#thought spirals

[prosebyday]

Stuck in the past I miss you when you’re not here But when I have you, I’m a ghost A shell of myself. How can I be present? I know this is hurting you It’s hurting me too I’m pushing you away I love you I can’t get out of this loop Rumination is ruining me.

Rumination // Grazia Curcuru

[transcendragon]

Pausing your regular pride month content with an OCD creature! This design is inspired by one from @bia-lou but with some changes like a curly tail for thought spirals and bigger ears for more expressiveness! Also little sharp finger things to count and scratch with.

I’m calling this version FAQ, because OCD can definitely drive me to question frequently.

[anxiouslyfred]

Throwing Pigs

Summary: Virgil wishes he knew the anchoring phrase that would one day help his soulmate calm him down from anxiety attacks, but for now, he’s just trying to figure as much out as he can, and help his friends in the process.

Authors Note: I just want to say thank you to everyone who has read and enjoyed the soulmate stories I’ve written this month. I’ve loved seeing the comments people have had and as difficult as this amount of writing has gotten it’s been one hell of a ride and I’ve loved it all.

/\/\

Virgil often wished that those anchoring words everyone spoke about making you feel safe were easier to uncover. He'd love to feel safer, calmer, especially when the world felt like it was just way too much, but without knowing his soulmate and either helping them relax, or them helping him, he would probably never learn the full phrase.

In fact he was probably lucky to have gotten so many words from the phrase already, not that he had any clue how 'fly', 'really fast' and 'throwing' needed to be arranged or connected to make any sort of calming words. They didn't really need to be calming, but usually they were from all the stories that made the news about celebrity soulmates meeting.

Honestly he could swear that most of his friends felt the same, like it would be easier if they knew the right phrase to make him feel safe, whether they knew his soulmate or not. There had been so many times that he had backed out last minute from plans because something in him started looking into all the dangers, from wherever they were going being over crowded to that rattle probably from something unsecured in the trunk of his car actually being some major issue that would cause it to explode if he drove too far. It had to be wearing down on his friends by now, and Virgil was both shocked and pleased they hadn't given him up as a burden they didn't want to bear.

They'd never admit that though. In fact, once Virgil had mentioned how he was sure everyone got annoyed with his anxiety to Roman only to get scoffed at. “Dark Knight, seriously, I've got Remus for a brother. Do you really claim to be harder to keep calm than that hyperactive overenthusiastic whirlwind of chaos?”

While he hadn't been able to argue with that in the moment, Virgil really didn't think Remus was that bad. Of course occasionally he fixated on some macabre subjects but who was Virgil to judge? They both had minds that covered possible ways to die regularly, and  whether their coping mechanisms were similar or complete opposites, that didn't change the source thoughts being related.

The first time he'd seen Remus get caught in a thought spiral, Virgil had asked whether he knew any words from his phrase, after he'd calmed down at least. Apparently they both had 'throwing' in their phrase, but Remus only had 'pig' other than that, and neither of them could believe that there was any way to connect their words together to make a phrase at all.

It looked like Remus might just have found a way to though, since Virgil reached the park they were meeting up in to hear constant mutters about things happening 'when pigs fly' and how everything that flies has to land at some point.

“Yo. Think you said something about repainting, is that still on the plan or are you changing it?” Virgil called, trying to get his friend's attention.

“How many things would happen if pigs started flying? Also does that saying have to be unassisted, not in an aeroplane or helicopter?” Remus asked, gaze snapping onto him with a near desperation to talk about his thoughts.

Virgil shrugged. “Well I'm pretty sure I said I'd only stay calm when pigs fly so that's one thing to start with. What are we classing as flight anyway? Is this a Buzz Lightyear thing where falling with style gets passed off as flight?”

“No no no no no. Sustained movement through the air is a determined direction. No falling down and using rolling things to throw you up again, and can it really be flight if you're on the ground again within like a hundred yards of where you began? But then people have been catapulted further than that so I guess humans have known how to make each other fly, it's just self controlled flight we can't do yet.” Remus was shaking his head and waving his hands rapidly, almost making Virgil dizzy with the movement.

He remembered others helping Remus calm down by repeating the subjects back at him with questions and had tried that the first time. The answer just getting more frazzled only said he'd focused on the wrong bit of Remus's thoughts to help.

Mentally he checked over other questions he could ask as Remus returned back to pigs flying and the outcomes it could have. “So throwing a pig really fast could make it fly?” He offered, blinking when Remus turned, taking a few deep breaths at the words.

“Yeah, yeah, that's good. You're really good at safety words.” Remus commented after a moment of just breathing, hands lowering to his hips after a moment. “I bet Logan and Patton would throw a fit if we actually did try to make a pig fly though. Animal abuse probably includes launching pigs from catapults.”

The sudden change of energy from Remus concerned Virgil for a minute before the descriptions of how people calmed once their soulmate said the anchoring words popped into his head. He couldn't help himself from immediately asking, “Good at safety words or have I just said our anchoring words?”

“But you said, we both said, the words we knew couldn't fit together to make a phrase?” Remus wasn't arguing, just looking a little lost at the suggestion.

Virgil gave him a half smile. “Well you did say the words you knew were 'pig' and 'throwing', and mine were 'throwing', 'really fast' and 'fly'. I don't know about you but I can hear all those words getting included in 'So throwing a pig really fast could make it fly'.”

Another deep breath was taken by Remus before he latched onto Virgil's side, only unlike a koala in that his legs remained on the floor. “Definitely said our anchoring words. My snarky sarcastic and wonderful soulmate.”

Virgil snorted, shaking his head, but letting his arms wrap around them. “I vote we leave whatever mischief you had planned for another day and instead work on making a model pig to launch into flight.” He suggested, completely amused by how bizarre their words were. If someone else ever heard them calming each other down from now on they could get into a lot of really weird conversations. Might as well have a story beyond just the thought spiral and the words.

“I like how you think, my Hog King.” Remus cackled at the suggestion, already pulling them back to Virgil's car. At least his bike wasn't in the car park, suggesting he'd either been given a lift or found some unexpected way to get their.

[goodgrammaritan]

"God, a lot happened since you lost your mind. Is that rude to say?"

"Actually, the problem is that I can't lose my mind," I said. "It's inescapable."

Daisy Ramirez and Aza Holmes, Turtles All The Way Down by John Green

[morimyth]

Adhd today be like:

"we're gonna replay that same fucked up scenario you're worried about on a 3-second repetitive loop so you can't remember to eat, dress, think, or anything! Enjoy. 😊"

Me:

[puppetmastery]

im almost certain that king actually *is* the king of demons and that all demons were massively powerful until the emperor locked down their wild magic and made them tiny and weak

[rivetingreticence]

My head is so stupid... I was thinking stupid things and then I thought I should look up how to stop intrusive thoughts and then my head was all "that's not intrusive thoughts, intrusive thoughts would be if you were thinking *this*" and then I started thinking *that* and it made nothing better. At all. Thanks head.

(Also the whole: "you know that's not gonna happen - but it might - it's not - but what if it does - etc" spiral really sucks. Like, hell does it suck.)

On a more productive note: does anyone have any tips for dealing with stuff like this? Not sure if it's part of autism or possible PTSD-related or something else entirely but (I repeat) it sucks. So much.