just saw someone say that after toa the other gods surely lost all respect for apollo and that he'll be seen as a joke
I,, strongly disagree
I don't think you guys grasp how truly impressive apollo showed himself to be in those trials
he was meant to be fully mortal, fully. It was a blatant assassination attempt
like, zeus put his all in making apollo as mortal as he could possibly be and the result was a blatant not at all
I don't understand how you can mock apollo for being weak in toa, he was meant to have no power at all, the fact he even does is a testament to his sheer inherent divinity
he had his power and memory stolen and was thrown in a situation meant to counter Specifically Him. at full power
it was unironically an Impossible task
and the fucker did it
IN SIX MONTHS!!?!
I don't think anyone had realized he was willingly crippling himself socially until he effortlessly gained the loyalty and love of everyone he met the moment he stopped holding himself back, because he was plenty liked before, he was actively trying to make himself distasteful and he was still more popular than any of them. What. A. Doozy.
Apollo was put in a situation where he had to show how much control zeus had over him when things got real and he answered that with willing himself back to divinity and sheepishly saying "none at all, really"
I think that the choice to have Jason die doesn't piss me off nearly as much as his death was handled.
Riordan seems to think that listing overly graphic details about Jason's lifeless body during his death substitutes as real emotional effect on the reader, and it doesn't. At least for me, it didn't. I never cry when I read Jason's death scene. Because it really just makes me upset, lol.
To get a reader emotionally invested in a character, we need to spend TIME with that character. We need to be able to get to know that character in an incredibly intimate way, and not only do I feel like Riordan didn't really succeed in doing that with Jason in Heroes of Olympus, the way we did with other characters, he also didn't do it with Jason in the book he DIED in.
It's always been my personal belief that, as much as I love Piper's character, we should have spent that book with Jason; not her. That would have made his death feel so much more impactful. Instead Jason is the person we know of vaguely for about 20 pages until he bites the dust so he can haunt the narrative. It's so irritating to me.
Upon the discussion of toa having the best fandom ever,
I think what really helps to is that there's lore in our history. Greek mythology is already built into our culture and it can inspire creativity. We take a mythology class? Our little guys are mentioned. And we can look at stories of the gods and just put it into canon and we can talk about it. Which I think automatically means this fandom uplifts learning and education. Cause the more we learn the more we have to play with. We have thousands of years of history to play with and it's exciting.
au where Hermes burns down Cyllene as punishment for Luke
If Apollo's "involvement" in the second war leads to a six-month-long punishment named Lester, it's weird how Hermes seems to get off scot free for Luke (and honestly, Ares too for the bolt). And yeah, I've seen theories where it states Hermes didn't break the ultimate non-interference laws and therefore was not punished, buT! I think it would make sense if anyone who had any involvement in any war WAS punished, just kept their mouths shut about the details.
so what would be hermes' punishment for luke's actions in the first war? i propose this:
Zues should make Hermes burn down his birthplace. destroy it. wipe it off the map. kill whatever was left of his mother's earthly connections, thereby locking her and her sisters into their celestial forms, never to step foot on the earth again. It's the death of an immortal, and how chilling is that? According to Apollo, there is a power in birthplaces, but for a bastard of Olympus, it is only a stain of a reminder of where they came from.
(putting the rest under the cut bc its long lol)
ig there would be 3 main things that Heremes would take away from this:
showing Hermes that Cyllene is the consequence of his own actions. May Castellan, Luke Castellan, now his mother, who else? Everything he has touched has turned to ash, and any life he has entered has been led to ruin. ig this mindset would also shine a different light on Hermes' deadbeatness, in a way.
1. Enforces the consequences of Zeus' non-interference rule.
Scaring Hermes into inaction by punishing the results of his rare action (giving Luke a quest, speaking to him that literal one(?) time, telling May about the oracle) would also handily explain why the hell he was so absent during the giant war and the entirety of toa. Like, communications are down and messaging systems are in complete disarray, isn't that Hermes' domain? Why the hell isn't he doing anything about it? Well, that's bc he knows what happens when he disobeys, and at this point, he's running out of family to lose.
