#patton centric

[cyberramble]

Angst concept; Patton and a few of the others go out on a hot summer day to the mall which, by that point in time, was really busy. Now when they all got back Patton almost instantly goes to xyr room. Xe wanted to be alone because the amount of people and the heat ended up overwhelming xem. What happens after? Does one of the the others go to check on Patton or do they not? If so does the person that checks up on Patton overwhelm xem more?

[canvas-the-florist]

y’all im finally working on the timeloop moceit fic. say if you wanna be tagged but know it’ll prolly take forever

[starlocked01]

ROYGBIV

AO3 @tsshipmonth2020

Masterpost- Previous- Next

Summary:  Patton loves to see the colors of his soulmates everywhere around him, but he hasn't found a way to meet any of them yet. When it becomes clear they're finding each other, Patton wonders if they even want to find him.

Day 4 DRLAMP- You see a path of color left behind by your Soulmate

Patton loved the rainbow of trails that crisscrossed his world. The paths usually lasted a day before fading away but they were all close enough in the city that he saw their mosaic frequently.

When Patton left for work in the mornings, he smiled at Violet's path as it traveled down the sidewalk. He often wished he could take a day or two to try and track that path back to a house or Violet's work, but the path crossed itself so many times and ran practically everywhere through the city. He was certain Violet had to have seen his path, so maybe it was a one-sided bond. The man sure was busy all over town as it was so maybe he just didn't have enough time to look for Patton. Or he didn't want to.

Patton would arrive at the post office and pick up his deliveries for the day before starting his route. He greeted everyone with a smile and if they seemed in need of cheering up, he'd crack a joke.

About a quarter of the way through his route, Patton often found himself following pretty closely with Yellow's path. He was pretty sure Yellow was a lawyer because his path spent so much time between the municipal courts and prison. Patton didn’t like to imagine Yellow was on the other side of that coin so a lawyer he had to be.

After lunchtime, he often found the point where Red and Green met up and visited a local deli together each day. Patton wondered if the two saw each other’s path or if they just happened to know each other by coincidence. Some days he stopped at the same deli for his own lunch.

Indigo must be so smart; he was always at the local college campus where Patton's last few deliveries were. Maybe he was a graduate-level student or a professor! Patton liked to admire Indigo's path after his last delivery and sometimes followed it off campus to the local park. Sometimes Indigo and Violet's paths joined up and led up to the top of a hill. Patton wondered when they met up because he never found them there but they seemed to go there together often.

One day after his route, Patton found that Yellow had joined Indigo and Violet on the hill. That couldn't be a coincidence. Did they see him pass by when they came back the next day? What color did they see him as?

This left him as the only one who hadn't met any of the others.

Patton sighed and headed home to make dinner. He didn't like feeling left out. But there wasn't much he could do if he never ran into any of them.

The next day he followed the three paths to the hill again, but this time he found an envelope in the grass. The outside was marked with neat print handwriting and read "Sky Blue". Looking around he picked up the envelope and opened it. Inside was a note in the same neat handwriting.

Dear Sky Blue,

We see your path here each night when we come to stargaze together. We want to meet you and Red and Green. Take this letter with you so we know you found it and come back tonight at 9 PM.

Sincerely,

Logan (Indigo), Virgil (Violet), and Janus (Yellow)

The names were each signed in different handwriting. Patton felt his heart soar at the thought of meeting his soulmates. He hurried home to prepare for that night.

First, Patton had to decide what to wear. They called him Sky Blue, so maybe his work shirt would be a good idea? He shrugged and decided to go with the light blue polo and khakis. He tied a light grey cardigan around his shoulders just in case it got cold that night. He looked in the mirror. This was either the best look he'd ever come up with or the absolute dorkiest outfit he owned. He'd make it work.

Indigo, Violet, and Yellow (no.. Logan, Virgil, and Janus) hadn't said to bring anything, but it felt rude to show up empty-handed. Patton quickly set to work in the kitchen making snickerdoodle cookies. By the time the last tray was coming out of the oven, Patton checked the time and realized he needed to leave 5 minutes ago. He quickly packed the cookies up and ran for the park.

He got to the hill, out of breath but right on time and took a moment to look at the vibrant paths ahead of him. Virgil and Logan must have walked to the park together and met Janus here at the base of the hill. His eyes followed the paths up to the top where an aura of purple, blue, and gold was shining with a halo effect. He couldn’t see anyone but they had to be up there. Patton couldn't remember feeling this nervous before in his life. With a gulp, he started to climb the hill.

"Maybe the note scared Sky Blue off," Virgil suggested, laying on a blanket with his hands cushioning his neck, his hoodie splayed out underneath him.

"Why would it have scared him? I was formal and polite," Logan squinted his eyes at Virgil.

"Exactly, L."

"Maybe someone else picked up the letter," Janus poured himself a glass of wine and glanced down the hill. He failed to mention the man hiking his way up with a trail of light blue behind him.

"Perhaps, but why would they have taken it with them if it wasn't for them?" Logan reasoned.

