If Cosmere protagonists were Bond villains, could they resist the villain monologue?
More "protagonists as villains" requested by anon. :)
Previously I wrote a post just imagining what Cosmere protagonists would be like as villains (link here). Now, the thing about villains--and especially Bond villains--is that as soon as they have the hero captured...they can NEVER resist giving a villain monologue that ends up giving the hero time to escape or be rescued. It is truly the villain's greatest flaw.
So my questions is: If Cosmere characters became Bond villains, would they be able to resist the call of the villain monologue?
1. Kaladin: No, he can't resist
Kaladin? Able to resist a moment of being dramatic? Please. But at the same time, I don't think he's a speech-giver. He'd just grab the lever of the laser death trap and be like, "Today...honor dies." And then he'd cut off the guy's head.
Which is technically a villain monologue. A very short one.
2. Allrianne: No, she can't resist
Allrianne is another character who I don't think could resist the drama. The death trap she has created is pink and fluffy and full of teeth, and she's Rioting your emotions in time with her speech. Actually, this is a terrifying image.
I think Lightsong would give a sort of anti-villain monologue. He'd spend the whole time lounging campily on his enormous chair, talking about how he sees no need to tell the hero why he's doing this...while also lowkey explaining his plan the whole time. Lightsong knows what he's doing.
4. Dalinar: Yes, he can resist
Dalinar would just get on with it, I think. Press the big red button, let the huge spinning spike wheels go on down. No need for a speech.
5. Hammond: Needs it to be a joint effort
Hammond really wants to have debate with the hero about which of their philosophies is right. It's not a monologue; it's a dialogue.
6. Leshwi: Yes, she can resist
Leshwi isn't really the type to throw the hero into a death trap as opposed to defeating him in honorable one-on-one combat, but if she did...then I think she'd be beyond talking about it at that point.
7. Navani: No, she can't resist
Navani mostly just wants to tell the hero about the cool death trap she created. She invented lasers just to kill him! It's neat!
8. Steris: No, she can't resist
Steris knows that the villain monologue is stupid and that it literally always allows the hero to escape. On the other hand, she knows how things are supposed to go, and she's not gonna go off book. She wrote a really good villain monologue and has been practicing it for weeks. She even knows where it's going to be interrupted by the hero's compatriots coming to rescue him!
9. Parlin: Yes, he can resist
Parlin isn't going to talk more than he has to. The hero is going to killed so quickly and efficiently, just like a deer.
10. The Stormfather: No, he can't resist
The Stormfather is putting the hero through like 19 full-length visions before he even touches that death machine lever. Hope the hero likes living history.
11. Vin: Yes, she can resist
Vin? Bother with a monologue? She's coming at the hero with steel and fury and she's not waiting to talk about.
12. Spook: Yes, he can resist
Somehow I think Spook would activate the death trap in total silence, expressionless. Spook would make a scary villain.
13. Vasher: Yes, he can resist
Vasher's just gonna pull the death lever. Vasher's not wasting time on talking. He doesn't even know the hero's name.
14. Wax: No, he can't resist
I think Wax has drama in his heart and that he won't be able to resist a speech.
15. Painter: No, he can't resist
Painter is dressed in all black with a red-trimmed robe, and he's speaking ominously from the shadows. He's having a great time.
16. Jasnah: No, she can't resist
I want to say that Jasnah would be too smart to fall into the villain monologue trap, but let's be real. She's gonna explain why she's doing it, philosophically speaking, until either the hero or the audience admit she's right.
17. Kelsier: No, he can't resist
Nothing can stop Kelsier's monlogue. Not the hero's death. Not Kelsier's death. There's always another secret, and all of that.
18. Adolin: No, he can't resist
Now...to be fair, when Adolin murdered Sadeas, he did not give a big speech first. But if Adolin had time to actually plan and if the hero was definitely totally trapped in his clever death machine, then I don't really think Adolin could resist. He's too stylish NOT to give a villain monologue, you know?
19. Silence: Yes, she can resist
Silence hid the fact that she was a bounty hunter for years. She's living up to her name.
20. Venli: No, she can't resist
Venli worked really hard to capture the hero and invent this death trap and she is DEFINITELY going to tell the hero about it and he had BETTER be impressed.
21. Hoid: Definitely cannot resist
Hoid's monologue goes on so long the hero may never die.
(He may wish for death, though.)
