#personality issues

[alien-in-washington]

After years of changing my personality and interests to fit in with people better, it feels damn good to be like

"My favorite animals are birds!"

Because they are. Not because someone else said they like birds so I said I like birds to so they would like me.

Not because someone said I look like someone who likes birds and I agreed so they would like me.

Birds are my favorite animals, and that's my choice. No one else's. Just mine

And I think that's pretty special :)

[buncoffin]

I'm having huge shifts in my likes dislikes personality

I don't like all of this identity crisis stuff

I feel insane

[quietfuckingcourage]

One of my biggest triggers figured out

it took my a long time to figure this out about myself. And this is put so succinctly...I really appreciate it. Ive become a people pleaser like this, figuring that the only way I'd be worth smth would be if I'm useful. I was and still am described as being a "soft girl" or tenderhearted bc I "don't ask for anything or cause trouble" It's incredibly triggering for me now whenever it's uttered or implied. I feel this label forced me into donning this "softness" and turning it into a dominant part of me. I've been resenting myself so long. Constantly going through such intense moments of identity crisis that I wanted to hurt myself or the people I wanted to please and "accept me". Those who called me "soft".

I've mentioned before that being soft isn't a bad thing. That it's a part of me. But I realized that that kind of softness is different from the softness my parents and family see in me. The implication of their words have been torturing me for a long time. I've only just begun recovering. Learning how to just Be from scratch.

[explorecanvas]

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[peculiarist]

Antagonistic Protagonists

(Z Nation Season 3 Spoilers, I guess)

This plotline is fantastic, of course, because of the dynamic of mutual hatred between these two. Yet, the way Murphy treated Bitten 10K goes beyond this, and raises some interesting questions about his character.

You could argue Murphy bit 10K because he legitimately wanted to help someone who had been a part of the team that got him across the country, but he didn’t really want to go to CEDA. You could argue that he wanted 10K’s sniper skills at his disposal, but he didn’t make the most of them. You could argue that he got a sadistic glee out of controlling someone he hated, and he probably did, but he hated Merch even more. 

The thing about 10K, as opposed to all the others Murphy bit on that submarine, was that Murphy mostly gave the kid free rein, even hiding the bite (and don’t get me started on why he bites people on the face when he could just as easily bite them on the arm). Every now and then he would force 10K to do something - get in the car, shoot somebody, shoot at Warren’s feet - but he let 10K much more freedom than everyone else. 10K spent a lot of time defying and insulting Murphy in these episodes, and Murphy could have forced 10K to be quiet - but he didn’t. Did he consider that a more horrible punishment? Or does he feel some need for an antagonistic companion? Is he defined more by those who are against him than those who are with him? His abrasive personality certainly encourages that.

I’m still not entirely sure. 

[higherwind]

I'm not like anything, I'm just a walking contradiction of personality traits and bad thoughts

[explorecanvas]

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