#socio normativity

[this-is-amato-heteronormativity]

Will never not be baffled that even people within the acespec and arospec community will take the same "But everyone experiences [insert attraction type here]!" nonsense that they are told, and redirect it towards people on the aplatonic, afamilial, aqueerplatonic, analterous, asocial, anaesthetic, and asensual spectrums.

If that line of logic isn't true for sexual or romantic attraction, why is it suddenly true for these other forms of attraction?

Why are you still basing a person's worth on a specific form of attraction?

[this-is-amato-heteronormativity]

Im non-partnering and anattractional on all fronts. Platonic, familial, romantic, sexual, aesthetic, sensual, etc. I have never experienced any of these, and I have expressed discomfort with "affectionate" terms of all sorts since I was able to speak at age 2. I only accept my name, title, and pronouns as terms of address, and I don't feel a *need* for any sort of social contact. Partly because of SPD.

Nobody in my life will accept this. Coworkers constantly attempt to call me things like "buddy" or "pal" despite me repeatedly telling them to only use my name or title.

My doctor always tries to initiate physical contact (shoulder touches, etc) in sympathy when I'm talking about my symptoms even though I have told her several times that I don't want to be touched outside of necessity, and that I don't consider sympathy a necessary situation for touch.

I cut off contact with my relatives because they wouldn't accept the fact that I don't see any of them as anything past my relatives and that I don't feel any strong emotions towards them.

I even had to drop the therapist who diagnosed me with schizoid personality disorder because she wouldn't accept the fact that I didn't want to "fix" my lack of desire for social connections. I only wanted to address the issues with derealization I was having, which I ended up having to do with a different therapist that specialized in a less effective form of therapy.

Apologies for how long this ask is, I just wanted to talk about it somewhere without being scrutinized

This is aphobia and ableism.

I hate how some people truly just won't back off. Don't use nicknames people ask you not to, don't touch people against their consent unless it's literally necessary, don't try to push relationship standards onto people when they don't feel comfortable with it. Respect people's individuality.

[this-is-amato-heteronormativity]

Sick of being told I'm a freak who doesn't deserve romantic love because I don't care for platonic love

"if you're not fulfilled by your friends you won't be fulfilled in a romantic relationship" literally not true but whatever random person

God forbid I be aplatonic. Whenever people online think aplatonic (if they don't hate the idea of that) they immediately assume im also repulsed aroace or at least aro. I am not.

This is platonormativity.

Platonic attraction and romantic attraction are separate things. They do not need to affect each other. For some people they do affect each other, but for many people they don't correlate at all.

Not desiring friends =/= not desiring a romantic partner. Yet for some reason, people struggle to comprehend this.

[this-is-amato-heteronormativity]

For context i'm afamilial, i just usually don't use this terms specificly when explaining how i feel about family (only because i don't want people to think it's some "new trend" only because there is a label for it) And it always annoys me so much when i rant about my father who is really just a bad person and everyone is like "Well yeah... but he is still your father" despite me telling them several times i don't care because it doesn't change the fact he is bad person. I understand people might feel bad for talking badly about him back because they feel weird or uncomfortable talking shit about someone elses family member which like yeah totally get it i don't expect anyone to talk badly about him back. But people pointing out that "oh yeah he is still your father" don't seem to get the fact that he would be mean to me too if he found out i'm queer and no one would tell him "oh but they are still your child". And i heared some family members are worried that if i talk shit about him (which is really just complaining and ranting about how he acts) i would also talk shit about them. And like- if i feel comfy enough to rant about my father with you that means i like you so i have no reason to complain about you to anyone else. I just feel they don't get the fact that the family aspect doesn't matter to me and i just treat everyone based on if they are good person or not and based on if we have good contact or not. But i just don't get what's so hard in understanding that tbh. (Also for context i always say this when someone point out he is my father so it's not that i just stay silent and expect them to figure it out)

Sorry if it came out a bit ranty, i didn't want it to. So yeah that's all, have a good day everyone!

This is socio-normativity and honestly really gross behavior. I hate that people try to justify bad behavior under the guise of "being family."

It doesn't matter who the person is to you. Bad behavior is still bad, no matter what relationship you have with the person commiting it.