"To throw it out? I mean it was litter," Janus smirked at Logan.

"Nah, I think he got it. His path is standing like right on top of where I left it," Virgil shrugged, "we'll find out sooner or later."

"Ah, hello?" Patton called up the hill as he neared the top. Logan and Virgil snapped their heads towards the sound of the voice.

Janus glanced at Patton again with a knowing smirk, "probably just a ranger coming to send us packing."

"You're a really bad liar, Jan," Virgil admonished, propping himself up on his elbow as Patton huffed his way into view of the three men.

"Sorry… I'm late…." Patton took some deep breaths, practically doubled over, "had to get…. the cookies… out of the… oven," He took one last deep breath and sat down on the ground before looking up at the others.

"Sky Blue, it's really you," Virgil gave Patton a smile.

"My name is Patton and I can't believe we're all here," Patton looked at each of their faces, trying to memorize each one.

"Baked goods? I'll pass. But it is good to meet you, Patton," Logan smiled before turning back to the telescope he was assembling.

Patton held up the tray of cookies to the other two and Janus quickly grabbed one. Virgil took two, stuffing one in his pocket before laying back down on the blanket.

"So, how did you all meet?" Patton chose one of the hundreds of questions threatening to spill out of his mouth all at once.

"I deliver doordash so it was kinda just a matter of time," Virgil spoke up.

"Yes, Virgil delivered to me once and we made it a habit to come out here after dinner to relax," Logan looked up from the telescope.

"Much like you, I found their trails meeting up and took the opportunity to trace the dark blue one back to Logan’s office," Janus smirked.

"Some would call that stalking," Virgil interjected.

"Is it stalking if you're soulmates?" Janus retorted.

"I suggested leaving you the note. It was fairly obvious you'd found this spot but missed our meet-ups each time. We haven't figured out how to contact Red or Green yet," Logan mused, proud his idea had worked.

"Oh, so you see them too?" Patton smiled, his own idea coming together.

"Yes, it appears we each have five soulmates. A bit of an anomaly but it's worked well so far," Logan grinned, moving to sit next to Janus.

"Any more than five would just be a crowd," Janus laid his hand on Logan's, resting his head on the other’s shoulder.

"And I hate crowds," Virgil spoke up from the ground. Patton shifted to sit closer to him, grabbing one of his cookies for himself.

"Guys, I might know how we can contact Red and Green. We should write another note and I can deliver it somewhere I know they'll find it," Patton grinned at the others, glad he could contribute to the dynamic.

Virgil looked up at Patton, "wait you're actually a postman? How come you never found any of us first?"

"Probably because I have to keep my deliveries on schedule," Patton shrugged, "neither rain nor sleet nor dark of night, right?"

"Well that makes perfect sense," Janus rolled his eyes, "although we should do another note for the other two."

"Let's get writing," Logan rummaged in his messenger bag for paper and pens.

"Okay no, it's my turn, Teach," Virgil sat up and grabbed the paper from Logan. Logan huffed at him but tossed him a purple pen anyway.

Patton was so excited to see Red and Green's trails by the deli the next day that he completely missed that they both went inside but only Red's came back out. He headed directly to the counter, greeting the server behind the counter who he'd spoken with several times before when he heard a loud gasp behind him.

"It's You!" Patton turned around in alarm to find a man with a bright green aura standing much too close to him with an almost manic grin on his face.

"It's me?"

"Baby Blue! I told Ro you'd come in today but he didn't want to wait," the man grabbed Patton in a big hug. His grip was terrifyingly strong. Patton barely managed to worm his way out of the embrace.

"Hi there! You were waiting for me?" Patton straightened out his uniform, the letter from the others clutched in his hand.

"Yup! I'm Remus and my brother is gonna be so mad he didn't wait," Remus grinned and offered a hand to Patton.

Patton blinked, "wait, your brother? Red is your brother? Isn't that… weird?"

"Oh, we can't see each other’s trail. But we both see the same four colors around town so we made a bet that y'all see both of us and I just won 20 bucks," Remus laughed and noticed the letter in Patton's hand, "who's that for, Baby Blue?"

"Oh, my name is Patton, and this is actually for you and Red- wait you called him 'Ro', right?" Patton handed over the letter.

"Short for Roman," Remus scanned the letter quickly, "got it. We'll be there tonight. See ya Pattycake!" And with that Remus tore out of the store, leaving Patton clutching his hat to his head.

"Wonderful, I think?"

Patton smiled, helping Virgil stretch out the blanket on top of the hill while Logan fiddled with the telescope. The others had yet to arrive but he was excited for them to meet Roman and Remus.

"So they're brothers? That doesn't bother them?" Virgil asked skeptically.

"Well they aren't soulmates to each other, they both see all of us though," Patton explained for the third time.

"Riiight," Virgil rolled his eyes and grabbed a cookie, "Pat, you're gonna have to stop bringing these. They're way too good. I can't stop."

"Have a second cookie! You've earned it," Patton grinned, grabbing one for himself, "Logan, you sure you don't want any?"

