#trigger warning dysphoria

[leo-cullen]

I wrote an essay about how I relate to Cloud Strife from FFVII, here's the finished product.

Trigger warnings for mentions of dysphoria, suicidal ideation, and pet death. Spoilers for FFVII and Advent Children.

[peterlos1ngw3ndy]

i've said it before and i'll say it again

can we PLEASE normalise including trans men and nonbinary people when talking about pregnancy and abortions???

cis women are NOT the only people who experience these things, and trans & nb people have just as much right as cis women to choose whether we want an abortion, or to carry out a pregnancy

and also just because we're not women and may suffer from dysphoria DOES NOT MEAN that we will automatically want an abortion if we become pregnant

[theweirdalyssa]

I’m getting my first chest binder.

I’m excited cause I’ve been taking forever about how I don’t like having boobs. And how I want to cut them off.

My husband is totally cool with it and supportive.

I kind of feel like I may be non binary though?

I’ve always identified as female but given the option of non binary and they/them pronouns, it feels better?

I’m going to talk to my therapist about it.

I already asked my husband if he’d still like me and he said yes. I also still want to be called his wife.

And some days I like being more feminine and some days I like being more masculine.

Does this still make me bisexual or erase that?

But I’m just nervous and need somewhere to vent.

[theweirdalyssa]

I got my binder.

And a bitch is THRIVING.

I feel very ME now. I’m so fucking happy.

[closeted-ramblings]

TW: may cause dysphoria

Hey if anyone here has a twitter go to settings -> account -> your twitter data

Twitter has been assigning gender to people based on their account data, and getting it wrong.

I identify as female, and dont really care if twitter has it wrong for me, but its important for anyone experiencing dysphoria.

Take care of yourselves, friends.

[collegetheatregay-blog]

my dysphoria today...

I hate bra shopping so much. I don’t what it is about it but any time I have to go and get fitted and have people helping me and asking what style bra I want and do I want a wire, do I want a push up, etc and just I feel so uncomfortable and dysphoric rn. Like I’m comfortable with my chest up to the point where I have to be confronted with my chest size and pick things that make me feel so feminine, then I just freak out and have a panic attack in a dressing room.

[transnonbinarysupport]

Also (it me the last anon) it's really freaking me out that I feel like I'll never really be what I want to be and I'm crying it's 3am

I haven’t even gotten into the idea of a sex change yet as I’m just findin my gender but i had to research ftm bottom surgery for a story i’m writing. i was kind of disheartened by the results? i always knew I wasn’t cis female bc i always felt like i’d be more comfortable if i had a dick strange as this sounds, i mostly envy cis boys for how they masturbate. i realized that bottom surgery that can allow me to have that same feeling and that allows for pleasurable penetration doesn’t exist (½)

And I just hate the idea that even with surgery I can never have the body I dream about and have the sort of sex that I fantasize about. Sorry if this is weird, but it’s causing me a mild crisis bc what’s the point in living if I’ll never be truly happy with my body? (2/2)

Mod Isa: 

Hey baby boy, You’re gonna be alright. You are going to be alright. I promise. 

Yes, the bottom surgery isn’t perfect yet, but someday, maybe it will be. Although You may not be able to penetrate with you penis should you go through with bottom surgery, though it looks like you’re not quite there yet, you could use strap ons, finger penetration etc, and even though that in itself may not bring you the sexual pleasure that it would bring a penis if it were touched, that doesn’t mean you won’t experience pleasure! 

(By the above paragraph I mean that even if you do not get bottom surgery, or if you do not have the sensation you imagined if you do, there is still gooing to be pleasure in sexual relations for you, if that’s what you’re looking for. However, don’t give up hope! There are in fact surgeries which maintain sexual sensation!!!) 

Bottom surgery of the type where you take the clitoris and labia minora (typically referred to as the vagina though this is incorrect) and turn it into a working penis does create a small penis, usually, because of the way it’s made-Truth be told however, there are many, many amab people born with small penises, or penises that do not work in an atypical way. It won’t set you apart. 

Further more, due to research I’ve found online to be useful (I don’t have personal reference to the subject apart from what I have read online while considering the surgery myself) is that while constructing a penis from the skin of the vagina creates a penis which can become erect, though not as erect as a typical penis, it is usually slightly smaller then the typical penis which, I have heard, can make penetration harder. 

Here is further information on creating a fully functioning, sensational penis: 

Phalloplasty: One which would create a penis which can artificially become erect, though it may not be fully sensational, it still works for urination, and is also usually of average size.

metoidioplasty: The other surgery, which I believe the anon was referencing, was the surgery which uses the skin of the clitoris and labia minora (instead of skin graphs from other parts of the body). It is usually too small to penetrate, though I am sure there are exceptions, and though it can get erect, it is usually a weak erection.

One would usually have either one surgery, or the other, though some would undergo both to fulfill their needs. 

Another anon suggestions @gendercube  ‘s blog for indepth information on phalloplasty :) Saying that he posted just yesterday about how much sensation he has! 

It is 100% worth it to live. It’s totally up to you if the surgery is worth it to you, but remember there is so much more to sex than just penetration and if you wanted to penetrate, there are ways you could, even though it might not be with your penis. I honestly do not know whether this answer will help you or not, but know that your body is perfect, will be perfect, and you can always talk to me at @poetryundermyskin if you need to talk to someone off anon to discuss what you’re feeling. 

Also would anyone who’s undergone bottom surgery and would be willing to talk about it please reply to this post so I can add it to the answer? 

-Mod Isa

@greythecorvidid adds: 

[appalachiangenderblendr]

one year endocrinologist update!

I had my first endo appointment since September this morning, just past my one year on t. The bad news is, my shit is all out of whack. The good news is, we are fixing it.

In January, my endo dropped my dose to 50mg every other week. Over time, most of my changes slowed and stopped, which included what became some pretty regular bleeding. It was tough for me to discern the difference between a natural slowing of changes (and let’s face it, some pretty bad dysphoria around such unfulfilled hopes) and what might be dose-related, so it wasn’t until it became apparent that my period was making a pretty clear return that I knew for sure something was wrong.

I had my trough t levels tested this time, and they were at 147ng/dL (reference range is 300 - 1000 ng/dL). Basically, this means that I was regularly falling well below the lowest male threshold. Levels that low most certainly explain the regular bleeding I was experiencing, and makes me feel a lot less crazy for being so frustrated with my progress.

With that news, my doc agreed to double my dose, back to 50mg a week. 

It’s really tough for me not to feel like my transition has been set back. I was on that low dose for four months, time that could have been spent nurturing my body into reflecting the man I wish to see in the mirror. My only condolence is that now I am at least headed in the right direction again. I’m excited to see how much things will improve from here.