Ornette is the only one who has one parent confirmed to be dead.
Moxie's father is alive, and her mother left to the city. So did Cleo's parents, and Jake's.
Pip and Squeak's father is "sick," while it's implied that he's dead, it's never actually stated or confirmed. Their mother is never mentioned. Neither is Kellar and Lizzie's father, and their mother is alive and well.
Well, actually, if you include Ellington in the Stain'd-by-the-Sea children, Ornette's not the only one anymore, because her father is dead too...
The Adults of Stain'd-by-the-Sea: Prosper Lost (All the Wrong Questions)
Prosper Lost was standing under the statue of the armless woman, an eager smile on his face. I remembered the word now that had been on the tip of my tongue. It was “obsequious,” and it refers to people who behave like one’s servants even when they aren’t. It might sound like that would be pleasant, but it is not.
Black Cat Coffee, corner of Caravan and Parfait, counts amongst the most emblematic places of “All the Wrong Questions”, showing up in 3 of the 4 books. Yet by the end of the series several questions have yet to be answered:
Why would a café moonlight as a post office?
Why is Stain’d-by-the-Sea’s post delivery so fast?
Why have we never met the postman/waiter who runs the café?
Stay with us after the cut to unravel these mysteries... and others.
On a purely cultural level, Black Cat Coffe’s piano and automatic delivery service might be loosely inspired by the pianocktail, a semi-fictional musical instrument from Boris Vian’s surrealist novel “Froth on the daydream”. The pianocktail mixes a custom cocktail depending on the melodies which are played on it (usually jazz). Daniel Handler is a cocktail enthusiast and allusions to Vian show up in “Why We Broke Up”. Fittingly, the café is also named after 3 Duke Ellington songs: ”Caravan”, “Parfait (A Little Max)” and “Black Cat Blues”, which might also be an allusion to Edgar Allan Poe’s famous story. It’s no wonder Ellington Feint loves the place so much.
Well, it seems like the cultural allusion won’t help us here. Our only hope is to examine the café’s logistics. When did Ellington discover the place? It clearly seems like she’s already used the post office before the start of “All The Wrong Questions”. When Lemony brings her the Bombinating Beast, she knows exactly what to do.
“Is the mail delivery reliable here?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said. “You should have it by tomorrow morning. Surprisingly, delivery around here is very fast.”
[Who Could That Be At This Hour?, Chapter Seven]
Then again, she has a lot of time on her hand and could just have discovered the secret attic by snooping around. Cleo Knight is also a customer but isn’t aware of the secret attic as far as we know. A violent butcher named Mack and his abused son Drumstick, who show up in “File Under: 13 Suspicious Incidents”, know of the attic’s existence. Dashiell Qwerty is also a customer and tries to set up a meeting with Ellington in “Shouldn’t You Be In School”. All in all, not a whole lot of people seem to frequent Black Cat Coffee: Hungry’s restaurant, which essentially functions as a soup kitchen, is the preferred meeting place of Stain’d-by-the-Sea’s residents. This would explain why so many mysteries remain about the place.
A question deserves to be asked: does Hangfire know Black Cat Coffee’s intended purpose? Our money’s on “no”. Ellington uses the attic to hide the Bombinating Beast in “Who Could That Be At This Hour?”, and Inhumane Society doesn’t seize the chance to get it. This is especially embarrassing as samples of Doctor Flammarion’s laudanum also show up in the attic in “Who Could That Be At This Hour?”. So we see that the post office tends to deliver stuff from anyone to anyone, as fast as possible. Whoever runs it has a decently neutral position in the conflict and the place is not monitored by Hangfire.
“Attic,” I said. It was a good place to keep packages. The music from the piano told me there was nothing to worry about, but I climbed the staircase with my belly full of bread and butterflies. I was tired of surprises in strange rooms. But the attic of Black Cat Coffee was just another big room with nobody in it. Along the wall were a few cupboards, and shelves with bags of coffee on them. There was a long table with envelopes and packages stacked in separate piles, as if quite a few people collected their mail at Black Cat Coffee instead of at home. I wondered why. There were not that many packages. There was a small box marked MEDICAL SUPPLIES addressed to a Dr. Flammarion. There was a long tube marked ELECTRICAL EQUIPMENT addressed to nothing more than a pair of initials that were unfamiliar. And then there was a package about the size of a bottle of milk, wrapped in newspaper with a handwriting I recognized immediately. I unwrapped it carefully. It was the Bombinating Beast.