"I assure you, I don't need excess sugar and trans fats in my diet. It's not even finals yet," Logan spoke without looking up from the telescope, "you told them the correct time, right?"

"Virgil was the one who wrote it, ask him," Patton sat down on the blanket, watching the sky turn dark as the sunset behind the trees and city skyline.

Janus came hiking up the hill, talking animatedly with a man surrounded by red who Patton had never seen before. Remus was in tow, dragging a cooler behind them.

"Oh hello everyone, we found Red and Green," Janus grinned. Patton jumped up to help Remus with the cooler and Virgil stole his spot on the blanket, saluting the newcomers.

Logan looked up from the telescope, "Jupiter looks fascinating tonight; you all need to see this."

"Can I take a look?" Roman grinned at Logan, walking towards him.

Logan gulped, cheeks flushing, "uh sure, Roman, right?"

Roman laughed, "don't worry I have that effect on all the gays."

Patton and Remus set the cooler down and the latter opened it up to grab a beer, closed it, and sat on the lid. Patton grinned and wrapped Remus in an even tighter hug than the man had given him that afternoon.

Remus looked surprised but quickly scooped Patton onto his lap, "that's quite a grip you've got there, Pat."

Patton giggled and blushed, "you just took me by surprise earlier, Remus. I can give out what I get when it comes to hugs!"

"Is that a challenge, Baby Blue?" Remus smirked, wrapping his arms around Patton's waist.

Patton looked out at his rainbow of soulmates, all together for the first time. It was honestly pretty magical. And he loved that through all their mixed paths, there was a place for him and his bright blue among their vibrant colors.

Patton felt lighter than air, despite the fact he was covering a co-worker's shift when he was supposed to have the day off. The route was much more residential and a bit easier than his normal trek around the city. And he was going to see his partners that evening after work and was definitely looking forward to it. They'd spent several weeks stargazing as a group and meeting up in duos and trios, but tonight they were all going out for a nice dinner.

"Hey! Thanks, LB!" Patton heard an unfamiliar voice from behind him.

"Did you mean me? I'm just covering the route today," Patton stopped walking and started to turn around to greet the stranger.

"Yeah, LB for light blue. It's nice to finally meet one of y'all."

A look of confusion crossed Patton's face but was replaced with surprise as he saw the man standing at the mailbox.

"Orange???"

[unsympathetic-character-thomas]

Thomas often shows the sides art work in which one is in dresses, or presenting very feminine.

Although they appreciate the art and fics, they don't necessarily have an urge to actually wear anything like what the fanders draw them in.

One day, Thomas Forced Janus in a leather dress, Logan in a crop top and short, Patton in a sundress, Virgil to change from wearing pants to tights, and Roman and Remus into large gowns.

They're incredibly uncomfortable with the outfits. But, as Thomas said,

"We can't disappoint the fanders!"

And so they suck it up.

[hopelessly-aro]

Chapter 3: Blame Game

Better Than it Was Before: chapter 1, chapter 2 ... chapter 4

AO3 (this chapter) (the whole story)

Tags: LAMP (still platonic at this point), mostly Patton-centric angst with a bit of fluff, crying

Words: 3317

Summary: Another week passes, the four meet up again, and a few things come to light. This continues immediately from the last chapter.

Notes: Sorry this took a while, I started writing about them decorating for halloween and then realised it wasn't relevant to the plot and started over, and also life kinda got in the way.

Warnings: Unhealthy coping mechanisms - basically Patton deliberately exhausts himself to avoid thinking about his problems. I don't know if that counts as unconventional self-harm or not but please be careful anyway.

~~*~~

The conversation stayed light for the rest of the evening, mostly just small talk to get to know each other.

Logan had lived in this town all his life, and was still living at his family home at his parents' insistence. He was at college training to teach biology, chemistry and physics - that being the only compromise on his profession his parents would accept. Patton found it odd that Logan was bound so much to what his parents wanted him to do, but he didn't want to sound like he was criticising him, so he didn't comment.

Virgil didn't discus his background in much detail, saying only that he worked as a concept artist, mostly for animated films, and also did art commissions. When Roman asked, he said he'd moved from out of town to an apartment near Patton's cafe a few months back because the rent was cheaper. It didn't sound like the whole truth but, again, Patton didn't want to push it.

Roman, as Patton knew, was in his last year of the college’s theatre school, already securing lead roles in the performances there, and supporting roles in the larger theatre a few blocks from Patton's cafe. In fact, both the college and Roman's dorm were across the other side of town so it was only due to his first role at that theatre which meant Roman ever found Patton's cafe.

As Roman had won the audition with a Disney song, he declared it was justified to say his "insatiable love of Disney" was at least one of the minor causes of the four meeting. Virgil objected loudly, saying that meant anything could be a factor, including less positive things (though he didn't elaborate on what those could be). Logan started to explain the butterfly effect, his eyes lighting up for a moment, but quickly cut himself off, apologising for rambling. Patton tried to reassure him they would all love to hear what he had to say but Logan insisted it was boring and changed the subject.

