#parent stories

[mintaikkcorpse]

A conversation between me and my mom when she was in the same room as me while I was watching Helluva Boss:

Mom: "Look at how ugly the red on is! No wonder he can't find love."

Me: "MOM-"

[sleepy-cone]

When my parents were dating, if they were bored on a weekend, they would go to a real estate office and offer to go to open houses for multimillion dollar houses. They would get all dressed up and talk bullshit to rich people looking to buy. Talking up the location and floorplan, etc.

The realtor would buy them dinner, lunch, and sometimes tickets to shows.

After my brother and I were born, she called and asked them to bring us along to show buyers that the houses were family homes.

The agent is retired now, but she still calls to chat every now and then and sends my parents Christmas cards.

[a-prince-in-disguise]

My Mom is a Better Bisexual Than Me???

So my mother and me are doing some Christmas shopping. And this really cute girl is helping us. And she’s wearing these really tight red latex jeans. And me and the girl are flirting lowkey, cause I can’t stress enough how gorgeous she is. We leave the store, and I’m like “Omg, mom. Did you see that girl???” cause I was on cloud 9. And she’s like “oh hell yeah I did. She was beautiful!”. And I go “and did you see those latex jeans??” trying to get a rise out of my mom, cause I’m a little shit sometimes. I was not expecting her to say “and did you see the brazillian thong she was wearing peaking through?”. O_O. HOW DO YOU RESPOND TO THAT??? So, now my face is blood red, and I don’t know what to say. All I say is “I....I wasn’t looking that hard” and she responds with “but I was 😏”. I’ve now been thinking about life, cause my mom was a better bisexual than me. I don’t know if I’m offended or proud. Maybe both???

[littlepawz]

Ahhh, I remember those stories well...

[unregisteredcryptid]

While we were at Epcot, my parents were trying to decide what to eat so I mentioned that the mojo pork was good. My mom said something like, “Sure, I’d really enjoy something with black beans”. A few minutes later she wasn’t sure where we were headed, so man Dad just said “Beans”. She asked again, where were we going? Dad said “Beans”. Mom’s starting to get frustrated. What were we doing next? Soon Dad is leading us through the park chanting “Beans, beans, beans, beans, beans” and I feel like nothing sums up what it’s like to be stuck somewhere with the two of them like that experience.

[mintaikkcorpse]

When your mom says she has to go through your phone but you have a lot of stuff there questioning your gender, talking shit about her, like a gazillion art references, random memes saves, NSFW art refs, audio of you ranting to the Void, audio of you practicing terrible voice acting, thirsting over fictional characters, documents full of suicidal ideation, honestly so much shit that I'm not sharing here:

[mintaikkcorpse]

Long story short: my sister and I explained to our mom what a tumblr sexyman was and we showed her a list and now she says she's no longer our mother and she wants us to leave