2. Prophecy is set in stone
This punishment would also unknowingly (to Zeus) create a mindset of the inevitability of prophecy in Hermes. Aka, the literal opposite of what Apollo and his trial's entire deal. Aka Zues' entire deal! !!!This is negative character development for Hermes gang!!!
If we go with the idea that Hermes knew about Luke's fate since he was a baby, and his giving Luke that quest was Hermes trying to change his son's fate... Then it almost sounds like one of the only times Hermes broke his father's non-interference rules was in an attempt to change Luke's fate. But not only did it blow up in his face spectacularly, but if that quest was a fundamental canon event in Luke's spiral into vengeance, then this is a classic tale of a hero meeting his end on the path he took to avoid it.
Not only has Hermes failed to save his son in what he believed was a futile attempt to go against prophecy, but he has also doomed his homeland in his rash actions. By punishing Hermes through Cyllene, it enforces the idea that his ever daring to think he could change fate has inadvertently brought the mountain to its ruin.
Furthermore, Zeus' choice of Hermes' birthplace as the target is uniquely tailored to hit where it hurts the most. A forest fire can go burning on for years, after all, and a mountain of ancient trees surrounded by boundaries of the boundary god could theoretically go on burning forever. After the deed has been done and the entire mountain is up in flames, from that point onwards, Zeus would only have to point to a ruined Cyllene to quell whatever mere suggestion Hermes has of stepping out of line.
3. zues proving to hermes that he is ultimately his father's son
if nympths in the rrverse are physically bound to a certain place, then maia and her sisters would have both their stars in the pleiades constellations in addition to mount cyllene.
Say, would the offsping of a nympth and a god be a minor god themselves? another nympth? a monster? who knows? in reality, their entire existence hinges on mortal belief and how humans perceive them, but parentage still plays a role in how their stories are told. so therefore the only olympian with a nympth for a mother would also reasonablly assume that there is a peice of him, like his mother, is tied to that mountain. weather or not thats actually true doesnt matter, what matters is when cyllene burned and hermes stood at the foot of the mountain and did not burn with it, to him it was the dreaded proof that he was no longer his mothers son. that he has left behind everything good that he used to be, and through his very own efforts, somewhere between his childhood in that cave where he dared dreamed of something greater, he has forfeited what made those dreams worth chasing in the firat place. through his own efforts, he has become something terrible. he has become his fathers son.
.
.
.
all this is to say that rrverse zues may be evil, but bros not uncreative lmao. isolating Hermes through cutting off some of the last of his support system (by his own hands, no less) not only ensures Hermes' reliance on Zeus but also Hermes' reliance and identification with Olympus as a whole. also ensures that when the time comes for Apollo's punishment, there's already a hurt there that's ripe and ready to be dug into.
Apollo's been banished to mortal-hood? oh boo hoo, what a tragedy (compleatly different hc but i think hermes honestly would've had a much easier time adjusting to mortalhood compared to apollo at first, mainly due to the nature of hermes' domains). Oh, Apollo nearly keeps dying as a mortal and is prophesied to perish at the jaws of Python? well, fuck, his head for his crimes is what he deserves, is it not? While Apollo's punishment is a thinly veiled assassination attempt, Hermes' punishment would be to isolate him further.
There was already a jealousy here that could be amplified to the nines post-trials. I think it's due to the sheer fact that Apollo came out of his punishment better off than how he began, divine and golden and shining once more, even though he has defied their father again and again and has acted as an antithesis to everything he once preached. To Hermes, Apollo's death-defying ascension makes the fact that while Apollo effortlessly gets everything, the only thing Hermes has received for his troubles is a dead mother, dead son, and a homeland in ashes.
It might be a hot take, but the PJO fandom needs to learn the difference between moments of genuine characterization and moments where Uncle Rick's boomer humor shines through.
