Case #973,837,474 of Unsanctioned Violence in the Fordverse:
Megalomaniac vs Watchdog
[Commission by @maridrawss | Euclydia Rises AU by @orxinus | Somebody to Call My Own AU by @nowimjustastranger]
The tragic irony that they technically have the same brother, and same mother.
Transcript and further information under the cut:
[ MM!Ford: I'm going to break you to pieces, just like you were your brother.
Watchdog: I'm going to kill you again, just like you killed your own mother.
Vision Stanley, Projection Caryn, and Sentinal / Watchdog's original Stan: *playing ghost poker as they watch the fight, unimpressed* ]
Why yes, this is an Undertale reference.
Reasons why they would fight:
Watchdog doesn't have a reason to fight MM!Ford, who already doesn't have a Stan anymore because he destroyed his original dimension; so Watchdog isn't trying to rehome any Stan's from or worse, to MM!Ford. I could see them at the very least having beef or not liking each other on principle.
Watchdog already doesn't like most Ford alts, and he especially hates the ones who killed their Stan. Meanwhile, MM!Ford thinks he's the best Ford variant in the multiverse, so he'd by default see Watchdog as below him.
BUT, MM!Ford is also stated to hate/blame The Axolotl for what happened to his dimension. And Watchdog works for the Axolotl, so I can see that as a point of contention.
I think Megalomanic Ford does have god-like power though, and while Watchdog is biologically enhanced and has futuresight, it's not like he could fight a Bill Cipher without some prep work first.
And to do this fight, Watchdog would have to temporarily gain diety level status. How would he do that? Well...
Bullshit God-summoning ritual
Ares: Who calls upon the God of War?
Jerk Ford: Can I have some consequence-free Moly?
Ares: Why would I bestow the strength and power of a God to a coward and a schemer like you?
Jerk Ford: What about this guy? *holds up a picture of Watchdog*
The picture has the following bullet points written on it:
Loves fighting
Prefers face-to-face combat
Likes the colour red
Drinks a tall glass of Respect Women Juice every single day
New fic! I don’t always share my fics here, but I think you guys will especially like this.
Retraining: Abused!Stan gets relocated to a new version of his brother, one who will actually love are care for him.
Inspired, of course, by @nowimjustastranger ‘s STCMO au, including appearances from Watchdog!Ford in the first two chapters. It’s similar to some stuff they’re already doing, I think, but I’m such a sucker for a broken down, abused Stan.
I’ll drop a couple snippets for ya below the cut.
First, from chapter 1:
“An ‘accident,’ hm?” Ford’s tone is unimpressed, looking down on the sheepish, hunched Stan and the scattering of broken glass on the floor at his feet, “It’s always an accident with you, Stanley. How do you manage to break everything you touch?”
“I-I don’t know, sir.”
Ford scoffs and crosses his arms. Stan politely looks at the floor,
“I’m sorry, sir.”
“As you should be. Now clean this up. Quickly.”
“Yessir.” Stan nods, reaching for the broom… which isn’t there.
“Oh, the broom’s in the lab, I was using it… Just use your hands.“
The briefest hesitation, which Stan kicks himself for, then Stan’s on the ground picking up pieces of glass with his bare hands. He only cuts himself twice, and he thankfully manages not to drip any blood on the floor— the last time he got blood on the floor, he had to mop the whole house for it.
By the time he looks up, Ford’s already gone. Some of the tension loosens from his shoulders, his posture, but only some. He can never relax fully now. What if he makes a mistake?
He can’t disappoint Ford anymore. For a thousand and one reasons, he just can’t.
Then, from a later chapter which hasn’t yet been posted:
The soft knock on his bedroom door is startling, despite barely being audible. Stan tenses up, then closes his eyes and distinctly un-tenses, shuffling into a more lax position, ready to pretend he’s asleep. The door slowly creaks open.
“Stanley?” Comes the whisper from the door, “Are you awake?”
He does not answer. No, he decides to be asleep for this.
The door creaks slightly more and footsteps slowly tip-toe into the room. They come all the way up to the side of his bed. Stan’s desperately tempted to look, but he keeps himself reined in. Don’t let him know you’re faking.
With gentle touch, a stray hair is dragged out of Stan’s ‘sleeping’ face. Ford softly sighs, clearly right next to Stan. He just stands there for a long time.
Eventually, the quiet footsteps pad away and something softly plops into… probably the armchair, from the sound and the direction. If he focuses, Stan can still hear Ford’s breathing, but nothing else.
At least, until the crying starts.
Small sniffles at first, choked little sounds, then the occasional sob, muffled by something blocking the man’s mouth. No matter how nervous he may be, Stan can’t just let his brother cry alone. So he pretends to slowly wake up, blinking his eyes slowly open,
“Mmn… Ford? That you?”