They talked about the town, and about various awful people they each had to work with at one time or other, and about how lovely the fall leaves were. Logan dodged questions about his family. Virgil never spoke of anything further back than a few months ago. Roman smiled and flirted and just asked questions. Patton didn't say how silent his apartment was, or how he hadn't made a single friend in this town before meeting his soulmates, or that he hadn't rung home in over a year.

Or that his parents never called him.

The conversation flowed, full of laughter, and jokes, and stories, but there were barriers at every turn. Patton could feel it, and wondered if the others could too. There was boundary, after boundary no-one wanted to cross, and Patton didn't know why.

No-one mentioned the four years of radio-silence. They never even came close.

Eventually, the conversation began to wind down, Patton sinking gradually further into Virgil's side as he stopped freaking out over being held.

It was getting on for midnight when Roman suddenly chuckled, pointing at Logan who'd dozed off on his shoulder. The movement woke him up, though, and everyone quickly agreed they should probably be heading home.

Well, Patton would've been more than happy to have fallen asleep there, with his soulmates around him, but he didn't say so, not even to joke. He didn't want them to think he was clingy, especially as that was probably the reason they all stopped writing.

They waited with him while he finished shutting up, and locked the door, before they finally parted ways, and Patton felt the resulting silence like a lead weight bearing down on him. He'd barely known them for half a day! How could he miss them so much now they were gone?

The feeling didn't last long - as soon as he was home, the goodnight messages started flooding in on his arms. He barely had enough energy to draw a little sleepy face and three hearts before he passed out, fully clothed, on the bed.

It was the easiest and deepest he'd slept in...well, ever.

-----

They managed to forget to exchange numbers, and no-one thought to ask, so their next meeting was organised via writing too. Between cafes, and classes, and shows, and Virgil's strange sleep schedule, the only time they could all actually be together again was Sunday after closing time, another whole week away.

Patton didn't mind this so much - he would still see them throughout the week - but he could hardly wait for them to all be together again. It felt almost wrong to be apart from any of them now they'd been all together once.

Not that being without them had felt wrong before - in those years he just felt lonely, and when they all started frequenting his cafe the loneliness was replaced with an intense longing. Now, Patton just felt like he was being constantly, and irresistibly, drawn back to them, like he just knew they couldn't be kept apart.

It reassured him.

And it terrified him.

But the feelings of guilt for how he should have been better for them, and apprehension at whether he would hurt them by just being himself, could easily be pushed aside. If he just worked himself a little harder, all that could be left in the back of his mind and not addressed until...well at all.

He threw himself into making new recipes for the cafe. Baking was always how he’d kept his wayward emotions in check - it was easier not to cry when he had to carefully pipe icing onto cupcakes, and beating ingredients together did wonders for stress relief. He stayed late at the cafe every night that week, and came in extra early each morning, just so he wouldn't have a free moment.

It was a longer time of deliberate exhaustion than he'd ever done before, but he'd be okay.

Even if he was a little more emotional when tired, it was necessary to keep himself from wondering whether this meet-up would be the last.

So Patton expanded the cafe menu with extra specials for the week; and wrote to his soulmates as often as they seemed to want (which was quite a lot); and gushed to them about the new recipes he'd made; and read the pieces of Roman's next story (an apocalypse setting with an aromantic main character); and saw all Virgil’s beautiful doodles and paintings (mostly fall themed); and read Logan’s ranting about the rampant plagiarism in the essays he was marking for one of the professors; and he baked and cooked and tasted and baked some more.

Every muscle ached, but his mind hardly ever strayed to selfish thoughts like whether his soulmates liked him, or why he wasn't good enough for them the first time, so it was worth it. 

Probably.

-----

Sunday rolled around at long last.

Patton had gone to bed earlier the previous night in an attempt to regain some energy, but it didn't really help. He felt frazzled and a little out of everything, so it was no wonder the day passed by in a blur until Logan walked in that evening.

It was a few hours before closing time but Logan said he'd had trouble concentrating on his work at home, so came to the cafe early.

The very presence of Logan in the room managed to wake Patton up enough to feel a spark of happiness at seeing him and knowing the others would be there soon. He also noticed Logan looked rather stressed too, when he entered, though perked up too quickly for Patton to be able to work out what was getting him down (not that he should be so nosy anyway).

Roman and Virgil arrived within minutes of each other a while later, the former greeting the latter by saying he looked like he'd just woken up (though winking flirtatiously at the same time), which got him a cutting remark about his jacket and jeans not going together.

Patton tensed up, dreading an argument, but Roman simply laughed in that boisterous way of his and nothing came of it. Patton wasn't sure why he'd been so worried; maybe he was a little too tired.

He watched his three soulmates converge on the couches in the corner, then Patton had to hurry back to the kitchen to reload the dishwasher...and just like that he was back in work mode, all joy at seeing his soulmates together again fading into the background of his thoughts.