The Copollogism Essays - Part 4: Leo's Questions/Seeing Commodus Again
THE RETURN OF THE ALDER ! ! ! ! !
From The Book: Part 1 (The Tent) ~ Part 2 (The Assassination) ~ Part 3 (Lester's Reaction) ~ Part 4 (Leo's Questions/Seeing Commodus Again) ~ Part 5 (The Arena) ~ Part 6 (The Waystation) ~ Part 7 (The Yacht) ~ Part 8 (The Final Moment)
Analysis: Part 1 (Apollo and Commodus as Individuals) ~ Part 2 (Toxic Relationship?) ~ Part 3 (Codependent - Or Is It?) ~ Part 4 (Other Thoughts)
it's copollo time yo
we're doing two different scenes so buckle up buttercups!!
Leo's Questions
“So what’s with you and the emperor?” Leo asked me, his feet pedaling merrily along as if the exertion didn’t bother him at all.
I wiped my brow. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“C’mon, man. At dinner, when Meg started shouting about commodes? You ran straight to the bathroom and spewed.”
“I did not spew. It was more like heaving.”
“Ever since, you’ve been awfully quiet.”
- Chapter 20, The Dark Prophecy
I really want to bring attention to how Leo, in his own roundabout way, tries to find out why Commodus upset Apollo so much <3 These two have a LOT in common, so I think it's fascinating how Leo is the one to reach out and give Apollo an opportunity to talk about what happened.
"Ever since, you've been awfully quiet." Leo says, meaning he notices what is normal for Apollo, and what isn't. And he tries to help!
Don't forget that this is not the first time Leo's met Apollo either - the first time, Apollo suggested killing him (and Hazel and Frank). Now, we the ToA fandom know that was very likely a bluff, but Leo doesn't!
And yet, he still shows compassion, in his very Leo-like way <3
Because let's also remember - Apollo is the reason Leo is alive.
Apollo gave Leo the Curse of Delos, allowing him to survive the fight with Gaea and rescue Calypso.
Apollo and Leo can be something so personal <3
Murdering Commodus was traumatic for Apollo. Something that can help with trauma is talking about it with others. Apollo has with Jo, and now he discusses it with Leo and Meg.
These three - Jo, Leo, Meg - are the ONLY ONES in the ENTIRE SERIES to hear from Apollo himself what went down between him and Commodus. As far as we know, they don't tell anybody else either. It's only them.
“Commodus blames me for his death,” I said.
“Why?” Meg asked.
“Probably because I killed him.”
“Ah.” Leo nodded sagely. “That would do it.”
WHEEZE Leo you and Apollo are MEANT to be friends. humor to lighten the mood? instant friendship, go commit arson together <3
I managed to tell them the story. It wasn’t easy. As I stared ahead of us, I imagined the body of Commodus floating just below the surface of the canal, ready to rise from the icy green depths and accuse me of treachery. You. Blessed. Me.
...and there's the water-related PTSD. ouch.
When I was done with the story, Leo and Meg remained silent. Neither of them screamed Murderer! Neither of them looked me in the eye, either.
Fair reaction, all things considered. I myself wouldn't know quite what to say or do if someone I knew told me how they had no choice but to kill their lover in cold-blood.
“That’s rough, man,” Leo said at last. “But it sounds like Emperor Toilet needed to go.”
LEO !! VALIDATING !! APOLLO'S !! ACTIONS !!
THIS IS GOOD BECAUSE APOLLO NEEDS FRIENDS AND FRIENDS WHO TELL HIM WHEN HE DID THE RIGHT THING !!
IMPORTANT FOR HEALTHY COMMUNICATION !!
THEY ARE FRIENDS YOUR HONOR !!
Meg made a sound like a cat’s sneeze. “It’s Commodus. He’s handsome, by the way.”
I glanced back. “You’ve met him?”
don't sound so eager Apollo lmao i'm joking
“Once,” she said. “In New York. He visited my stepfather.”
“Nero,” I urged. “Call him Nero.”
“Yeah.” Red blotches appeared on her cheeks. “Commodus was handsome.”
