#shroompette

[shroompette]

tw: slight sexual objectification, use of tentacles, oral fixation, otherwise just major sillies <3

Methinks that Octopus!König would be the most adorable little critter ever!

Octopus!König wears his sniper hood to hide the tendrils of which each has a mind of its own, absent-mindedly curling and uncurling during long briefings or tense situations. As a child, he had a bad habit of pulling on them and pinching the tips, deliberately causing himself mild discomfort as a way of distraction from his anxiety. It did not help much.

Octopus!König, thanks to his tentacles, is able to brush his teeth and wash his face at the same time. One tendril is curled around the tooth brush's handle while a couple of others contort into spirals that travel all over his scarred skin, shortening the amount of time spent in the bathroom every morning, but only insignificantly. He also uses them to wipe sleep off of his eyes, which makes him infuriatingly cute. The first time you saw him do that unmasked, he learned what cuteness aggression is.

Despite all of his great physical and non-physical qualities, Octopus!König hasn't had many partners before you. A part of that reason is the fact that they are usually freaked out by the tentacles - not by the sight necessarily, but not everyone fancies the feeling of suction cups on their skin, especially in the morning when he's trying to initiate cuddles or something more. In fact, he used to wear his hood during casual hookups and one-night stands for this very reason, so his partners wouldn't feel uncomfortable. When you started seeing each other, it took a long time before he was brave enough to walk around unmasked and even longer before he put his tentacles on you outside of sex.

Speaking of... Octopus!König was pretty surprised that you were the one who proposed it first. Sure, other partners before you have asked for the tentacles during sex since most of them only viewed the appendages just as a kind of sex toy, often making König feel objectified. But not you, not his kleiner Fisch. You asked politely, albeit a little breathlessly, to use them on you. He gladly obliged, using years of experience to provide you with the highest amount of pleasure he could manage. After the intense love-making, he quickly began to withdraw his appendages to "put the toys back in the box". But then you grabbed one of them oh so gently, face still blissed out from your session as you nuzzled and kissed the wet surface of the tentacle. He searched for any sign of disgust or forced affection, but found none.

Since then, Octopus!König doesn't hesitate to initiate this kind of contact with you. Most of the mornings, it feels like his tendrils crawl to you before he even wakes up, suction cups gently loving on your skin during the sunrise, wrapping around your neck, arms, playing with the neckline of your sleeping attire, sliding under the fabric and lovingly cupping your chest, his lips pressing against your temple, cheek and jaw until you roll over and wrap yourself around him in soft retaliation.

Another thing you two love to do together is cooking. It's needless to say that Octopus!König is incredibly useful in the kitchen, but he's also very much of a black hole and therefore a constant danger to whatever you're trying to make. It's hard enough to keep an eye on his hands, but eight sneaky appendages?! You can't turn around without a piece of meat going missing or fruit disappearing. At one point, you decided to protect the nuts you needed for baking cookies with your own body, pouring the entire bowl down into your shirt. It did not deter him in the slightest - in fact, he was worse than a mosquito after that.

Although you never told him about your oral fixation, it was rather obvious to Octopus!König from the start of your relationship; he'd see you chew gum, tooth picks and even his fingers all the time and know that there's no way in hell you wouldn't have it. It was only a matter of time before you'd start trying to get your hands (or rather mouth) on his tendrils too. Truth be told, he was a little hesitant - after all, they're sensitive. But how could he resist your cute little puppy eyes? He watched as you gently grabbed one of the tentacles, giggling as it wiggled in your grasp, stroking your cheek. When you finally wrapped your lips around the fat tip and gently nibbled on the gummy substance like a teething puppy, he couldn't help but let out a soft moan, his sensitive appendage stiffling in your hold. And even then, he was naive enough to think this wouldn't become a daily routine - his tentacle in your mouth during movie cuddles, long car rides, even napping! Once, you caught yourself reaching for his tendril in the waiting room of a hospital during a wait for your appointment but thankfully, you caught yourself just in time to awkwardly tuck it back under his hood. It's needless to say he spent the rest of the waiting grinning like an idiot (and also a little hard).