-----

Virgil was worried. This was nothing new, what was new was the cause of his worry. The way Patton was darting round the cafe, it...didn't sit right with him.

"Virgil? Roman?"

Out the corner of his eye, Virgil saw Roman jump at the sound of Logan's voice, and Virgil let out a grunt to show he was listening, but neither of them turned around, far too focussed on their fourth soulmate, across the cafe.

"I take it you two are both worried about the same thing as I am."

"Yeah...Patton looks rather stressed...or maybe upset..." Roman murmured, watching the baker/barista bustle out the kitchen with a stack of plates too high to be safe.

"Uh huh. You noticed there was more on the menu this week, right?"

"I did. It's odd..."

"Indeed. The only conclusion I can come to is that the expanded menu has left him overworked, but it doesn't make sense that he would suddenly do something like that, given he has been running this cafe for two years now."

"Do you suppose he's okay?" Roman asked, turning away from Patton and glancing between Logan and Virgil searchingly, almost desperate for an answer.

Logan shook his head slowly and Virgil chewed his lip, frowning. "I don't think so. And I bet if we ask, he'll say he's fine."

-----

Patton flopped down on the couch next to Roman, trying not to sigh at finally giving his feet a break. His soulmates had all gotten up to help him the moment the cafe closed and Patton had barely protested. It was selfish of him to use them like that but he was just so tired.

"Hey, Pat, you doing alright there?"

Patton looked up at Virgil opposite him and gave a smile that was probably fooling no-one. "Yep, I'm fine. Just a little tired is all."

"Are you sure Patton?" Roman asked, laying a hand on his shoulder, and Patton had a hard time not sighing at the contact. "I wouldn't want for us to be exhausting you darling."

"Oh you aren't! The week was a little hectic but its much better now you're all here!" The words slipped out without his permission and Patton hoped the others would take it as a compliment and not a sign he was being needy. God he hoped they didn't think he was being needy.

"That may be the case Patton, but I suggest we do not stay here very late." Logan looked a little disapproving. "You should probably be getting more sleep."

"I'll be sure to do that." The others seemed to relax at his words and Patton quickly changed the subject onto how the others were doing.

He was fine.

Really.

The conversation meandered around for a while, no-one talking about anything particularly interesting, and Patton just couldn't find it in himself to keep it going. He was more quiet than usual, he knew, but he had a headache coming on and his mind kept drifting to thoughts of blank skin and silent days and loneliness, and he couldn't bring himself to care.

Eventually the conversation petered out completely. Virgil was looking at his phone and Logan was eyeing his paperwork. Patton's head was barely in the room, aware only that he was leaning slightly into Roman's side and was falling asleep.

"You know, its a little strange really," came a voice from beside him, making Patton jump. Roman was staring at his ink-covered arms, and his voice sounded far away. "I thought I got used to my skin being blank in those four years, but I got used to this much faster. I'm not sure why I let us fall silent."

"It wasn't your fault, Ro. I'm more to blame." Virgil sounded resigned, pulling at a thread on the cuff of his hoodie, and drawing himself inwards. He looked almost...like he was waiting to be reprimanded.

Patton opened his mouth to protest, very awake now, but Logan's voice cut him off. "You are both misinterpreting events here, I too am to blame for my negligence."

Then they were all talking at once.

"Hey! No way-"

"I can assure you I-"

"We are all-"

Patton looked from one to the other, panicked. Why did they all blame themselves? They weren't at fault at all! Even if they each had knowingly withdrawn, wasn't Patton the common factor?

"Stop!" The words came out louder than the situation called for, but Patton couldn't let the argument escalate into shouting. "Please don't feel guilty for leaving when I pushed you away!"

They stared at him.

He dropped his gaze to where he was subconsciously twisting his hands in his lap, trying to keep his breathing steady.

"I know I got too much, too overprotective of all of you. I lectured you all on a lot of things, and I know I can be hypocritical, and I demand a lot of attention from you. I'm trying to get better, I swear, but you don't have to take the blame for me being...me."

"Pat-" Roman's voice caught as he tried to speak.

Patton chanced a look up at his soulmates. Virgil's face was absolutely stricken, staring at him in...was that shock? Logan was frowning, though seemingly not in anger.

"Patton, could you please detail what incidents make you think you are like that, or that any of us see you that way."

"Well...I've lectured all three of you a lot, especially on not lying...and I know my puns get annoying, for you especially Logan...oh and I told Roman he shouldn't have the bad guys win in his stories but then changed my mind on those kinds of things and never explained why, and I know I babied Virgil a lot and I was never very helpful when any of you were upset because I would just get upset for you and that's really self centred of me and-"

"Woah, woah, woah, okay that's enough," Virgil interrupted, "you don't seriously think that do you? Like, surely you don't think you were the reason? You’re the last person at fault! I- Pat, none of that would ever make me dislike you enough to never want to speak to you again! It’s the same for the others.”