I rolled my eyes. “He’s also vainglorious, puffed up, egotistical—”
“So he’s like your competition, then?” Leo asked.
“Oh, shut up.”
*cackling*
let's look at this real quick.
firstly, Meg 100% thinks Commodus is hot.
secondly, Apollo's immediate reaction to finding that out is to point out all of Commodus's flaws, meaning he knows just how flawed Commodus is.
thirdly, Leo teasingly points out his hypocrisy, and all Apollo does in response is "Oh, shut up."
delightful little exchange, with a valuable piece of information in there to boot!
“One thing I don’t get,” Leo said. “Why Commodus? I mean, if this
Triumvirate is the three biggest and baddest emperors, the Roman supervillain dream team…Nero makes sense. But Commode Man? Why not some eviler, more famous guy, like Murderous Maximus or Attila the Hun?”
“Attila the Hun was not a Roman emperor,” I said. “As for Murderous Maximus…well, that’s actually a good name, but not a real emperor. As for why Commodus is part of the Triumvirate—”
“They think he’s weak,” Meg said.
we're going to come back to this.
She kept her gaze on our wake, as if she saw her own assortment of faces below the surface.
“You know this how?” I asked.
“My step—Nero told me. Him and the third one, the emperor in the west, they wanted Commodus between them.”
I wonder what that discussion was like.
Nero: hey uncle for this to work we need someone between us. to keep us from trying to stab each other to death Caesar-style.
Caligula: a triumvirate. excellent. absolutely nothing can go wrong with a triumvirate of the evilest, baddest, most notorious emperors of all time! But who-?
Commodus, exploding out of the nearest river, in a manic rage, screaming for bloodlust:
Nero & Caligula, evilly nodding: oh yeah. that one. that one would do juuuust fiiiine.
in all seriousness though, it really does sound like Nero and Caligula were alive first, and Commodus was added later! Caligula was the first to die out of these three, with Nero being the second - that is, if he killed himself in the RRverse same as historical him. He very well could have already made himself a pseudo-god and faked his death...
Caligula, though, was murdered by his own guard, so he had to have been resurrected - perhaps at Nero's behest? Ooo! Perhaps Nero thought he could get Caligula indebted to him, but underestimated just how...uh...batshit his uncle is, and quickly grew to fear him?!?!
perhaps then leading to a proposition of a Triumvirate, and looking back at the past emperors of Rome...they found Commodus.
I have no idea how they could have found out about Apollo & Commodus until Commodus himself told them, so here's another theory:
Nero and Caligula found Commodus in the Underworld, perhaps trying to track down which emperor to join their Triumvirate.
Now, I have a personal headcanon about how Commodus stayed out of the Fields of Punishment. I even wrote a fic about it.
So this is all STRICTLY headcanon! We are in the thumbtacks and strings zone. Tinfoil hats for everyone!!
In any case, they manage to find Commodus in limbo, and upon hearing his MANY greviences with Apollo, decide he's the one.
“So Nero and the dude in the west,” Leo said, “they want Commodus to be a buffer between them. Monkey in the middle.”
Meg rubbed her nose. “Yeah. Nero told me….He said Commodus was like his Peaches. A vicious pet. But controllable.”
what an interesting why to describe your coworker...hmm.
really makes you think on how Nero, at least, sees Commodus. We'll talk more on Caligula and Commodus in The Tyrant's Tomb.
Nero seems to see Commodus as a tool to use, just like he does with everyone. It's especially interesting how he specifically uses animal metaphors to describe Commodus - even Leo indirectly contributes to this image of Commodus!
A monkey is commonly seen as a wild creature. Then we have Peaches, a very wild nature spirit.
Both of these individuals can be vicious, as Nero said. When provoked.
You know what that reminds me of?
Don't poke the lion.
curious how it's the lion Commodus wraps himself in, and yet he is perceived as this animal that's been brought to heel. A pet, as Meg explains. A predator, even, to draw out and frighten the Triumvirate's chosen prey...
