Your Love (Deja Vu) [ch 5]
Phil is panicking. He can't find the boys anywhere.
"Technoblade?!" He yells. He agonizingly waits for an answer before calling out to Wilbur and Tommy as well. The cold silence greets him.
They're not here. They're not here, where the fuck did they go?!
Phil inhales sharply and forces his brain to turn its gears.
Wilbur told him over breakfast that he was going to spend the day practicing guitar in his room. Techno had said at lunch that he was taking a nap. And Tommy had just shrugged a little when Phil asked what he was - andohshitfuckfuck, they tricked him.
He leans against the wall of the bedroom hallway and takes another breath.
He's less scared now. There had been images in his head of soldiers sneaking into his home and abducting his children, dragging them kicking and screaming from their bedrooms while he obliviously worked away in the garden. But the soldiers hadn't returned. If they had, he would have smelled them.
No. His boys just ran away. He ignores the pang in his chest.
Had their trip been that bad?
He pushes the thought from his mind. No, no, it had been fine. He's not the problem. He isn't.
Oh, what are they thinking? Scaring him like this... He shoves his guilt away.
He has to bring them home. It's not safe in the woods, especially at night, and especially for three human children.
Phil storms into Techno's room. For the first time since searching through, he takes note of the opened window. Wilbur's is opened too, but Tommy's is closed. He notes that they didn't bring much with them. Nearly all of their belongings are still in their rooms, and he almost lets himself hope that they plan to come back, that this has been a silly misunderstanding. But Wilbur took his guitar with him and he instinctively knows that unless he brings them back, they won't return on their own.
He exits the home and takes a look at Techno's window from the outside. He opens his mouth slightly, tasting the air. Tommy and Techno faintly hang in the breeze, and when he follows their trail across the perimeter of the house, he reaches Wilbur's window. All three scents intermingle, and though it's fast disappearing, he knows he can follow.
He frowns in thought. His human senses are dull and if he was able to survey the forest from his natural height, he'd surely find them sooner. But then they'd know he's looking for them and they might give way to chase. He'd still catch them but retrieval has to be a delicate process. He normally doesn't care about whether his prey is afraid or not, but these are his kids, not his food.
Their fear of him is restrictive, (and hurtful and heartbreaking and so, so shameful,) but he's willing to work with it. Work around it. He is their father.
With a sigh, he starts to follow the scent trail into the forest.
"No!" Tommy howls, kicking at Techno's back. "I don't want to go with you!"
"Toms, sunshine," Wilbur pleads, "we can't leave you there by yourself, you know that - "
"I wouldn't be by myself," he sobs, "I would be with dad!"
Techno bites down frustration. "Tommy! What did I say about calling it that - !"
"Fuck you!" Tommy spits out.
Wilbur readies to retort, but Technoblade shoots him a look. "Leave it be. We can discuss all that after we reach town."
Tommy wails inconsolably but his brothers pay no mind. Night is starting to fall and they'll need to find somewhere safe to spend the night before they start again in the morning.
They left Phil in the garden. For as long as they'd known him, he adored that garden to the point of tunnel vision. He would spend hours outside and usually only realized how much time had passed when the sun was starting to set and visibility became limited. Techno kept trying to explain that they had sundown before it was worth getting antsy, but Wilbur had been clearly terrified the whole time.
"We should find somewhere to camp tonight. Now, Tech." Wilbur fidgets restlessly with the straps on his guitar case.
Techno pauses and adjusts his grip on a still sniffling Tommy. "You've been saying that for the past three hours."
"Night is falling. I'd rather be safe than sorry and find somewhere now, before it realizes. Do you want to test how fast it can find us?"
He pauses and looks at the sky. It's starting to darken. Maybe Wil has a point. He gently sets Tommy down on the ground and combs his hair with his fingers.
"I have a cave in mind we can go to."
Wilbur frowns. "Won't a cave be more danger than it's worth? Monsters will start spawning soon too."
An edge of dread started to forms in his heart. They hadn't brought any weapons with them. He thought they would have reached town by now, but they still have a quarter of the trip to make.
Regardless, he knows somewhere they can stay. Techno points out the exposed side of a mountain, somewhere far off. "When the giant first took us, I scoped out the forest for months in case we needed to run away." He ignores the surprised look from Wilbur. "I know a few good caves. Trust me, we'll be safe."
He takes Wilbur's guitar and hands him Tommy, who is still distraught.
"The mountains are a little far, Tech. Do you think we can make it before mobs start spawning?"
He shoots him an unimpressed look. "Well if you'd said something sooner - "
"You mean the whole time?"
" - then we could have gotten there on time."
Wilbur rolls his eyes but the two start towards the hills anyway.
They walk for fifteen minutes and are almost there when the sun finally sets. Mobs spawn in the distance.
"Tech?" Wilbur looks solidly freaked out. "Are you sure there won't be anything in the cave? Which one even is it?"
"It's the glowing one, Wilbur. I set up torches there when I was eight, do you think I'm daft?"
Wilbur laughs nervously. "Of course not. I'm just - what the fuck, man? Can we appreciate how fucked this situation is?"
Tech sighs and doesn't say anything.