“I agree with Virgil,” Logan spoke up, leaning forward a little and Patton dropped his gaze to his lap again, “while I do not share the same sense of humour as you, I do appreciate the clever wordplay of some puns. In addition, it has always seemed that you play the part of the metaphorical moral compass of our group. Your moral code may perhaps be the strictest, or at least your primary concern whenever any of us have an issue to solve, but that is not necessarily a bad thing. We all balance one another out. Furthermore, I am sincerely concerned that you think the flaws you may or may not have had as a child would cause us to dislike you now. That would be completely irrational.”

“You where the only one who tried to hold us together...” Roman’s voice was small, sounding so odd from someone usually so excitable.

His hand dropped to the cushions between them, palm up, giving Patton the strangest notion that he wanted him to hold it. Patton cautiously placed his own hand next to Roman’s and the other man immediately grabbed it, holding him tight.

Patton finally looked up at his soulmate’s face and his breath caught in his throat.

Roman was crying.

Not much - just one tear and another threatening to spill over - but Patton’s heart broke knowing he had caused it, even if the others probably wouldn’t admit it was his fault.

There was a sniffle that didn’t come from Roman, and Patton realised Virgil was blinking very fast, eyes red, and Logan had gone completely rigid, face suddenly expressionless.

Patton swallowed back the lump in his throat. It didn’t help. He wanted to bust into tears but this was exactly what he’d been saying. He always just had to be so overly emotional, always making it about him.

“Right-” Roman choked, “right up until the very end you were always trying so hard to make us smile and keep us invested in our friendship. You were always there for us. The last...the last words I ever saw on my skin for four years were your “goodnight L R V” and a little blue heart at-”

“Twelve minutes to midnight, September seventeenth,” came three voices.

Patton's throat clamped up.

“And we never replied...” Roman whispered.

And with that Patton broke, tears spilling down his face and breath hitching as he weakly tried to hide his face behind hair and glasses and the sleeve of his cardigan. His mind was screaming at him.

Selfish! Whiny! Over-emotional! What must they think of you, you can’t hold it together? It's your fault you're like this anyway - you were the one who worked too hard. They shouldn't have to help you. That isn't fair.

To hell with that, it didn’t matter anymore. Patton was crying in front of someone else for the first time in who knew how long and it felt good. He could be the centre of attention for once, let them coddle him for a while. Tomorrow he could go back to holding himself together. Tomorrow he could be who they needed him to be.

Right now, he let Roman throw his arms around his neck, and Virgil come to lean against his other side, and Logan sit on the coffee table and reach out to grab his hand. Right now he just let himself cry, and let them hold him.

It felt so wonderful to be held. So safe, and so loved. For a single selfish moment, Patton allowed himself to wish it could never end.

Allowed himself to believe they might want to love him back.

He was mumbling apologies over and over, trying to say he was just tired, but there was a hand running through his hair and someone else’s tears were dripping on his shoulder and fingers were tracing shaky circles on the back of his hand and why wasn’t he strong enough to comfort them?

He wasn't even sure why he was crying. It wasn't really sadness, that was for sure, but there was so much emotion locked up inside him, over so many years, and the way the others looked at him like they were sad that he was upset, like he wasn't just their soulmate but their friend, he couldn't help letting some of it spill out.

Not everything by any means, but it was cathartic all the same.

It could have been minutes, it could have been hours later when Patton felt the first telltale shift that someone wanted to end the embrace, and he moved a little to wriggle out of the various arms. He missed their warmth terribly the moment he moved away but he didn’t want to demand more from them than they were willing to give.

When he his breath calmed and he wiped his eyes, he spoke again.

“But I don’t understand...If it wasn't my fault then why...why did you leave?”

~~*~~

Does that count as a cliff hanger? If so I'm sorry.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Pls let me know what you think, I thrive off feedback.

And by the way, tell me if I ever misrepresent characters' identities or experiences or anything, including stuff I should know like aro or ace identities. I really don’t want to enforce any stereotypes or anything harmful, and I have very little knowledge on anything, so please let me know and I will do my best to fix it.

Oh! Also my (tentative) update schedule is every other Sunday. It isn't as often as I like but I cant get chapters of this length done in a week w/out ignoring schoolwork.

[purgatory-is-life]

THE PURITY THEORY-A Sanders Sides Theory by Purgatory

Hi! It’s me, your good pal Purgtory! This is my first actual thoery, it’s centered around Patton and how he’s been acting in the previous few episodes. For the blacklist I will be tagging as “Patton Negativity”, and “Unsympathetic Patton”, so if you don’t like those kinds of topics, get off my goddamn post and do not send me hate, I will steal your kneecaps. I do not think this theory is likely in the slightest, this was just a thought I had a while ago that I thought was interesting.* Still here and ready for my theory? Okay, let’s go.

I’m going to start as early as season one of Sanders Sides, and go through events chronologically centering how I think Patton is devolving, for lack of a better word.

