#paraphile vent

[baptizedinsculk]

Paraphile ≠ Predator.

I am so tired... I want to be open about who I am. I want to be open and talk about how I cope with things. But I can't. I have no where to talk about it. Discord restricts me every time. Antis on Tumblr will term my account. I just want to talk about things I struggle with. I just want to talk about how I have found coping mechanisms. I just want to talk about how I found ways to be a safe person. But I can't. I can't talk about how my wife and I genuinely believe we should have siblings. I can't talk about how he helps me cope with my paraphilias. I can't talk about how I am a paraphile and how that interacts with my job. I can't talk about how I have found coping mechanisms. I can't talk about how I have found ways to be a safe person to those around me. How is that wrong? How is it wrong that I want to help others find ways to cope? How is my personal relationship with a consenting adult is dangerous? How is my personal relationship with a consenting ADULT is disgusting?

It.. almost hurts more that I can't be open about it. It makes me feel dangerous. It makes me feel like I'll never be able to escape. It makes me feel like I will inevitably do something terrible. It.. makes me question what the point of me doing all the work is. What's the point of I'll be seen as dangerous anyway? What's the point if people will assume I'm a predator anyway? What's the point? (The point is not hurting another being and being someone safe)

PARAPHILE ≠ PREDATOR

Being a Paraphile does not equal being a Predator. Paraphiles are not inherently predators.

That is such a bad and dangerous mindset...

[acpt-babydoll]

Being an autophreniaphile/mental illness fetishist + being a bit of a masochist on top of that + being a survivor of abuse in psych wards = feeling insanely guilty when you get slightly aroused by reading depictions of very archaic “treatments” for mental illness. Because I know how horrible the modern facilities are. Once I had an hour-long flashback to my abuse where I was literally crying just because I put on a t-shirt and realized it was the same t-shirt I was wearing the day it happened. I know how bad it is now and how little people care to protect you. So I can’t imagine how bad it was in the old days when the few laws that protect patients now were all gone. So how dare I get off on their suffering?

I know it’s not like that. That I didn’t choose to be this way. That I’m basically a hypocrite. If I don’t believe that people with a CNC/rape kink are an attack on survivors of rape, then why do I believe I’m an attack on survivors of violence within psych wards? I literally am one.

I could actually engage with my para. I know there are kink blogs dedicated to psychiatric violence. I just… I feel so guilty and horrible and I hate this so much and I want this specific aspect of my autophreniaphilia gone.

[rot--daughter]

Trying to find agere posts while having a "bad" paraphilia is horrible. I'm not a bad person!!! I just wanna reblog regression stuff!!! Is that so bad? I don't think so ☹️

And all the stuff I really relate to has "PARAPHILES DNI!!!!!!!!!!" in big letters so whenever I see it I get sad ☹️☹️

[x0xodotc0m]

Talk of paraphilias below (not in depth) + Shame [Negative vent]

Being a Paraphile because of trauma is genuinely such a shameful experience?

No matter what you do and where you go, daily life is filled and equipped with language and jokes and information that not only DENIES your existence but IN FACT, tells you, YOU SHOULDNT exist. That WE should get / deserve the death penalty.

I’m not saying we should normalize Paraphiles or paraphilia havers… but holy shit.

I’m so tired of hating myself for something that was forced onto me. I hate my attractions and my body and my mind.

I wish I could scrub it free

But I can’t.

Then I can’t even leave the house and interact with everyday life or people. Because no matter what I do or how I portray myself, there’s always an “enemy” nearby. Someone who will, in a heartbeat, call me a future pedophile or a “criminal”. Someone who won’t think twice about my trauma and my emotions and treat me as if I’m a stain on this world.

So I can’t ever let my guard down. Not even in my own house.

This is genuinely exhausting.

[acpt-babydoll]

Alright, lesson learned.

Do not get off to something that is a major aspect of your trauma.

You *will* have a nightmare about it as soon as you’re asleep.

I feel nauseous. At least I’m not crying this time. That’s good. Probably because I’m too numb to. This was one of the most vivid ones yet.

Fuck certain paras I have. Fuck them.

I know I say others should accept theirs but some of mine I should absolutely get rid of. Or at least that’s how it feels.

[suresuresureaursure]

soo a little vent

(just talking about general discrimination against paraphiles, specifically pedophiles, and how normalized it is)

It feels so horrible to see 'p*do' in a video thumbnail, even as someone who isn't a pedophile/a map, It just hurts to see a literal non harmless thing censored so shamelessly. knowing that almost anyone who looks at that won't bat an eye. whereas, if it says 'g*y' instead of gay, people would be outraged.

It just hurts, to think about what It would feel like if i WAS a pedophile and saw that everywhere I went...it just feels like. constant torment. props to you guys (pedos/maps) who probably face much worse discrimination then this

but even the small (as if censoring a sexuality/paraphilia is 'small') things hurt