Confession: I am bad at Tumblr.
The last time I posted was when I got my surgery date..... many, many months ago. What feels like a lifetime - eons - ago.
Procedure: Roux en Y Gastric Bypass
Cliche, maybe, but I feel like that is my new “birth” day. I feel like June 26, 2017 is the day I was reborn. Rebirthed into something - someone - new. Someone capable of achieving goals and making better decisions. Someone capable of fighting for their own health and happiness. Of course, I was always this person, but making the decision to go through with surgery allowed me to finally realize and believe it.
The morning of surgery I weighed 289 pounds. I already felt on top of the world, having started 2017 off weighing 336 pounds - the heaviest I’d ever been in my entire life.
At 336 pounds I was miserable. I couldn’t walk more than a couple hundred feet, if that, without agonizing back pain that, on several occasions, was so bad it brought me to tears. None of my clothes fit. I was busting out of my size 26 pants and too ashamed to consider buying any size larger. My shirts were tight and too short. My belly felt like a large boulder strapped to my chest, holding me down, suffocating me. Literally. At 336 pounds, breathing was hard. Existing was hard.
When basic life functions - showering, getting ready for work, making it through the day - exhausted me to the point of tears, it felt impossible to even consider fighting for my life and making better choices. Exercising left me in agonizing pain. I relied on food to bring me comfort and yet food was what had gotten me to this point. So I ate. And ate. And got bigger and bigger.
Bariatric surgery is something I first learned about at 17 years old when my PCP recommended it to me, saying it was likely my only hope to lose weight. Instead, I went on weight loss medication, which would help me lose a few pounds until I convinced myself I could “do it on my own” and would ultimately stop taking them, gain all the weight back, and end up where I started. This would become a routine for the next several years.
When I started a new job in October 2016, the first thing that caught my eye on the health insurance information was that bariatric surgery was a covered benefit. Not only was it covered, but my coinsurance was 0% AND my deductible was only $150. Finally, access without possible excuses.
I signed up for the mandatory informational seminar and attended that on December 22, 2016. That day I vowed to start making changes. I jumped through the hoops: nutritional education courses, psychological clearance, so much lab work and clinical clearance.
Time moved so slowly and quickly all at the same time. Before I knew it, I had my surgery date. Then, in the same breath, my surgery date was here.
My surgery went perfectly. A little rough patch in recovery with keeping my oxygen levels stable, but a minor hiccup in the larger picture. I stayed in the hospital for two days, doing my laps around the wing and managing the pain with my pain pump.
Now, five months post op, I have experienced no major complications. I can drink fine. I am tolerant of all the foods I should be eating, except for stringy meats (roasts, some steaks, etc.). I’ve found that anything over 6-7g of added sugar is my threshold and anything exceeding that will result in dumping.
I have hit my protein goals 95% of the time since surgery. Of course I’ve had a few off days, but most are on track with where I should be.
Last night I started Insanity for the first time since college. It’s time for me to start challenging myself and conquering my fitness goals. Two challenges I have for myself going into 2018 are:
1. Sign up for and complete a 5k run
2. Learn how to roller-skate and get one step closer to my dream of playing roller derby
Of course things haven’t been easy; I have struggled with stalls and struggled with the mental battle that comes with “breaking up” with all of the junk food and sweets that brought me so much (misplaced) comfort and joy. I have benefited from continued therapy to address the food addiction I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember, something that I think has helped tremendously.
If this surgery has taught me anything, it’s that I am far more capable of change than I ever thought possible. I am strong-willed. I am worth my own time, energy, and dedication. I am an eternal work in progress and will achieve great things, despite struggles and hiccups along the way.
Staring size: 26 pants, 3XL shirt
Current size: 16/18 pants, XL/1XL shirt
(the zigzag shirt is a goal shirt I’ve been eagerly waiting to fit into for a while!!! Success!)
