rattier replied to your post: privilege and -isms and aces
and the thing is too, it’s always about heteroromantic aces. heteroromantic aces are such a minority in the ace community it’s almost comical. i’ve only met maybe one 100% heteroromantic ace.
yes. i understand kneejerk responses, i see where they're coming from, but yo folks, this has caused you problems before, let's talk identity vs behavior, and lived experience, and also let's stop focusing so hard on a minor issue that we exclude all aces who don't "look" queer and have an "analogous" experience? because that is totally what keeps happening - "i don't have a problem with LGBT aces" is, totally not looking at what An Ace Experience (TM) looks like. and it really quickly turns into erasure (you're LGB[t], you just don't have/want/something-or-other sex).
it's the red herring that enables queer allosexual folks to ignore having to rework their mental framework. and i get hanging onto it! having experienced some serious marginalization and oppression and awful shit on the basis of your sexual orientation, having to restructure how that works, and possibly break that down to discuss different sorts of privilege/advantages/whatever (experience vs perception is already difficult for many LG folks w.r.t. B folks)... to add in that maybe just for experiencing this incredibly hated-on sexual attraction, you might be privileged over somebody else? yeah a virulent reaction is, expectable.
which is why talking about privilege and assigning it by identity (and even by experience) is i think not so useful right now, not where most people are currently at. instead talking about entrenched narratives and -ism's in society, and extrapolating to how:
allosexism primarily affects ace folks
heteroromantism primarily affects queer folks & aromantic folks (here broadening queer allosexual folks to possibly include queer ace folks)
romantism primarily affects aromantic folks; and then maybe extrapolating to how
heterosexism may in fact affect both queer allosexual folks & ace folks.