You will NEVER catch Octopus!König off guard on deployment. Doesn't matter how awry the mission goes or if he's ambushed, this man would find a way out of a hurricane's eye and call it a walk in a morning breeze. But outside of field? He's as jumpy as a bunny. You try to not spook him much, but sometimes, you just can't help it! You weren't quite sure why he was so adamant on you being as noisy as possible while approaching him, but you decided to fuck around one afternoon and then, you indeed found out. You padded over the carpet towards him from behind and tickled his sides, expecting him to shriek or swat your hands away. You think you would have prefered any of that over what transpired. He sharply spun around and fucking inked you right in the face. You stood there speechless, eyes wide as you stare at each other. You blink and wipe some of the indigo substance off your cheek, bringing your fingers to your face to sniff it when he grabs your wrist with a shriek:

"Scheiße, don't lick it!"

"I wasn't going to!"

"Truly?"

"...I kind of want to now."

"Liebling, no!"

During the nights, you like to lie atop Octopus!Konig's chest, your cheek smushed against the warm flesh, ear pressed to his pecs as you listen to the sound of not one, but three life-driving muscles that beat steadily as you draw invisible patterns with your finger across his skin. One of his warm hands is on your lower back while the other one strokes your hair, his callouses a rough contrast to the overall softness of you, his little love.

"Do you know what I find strange?" you mumble suddenly.

He pauses his strokes.

"What, Fisch?"

"You have three hearts," you begin. "Two of them pump blood into your gills. But only one pumps blood into the rest of your body."

The corners of his mouth quirk up in a smirk, his tendrils sneaking down his neck to gently twist between your locks and tug on them lovingly.

"That's not quite accurate, Liebe."

You frown softly, feeling one of his tentacles under your chin as he makes you look up, your bottom lip jutting out in a small pout.

"What do you mean?"

He doesn't answer right away. Instead, he reaches out to cup your cheek and pull you up to press his lips against yours for a brief moment before he whispers, eyelids droopy with love:

"I have three hearts. Two of them pump blood into my gills. One pumps blood to the rest of my body. But all of them beat just for you."

masterlist

Buy me a cup of tea, please? 🍵♡︎

[shroompette]

pt2

Maine Coon Cat!König who isn't surprised, but is still ecstatic when Bunny!Reader wakes him up one day by whispering "I think I'm pregnant" in his fluffy ear during a lazy morning in bed. His eyes snap open immediately, fuzzy tail standing up in attention and back coiling with tension, as if trying to stop himself from pouncing on her immediately from sheer joy. "Say that again, bitte."

MCCat!König who smothers Bunny!Reader's face with kisses until she's giggling and playfully pushing him away, of course, to no avail. His kisses trail down her neck and to her not yet protruding tummy, nuzzling the soft skin there with reverence, even as she strokes his hair and reminds him their baby is barely the size of a bean right now. He doesn't care. All he can think about is the fact that their family is about to grow soon and while he loves the three buns like his own, there's an undeniable excitement within him about the fact that what resides in his lover's womb has his DNA.

MCCat!König who, together with Bunny!Reader, sits the buns down in their laps to tell them that soon, they'll have a little sibling or two. His eyes crinkle as he smiles widely at their reactions. They seem rather excited, their fuzzy, floppy ears perking up as they listen. The little girl immediately paws at her mommy's belly, trying to feel for the babies while one of the boys leans in and tries to listen, eager to hear the movement that isn't detectable yet. The other boy, however, raises an important question. "Where did mommy get the baby from?"

MCCat!König who exchanges awkward glances with Bunny!Reader before they try to explain the origin of the developing offspring to the buns, keeping it as child-friendly as possible. Though they seemed rather skeptical about König supposedly gifting their mommy a special apple that made her pregnant, they did not question it, apart from the oldest triplet: "Can every apple make you pregnant then?" "No, only the ones with special seed." He pretends to not see her annoyed side-eye glare.

MCCat!König who cannot keep his hands off of Bunny!Reader, whether he's stroking her ears and cheeks, cupping her belly protectively when they spoon or palming her breasts from behind, feeling them slowly swell with milk, thumbs gently brushing over her nipples which are now hyper-sensitive to touch. She has to slap his grubby hands away and dash when she starts lactating because he CAN and he WILL lick the milk.

MCCat!König who's now highly protective and impossible to get rid of, following Bunny!Reader everywhere like a puppy, often with the buns hanging off of him. She can really only get a few minutes of peace when she goes to pee and even then, König's like a guard dog, stood in front of the door like he's expecting their den to be busted in any second. At night, his arms are locked around her - never too tight, since he wants her to be as comfortable as possible. It isn't always achievable though, as Bunny!Reader's skin has been burning up for a few weeks now due to the pregnancy and it's very hard to get a good night's rest when her lover is a goddamn sentient furnace. She always wakes up sweaty and sticky, but doesn't dare to complain; anytime she does, the pervert tries to clean her body with his tongue.