[Who Could That Be At This Hour?, Chapter Ten]
So it’s unlikely that the person who runs the post office is in league with Hangfire. That strikes out people like Nurse Dander, Doctor Flammarion, Sally Murphy, Sharon Haines, etc. So far so good, but who else could it be? No one in Stain’d-by-the-Sea looks like a satisfying candidate.
If this account can be called a mystery, then Black Cat Coffee is a mystery inside a mystery. There were certainly mysterious things in the establishment. The shiny machinery in the center of the room—which produced bread or coffee, depending on which button you pressed—always worked perfectly, but I never saw anyone attending to it. The attic was a place where you could retrieve packages, but I never saw anyone delivering them. The player piano played tunes I couldn’t identify.
But these aren’t what I mean. I don’t care who oiled the machinery of Black Cat Coffee and made sure the bins were full of flour and roasted beans, or who delivered the boxes of books filled with blank pages or gears used in botanical extraction. The music doesn’t matter to me.
[When Did You See Her Last?, Chapter Nine]
Sometimes the only way to solve a mystery is to link it to another unsolved mystery. And when one looks at the numerous plot threads left hanging at the end of “All The Wrong Questions”, it becomes tempting to suspect the Bellerophon brothers.
Hangfire seems to hold a grudge against their family, as his final diatribe attests:
“You fold together a flimsy decoy,” Hangfire said scornfully, “and try to play me like a clarinet, but you’ll collapse when you stand against me. All of you Stain’d citizens are the same. Your mother, Mallahan, was a journalist searching for the truth, but she didn’t have the courage to face what she found. Your parents, Hix, are too scared to come back to town, even to fetch their son. The Knight family drained the sea, and then went down the drain themselves. I could go on and on. The Losts. The Bellerophons. Doctors and actors, nurses and naturalists. Everyone was utterly worthless, and then along came a little girl who could perform all the trickery I needed.”
[Why Is This Night Different From All Other Nights?, Chapter Twelve]
This is a long list of people Hangfire names as his enemies:
The Knights engineered the economic and ecological disaster that motivated the creation of Inhumane Society.
Ornette Lost’s mother tried to revert this disaster through tourism and, as such, threatened the lawless no man’s land Hangfire wanted to create. She’s also theorized to have been a member of V.F.D., Hangfire’s archenemy. So it’s possible that the fire that killed her was actually started by Hangfire.
Moxie’s mother is a journalist sworn to expose the truth, so she’d have to be removed from the town to enable Hangfire’s conspiracy.
However we are missing a motive for the Hix and Bellerophon families:
We have no information on what Jake’s parents did before they left the town, but as they fled they can’t possibly be involved in the shenanigans going on at Black Cat Café.
Pip’s and Squeak’s father is a trickier case because he’s still in town. He’s also an elusive taxi driver who’s always sick for some reason.
But the Bellerophon brothers’ story clashes with another passage:
“I’ve got to get that formula finished,” she said. “It’s a puzzle, but I’ve got to solve it. Invisible ink that actually works could make Ink Inc. a successful company again. We could save this town from all the people who want to destroy us. I’ve got to do it myself. I told my mother and father that, in my note. I love them, but my parents have given up on making things better.”
“So have mine,” Jake said, and the Bellerophon brothers nodded too. Even Moxie nodded in agreement.
[When Did You See Her Last?, Chapter Twelve]
They imply that he “gave up” on trying to make the town better, yet also insist he’s in town. Jake’s parents left, Moxie’s mother left and her father is clearly depressive… But the Bellerophon father is just “sick”. That’s not the same as “giving up”. They’re judging him pretty harshly for something he has no control over. Why do they put him on the same level as other cowardly parents?
