#stopping testosterone

[requestioning]

I’m ready to try. To try to be comfortable being female. Something I didn’t do when I was in puberty

[roadtohappy]

Maybe the answer is right there in front of me, I just need a different approach?

I think that my laid back "it is what it is so just go with the flow"-attitude has been of major help to me while I've been processing these new developments regarding my gender identity and expression. I've been purposely avoiding the "what could've been / what if I hadn't.. "-rabbit hole and focused on the positives and solutions instead. I think going off T and leaning more into my female side probably looks like detransitioning, which is why I started thinking about it in the first place, but I'm fairly certain that that's just what it looks like on the surface and there's actually much more to it. I believe my autism plays a big role in how I think and how I experience things. There's undoubtedly a link between autism and gender identity, and I think that's what prompted me to reevaluate things. It is, from what I've read so far, not uncommon for autistic people to have gender dysphoria or androgynous tendencies. Does that invalidate or de-legitimize my experience as a trans person? Absolutely not. It just means that there might be neurodevelopmental factor playing some sort of role in how I identify and perceive myself as a person, and I should consider things very carefully, and with extra caution when proceeding with the next steps in my journey.

I got what I wanted from being on Testosterone, it did its job which means that I can now go off it and resume my transition toward something I find more fitting: androgyny.

I don't think wanting some of my natural attributes back means I'm undoing or reversing my transition at all. What I've learned from this is that my cold, scientific and mathematical approach to things simply isn't useful when I'm faced with a complex emotional "riddle" like this. I think this is in part rooted in my autistic way of thinking; the ever-present need to dissect, analyze and understand everything, to pinpoint a specific cause and effect, or predicting the most probable outcome through observing patterns of events and behaviors - sometimes I just need to let go of my rigid, systematic thinking for a second and allow the free flow of thoughts and emotions to sweep me away from shore, and guide me to whatever it is that I'm looking for. I also have to accept that there is no perfect answer when it comes to the human psyche; the mind is not a calculator, there are no absolute answers as to why I think or feel the way I do. If what I'm doing feels right, then that is the only real indicator that I am doing what's best for me.

And at the moment, I feel like I am doing the right thing, that's all that matters.

This has been another disorganised ramble by me, can't wait to read through my blog two years from now and think "wow, what was I even worried about lol".

Side note: I probably could've articulated some things better, but I'm just letting my mind run as I'm typing - I am only speaking for myself and my own experience, this is not at all supposed to reflect the experiences of other trans people on the autism spectrum.

[detrans-tastic-blog]

"I ruined my body for a peace of mind I never got"

.

[ukftm]

Would I be able to come off T if I'd had a hysto/oophorectomy? And if I could, what possible side effects could I expect?

If you were to have an oopherectomy then there can be some issues with stopping testosterone as your body will no longer be able to produce any significant amount of sex hormones on its own.  This can cause issues in regard to bone density, mood, and general health.  In this instance they may ask you to consider taking oestrogen hormone replacement to protect against these things, which may not be desirable depending on the reasons for you stopping testosterone.

If you had only had a hysterectomy and not an oopherectomy (i.e. your ovaries were still intact) then there would not be the same issues in regards to not being able to produce your own sex hormones, however, the same would still occur in terms of having oestrogen as your dominant hormone.

Stopping testosterone and having oestrogen as the dominant hormone, whether produced by ovaries or as hormone replacement therapy, would mean that you would be likely to experience some feminisation.  Any irreversible changes from testosterone would remain (body/facial hair growth, hair loss, voice and genital changes), however, muscle mass would be likely to reduce and body fat would redistribute.  In some cases there can be some changes even to the reversible effects of testosterone for example, your voice could change subtly even though it will still remain deep, and hair growth may slow down.

~ Alex

[ukftm]

I've stopped T because I don't want to lose my hair (it was starting to thin and recede), is my hair likely to grow back to the way it was?

In general, you won’t regain any hair that you’ve already lost, although you may find that some comes back if you only very recently lost it.~ Alex

[detrans-tastic-blog]

So I have been going through the detransition tag. Does stopping testosterone and living under your birthname equal detransitioning? Like I realised I wasn't female to male transgender a long time ago and I always stick to saying i'm non binary. Which I technically am. But since there's so much ignorance and hate in this world regarding non binary identities I came to the conclusion people referring to me as a gender non conforming female (not women) is fine too. Like there's just too much going on for me mentally that I can't deal with non binary erasure. Doesn't mean I completely stopped identifying as non binary but gender non conforming female is fine too. In other words, I'm confused..

[ukftm]

For the anon asking about periods coming back after a break from nebido, I’ve not taken t for about 18 months (I realised I was nb and just wanted have some secondary masculine characteristics but be able to carry a child) and it took over a year for my period to come back. I was on t for about 3 years before stopping though, and my period originally stopped completely after being on t for 4 months - it does vary from person to person but I hope your gp gets their head out their ass soon!!

Thanks for sharing!

~ James