They continue walking in silence. Tommy's fallen asleep.
Wil swallows. "Did you ever think this was going to work out?"
He's quiet for a moment. "What do you mean?"
"Months looking for an escape route. And you hardly seem surprised that we're here. Did you ever think he could have been home? Or did you doubt the whole time?"
"I thought that... I though he was too good to be true."
An arrow lodges itself into a tree next to his head. He widens his eyes and ducks down just as another one is fired right where his eyes had been.
Tommy wakes up with a cry.
They start running for the cave.
The further they run, the more mobs seemed to appear. From behind trees, from a pond, from the dark. Somewhere to Wilbur's left, a creeper explodes and decimates a few trees. Techno hears Tommy screaming ahead of him. He hears his heart pounding in his chest.
"It's never been this bad before!"
They dive into the cave. Most of the mobs have lost interest but a few zombies still drag themselves forward.
Techno curls his lip in disgust at the sight and pushes Tommy towards Wilbur.
"You want to go at it, hm?" He murmurs. "I've had the most shit week. Give me an excuse. Give me a fucking excuse."
Wilbur leans against a wall and slides down the side, clutching at Tommy. He closes his eyes and wills his heart to slow. At least the cave is well lit.
Tommy is still sobbing. He hugs him close. "Shh... I know. I know, we've had a really bad time, huh?" He can feel his jacket start to dampen with warm tears. He dully watches as Technoblade beats a zombie to its second death with a rock, screaming obscenities and threatening to do unspeakable acts to its family. He kisses Tommy's hair.
After about twenty minutes, Techno finishes and stomps back into the cave. He curls up roughly against his brother.
"How are you doing?" he asks after a moment.
Wilbur bursts into tears.
Tech sighs. "I'm sorry dad ate us."
But that just makes him cry harder.
They doze off like that, on the hard cave floor.
It's been two hours since Phil started his search, and he still doesn't have his boys.
The night has fallen. He's torn through hundreds of mobs.
He screams and smashes a spider's skull open, a lot harder than necessary. He rakes his hands through his hair.
It's been too long. The boys' trail heads directly for town. If they started at noon, when he first headed into the garden, then they'll still be an hour out, but God knows they don't know that, or else they would have planned more carefully. And none of his weapons were missing.
He presses his palms into his eyes. The odds of them being alive are slim. So fucking slim.
A horrible mix of disbelief, grief, and panic overwhelms him.
It's his fault. If he hadn't scared them off, if hadn't been absorbed in the garden, if he had just looked for them as a giant instead of a human then -
He starts to cry. God. He's fucked up. He's such a fuck up.
He can feel his subhuman instincts start to cloud his mind. He sniffles and lets it happen. If his boys are alive, then he wants them back. Now. He doesn't care if he scares them anymore. And if they aren't -
If they aren't, then he at least wants something to bury.
As the changes take over, he can feel his emotions start to fade at the edges as his mind starts to soften and become something else.
He opens his eyes and looks down. He frowns and steps on a creeper.
His boys. Where are his boys? The coil of fear in his gut hasn't lessened, but the grief has subsided enough for him to think.
The trees come to his knees. He idly crushes a zombie in his fist and eats its broken body.
Like this, his sense of smell is strong. He can smell them so clearly like this. He can smell Tommy's sadness, and Technoblade's fearful rage, and Wilbur's resignation. He can smell how recently they were here - only two hours before him. He presses forward and scans the area, looking for some kind of sign.
There's a glow in the distance. A fiery glow, but not the kind that comes from a forest fire out of control or a pool of lava in the dirt. No. Torch glow.
"Oh, Techno." A glimmer of hope ignites in his heart. "Sweetheart. You wonderful little genius."
With renewed energy, he moves forward.
Wilbur wakes up to a booming noise outside.
His brother wakes up with a jolt and gasp, sitting up like someone's dumped ice water on him. His attention snaps to the cave entrance. A giant silhouette in the moonlight creeps closer.
Tommy sits up excitedly. "Dad - !" Technoblade clamps a hand over his mouth but it's too late.
The giant hears. Its footsteps quicken.
Neither of them are thinking as they scramble up. Technoblade destroys the torches and shoves them into his inventory, where they won't make any light. The cave bends in a U formation and Wilbur runs deeper inside, clutching Tommy to his chest in spite of his violent wiggling. He curls up in fetal position as the cave goes dark, and just a moment later, Tech is there next to him, pulling Tommy into his chest and shaking like a leaf.
The footsteps stop outside the cave entrance.
Can the giant hear his heart?
Techno clamps a hand over Tommy's mouth.
They hear the giant speak. "Kids?" Its voice is raspy and soft. "Are you okay? Please come out of there, it's not safe."
Tommy wiggles harder and Techno can feel his brother's hot tears on his hand. He can feel his own tears too.
"Guys, please. It's just me."
That's the fucking problem.
WIlbur presses into him, sandwiching Tommy. "I thought we got away..." His voice is broken.
Techno suppresses a sob. He's the only thing standing between his brothers and Phil. He's supposed to be the oldest, supposed to keep them safe.