Controlled, with the promise of revenge.
and yet, we must ask him and ourselves - what will happen after that revenge? when his use against Apollo has run out?
nothing good, that's for sure; for the world, and no doubt for Commodus himself.
against even one of the other two emperors, he is the weakest. his only purpose was to be a buffer between them.
to them, Commodus is no threat. not at all.
Seeing Commodus Again
I peeked over the edge of the channel and was immediately sorry I did.
Commodus was right there.
- Chapter 22, The Dark Prophecy
AN EXCELLENT START 10/10 HILARIOUS
Lester sure did have his "Shit, it's my ex!" moment!
Thank the gods, we had crossed slightly behind his throne, so neither he nor his Germani guards saw me. My least favorite Cornhusker, Lityerses, knelt before the emperor, facing my direction, but his head was lowered. I ducked back below the edge before he could spot me. I gestured to my friends: Quiet. Yikes. We’re going to die. Or something to that effect. They seemed to get the message. Shivering miserably, I pressed against the wall and listened to the conversation going on just above us.
“—part of the plan, sire,” Lityerses was saying. “We know where the
Waystation is now.”
Commodus grunted. “Yes, yes. Old Union Station. But Cleander searched that place several times before and found nothing.”
pardon me but HISTORY NUT TIME!
Cleander was the name of Commodus's chief advisor! Well, his second chief advisor, who may have had a hand in assassinating the first one, who at the time had been a close friend of Commodus.
interesting implication that Commodus isn't aware of that. furthermore, it's interesting that Cleander (if it's the same guy) was allowed to return to work despite his MASSIVE FAILURES during his time in Rome.
like. look up Commodus, find his wiki page, find Cleander, click on the link, read about him. absolute DINGUS. look Commodus 100% had a hand in the downfall of Rome, mainly because he shuffled his duties off to other (untrustworthy) people, but BY GOD CLEANDER...CLEANDER WAS A BIG PART OF IT.
he had a MOB ready to tear him apart, and it scared it so much he went running to Commodus to save him. if i remember correctly, Commodus quit literally threw him to the wolves. i might be wrong on that so READ UP on Cleander please and roll your eyes at how abysmally he failed.
good lord how embarrassing.
perhaps he started at the VERY bottom of the ladder. and since Commodus goes through right-hand men VERY quickly, that's how he ended up as chief advisor once again.
before being killed, of course. by our man Lityerses, Reaper of Men.
“The Waystation is there,” Lityerses insisted. “The tracking devices I planted on the griffins worked perfectly. The place must be protected by some sort of magic, but it won’t stand up to a fleet of blemmyae bulldozers.”
My heart climbed above water level, which put it somewhere between my ears. I dared not look at my friends. I had failed once again. I had unwittingly betrayed the location of our safe haven.
Commodus sighed. “Fine. Yes. But I want Apollo captured and brought to me in chains! The naming ceremony is tomorrow. Our dress rehearsal is, like, right now. When can you have the Waystation destroyed?”
Lityerses hesitated. “We need to scout the defenses. And gather our forces. Two days?”
“TWO DAYS? I’m not asking you to cross the Alps! I want it to happen now!”
“Tomorrow, then, at the latest, sire,” said Lityerses. “Definitely by
tomorrow.”
“Hmph. I’m beginning to wonder about you, son of Midas. If you don’t deliver—”
why in chains specifically commodus- i'm sorry i'll see myself out
another very interesting relationship to discuss is between Commodus and Lityerses.
there's some type of stepdad-stepson thing going on here, faintly. it's not focused on much, but reading between the lines (and knowing what we know about Lityerses and Midas) we can conclude that Lityerses, at least, sees Commodus as a surrogate father-figure.
unfortunately, he may be even worse than Midas rip
hmm...hrm...
you know...this makes me wonder. is Commodus perhaps reflecting Marcus Aurelius's parenting style, or could he be projecting what he thought he felt from his father's rebukes and lectures? putting these unreasonable expectations onto another in an effort to make himself feel powerful and in control?
much to chew on here. hrm hrm hrm...
get some damn therapy Commodus.