“Oh! Sorry, I—“ Ford sniffs and adjusts in the armchair, “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“Nah, ‘s no problem.” He sits up a little to look at the dark, shadowy shape of Ford in the little armchair. “What’s up? You okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine.” His voice breaks on the last word and he winces at himself. Stan tries not to react too much,
“You, uh… you sure?”
“I’ll be alright. I just… needed to see you. Alive. I need to be near you for a while, I think.” It’s too dark to see Ford’s expression, but he fidgets with his hands, “Would you mind if I stay in here tonight? Just so I don’t forget you’re really here.”
“Sure, that’s fine.” Stan answers quickly, sitting all the way up and starting to move, “You can have the bed, and I’ll sleep on the chair, or on the floor or something—“
“No no no,” Ford interrupts quickly, “I couldn’t take away your bed, I’d feel awful. The chair’s perfectly fine for me. I want you to be comfortable.”
“My bed?” Stan’s too tired to stop himself from questioning, “It’s your house, Ford, everything’s yours.”
“No— well, yes, it’s my house, but this is your room. Everything in it belongs to you now.”
“But you bought it.”
“Consider it a gift, then.”
“But—“
“Stanley, I won’t allow you to have nothing.” Ford declares. “Let me take care of you, alright? You’re very important to me.”
“I… I am?”
The genuine confusion in Stan’s voice permeates through the room, and after a moment, Ford chokes out another sob. Stan curses, shifting again to get up, but Ford comes to him faster, sitting on the edge of the bed and giving Stan a blind hug. It’s tight at first, clinging, but it immediately loosens to something gentle and easy that Stan could pull out of if he wanted to. Hesitantly, very hesitantly, Stan returns the embrace. It brings tears to his own eyes too; he hasn’t had a hug in… damn, since he was a teenager. He barely remembers how.
“You are so important to me, Stanley.” Ford murmurs, “Nothing is more important to me than you. Now that I have you back, I’m going to give you everything.”
EVERYONE BE AGGRESSIVELY NICE TO THEM RIGHT THIS INSTANT.
@tearosepedall is in Indo, so Samuel (The Archivist) is enjoying cake with the Mystery Twins in her place. Unfortunately, he had to sit at the kids table with Stanley's other kids!
Textless version and drawing reference under cut
Commission by: @canadianno-gravityfalls
The Mystery Twins here are meant to be Mason and Mae from @nowimjustastranger's StCMO AU, because all three of them are Lee's kids, but they could be any slightly younger variant of Dipper and Mabel.
Come on guys they're clearly not friends. They have begrudging professional respect (disrespect in Jerk Fords case because he's never respected anything in his entire life) at best, and hate each others guts at worse but don't have legitimate excuses to kill (Watchdog Ford), or emotionally destroy (Jerk Ford) the other one.
It's not like they have a borderline parasitic bromance that they deny brazenly in the face of all evidence.
Transcript and dedications below:
[1st Panel]
Watchdog and Jerk: We're not friends. *as they're seated next to each in O'Sadlys while surrounded by empty seating*
[2nd Panel]
Watchdog and Jerk: We're not friends. *waiting in line at the Annual Friendship Convention*
[3rd Panel]
Watchdog and Jerk: We're not friends. *while sitting directly next to each other on the couch with an empty spot on their other side*
[4th Panel]
Lee, Anti Ford, and The Archivist: *stressed out and chain smoking because they're sick of those twos shit*
[Watchdog Ford and Lee-77/H by @nowimjustastranger.
The Archivist by @tearosepedall.
Anti Ford's design based off of the design by @zombiedeers
Let's talk about Old Man McGucket of the Jerk Ford AU.
While he has been life long friends with Stanley as well, since Stan isn't a massive bag of dicks, his relationship with Jerk Ford was still a strong friendship.
He couldn't read him near as well as Stanley could, obvious, but there was something deeper under all of those layers of jerkiness.
This is not a one-sided friendship, and Jerk Ford's sentimentalism is not un-reciprocated either.
I can't really draw and The Artist hasn't drawn Fiddleford yet, but I imagine in his design for most of the Gravity Falls 'series' he wears a little Forget-Me-Not pin either on his collar or lapel, and its never explained.
But, mysteriously, after Jerk Ford returns, Fiddleford stops wearing it. He'd switch it with a white tulip for the rest of the series.
Forget-Me-Not's have a lot of well-known meanings in floriography, but the most common attributed to it are enduring love, memory, remembrance, fidelity, and loyalty.
Tulips overall, as a spring flower, are supposed to represent renewal/rebirth overall. But white tulips specifically represent forgiveness.