They can't see him from where they are, only faint moonlight being cast through the cave entrance. But suddenly the light is totally obscured.
Phil speaks again, his voice pained. "Please just come to me." It's practically a beg. "I know you're there, I can smell you. Let me take you home." He takes a sweeter tone. "We can put on a movie, or have some cocoa. Isn't it chilly out here? I can get you all warmed up."
Wilbur has no doubt that he can. Being inside his stomach had been -
"You're scared. I know you are, but you have nothing to be scared of. My babies - I love you so much. Let me take care of you." They can hear him shifting around outside, preparing to do something. What's he doing?
They don't have to wonder for long.
Wilbur's heart stops as fingers start to curl around the edge of a wall. They're long. Taller than any of them by a lot, and they're feeling around and creeping closer. An index finger brushes against his guitar case where it leans against the cave, and it falls over with a soft thump. The fingers freeze and then they gently curl around the little instrument and drag it outside.
His shoulders shake in silent sobs.
There's a small exhale from outside. "Your guitar? Oh, honey... I'll hold onto this for you, okay? Just come out."
The fingers enter the cave again, more excited than before. "Are you hurt in there? Is that why you won't move? I can bring you out. I'll you get the three of you taken care of." His voice grows eager. "I can eat you up and take you home."
Wilbur bites back a whimper. Even Tommy stills in their arms.
There's nothing they can do.
When the finger brushes against Wilbur's back, he knows it's over. He harshly shoves Tommy into Techno's arms and prays that his little brother will stay silent.
The finger curls around his midsection and there's a relieved grunt from outside the cave.
Techno sniffles but doesn't do anything, knowing what's happening and knowing that there's nothing he can do. He presses himself further into the cave. He's failed as a big brother. Again.
As Wilbur is pulled into the light, he closes his eyes. The cool night air greets him and curls tighter into a ball, silently shaking from sobs and fear.
"Oh Wil, sweetie," Phil coos around him. The hand is almost pleasantly warm underneath him. A thumb starts to stroke his head. "Are you hurt? You have to tell me if you're hurt."
He hides his face in his hands and prays to the stars.
"Are your brothers hurt?"
The giant waits for a response that won't come. It keeps stroking along his back in a move that's supposed to be comforting.
"That's okay. We can talk about it at home." The giant adjusts his hold on him. "Let me eat you up, dear. That sounds nice, innit? We'll get you warmed up and safe from the world."
He's petrified but shaking. Against his will, a sob tumbles from his mouth.
The giant starts to coo again. He's raised to its mouth. He waits for the inevitable, but the giant just plants a soft kiss to his face. "What's wrong? Can you tell me what's wrong?"
Wilbur shakes his head. All of this is wrong. Phil is supposed to be his dad. He shouldn't get to act like a dad, say things that dads say, and comfort him like a dad, all while threatening to eat him. He doesn't get to threaten to eat him in the most dadlike way. It's wrong. It's cruel.
He can't help the sobbing fit that overtakes him. It isn't fair.
The giant keeps whispering sweet nothings to him.
He hates that it works. He hates how it comforts him.
"I'm going to get your brothers out now. I'll get the three of you together, and then we can go home, okay? And I have your guitar in my pocket."
Wilbur is hardly paying attention.
When the giant finds Techno and Tommy, Wilbur knows because of the screaming. To his credit, Tech is putting up a fight. And he can hear Tommy wailing. Maybe it's sick of him, but he's glad they'll be together again. He was so scared alone.
The giant holds the three of them in its hands and whispers assurances, rubbing their backs soothingly with his fingers and occasionally kissing them.
Wilbur feels defeated. What can he do? He almost wishes Techno would stop fighting it. He's so tired of fighting it.
He settles into the warm skin and lets his body relax as the tears start to dry on his face. If he's going to die, is it so wrong of him to enjoy his last moments?
The giant sighs above them, noticing how he gives in. "There you go, dear. Settle down. Settle down."
Techno is brokenly sobbing beside him and Tommy just stays quiet and still, save for shakes in his little body and his eyes squeezed shut. Wilbur reaches out and pulls him into his warmth.
The giant coos above them.
"I'm going to eat you now," it says sweetly. "You'll feel better, I promise."
Techno screams even louder but the energy in Wilbur's body only seems to drain even further with that remark.
The fingers around them freeze, the whole hand seeming to tense up.
Techno doesn't seem to notice.
"I..." The giant sounds uncertain above them. "What's wrong?"
It doesn't sound comforting anymore, just confused. Deeply confused.
"Do - do you not want me to eat you?" There's almost a note of hurt in its voice.
Wilbur feels a faint spark of hysteria in his chest. Techno is still screaming. Tommy just huddles closer.
The giant doesn't speak and doesn't move to touch them. "Is that why you're upset?" And then softer, "Is that why you're upset with me?"
"Oh. Oh. I'm sorry." It sounds sincere enough to hurt.
Wil can feel the giant stand up.
"I won't eat you then. Not tonight at least." Its voice sounds odd, a little strangled. "Let's go home, okay? You had a long day today, didn't you? Let's go home."
Wilbur is too tired for this. He falls asleep to the giant's swaying footsteps and the sound of his crying brothers.