MCCat!König who practically has heart eyes when Bunny!Reader's belly finally starts showing. At any opportunity, he will drop to his knees and kiss the bump, purring loudly whenever he feels the little one stir and kick. His big hands freeze on her belly when he feels one too many kicks from multiple directions. His tail, honest to god, starts wagging at the possibility of twins.

MCCat!König who indulges Bunny!Reader's every whim, whether it's her desire to spend the entire day in bed while he caters to her, going on walks in the rain (with her and the buns properly bundled up of course) or simply satisfying her regular cravings for the strangest things - honeyed avocado, peas in chocolate, even jerky. The other day, König caught her in the garden chewing on tulips, making brief eye contact with him. Even with cheeks full of petals, she looked remorseless. He couldn't help but be in love with how grass blades and leaves stuck out of her hair (and also relieved that what's been eating their flowers aren't some giant-ass insects).

MCCat!König who makes biscuits on Bunny!Reader's belly and thighs, gently kneading her plump flesh while purring loudly, making her laugh and wiggle under his hands, her squeaks attracting the buns who wander in and mimic König's activities with their little hands, accidentally tickling their mommy.

MCCat!König who knows Bunny!Reader's due date is close when she starts to arrange pillows and blankets into a warm nest. But, much to his dismay, she will only allow her buns near. Her primal rodent instincts unfortunately make her very irritated and snappy whenever König comes around, if only just to check on her. He tries to not take it personally, knowing that preparations for birth are stressful and she doesn't mean to stomp and chase him away from the room, it's just in her nature. Still, his anxiety gets the best out of him and he starts to question whether she'll allow him near her and their kids at all, with her being so territorial now.

MCCat!König who so badly wants to be there for Bunny!Reader during birth, but he does not want to stress her out even further, so he stays in the other room with the buns, letting them pile up on him and nap while he keeps his ears strained in case his lover calls for him.

MCCat!König who wakes up hours later to Bunny!Reader's gentle voice calling him, his stirring awaking the buns as well. He carefully opens the door to their bedroom and damn near melts when he sees her in the nest, curled protectively around two - no, three! - fuzzy bundles which are mewing and squirming. He makes a hesitant step and looks at her for approval. Only when she nods and smiles, he comes forth and kneels to finally meet his kittens.

MCCat!König who tries (and fails) to not sob as one of the babies grabs his finger with its tiny fist and squeezes. He looks so proud of his two little girls and a boy - and of their mother as well. He leans in and kisses Bunny!Reader's forehead, quietly thanking her for the wonderful new addition to the family.

MCCat!König who watches the buns gently handle their new siblings, seemingly excited at the prospect of being older brothers and sister. He watches Bunny!Reader smile tiredly, but proudly. König couldn't believe how lucky he is, to have her bring three little miracles to his life for the second time. He had no doubts that his lovely family is nothing short of perfect.

masterlist • Buy me a cup of tea, please? 🍵♡︎

[shroompette]

Maine Coon Cat!König living alone in his den, generally unbothered until Bunny!Reader shows up during a storm, seeking shelter under the overhang of his home. Wet, cold and with an injured leg, König takes pity on her and brings her inside.

MCCat!König who doesn't really have many veggies lying around, but he does have some fruit. He watches Bunny!Reader's cheeks grow chubby as she stuffs them with bananas and canned nectarines. Poor thing, she must have been starved. He gives her a can of strawberries as well, which she neatly tucks away in her raincoat. He does not question her about it.

MCCat!König who, after he feeds Bunny!Reader, carefully rolls up the fabric of her pants to inspect and disinfect the nasty cut on her calf, taking the opportunity to give a closer look to her as a whole. He finds himself enchanted with the long, fluffy ears that droop around the sides of her head. Even wet, they still look enticing, cotton-soft and he wants to brush them, rub his cheeks against them, kiss them, pull them, bite them-

MCCat!König who manages to make Bunny!Reader a little nest to sleep in out of spare pillows and blankets, the crackle of the flames dancing in the fireplace lulling her to sleep. He watches her for a while and nearly purrs with delight when she rolls over in her sleep and reveals the round little scut that he'd like to use as a stress ball.

MCCat!König whose big ears twitch as he hears the sound of his front door opening in the morning, knowing Bunny!Reader must have slipped out into the woods again and it makes his heart pang just a little before he resumes his everyday life.