“Incursion at the front gates!”
Lityerses growled. “I will deal with this, sire. Never fear. Guards, with me!”
Heavy footsteps faded into the distance.
I glanced at Meg and Leo, who were both giving me the same silent question: What the Hades?
I had not ordered an incursion at the front gates. I hadn’t even activated the iron manacle on my ankle. I didn’t know who would be so foolish as to launch a frontal assault on this underground palace, but Britomartis had promised to look for the Hunters of Artemis. It occurred to me that this was the sort of diversionary tactic they might arrange if they were trying to distract Commodus’s security forces from our presence. Could we be so lucky? Probably not. More likely, some magazine-subscription salesman had rung the emperor’s doorbell and was about to get a very hostile reception.
I risked another peek over the edge of the canal. Commodus was alone now with just one guard.
Perhaps we could take him—three on two?
Except that we were all about to pass out from hypothermia, Meg probably had some broken ribs, and my own powers were unpredictable at best. On the opposing team, we had a trained barbarian killer and a semi-divine emperor with a well-deserved reputation for superhuman strength. I decided to stay put.
a very wise decision, Apollo. Marcus Aurelius would be proud.
Commodus glanced at his bodyguard. “Alaric.”
“Lord?”
“I think your time is approaching. I grow impatient with my prefect. How long has Lityerses had this job?”
“About a day, my lord.”
“Seems like forever!” Commodus pounded his fist on his armrest. “As soon as he’s dealt with this incursion, I want you to kill him."
see what i mean by 'going through prefects real fast'? Lityerses dodged a bullet.
“Yes, lord.”
“I want you to wipe out the Waystation tomorrow morning at the latest. Can you do that?”
“Of course, lord.”
“Good! We’ll have the naming ceremony immediately afterward in the
colosseum.”
“Stadium, my lord.”
fun fact I've been to the Colts Stadium for a high school trip.
“Same difference! And the Cave of Prophecy? Is it secure?”
My spine took a jolt of electricity so strong I wondered if Commodus kept electric eels in the channel.
“I have followed your orders, sire,” Alaric said. “The beasts are in place. The entrance is well guarded. None shall gain access.”
“Lovely!” Commodus jumped to his feet. “Now let’s go try on our racing outfits for the dress rehearsal, shall we? I can’t wait to remake this city in my own image!”
Commodus tries on his racing clothes...meaning he puts meticulous detail and attention into his visage...he appears exactly as he wants to appear...
I waited until the sound of their footsteps receded. I peeked over and saw no one in the room.
“Now,” I said.
We dragged ourselves out of the canal and stood dripping and shivering in front of the golden throne. I could still smell the scent of Commodus’s favorite body oil—a mix of cardamom and cinnamon.
APOLLO STILL REMEMBERS THE SCENT OF COMMODUS'S FAVORITE BODY OIL DO I NEED TO SAY ANYTHING MORE
anywho this is why i'm obsessed with giving Commodus those SPECIFIC scents in my fics. always.
though also remember he has roses in his bathwater...(does he still, you think? hmm...)
hey. cardamom symbolizes love, health, and prosperity. cinnamon symbolizes protection, prosperity, and health.
...Commodus. you aren't fooling us.
I can easily interpret this. *cracks knuckles*
you see, the protection part is important because Commodus is trying hard to not only kill, but sacrifice Apollo - doing so will grant him ultimate power, as per Trophonius's prophecy. Thus, granting him protection - from Apollo, and from the other emperors.
Health and prosperity is simple - that's part of what Commodus wants. He wants to be immortal, eternally handsome and hale. He wants to reign in a kingdom of his own, with entertainment to spare.
but even if he manages to get all of that...it won't be enough. because we all know that deep down, what he desires - nay, covets the most...is love.
how intriguing. to gain the power he wants, he must quite literally sacrifice the only person he ever loved.