Why does it matter that this is your father? He is still doing bad things. If these people care about you, they shouldn't be dismissing you or prioritizing the label of the relationship over how your father is acting.

(This blog is quite literally made for ranting, no need to apologize if something seems ranty.)

[this-is-amato-heteronormativity]

Socionormativity would be assuming that people are innately capable of learning and reading social cues and then, judging people for struggling and being unable to do so. One incident involved with a classmate where they genuinely can’t read social cues of disinterest and my group of peers would often go indirect methods of communication instead of just being blunt with the person.

This is socio-normativity (and ableism, but thats par for the course when it comes to all forms of aphobia.)

Not everyone will understand tones, or implications, or facial expressions, or body language, or whatever else, because all of these things require one very specific lineup of psychological, neurological, physical, and sensory skills, which a great many people do not fall into.

[this-is-amato-heteronormativity]

It's going to be a long submission. This goes under the broad amatonormativity umbrella. Will break it into 2 parts.

Part 1)

It's infuriating how our worth is weighted by our relationship to other folks in society. We are valued if we are someone's partner, someone's friend, someone's parents, child, whatever. That's partially why the "he was someone's son, she was someone mother, etc." are stated, which I know is done for like feelings sake? A way to make someone care, but why is that the only reason someone starts caring? I don't want to be forgotten because i didn't really have connection i want people to link me to. I just want to be remembered for me and everyone deserves that. We all know the portraits of single people, people who don't wants friends, etc. It's alwasy negative(also ableist if they make it "phsycopath" "narcissistic monster") it's just so annoying.

2) more US specific it seems

There was a possible rule they want to pull off where unmarried individuals get sent to camps(whatever that may entail we can only assume) and people were referencing Handmaid's tale. My only thing was, did they ever think about how singilism and aphobia and all the other forms of gathered affects us? Did they ever remembered to listen to voices when we speak of relationship expectations and how society is formed as a whole? Do these jokes about "heartless people" "friendless people" "hopeless sex pests that never do "real" relationships" and more ever end? Do they only think of their own situations?

Just a lot of anger in me since I found out i was aspec and that was 6 years ago and it won't stop soon either. Not until we really see major changes for everyone on earth.

-angry heartless loveless cold omniaspec

This is amatonormativity.

1- You are absolutely right that our worth should not be dictated by how many people we had a connection with.

2- Non-partnering people deserve more respect. (And as a note, marriage benefits shouldn't be a thing, there is no reason a married person should get special rights.)

[this-is-amato-heteronormativity]

aphobia + pluralphobia is "you're aplaroace? but you're in a relationship! and you've talked about having in system relationships before!"

like. just because our collective has partners doesn't mean i feel the same. and... it's almost like identity can change.

and also the all too common "how are you aplatonic? everyone wants/needs/desires friends!" like… No. if i want someone around, i will choose to do so. i don't have to feel anything towards them. i am much more comfortable feeling nothing at all.

This is aphobia, socio-normativity (aplphobia variant), and pluralphobia.

Absolutely hate that singlets feel like they have a right to speak on plurals identities. Especially when they treat all sysmates as a unit (when that is not the preference of the system in question.) Like, okay? We share a body? Why are you (general you, not you anon) thinking that means we share everything else, too? (/rhetoric). Oh, right - because you don't actually believe in plurality, you just see us as quirky singlets.

And even if you did have a certain relationship in the past, why does that define your relationships now? It's the same tired argument of "Gold star" identities. "Oh, you can't be gay, you were in a WLM/MLW relationship in the past!" As if you cannot learn who you are. People are so comfortable saying that shit about aspecs, as if it's not just as ridiculous as it is with allospecs.

Then the point of people claiming that "everyone wants friends" - literally reframe this sentence in any other queer topic. "All women are attracted to men", "All men are attracted to women", "Everyone is attracted to only one gender", "Everyone experiences romantic attraction", etc, etc, etc. Why do people think it becomes a less bigoted phrase when it's about platonic, familial, or social attraction? (The answer is because they still are searching for a "default attraction" to fall back on, when that just doesn't exist.)

Not to mention how ableist it is towards people with forms of neurodivergence that may cause social disconnect (ie; certain neurodevelopmental disabilities, certain communication disabilities, some personality disorders, some behavioral disorders, some anxiety disorders, etc.)