MCCat!König who is absolutely flabbergasted when a week passes and there's a knock on his door behind which stands Bunny!Reader and her three little buns. Without a word, she ushers them inside before disappearing into the woods. He isn't sure what to do. He has half a mind to run after her, but he fears leaving the buns alone would give them an opportunity to cause mischief and he'd rather not come back and find his den on fire. He stays, letting them sit in his big lap and play with his tail that sometimes tickles them on their twitchy little noses, so similar to their mother's. They're very messy eaters too - they seem to love strawberries, little fingers and cheeks sticky with their juice.

MCCat!König who is equally relieved and enraged when Bunny!Reader finally shows up hours later with a satchel of herbs and veggies for her babies who are currently bundled up in the nest he reassembled. He is about to tell her off, inform her that he isn't a babysitter when she stands on her tiptoes and nuzzles his nose ever so gently, difusing his anger completely. He barely blinks before she's off to check on her buns, satisfied with the state she finds them in - alive, with full bellies and sleeping.

MCCat!König who slowly gets used to Bunny!Reader dropping off her kids at his doorstep and watching them for a day or two before she comes back and expresses her gratitude via soft gesture such as nuzzle or a cheek kiss.

MCCat!König who sometimes makes Bunny!Reader stay in the den with the buns to go on a veggie/herb hunt himself, just so she can spend some quality time with them. He can not pinpoint the exact moment he became so whipped for her.

MCCat!König who starts leaving the nest out permanently because he knows Bunny!Reader won't stop coming around and neither will her buns anytime soon (he'd miss them greatly if they did).

MCCat!König who lets Bunny!Reader sleep in the spare cot (that he built just for her) in his room until she decides one night that sleeping beside him would be more comfortable. He does not try to object this in the slightest, not when he can finally feel her fluffy ears against his face.

MCCat!König who regularly grooms the buns' hair and furry ears and Bunny!Reader's as well with his coarse tongue, thinking he's displaying dominance over her. He has no idea she thinks she is the one in charge by letting him groom her.

MCCat!König who's suddenly not alone anymore. The quiet days of his den are over as it's now filled with laughter and chattering of the three little buns who have began to call him "Papa". He never knew two simple syllables could bring him so much joy...and then there's Bunny!Reader, with her genius manipulative tactics that involve licks, kisses and adorable tiny stomps of her feet when she wants something done her way. He would not trade her for anything in the world.

MCCat!König who slowly starts thinking his den is too big for just the five of them...and that perhaps he and Bunny!Reader should start working on some kitten siblings for the buns.

masterlist • pt2 • Buy me a cup of tea, please? 🍵♡︎

[shroompette]

inspired by this 💕

Being a Death Head Hawk Moth hybrid has never been too much of an inconvenience for Ghost. Years of military had curbed him into a disciplined man who was rarely swayed by the primal instincts of his animalistic part, always keeping his mind grounded and spirit anchored in humanity (not counting the instances of Soap and Gaz having to lure him out of bars with flashlights on some very drunk post-op nights. They both have video proof. Ghost denies everything).

He doesn't quite understand why Price is making such a fuss about your arrival. Sure, you're a new addition to the task force, and supposedly a very beneficial one. The fact that almost every piece of information about you is classified doesn't peak Ghost's interest as much as the fact you look... awfully much like him, fashionwise. Covered from head to toe, with gloves and balaclava that only leaves your eyes visible, you're like a mini clone of him, hands clasped in a polite handshake while he quietly tries to figure out just what the hell you are.

Ghost does not pry. He doesn't try and peel away your layers - metaphorically nor literally, knowing first-hand that one must have a good reason for obscuring their entire body. Still, he couldn't help but wonder - were you scarred? Burned? Wanted in other countries? Or perhaps you were hiding wings and antennaes like him? All of that and more he wanted to wouldn't ask, assuming he wouldn't learn much anyway, seeing the sergeants try and fail to get something meaningful out of you.

Despite being rather mysterious and quiet, Ghost found you quite nice to be around; efficient on missions, dutiful with paperwork and surprisingly, the light of the party once you got to know them all a little better. Sometimes, he'd watch you tell jokes and find himself captivated by the way your eyes seemed to sparkle, squinting as a smile bubbled up on your cheeks under the mask. The way you managed to slither your way into the group's hearts while the only things they knew about you was your callsign and eye colour was equally impressive and infuriating to Ghost. Just what kind of a peculiar little thing were you?