More will will be shown eventually, what I can tell you;
In Jerk Ford's profile, there's several differences between Stanford in his Sea Grunks Era compared to his other outfits and designs.
Namely, his iconic/characteristic hoodie no longer says JERK. His Post-Weirdmageddon outfit shows that there's a tear through the JERK text on his hoodie, and that's lingering damage from Bill Cipher's claws.
His hoodie usually resets daily because it uses time loop technology. But, Bill Cipher is a god-level being, so the damage can't be reset.
By Sea Grunks Era, the tear is covered up by a repair patch that says STANFORD instead.
In Dipper's profile, it states that unlike Mabel, he can sew instead of knit. And he usually mends, repairs, and even embroider their clothes. It also states that he's the one who patched up Stanford's hoodie.
The excuse Celestabellebethabelle uses is that Jerk Ford is pure of heart (as in, 100% pure asshole).
In reality, she didn't want him coming back over and over again trying to get hair from them. No one questioned this excuse beforehand however, because it is very easy to believe that Jerk Ford is a bigger asshole than even the unicorns of Gravity Falls.
Jerk Ford had at least two things Canon Ford did not during the paranoid era:
His twin brother
A twinstinct
His reputation was also MUCH worse. He wasn't just the weird reclusive science guy who lived in a cabin in the woods, no, he was an active menace to society because he terrorized the town so constantly and consistently, that everyone in town hated him and had no time for his bullshit.
One of Bill's methods of attempting to torture Jerk Ford while possessing him in his sleep was doing things that caused him bodily harm - like nailing his hand to desk and eating a jar full of spiders.
However, the problem with that? Twinstinct, which doesn't need either twin to actually be conscious to work. Stan and Jerk Ford can feel each others emotions and bodily sensations, including pain.
The second Stan feels a bit of pain in the hand, he's stomping over to his brother, confiscating the hammer and nails, and tying him up in a way that he can't harm himself.
And WTF is Bill gonna do about that? Not shit, that's what; Stanley is way stronger than his twin.
Stanley was unaware of Bill's possessing, he thought his brother was overworking himself into delusions and erratic behaviour. Given Jerk Ford's overachieving nature, tendency to go overboard, and untreated anxiety disorder, it really was not that much more extreme from the other times he hyperfixated on a topic.
Jerk Ford can't eat most types of pizza, usually sticking to cheese and vegetarian pizza, because he follows the kosher guideling of not eating meat and dairy together. Also, he doesn't eat pork. So traditional Hawaiian Pizza, which also has ham on it not just pineapple, is a no for him for at least two reasons.
Dude was living off of spite, nutrition pills, and sunflower seeds for thirty years, do you think he uses cutlery? He can't eat without being hidden, so most of the time he would eat things that are quick and convenient.
While in Canon Gravity Falls, Bill Cipher used Blendin Blandin to trick Mabel into handing the rift over, in the Jerk Ford AU, Dipper broke the rift on purpose. For you see, Jerk Ford kept the kids out of the loop with his efforts to seal their dimension, and did not tell them what the rift was.
Dipper, angry and upset about feeling as if his sister was starting to take THAT JERK, The Author's, side, decided to get back at Jerk Ford the best way he knew; violence.
Hhe couldn't fight Jerk because he JUST saw him tear Bud Gleeful apart recently and Dipper is not THAT audacious, so he decided to break something that Jerk Ford liked instead.
Bill Cipher was going to use Blendin Blandin, but ended up just seeing Dipper do that all on his own. And he rewarded him with a dream bubble anyway, because Dipper was the only person in existance who hated Jerk Ford just as much as Bill, if not more.
Dipper in the Jerk Ford AU does not have the same relationship with Wendy that he does in canon. He does not have a crush on her, she is more like an older sister or cousin figure to him; because like his cousin Soos, Wendy often watches over them while Stan is working.
However, because of his protective nature, Robbie still misinterprets Dipper's behaviour as him having a crush on Wendy.
Robbie challenges Dipper and a Boss Theme prelude starts playing, and only Mabel knows what it means.
In Fight Fighters, Dipper was actually incredibly bloodthirsty stoked when Robbie challenged him to a fistfight, and Mabel was the one who summoned Rumble McSkirmish. She was afraid that Dipper was either in over his head against a teenager, or he wasn't, and he would catch a felony.
Dipper has Stan's thirst for violence, but Jerk Ford's complete lack of subtlety.
Mabel: You cant go fight a teenager!
Dipper: Why not?? You afraid I'm gonna get beat up?
Mabel: No numbnuts, you're gonna go to prison!
Dipper's relationship with Pacifica hasn't changed much from canon.
