looks of it.” Tim says “he’s literally bathing in his son’s slime.” User Fash Killa 5000 says “(dot dot dot) corona mountain (dot dot dot dot)”]

[lots-of-beautiful-things]

Sometimes you meet a person and you go “wow so pretty.” Or something along those lines.

The first thing I want everybody to notice about me is my kind heart. I want people to know that I’m trustworthy and sweet and just a nice person in general.

The next thing is my education. I want people to meet me and say “She’s so kind and smart- very well educated,”

After that I want them to notice my confidence. I want them to notice how I laugh too hard at everything. I want them to notice how comfortable I am in my skin and how I’m not afraid to be me.

Together I want these three things to be why I am beautiful. I don’t care how my facial features are arranged on my face. I don’t care how long my legs are or how many curves I may have.

I want you to think I’m beautiful because I am unmistakably kind and smart and confident. I strive to do these things and I’m getting better. I’m doing my best but I slip sometimes and I’m so so sorry.

[clatterbane]

I finally got my hair washed properly in the bathroom sink before breakfast! With the shower gel I got Mr. C to bring, because that's fine for the (natural, not yet dyed) buzz cut.

Amusingly, not long after that? The actually nice staff member assigned to me today offered to help me get a shower later. Could have held off on the head scrub! But, it is feeling much better in the meantime.

(I guess I can kinda-sorta understand why they might not want bath/shower facilities in every room, given that their primary categories of residents are more frail elderly people, and ones with dementia. But, it's extremely inconvenient for those of us who do not need assistance to keep ourselves clean.

I've just been washing up the best I can in the sink, not surprisingly. Partly because I do suspect that you're getting intrusive supervision/"assistance" whether or not you want or need that.)

[myownjadedpieceofmind]

There are those days....

Where you actually question how the fuck you manage to get out the door on your own.

Like... For being such an independent person, it's crazy how much help I have been accepting. I normally wouldn't know what to say...I would probably just duck, run, or just anything to say I didn't want/need the help ... But that's because my first instinct is to ask what someone wants for the help they give you.

Almost NO ONE helps without wanting something in return. And it has become such a repeating cycle in my life that I am almost scared to accept help. I'm so determined to work for whatever I have just so no one can hold it over my head later.

This is probably something more meant for therapy than my Tumblr. But, I just wonder how normal it really is for anyone to feel comfortable accepting help...or asking for it. And when you are so accustomed to doing things all on your own....man, it's a different feeling to have anyone just want to make your life easier in whatever way they can.

I managed about 2 hours of sleep before I got up for work. My daughter had made some burgers so I had food to take with me to work. She had gotten off work and came home to me doing the crazy OCD and hyperfocus ADHD thing, cleaning every single crevice of the house. She knows I'm stressing, but she also knows that I'm more than a little bothered by bugs. I'm straight up phobic. And not like spiders, everyone is scared of spiders. I'm not scared of them, I'm scared when they just pop up in front of me , or when I walk through their webs and feel like it's stuck on me all day. I got goosebumps just thinking of that.

So yeah. House torn apart. But I'm gonna be sure I don't have any chance of fleas around.

The point of this is... Without any reason to do any of the things they've done, certain people have reached out, sent messages, or done amazing and wonderful things that I can never pay back (I know you keep saying I don't need to) .. and I'm so accustomed to struggling with shit that I don't always know how to receive the help. Sometimes I feel like I might come off ungrateful, because of the types of experiences I've had in the past. Tonight, I'm sitting here shaking my head over the crazy mess my life is now, the types of things that I'm dealing with now and how much different it all is from the mess I was in two years ago. I'm smiling because, someone sees where I am now, how hard I've worked to steer clear of old messes, and sees my current mess as something worth helping out...for no other reason than just to make my life easier.

That's a good feeling. One I cannot ever begin to explain.

[hymnealavie]

Surround yourself with people who encourage you to stay sober, not people who give you cravings and urges.

As hard as that can be, that is important and necessary. The company you keep does have an influence on how you act and feel.

[tryingsobriety]