Months later during a mission, things go south and the entire team is unexpectedly herded and trapped in a labyrinth of underground tunnels with no night vision and their flashlights missing, submerged in an ocean of impenetrable darkness. Just when it looks like they should start searching for a comfortable spot to pick for their final rest, Ghost hears Price's gruff voice, calm and collected despite the seemingly hopeless situation:

"Think it's your time to shine, Flicker."

Ghost frowns in confusion, but sooner than he can speak, he hears a rustle of fabric and suddenly, the bright yellow shape of a luminiscent hand floating in the air appears before him. His eyes widen, lips parting beneath his mask as he and the rest of the men watch you peel off more and more layers of the dark fabric that clung to you like second skin, revealing your glowing skin, body pulsating with warm light of the first morning sun rays.

While Price watched you in approving silence and Soap and Gaz immediately poured out a thousand questions, Ghost only stared in awe. He saw the light flutter of your smaller iridescent wings and it made his own larger ones quiver in excitement. His dark eyes flicked to your face as you finally took off your balaclava, your face smooth in the golden glow, strands of it cascading down your hair and making you even more breath-taking than you already were. He held his breath as you looked at him and smiled, short antennaes flicking in amusement at his stunned state. It all made sense now - you were a Firefly hybrid, rare to come across and even rarer to obtain in military.

You chuckle, and it rings like little bells in Ghost's ears:

"Speechless, Lieutenant?"

Ghost doesn't answer, only softens his eyes almost imperceptibly were it not for the crow feet around his outer corners. You smile back. That mission, you saved them - your light allowed them to eventually find a way out of the underground labyrinth, alive and unharmed. Though your secret was out, you continued to wear a full-body cover, likely due to being more used to it and comfortable. The group's dynamic hasn't changed much - except Ghost's attitude towards you. They could be considered minor things were it not for the fact that a man like him rarely changes, rarely is unpredictable in ways of his approach towards other people. But you, having spent your entire life hiding and mastering the art of going unnoticed, knew when you were being watched. Admired even. You could feel Ghost's big, wide, perceptive eyes on you even while having your back turned.

He felt like a fool, experiencing the strong pull of his animalistic instincts for the very first time in years, stringing him along your side like a puppy eager for attention, his moth wings, otherwise calmly folded behind him, fluttering and beating excitedly whenever you enter the room to the point he has to leave shortly after to avoid any teasing. Ghost hopes to escape you during slumber, but you manage to worm your way into his subconsciousness as well - moments of the fateful mission playing out in front of him again, your pulsating glow like a lighthouse to his moth heart.

He'd start waking up every morning disappointed you're not there with him, your head not resting on his chest, your fingers not stroking its cottony fluff. It drove Ghost crazy, knowing you probably sleep in your bed all alone, every night, naked figure glowing brighter than the moon itself with noone but the walls to admire you when it should be him. He would appreciate you. He would make you feel adored and precious, not only because you're a Firefly hybrid, but because to Ghost, you were the most beautiful creature to ever walk this earth, alight or not. And day by day, with each smile sent his way and each flutter of his wings caused by your proximity, he felt more certain that his heart would belong to you until the day your light goes out.

a/n: I never know how to end things and most of the time, I really dislike my endings lol 💕

masterlist

Buy me a cup of tea, please? 🍵♡︎

[shroompette]

It took a while for you to notice. It was a small detail, really - though it's incredible that anything about your 6'10" behemoth of a boyfriend could ever be paired with the word "small". People would always only gape at his size, his mask, or truthfully, his package. It's not like you were any better.

It only dawned on you one quiet afternoon that you two were spending together. You sat comfortably in the armchair you claimed as "your spot", your boyfriend splayed out on the couch beside it, draped over the armrest so he could have his head in your lap while you stroked his long hair.

You averted your eyes from your latest literary obsession and your gaze softened as you regarded him. Despite his rather unappealing appearance, you thought he was the loveliest man in the world, with strong arms, chiselled back that curved oh-so-nicely when he laid on his front and-

Oh.

You arched your eyebrow as you realized that where König's ass was supposed to be, you found nothing. Zero altitude. You could land a helicopter on that piece of plain and the landing would be smooth as a butter.

How did you never notice this?

Perhaps because the front of him served as a good enough of a distraction from the criminal lack of backside.

You bite your lip, hesitant to say anything and disturb his peaceful sleep, but at the same time, you had to explore your discovery somehow. You reach for the mug of coffee on your table and carefully place it on his ass...