We never see Pip’s and Squeak’s father throughout the entire series, which is an enormous red flag. Some readers believe he was actually murdered by Hangfire and that his children are covering up his death. Maybe they don’t want to be put up for adoption, but that’s still pretty drastic. Is it really in their best interest to lie to the authorities? They have no guardians and are forced to work at a very early age. Why not just admit the truth and leave the town?
There’s probably something more complicated going on here. As Stain’d-by-the-Sea’s last taxi driver, he was essentially in charge of its public transport. That’s an interesting position to be in for the survival of the town, but not an essential one in Hangfire’s masterplan. Because he needs to protect his civil identity (Armstrong Feint), he wouldn’t be able to take the taxi very often. For the most part, Hangfire seems content to travel by foot.
Controlling information, on the other hand, is extremely important. A taxi driver would pick up on a lot of stuff throughout his errands. We also know that Hangfire depends on the postman because he needs massive amounts of laudanum to subdue the Knight parents, the patients of the Colophon Clinic and the students of Wade Academy. Lemony even finds one of Flammarion’s shipments of laudanum in the attic of Black Cat Café. Had he destroyed this shipment, Hangfire’s entire masterplan would have had to be delayed. So it would be critical for Hangfire to control the mail delivery of Stain’d-by-the-Sea.
So what if Stain’d-by-the-sea’s taxi driver were actually the elusive postman from Black Cat Café?
There’s a reason no one’s caught the postman yet: he’s been hiding in plain sight. It’s only natural for a taxi to drive through the town, day and night. If the car was actually used to deliver mail, no one would notice. The two professions are actually very similar: one delivers information, the other people.
The theory goes like this: the Bellerophon’s father realized the danger Hanfire represented and decided to minimize his involvement with the mail delivery service. He started simulating a sickness to get out of Inhumane Society’s radar. He didn’t want Hangfire to realize he was the postman. His sons Pip and Squeak eventually found out his secret and took it upon themselves to ensure the mail delivery, as a desperate bid to keep the town alive. They are torn between their sense of civic duty and their loyalty to their father, who prefers to keep a low profile. So they pretend he’s sick as a way to protect him.
Are Pip and Squeak even aware Black Cat Coffee moonlights as a post office? Why, yes they are. Consider this passage:
I lay on the statue and thought, and the world went on without me. Moxie Mallahan was tucked into her bed, and Cleo Knight let herself into Handkerchief Heights, where her scientific equipment waited for her. Jake Hix started cooking up breakfast at Hungry’s, and the Bellerophon brothers put an old-fashioned record player and a huge stack of papers in the attic of Black Cat Coffee.
[When Did They See Her Last?, Chapter Thirteen]
Granted, it’s possible that Lemony just told them about the attic. But this conversation, if it ever happened, is never mentioned in the narration. And this passage describes events that Lemony couldn’t have witnessed by himself anyway (he’s, not unlike ourselves, making hypotheses)
ADDENDUM, 3rd of August 2017:
Hermes from the 667 Dark Avenue message board (Link) pointed out how wrong I was about this. We do hear the conversation:
“In the back of the building is a spiral staircase,” I said. “At the top is a room with a broken window, and somewhere in that room is an old-fashioned record player. It was on a bed stand, but Hangfire hid it right before I came in. Please take it, along with all those papers on the desk, to Black Cat Coffee and put it in the attic. There’s a cupboard there that’s larger than it looks.”
Squeak frowned. “Who wants all that stuff? Another associate of yours?”
[When Did You See Her Last?, Chapter Twelve]
Then again Squeak doesn’t ask Lemony how to get to the attic, which suggests he is at the very least familiar with it. It doesn’t contradict the theory but does make it less likely.
END OF ADDENDUM
So the postman and current manager of Black Cat Coffee would be, for all intents and purposes, Pip and Squeak. Which would at least explain how they manage to get food and shelter, what with their father being so “sick” he can’t work. Running the café would hardly be a hassle. It’s all automated anyway. Going to the attic at night to store and pick up the mail would not take much time, and if they ever got caught, they would pretend being normal customers exploring the attic.
Beige coat: check.
Deals with fire: check.
Deeply sad: check.
Is a driver: check.
Feels unable to care for a child and thinks that they’d be better off without him anyway: check.
TLDR: Lemony Snicket grows up to be like Prosper Lost.
