heart eyes starters
it's valentine's day and the nation is once again on high alert.
so, where are you from?
do you have siblings?
are your parents still together?
what's next, birth charts and long walks on the beach?
happy valentine's day.
you're smart, you're beautiful, and perhaps most important of all, you make me think. you're my person and i can't imagine my life without you.
i love you.
we're gonna get married. i can feel it.
i don't want to be that person anymore.
some people get really lucky and stumble into something real and forever, but the other 99% of us are just bouncing from one failed experiment to the next, chasing the same regurgitated fairy tale bullshit that's been stuffed into our brain since we were kids.
what about butterflies in your stomach?
we will get through this. together.
i'm worried about your safety.
i trusted you.
thank you for the lovely flattery. i appreciate it.
will you marry me?
speechless. this is disgusting.
we've experienced some turbulence as of late, but it's all about how you land the plane that matters.
you're gonna love this. check it out.
do it right this time or i'll fucking end you.
i didn't know you had a boyfriend!
i don't have a fetish.
why do you look so stressed? is it because you're single again on valentine's day?
what the hell was that?
don't get cute with me.
i hope you get murdered and canceled. not in that order.
i'll kill you— i'm kidding! i won't.
st. valentine was beheaded.
this is the women's bathroom, dude. you can't be in here.
you realize that it's valentine's day, right?
romance is a farce. a lie.
what am i supposed to do?
you probably got plans, don't you? romance, flowers…
i was being chased by a fucking serial killer!
go away.
you want to tell me what's going on?
why are you calling me right now?
do you think that maybe we could just do this tomorrow?
give me that.
i had a really rough day and i took it out on you and that was shitty and wrong and…
oh, cupid shoots you in the dick.
i've been planning this day my whole life.
i have to take the first flight out in the morning for my best friend's wedding.
what are you wearing on this date?
you see? that's why you're still single.
you can't be here.
if you go down, i'll go down with you.
you messed with the wrong bride!
okay, worst case scenario, you get fired and you never work another day in your life.
you fucking killed him.
who the hell makes valentine's day plans?
so glad i'm single.
i'm a fucking fucking asshole.
what are you doing?
put all the coffee in a plastic cup, but hey, as long as the straw is paper, the planet's saved.
will you move in with me?
stay vigilant this valentine's day.
i'll see you there, yeah? i'm excited.
just shooting my shot here. could i take you out to coffee sometime? i'll pay for it.
looks like the rain…
why are you torturing yourself?
let me get this.
i love him. and i love that he's erasing my debt.
i'd love to grow old with somebody.
you need to stop hate-fucking yourself and get out there and actually find someone to actually fuck yourself.
excuse me, i do not have a sugar daddy! that term is very problematic. i have a sponsor.
should we all get dinner soon?
forgive me if i'm not swept away by your magical notions of romance.
you're the one who ended things.
he is so hot, i could literally throw up.
we had to… we had to kiss.
husbands, wives, partners, twin flames, soulmates, whatever you want to call it… it's all going to end.
it's not a date.
can we skip whatever this is?
are you really looking for love? or are you just another fakeass hoe-hunting ankle-cuff prick in a suit?
you look like a before picture.
this is going to be the best valentine's day ever!
oh, you're smooth.
what do you say? to love?
you know, i don't immediately go to poop when i think about love, but… yeah. i would change an adult diaper if it was in the name of love.
come on. where are we going?
i am really sorry about our marriage.
for what it's worth, i had no idea this place was going to be this nice.
you look amazing.
you've had your heart broken recently.
i did not get my heart broken recently, and it's really none of your business.
one single choice. him or you?
i just like to think i'm intuitive with these things…
it's just a matter of time before someone cheats, bails, or dies.
i love you. you're beautiful.
i like those things, but i get it. not for everyone.
tonight's a bad night.
the most romantic stories of all time are doomed.
i should just let you clear your head.
you don't want to miss this, do you?
why are you single?
wow. that's really… sad.
why didn't a single one of you tell me that there is a maniac running around slaughtering people on valentine's day?
listen, i told you it was fine and i meant it. it's all good.
what's wrong with my clothes?
try it. maybe you'll like it.
we've met before.
you deserve to have someone love you for the beautiful, neurotic mess that you are.
what are you doing here?
i've heard so much about you.
you want to know how i feel about romance?
it's a five-letter word for a dog, ending in H.
i'm not married.
what does that mean?
sorry it's so messy. i had a house cleaner, but she won the lottery last week and fired me.
i didn't know that murder was a love language.
do you need anything? water, coffee?
i just haven't met the right person.
it's a sexy dress.
i have been waiting here for over an hour!
i almost got murdered tonight.