Flat. Like a stabbed tire. The coffee's surface remained perfectly still.

For a minute, König honestly thought he might have peed himself from fear when he was abruptly awoken by your loud, witch-like cackle, the brew spilling on his pants as soon as he moved.

Now your couch has a permanent stain and your boyfriend refuses to speak to you.

masterlist

Buy me a cup of tea, please? 🍵♡︎

[shroompette]

141 x Clown Girl!Reader is eating my brain <3 (Also thank you all so so so much for helping me achieve more than 100 followers, I love you 💜)

Thinking about 141 who babysat Johnny's little nephew together ONCE and somehow ended up invited to his birthday party. The non-related men would have declined were it not for Mrs. MacTavish's insistence on feeding them something good (and perhaps have them introduced to some of the single women from the MacTavish clan.)

When the day comes and they show up with gifts, they're quickly separated by a swarm of Johnny's relatives who are curious about the friends he brought in.

Price ends up in the kitchen and volunteers to help with making lunch to which Mrs. MacTavish objects at first, but he manages to persuade her into at least letting him keep her and her sisters company. He swoops in here and there to hand one of them an utensil, spice or just a cup of water, gradually taking over each of their tasks and having them rest while he simultaneously keeps an eye on the beef and potatoes in the oven, mixes the cookie dough and casually chats with the women watching him, charming each and every one of them to the point one of Soap's aunts seriously considers poisoning her husband just to have a shot with John.

Gaz, meanwhile, was asked by Soap's sister - the mother of the birthday boy - to help with blowing up a couple more balloons for the little ones to play with. He obliges, spurred on by all the pretty cousins cheering him on, realizing after about half an hour that they've been staring at his arms bulge the entire time he's been operating the air pump (not like he's complaining, he's proud of what he's rocking).

The other half of the female relatives who weren't currently drooling over Gaz's body were in the living room swooning over Ghost, specifically the fact all the kids flocked to him like curious kittens. Last nail to the coffin was someone handing him a baby - although he looked as if someone just gave him a ticking bomb, he tried his best to entertain the tiny wiggling thing in order to keep it from crying, even gave it an awkward little bounce (call him The Ovary Whisperer the way the women who swore did not want another child suddenly changed their minds).

Johnny watched all of this occur with a wide grin, eventually taking pity on his buddies - though Price didn't seem too bothered - and plucked them away from their respective tasks to lead them out into the garden, picking up a few beers from the cooler and handing the cans to them.

While enjoying their break, they notice the kids rush from the blow-up castle to you, a Clown Girl that Soap's ma hired to entertain the kids in the afternoon.

Price arches an eyebrow, glancing at Johnny who seems just as surprised.

"Strange, usually my uncle Thomas dresses up as clown for the bairns."

"Maybe he wanted to be a part of the audience this year," Gaz hums, sipping his beer. Ghost doesn't say anything, only watches as you crouch to the kids' level and smile at them brightly, chirping about something that he's too far away to hear. On the enigma spectrum, you'd be on the opposite end from him; donned in a white button up with a flower in your pocket, rainbow suspenders and a frilly tutu accompanied by silly shoes, you're a picture perfect goof. You pick up the birthday boy and tickle his sides before making a show of not knowing your way towards the house standing just a few feet away, causing the children to giggle and tug on your sleeves, dragging you to the backdoor. The closer you get, the more the men notice what a cute little thing you are. Your make-up's not too heavy, some white foundation, pink cheeks and, of course, a big red nose. As you pass them, you flash them a bright smile and honk it, making the children giggle and nearly stomp over one another with how they skipped and begged you to let them have a go too.

The four men exchange a look and then gaze back at you, so lively and sweet. Neither says anything for a few moments before Soap speaks up:

"Ye think her titties honk too?"

The only reason Price hadn't smacked him on the back of the head was because Ghost was faster.

They quickly finish their beers and go back inside, following the trail of confetti and glitter that Johnny KNOWS is going to be a pain in the ass to vacuum later (he likely will pester Gaz into assissting him). They find you in the living room, expertly twisting long balloons into dogs and giraffes and whatnot, making sure every child has one to play with. It's sweet, the way you try to include everyone in your silly games, letting every child have a turn sitting in your lap and talk your ears off. You even get to hold the baby that Ghost was handed earlier, naturally softening your voice and calming your bouncy gait while maintaining your image as an entertainer, shoes squeaking loudly as you go round jokingly asking the parents whose pet bean it is.