Reyna's resignation from her role as praetor is a manifestation of Arthur Schopenhauer's claim from The World as Will and Representation:
"All willing springs from lack, from deficiency, and thus from suffering. Fulfillment brings this to an end; yet for one wish that is fulfilled there remain at least ten that are denied. Further, desiring lasts a long time, demands and requests go on to infinity, fulfillment is short and meted out sparingly. But even the final satisfaction itself is only apparent; the wish fulfilled at once makes way for a new one; the former is a known delusion, the latter not as yet known. No attained object of willing can give satisfaction that lasts and no longer declines…Therefore, so long as our consciousness is filled by our will, so long as we are given up to the throng of desires with its constant hopes and fears, so long as we are the subject of willing, we never obtain lasting happiness or peace…"
Reyna resigns from her role of running Camp Jupiter. This is one of her defining characteristics. She spent her life working herself into this role. She was not destined for the role, as her counterpart, a son of Jupiter was, rather she started as a legionnaire and worked her way to become a praetor. Her will manifested in the desire to climb the ranks via becoming what everyone projected upon her.
We chase what the world mirrors back to us as valuable. As Schopenhauer says, our desires control us:
My whole life, I’ve been living with other people’s expectations of what I’m supposed to be. Be this. Be that. You know?
In turn, her desires pointed toward becoming praetor:
For years, I was supposed to be a good little sister to Hylla in a tough family situation. Then, on Calypso’s island, I was supposed to be an obedient servant. Then I was a pirate for a while. Then a legionnaire. Then a praetor.
She exists, in every stage, in a circuit of desire. Desire to please, desire to lead, desire to command, the list goes on. And yet, each role she assumes fails to deliver lasting peace, so she shifts the target again and again. This cycle of desire is what Schopenhauer describes as the root of all suffering:
No attained object of willing can give satisfaction that lasts.
Once she assumes the position of praetor, she is still engaging with the her Will. Now, it has become a desire to follow the same path as previous praetors:
“But the whole time I’ve been a leader here,” she forged on, “I was looking for a partner. Praetors often partner up. In power. But also romantically, I mean. I thought Jason. Then for a hot minute, Percy Jackson. Gods help me, I even considered Octavian.”
She is never content with what she achieves. Her will is constantly requiring her to strive for more:
Fulfillment brings this to an end; yet for one wish that is fulfilled there remain at least ten that are denied. Further, desiring lasts a long time, demands and requests go on to infinity, fulfillment is short and meted out sparingly. But even the final satisfaction itself is only apparent; the wish fulfilled at once makes way for a new one; the former is a known delusion, the latter not as yet known.
She has existed in the cycle of constant suffering, as Schopenhauer would say. She achieves what she desires, finds it to be unfulfilling, then turns to something new for satisfaction. She exists on a ladder with no conclusion.
When she steps off, when she resigns, she pictures it as a way to find herself:
“It’s for personal reasons,” Reyna said. “Like, my sanity, for instance. I need time just to be Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano, to find out who I am outside the legion. It may take a few years, or decades, or centuries.
And yet, her next step is not solitude or inward reflection. it is simply throwing herself back into the circuit.
Her statement that she needs to find out who she is seems like it would be a way to disengage with the will. It could lead to introspection and individuality. It can free her from the roles and expectations she cites as a reason for her resignation.
Yet, her joining the Hunters is not an act of full liberation. It is an escape into another form. It's a structure where she does not have to confront her pain directly. The Hunters offer her a refuge from confronting her romantic longing, but they also relieve her from the burden of choice. She is delaying introspection by joining the Hunters, who practice complete celibacy.
Her words confirm this deferring of choice:
I don’t need a partner…at least, not until and unless I’m ready on my own terms.
She leaves the door open for a partner "on her own terms", and yet hides within the confines of the oath of the Hunters. She does not seek to break the cycle by remaining in the position to reconcile her desire to have a partner eventually, she is avoiding having to face it longer.
She has not broken free from the control of the will. She still exists within the grasp of its power.