Firstly though, let me get one thing clear: how I think corruption works and how I think it’s affecting Patton. I beleive that Corruption, in Sanders Sides, is what happens when a side forces what they are supposed to represent on to others, and/or something bringing out their worst traits-what makes a Light Side a potential Dark Side, essentially. In this instance, Patton has been over controlling, and obsessivley trying to make sure Thomas is his version of a “good person”, without really noticing (or maybe just chosing to ignore) the affects it had on Thomas and his mental health. I think that Patton’s obsessive and controlling nature is slowly corrupting him into “Purity”. Purity isn’t inherently bad, but in this instance, I think it is.

In “Way Too Adult” is the first example I could find of Patton being controlling. It wasn’t as severe as some of the more recent examples, but still. Then, he was actually bringing up valid points.

In “I’m In a Disney Show”, it’s not really important, but I wanted to bring it up-at the end he mentioned that “...Misleading complimetns are just clickbait insults.”.

Now, the bulk of this begins. In “The MIND vs. The Heart”, Patton starts getting extremely pushy. Logan is pushy as well, but that’s for a different day to adress. Patton was mostly being pushy about calling Thomas his son, and IN THIS EPISODE, it is brought up that Thomas has a problem with prioritizing other people and their emotions over his, and Patton actually agrees that that can be a bad thing, and that he was never intending to make him feel like he wasn’t a priority. He also worked to compromise with Logan. We will come back to this thought later.

In the next episode, “Alone on Valentine’s Day”,  this one might be overused slightly for Unsympathetic!Patton, but it’s the scene where Patton says, “Tell us you love us, NOW.” That’s the only real example I could find. And again at the end of ”My Negative Thinking”, the one time Patton did show up, he was commenting about Logan’s “childish humor”, but again, it’s not really all that important to the theory, just something I figured I’d bring up.

In “Accepting Anxiety (Pt 1 & 2)” He doesn’t think anybody will go looking through Thomas’s car because of his beleiving that people are all good. In part two, Patton is the one to try and shut everyone up while Virgil was getting ready to reveal his name.

A good example of Patton acting the opposite he did in the more recent episodes is in “Fitting In”, when he mentions that Thomas’s recently dyed purple hair makes him happy, and that good mental health is a good enough reason to do anything. Also, the “I will physically fight you,” line.

Patton canonically has problems with repressing his emotions, like in Nostalgia Nirvana “Moving On, (Pt 1 & 2)”, which I think could of helped lead to his possible corruption.

I even found an example of Patton being controlling in a not very plot heavy episode (the Twelve Days of Christmas episode) when Patton tells Virgil “You love us, shut up.

I want to mention “Learning New Things About Ourselves”, but really, Patton was just kinda patronizing in that episode, not to controlling, except in that moment when he distracts everyone from their problems. He does interrupt Roman’s apology song, but that’s it.

Now, a lot of people have already covered S.v.S., and Intrusive Thoughts, so I don’t beleive I need to cover those two videos. Now, the new episode.... Putting Others first... Remember earlier when I mentioned Patton said that he wanted to prioritize mental health in Mind v. Heart? Well, as we have seen, he has recently put Thomas’s mental health in the back seat.

He was struggling accepting the difference in oppinion by the other sides throughout the past few episodes. Trying to keep Thomas Pure.

Tl;dr I think Patton is gonna corrupt himself into a Dark Side (Purity) and have a long-winded theory that I wrote for fun and don’t actually think will ever be canon.

*THIS IS NOT WHAT I THINK THE CANON DIRECTION IS GOING! I JUST WROTE THIS FOR FUN, AS PATTON HAS ALREADY STARTED WORKING ON HIS PROBLEMS! THIS IS JUST A RANDOM THOUGHT THAT I WANTED TO FLESH OUT! IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE THIS, BLOCK THE TAGS "Patton Negativity", “Unsympathetic Patton”, "Purity!Patton", OR “Purity Theory” AND BE ON YOUR MERRY WAY! JUST I REMINDER! :)

[vampirexrightsxactivist]

Our Heart

This is for the lovely @theshiproyalarrives in the powerless server for secret santa merry christmas kiddo! I hope you enjoy this!

Patton hummed softly as he stepped into his quiet little studio apartment. He’d had quite a day, spending it at his boyfriends home trying to help the four of them decorate for Christmas that was fast approaching. He smiled shyly remembering how El and Roman had fought over who was going to kiss Patton underneath the mistletoe while Virgil and Logan had rolled their eyes and took turns kissing him until the others took notice and joined them. Giggling softly he started unwrapping his scarf from his neck before shedding the rest of his winter gear. He hummed softly before setting about to make tea and eat dinner. His head felt clogged and stuffy but he brushed that off as his allergies to his partners bully of a cat Remus. He was a stray El and Virgil had found when they first started dating and as such had stayed even when Logan, Roman and Patton had joined the relationship one by one.

Smiling he recalled how they’d met and how he’d been invited into their polycule.

“Oh goodness gracious, I’m so sorry can I help you with that?” Pat asked getting down in her skirt to help the person who she’d bumped into on her way to classes. The boy who she’d bumped into was staring at her with a lost expression on his face. She followed his eyes to her wheelchair that she’d gotten out of. She smiled shyly. “It’s alright, me being out of that won’t hurt me.” She promised, passing him his papers. She noted they were part of a script for the play. “Oh, you’re in Rent?” They asked, subtly swapping out their pins as they got back in the chair. He perked up and nodded.