[Special thanks to @aroace-get-out-of-my-face and @maridrawss for help with this portion]
[ @acesartscape and @nowimjustastranger mention ]
Watchdog Ford is a lot of things; to Jerk Ford he is not just an alt, he's also an exception. To a lot of his bullshit, but that's a story for another day.
Whether or not Jerk Ford is mean to a variant is not dependent on if they're a good brother to their Stan; if they're not, that's just more ammunition for him to use against them.
He is absolutely a jerk to everyone, just because he can be.
If you mean Watchdog Ford by @nowimjustastranger, whom is sometimes called "Guard Dog Ford" Those two aren't friends. They just happen to run into each other a statistically impossible amount of times in the multiverse.
Any and all reports that they've saved each other skin at least once, and hang out sometimes are just rumours spread by their mutual ally (ALLY not friend) the Anti-Ford.
If you mean Guard Ford from the AU by @skeptiql... it's their AU, I'm not imposing on it.
If there is a cosmic security guard out there monitoring the Fordverse, considering that all Jerk Ford does in the multiverse is be a total jerk to everyone and cause trouble (and then get banned from dimensions for the two aforementioned reasons), I imagine reactions to him are typically going to be:
He's not heinous, malicious, or evil, he's just a really big jerk for no good reason.
---
Me and @nowimjustastranger are in the process of proper crossover, don't worry.
In the meantime...
Pre-Weirdmageddon:
Jerk Ford: Watch, this is Stanley. Stanley, this is Watchdog Ford and Lee.
Watchdog Ford: ...
Lee: ...
Stan: Well heya pal. It's nice to see Stanford's made more friends! I knew he had it in him to be nice and compassionate.
Jerk Ford: Stanley, I swear to God.
Watchdog Ford:...You're-
Lee: You're tall.
Stan: *looks between Watchdog Ford and Jerk Ford in an exaggerated up-and-down to annoy his brother*
Stan: *to Watchdog Ford* So are you.
Lee: *grinning* Oh, we're going to get along just fine. Let's chat.
---
Watchdog Ford: You... You aren't suffering?
Stan: If you don't call grading two hundred student assignments without assistance suffering, then sure.
Lee: ...nothings wrong?
Stan: Right now, no. I did miss my brother for the thirty years he was gone. It wasn't easy... the townsfolk truly believed I murdered him, and thought that was a good thing. And then acted like I was wrong for missing him.
Lee: So everything went okay for you?
Stan: I don't know what to tell you, pal- excluding not having Stanford in my life for thirty years and the issues that comes with that, things are going fine. If I'm having trouble I can just ask someone for help, and if I have problems emotionally I have friends and family that would lend me an ear or two. Also, I am medicated and seeing a therapist for stuff.
Lee: ...
Meanwhile Jerk Ford is in the corner sipping from his #1 Big Brother mug, and Watchdog Ford gets suspiciously misty eyed.
[Dialogue primarily by @tearosepedall]
---
It's a misconception at that Jerk Ford does not experience empathy (or at least not any for anyone besides his twin brother). This misconception is one of the reasons why The Ford Hate Club is always tripped up by him - they don't understand him. They think he's unfeeling with little to no emotional intelligence.
He has a surprising amount of empathy, you can see in this post he even says that most other Fords do not hate their Stanley, what they really have is resentment.
Jerk Ford just uses that empathy to know how to get under peoples skin and really hurt their feelings. Can't hurt feelings very well if you don't know what they are or how they work!
What he does lack is compassion, as in he doesn't help, support, or uplift people. That's a Stanley thing.
---
Jerk Ford: Your attack misses.
Dipper: Misses?! With my bonuses I had a total of twenty-three to hit!
Jerk Ford: That doesn't even touch the monsters THAC0.
Dipper: THAC0? Great Uncle Ford, 3.5 Edition is over! It's armour class now!
Jerk Ford: I'm the DM, and I rule your attack misses.
Dipper: *flips the battlemap, forgetting that the infinity dice is there*
---
Jerk Ford had such a bad habit of getting engrossed into his research and study that he would overlook things like finances (and showering). Stanley managed the finances between himself and and his brother, and he did send money back to the family, not millions but it was something.
Jerk Ford also had most of the money because he had his grant, and also a few patents, but Jerk Ford only cared about anamolies and terrorizing humanity so money wasn't something he thought about very much as long as their basic needs were being met.
When he lived back in Glass Shard Beach with his family, however...
"We should go graffiti Pines Pawns."
"Hell no, dude."
"What, you scared of Old Man Pines?"
"Forget Old Man Pines, don't know know what his son did to Crampelter? We don't need to be on his sh*t list."