With every passing moment, the men find you more and more adorable; you're funny, obviously good with children and your costume does very little to hide all your assets. And the way you smile so warmly? It makes Gaz want to go back to middle school, retake his geography test and change the answer to the question about the cause of ice caps melting to your full government name.

For the second time that day, the men's eyes meet in an unspoken agreement. They've shared pretty things before; and you'll certainly be the prettiest one yet.

masterlist

Buy me a cup of tea, please? 🍵♡︎

[shroompette]

It's not like his mates didn't know about you; Soap always bragged about the sweet little bird he had at home. They just had no idea that he was being...literal.

After the latest successful mission, Johnny invited them for a dinner at his place. They arrive around seven, with bottles and flowers as gifts for the missus, but she's nowhere to be found when Johnny beckons them inside. "She'll be here any minute. Bird gets antsy if she doesn't have a flight before dinner." He opens the window wide and peeks out, as if looking for you. Ghost huffs. "She a bloody Batman or something?"

Johnny simply chuckles and crosses his arms on his chest, leaning against the radiator.

Not even five minutes later, a tiny European robin lands on the inside windowsill. They recognize the bird; it was Johnny's favourite to draw. At least that's what they assumed when they watched him flip through his art book during missions. Pages and pages of birds, but this specific one appeared the most often; raven, cardinal, canary, robin, crow, swan, robin, robin, blue tit, swallow, robin, woodpecker, robin, hummingbird, pigeon, robin, robin, robin...

"Aye, there's my little feathery luvie," Johnny coos, finger gently stroking down the orange patch on the bird's chest.

Gaz and Price exchange a slightly concerned look while Ghost gives him a deadpan stare.

"I told you, one of these days, you'll stand too close to an explosion and it's gonna fuck with your head."

Johnny glances at him briefly, opening his palm and letting the robin hop into it. "Dinnae know what yer talking about."

"Son," Price began, a tired look on his face. "You...you don't think of the bird as your partner, do you?"

"What else would she be?" he questions, looking genuinely surprised, as if there's nothing unusual about claiming the little chirping thing in his hand is his girlfriend.

Gaz lets out a snort of disbelief, unsure if he should laugh or be seriously concerned for his friend.

Before anyone can say anything else, the robin flaps its wings and its form contorts into a human shape. Suddenly, there you stand. Dolled up and dressed in a cute little flowery dress, a bright smile on your face. The men sit there completely flabbergasted while Johnny, wearing the most shit-eating grin ever, leans in and kisses the top of your head before introducing you: "Guys, this is my darling bird."

After fumbling out awkward apologies and introducing themselves, the men dine with you two, asking how you met and where you're from. They're surprised to learn Johnny came across you while he took a trip to his motherland during leave.

When he wasn't with his family, he'd spend the days in the forest, sketching whatever caught his eye. At one point, it was you. A cute little thing, perched up on a branch, singing sweet melodies to which he started responding with whistling. That supposedly caught your attention and you started posing while he sketched you. This would happen daily for nearly a week before you flew down and sat on his shoulder, looking at all the drawings of you, seemingly pleased.

One day, he brought you a pebble. It was just a goof, a funny little thing he remembered his superstitious granny saying whenever he'd walk with her in the nature as a little lad and point out all the different birds in the trees. "If ye give a pebble to a female robin, she'll bring ye a pretty lass to cherish."

He was eager to see what you'd do with it and nearly fell on his ass when you shifted to a human in front of him in all your naked glory, holding the pebble in your palm, eyes sparkling and soft chirps flowing from your mouth. He had a very difficult time explaining to his Ma and siblings who this bare lady clinging to his arm was when he brought you home.

You still chirp when you talk, but your speech is pretty clear. Soap looks like a lovestruck puppy, heart-eyed, hanging onto your words and you're no better; pressed against his side at all times, batting your lashes and holding his hand under the table, your ring finger adorned by a golden band with the fateful (proposal) pebble in the middle.

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Buy me a cup of tea, please? 🍵♡︎

[shroompette]

inspired by this

As you get done placing the last lit candle in its place, you step inside the chalk circle and sit down, crossing your legs. You breathe in the sweet scent emitted by the candles, making you feel a bit silly about your choice, but who said rituals couldn't smell nice?