“Yeah, I’m playing Angel. My name’s Virgil, uh, he/him pronouns.” He mumbled the last bit. Patton brightened.

“I thought I recognized you. You and your partners took up the entirety of the main cast, huh?” They teased making Virgil blush, “Logan is stage manager but yeah, El and Roman are on cast with me.”

Patton giggled in delight. “I’m Patton, they/them pronouns currently. I’m the costume designer. We’ve met before.” Of course they had been dressed much more masculine, and had been wearing their leg prosthetics instead of using their chair. Virgil’s eyes widened and he ducked his head down in embarrassment.

“Right, I should have known.” He spoke sheepishly.

Shaking their head Patton laughed it off. “That’s alright kiddo, I have to go now but I’ll see you for your final fitting next tuesday at 1:30 pm sharp, okay?” Virgil nodded eagerly.

“It’s a date- I mean!” Patton was already rolling away, hiding a smile behind her hand. Virgil was cute however taken he may be.

The next time he met one of the polycule it was the other three peering into the costume room while Virgil was getting fitted for his Christmas Day costume. Roman, who was in Maureen’s protest outfit wolf whistled softly his eyes softening over as he smiled at Virgil.

“You look great, amore mio.” He promised, blowing him a kiss. Logan shook his head and brushed past Roman and El who were both staring after Virgil. If their eyes strayed to Patton who’d been wearing a soft christmas sweater that had cats all over it then Logan nor Virgil said nothing since their eyes were locked on Patton as well.

“Hey Pat, do you happen to know where our Benny’s jacket is? He swore that he’d left it in here.” Logan rolled his eyes in exasperation.

Shaking his head, Patton stood slowly and crossed his messy costume room before digging it out. He passed it over to Logan, his hands lingering against the other’s. Logan blushed faintly before clearing his throat.

“Thank you.”

Patton giggled and smiled. “You’re welcome Lolo; now, you, Roman, and Ethel need to shoo! Virgil’s in here to finish his costume not so you three can have an excuse to see him.” He ordered.

Logan put up his hands in defeat and chuckled. “Yes sir! C’mon Roman, El, you heard him.” Dragging the two lovesick men out of the room Patton and Virgil laughed over it and continued their conversation while Patton tried not to prick them on accident.

Meeting Roman alone had Patton swept off xyr feet. Xe had been having a bad pain day and as such was leaving rehearsal already. Roman stopped xem with an offer to carry xyr bookbag that Patton graciously accepted.

“So, Patton, I um wanted to say that I liked your dress yesterday but I had to rehearse take me or leave me a handful of times.”

She blushed, readjusting her pronouns pin. Patton beamed at her. “Thank you, I made it myself.” Xe admitted to her quietly. Roman brightened and started pushing xym for details. By the time they got to Patton’s car Roman had given xym her number with a soft kiss on the cheek and the murmur that she would love to go on a date with xym.

When Patton came to the house to go on his date with Roman, El had stopped by and kissed Patton and Roman on the cheeks before vanishing, a flirtatious smile spread across his face and a blush coloring his lighter colored cheek; Roman had dragged him back in the room and the date was now extended to include El.

Roman and El both danced around Patton, consistently giving them soft compliments and little gifts, as was their way. Patton pretended not to notice when they caught Roman staring or if El ended up cuddled close to Patton during the movie nights the polycule invited them too. Logan and Virgil would roll their eyes especially after the two confessed their feelings to Patton and started dating them. Logan would try and pretend it didn’t hurt to see Ro and El curled up with Patton on the bed— all three passed out after a long day. Virgil would pretend that it was an accident when he chased Remus the cat into Patton’s lap. Not that Patton minded one bit despite being allergic.

He would also never mention to his boyfriends that he was mildly upset that Logan and Virgil weren't included. He understood that they weren’t interested in him so he quietly pined away until the closing night of the musical. Patton had been backstage with Logan when at the end of the show they were dragged out for a few rounds of applause . El and Roman passed him a flower each before Virgil, in all his excitement, kissed her sweetly, getting cheers from the audience and the rest of the cast. When Virgil pulled away, Patton turned and dragged Logan into a kiss as well, her cheeks flushed. They went home and talked about it all night and by morning Patton had four partners who all loved and adored her.

That’d been three years ago. She still hadn’t moved in with them but that was alright in everyone’s book considering they were all moving in together in the spring in a house that was wheelchair accessible for Patton. And maybe when they finished moving in and Patton fell into their bed along with their four amazing partners they would dig out a ring box and propose to the others. They would say yes of course and soon enough Patton had a necklace that held four rings from her partners.

[sanderssidessmutprompts]

#1032

Patton likes to take care of the others in any way possible but means he rarely takes care of himself above the bare minimum. But the others are sure to take care of him in bed after a long day.