i'm proud of you for pursuing your dreams.
that was really impressive.
do we know each other?
you're really good at detective work.
you're tall and ripped and perfectly capable of defending yourself.
it's okay, i'll just break the window.
don't get killed, alright?
i'm not on the apps.
also, yes, that was sarcasm.
oh my god, this night could not get any worse.
how long have you known ____?
just you and me. i want you to look me in the eyes and tell me the truth.
why would he say that?
oh, no, we're not a couple.
you sit tight. we're not done yet.
you don't know me. and you don't get to cast judgment just because i don't think like you, okay?
hww. hysterical white woman.
what the hell are you doing?
i'll be here.
my parents had this, like, storybook romance. they were literally perfect together.
it was just one single night.
i spent so long running from love, convinced it would destroy me.
everything okay?
it's your turn.
we had to kiss because my ex... he was there and i was jealous. it's really stupid.
so what else do you want to tell me?
stay safe. have a good night.
how do you blow off steam when you're alone with your thoughts?
you got it in my mouth.
oh my god, i'm so sorry. i thought you were somebody else.
i don't know what you want me to say.
i want the storybook thing.
baby, you're so wet.
why don't you just take a seat while i look for the first aid kit?
i really love that fucking accent.
do you ever get lonely, on the road?
i told you!
so you're not interested in him, romantically?
i really wasn't expecting company.
i'm so sorry, this is all my fault.
that was a performance to seem maybe more desirable and perhaps less pathetic in front of an ex.
are you okay?
you're a terrible shot, by the way.
that's exactly what i think a lunatic would say.
why is that relevant?
i'm sorry. i don't want to sit on your nice clothes.
i can sleep in the panic room.
just girl talk.
hey, can you hold off a second?
you know what you should do? you should go to her, tell her you love her, then never let her go.
you saved my life.
do you know what we just did?
i'm sorry. i'm just scared.
i think tonight should have been, like, the worst night of my life. but it isn't.
that's so hot.
you're punching with your thumb inside your hand, which is not a good thing.
will you relax?
no, no, no, no, no, don't do that.
i'm really sorry about tonight. i swear i'm not a lunatic.
your chemistry is undeniable.
forgive me.
i actually kind of like this movie.
you can be so clueless sometimes. it's one of the ten things i hate about you.
this is love. some kind of wonderful, crazy, stupid love.
i'm sorry i'm bleeding all over your floor.
how would you know?
we need to be quiet.
i mean, it hardly screams romance to me.
does it hurt?
a little space? any closer, you'd be inside me.
i think you're doing a pretty good job right now if i do say so myself.
maybe we lay low for a little bit.
i'll go check it out.
that's what people say before they get stabbed to death.
don't worry, lover boy. i'll protect you.
are you surprised?
i fucked up. i met a really, really great guy, and now he's gone.
i wasn't entirely honest at dinner.
did you hear that?
my dad died, and i don't think my mom ever fully recovered.
you talk too much.
i'm being facetious, obviously.
hey, i was holding my own.
when i was a kid, my parents just hated each other. i mean, they fought all the time.
what are you doing?
i know stuff like this can freak you out, but…
what did i miss?
he's trying to kill us!
you're really good at this.
i just put every girl i fall for on a pedestal, only to have my heart broken over and over and over.
i hate this feeling.
don't be silly. i'll give you a ride home. least i can do.
i really can't do blood.
at least they're having fun.
that is not a weapon!
get your mind out of the gutter.
i don't know who you're talking about.
love hurts, bitch.
do you think it's weird having a date here after everything that happened?
god, you're so hard.
we're not a couple. we barely know each other.
this has been the best year of my life.
i thought we were a team.
you're funny.
i don't think i can do that.
hey, you need a backup.
we were with each other all night and we got attacked and we got separated back there.
what the fuck does that mean?
that's not possible.
i'm not okay. but thank you for asking.
let me help you out.
you ditched me.
these muscles were not made for violence. they're for cuddling.
where are you?
your dad jokes are top notch.
i really appreciate the compliments, especially coming from you. but right now is not the time, okay?
you look super cute.
you're gonna be famous.
she's not my type.
can i see that?
do you have something you wanna tell me?
hey, do you need a ride?
i told you i was not good with blood.
you're never gonna believe what happened.
are you okay? tell me the truth.
that's very cute.
i'm gonna leave you alone now.
just wanna make sure you got home safe.
it's a ring.
could you save his life with yours, thus proving that love really does conquer all?
i don't know what to say.
listen to me. you deserve to be happy.
who the fuck did we kill?
you're the fucking best.
this is where i realized i was in love with you.
will you marry me?
happy v-day!
