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If you’re a domestic violence survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.
If you’re an SA survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.
If you’re a CSA survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.
If you’re an ECSA survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.
If you’re a child abuse survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.
If you’re a neglect survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.
If you’re a war survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.
If you’re a natural disaster survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.
If you’re a gun violence survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.
If you’re a cult survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.
If you’re an organized abuse survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.
If you’re a torture survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.
If you’re a TTI survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.
If you’re a physical abuse survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.
If you’re a mental abuse survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.
If you’re a survivor, I’m proud of you for surviving.
All the symptoms of PTSD I have today I also had when I was five years old.
Let me repeat that.
All the symptoms of the crippling PTSD that colour every avenue of the life I have today, I had when I was five years old.
And five year old me was a lot worse at hiding it.
So why the fuck was nobody involved?
How to Negotiate
When a conflict arises that requires negotiation between you and someone else, you need to start from the position that each of you has valid needs. The RAVEN checklist will keep you on track.
RAVEN stands for the following:
Relax. Accept conflict calmly. Take a deep breath before you say the next thing. Release tension as you exhale.
Avoid the aversive. Keep in mind the aversive strategies you might be tempted to use, and monitor what you say in order to avoid them.
Validate the other person's need or concern. Focus on a fair, mutually agreeable outcome where both people can get some of their needs met.
Examine your values. How do you want to be treated in a relationship- how do you want to treat others? What do you want to achieve, not only regarding the conflict, but in this relationship?
Neutral voice. Keep anger and contempt out of your voice.
Once you're committed to staying within RAVEN guidelines, it's time to start the actual negotiation process. It begins with each person taking turns and offering solutions. Make sure that a solution you offer addresses at least some of the needs of the other person. If you aren't sure what those needs are- ask them.
Once you've each offered several alternative solutions- without agreement- it's time to look for a compromise. Here are some classic compromise solutions:
I'll cut the pie; you choose the first piece. After the divorce, Sharon divided the artwork into two groups- but Lawrence got to choose which one he'd take.
Take turns. Linda and Moe alternated between going to the mountains and the beach on their vacations.
Do both; have it all. Take care of both people's needs simultaneously.
Trial period. Agree to a solution only for a specific length of time, after which you'll reevaluate. If one party feels the solution working, negotiations are reopened.
My way when I'm doing it; your way when you're doing it. Each person, as he or she deals with a problem, gets to use their own method. Sam and Katrina were partners in a small boutique. Sam thought the big "come on in" sign that Katrina made was garish. They agreed he wouldn't use it on his days watching the store.
Tit for tat. Roommates Jill and Denise agreed that if Jill cleaned the bathroom once a week, Denise would dust and vacuum once a week.
Part of what I want with part of what you want. Two friends and coworkers planned to travel together to a convention. One wanted to relax on the train; one wanted to get there in a hurry by air. They agreed to fly one way and take the train the other.
Split the difference. This often works with haggling over a price or how much time to spend doing something.
I had a really intense ptsd nightmare. I feel like such garbage today. I’m so sick of living like this. Every time I think I’ve healed and moved forward it all comes back.
How to make life feel worth living when you have crippling anxiety and PTSD no borax no glue