You don't even know why you're doing this - is it your friends teasing you about your lack of action in the dating sphere, or the three glasses of wine and late night lamenting over how your toys just don't cut it anymore? Either way, being single for such a long time sucked, especially while all your friends either had boyfriends, husbands or at least fuck buddies. Since you had none of those things, you spent most evenings with your hand down your panties or doomscrolling, which is what brought you to this online community of "witches" that shared their recipes for potions, spells for anything and everything and their magical experiences that totally happened. You ended up going down the blog's rabbit hole just for shits and giggles until you came across a specific spell - a man manifestation spell. Written in all caps, bold and with (100% GUARANTEED FAST RESULTS) stated under it. You snort and scroll down to the comments to see dozens of comments from women, thanking the author and spinning the wildest tales about how the perfect men appeared in their lives as soon as they performed the ritual. The more you read, the more your smirk faded. Sure, most of the stories sounded fake and batshit, but some sounded rather believable... god, how desperate were you to be thinking about actually trying it out?

Another glass of wine and some digging around your home later, you're suddenly sitting among clumsily-drawn runes and candles, flipping through a notebook full of notes on what your ideal man should look and act like. Apparently, the description needed to be incredibly specific in order for the spell to be effective, and so you spent about an hour scribbling down details about every aspect of what you desired in a partner. You felt like a 13-year-old again, describing your dream boyfriend to your diary and tampering with light witchcraft, back when you believed burning a bay leaf would save your math grade.

You inhale deeply and start reading your notes out loud, praying your neighbours can't hear you reciting about what size of a dick you want your man to have. You try to visualize him; tall, muscular, pretty eyes, brooding, intelligent, good in bed... After what feels like hours of preaching to the universe about your requirements, you finish and wait, not even sure what for. You're wondering how long it'll take for this man to come into your life and sweep you off your feet when a strong wind blows and busts your windows open, putting out the candles and leaving you in a complete darkness. You shudder with cold and get up, closing the window and turn around to start cleaning up the mess when you freeze.

There's a man's silhouette in the corner, silent, unmoving. With your legs shaking like jello and heart hammering against your ribcage, you try to come up with a rational explanation; maybe you moved the coat hanger, or the lamp? Perhaps you're just tired and drunk and seeing things. But then he moves. Quick strides towards you have you backing into the bed and screaming bloody murder. As you land on the mattress, you instinctively grab a pillow and throw it at him - only for it to pass right through him. He pauses at that and so do you.

Now that he's closer, you can make out some of his features - sharp jaw, dark eyes, tousled blond hair and pale skin marred with scars. You stare at him with eyes still the size of saucers, but your heart is no longer trying to escape your body through your throat, so at least there's that. You swallow, unsure of if you should initiate communication. If he's a ghost, you should probably leave him alone, to go find the light or something, but you're almost as curious as you're terrified.

"Who...Who are you?" you ask softly, pressing your back against the wall, as if an additional inch of distance will protect you. He doesn't answer for a long time, nearly making you think he's mute, but then, he replies, voice gravely: "Simon."

You're embarrassed at how your cheeks flush at the sound of his voice, rough and worn, just right for dirty talking. A thought flashes through your mind and you reach for the notebook on the floor, flipping through it, eyes flickering from the pages to him. The more you read, the faster you realize how eerily identical this man is to what you were manifesting, at least physically. Well, except the scars, you didn't write about those, but you also didn't write you want him unscarred-

Oh fuck.

You look up at him again, focusing on the outline of him and seeing how blurry it is, nearly making him blend in with the night.

Apparently, you should have included this silly little detail in your writing that your perfect man should be ALIVE.

Slowly, as if in trance, you reach out to touch him. Your fingertips graze his, but you don't feel him, not in the way you'd feel another human. It's like touching feathers, almost intangible, but it's there. You close your eyes and sigh, burying your face in the pages and muttering curses, when you feel a cold touch on your cheek. You look up to see him gazing down at you, his eyes half-lidded and long blond lashes fluttering as he studies you, his thumb lightly brushing against your bottom lip. You don't move a muscle, still not having completely processed the fact that you somehow summoned a ghost, which meant that not only are you not getting laid anytime soon, but you've also trapped some poor spirit in your home.

His eyes slide from your face down to your cleavage, the low cut of your tank top not leaving much to the imagination. You hear a soft rumble somewhere from within the spirit, like the purr of a lynx. Your eyes involuntarily drop to his lower region and you swear you can see the massive bulge in his trousers twitch. You gulp and look back up to see him grinning, noticing the cleft in his lip that shows his sharp canine, glinting in the moonlight.

Perhaps you are getting laid after all...

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Buy me a cup of tea, please? 🍵♡︎