SYNOPSIS: Doc wanders out of one exit, and wonders where to find a new door to open.
WARNINGS: Torture mention, death mention, slight nihilism
WORDS: 848
(Canonical Status: 9/10; reflects canon thoughts and feelings for Doc at this time, though exact wording may change later on in-story.)
Doc backstory oneshot in the big '26!!! And it's his first of the new year! ~\(≧▽≦)/~
And yes, the name 'Doc' is never said for a reason :)
[Reblogs greatly appreciated!]
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It was over.
It was... over.
He was out. Out of that wretched place, put in—tortured, killed, turned into a gruesome show for those to laugh at—for something no one in their right mind would have ever thought as a crime.
Now, he laid on something soft, taking slow, deep breaths. His body echoed with phantom pain of his final death in that prison: a simple sword through the chest. Now, so soon after regeneration, it felt like the sword was still embedded in his chest, skewering his heart in two. His chest burned with the phantom pain, and even moreso as he let out a weak, genuine laugh.
After years of precise torture from enchanted weaponry, he was almost relieved that his last death—the one that had freed him—was so... simple!
He winced after his laugh died down, then curled up on himself, whimpering as another pulse of phantom pain echoed from his chest. The unfortunate news was that his scars--there were so many, now--became something akin to pathways for the phantom pain, carrying it from his chest to wherever they reached on his body. Which was to say, everywhere. Vataria had wasted no space. A canvas, she'd called him. Three years she took, to paint it every shade of red and purple she dreamed of.
Now, that canvas was gone. Empty. Even his name now felt torn from him. She had said it so much that it had bathed in the acid of his hatred for her. It had dissolved into pieces, and now, he did not know if those pieces fit.
Her paint had dried, into scars and tears that would never fully be erased. But he could paint something new. Something better.
But...
...did he even want to..?
The thought made his entire mind scatter, and for a brief tick, even his phantom pain seemed insignificant.
He didn't have to. He could just lie here, on this strange softness. Forever.
He didn't have the paint to cover the scars, to give himself new meaning.
Perhaps it wasn't worth the effort, anyway.
He could feel himself sinking, a dread coiling in his chest. There is no point, he thought. The home he knew had been lost to him, locked away for years. He had done everything right, and yet his friends had abandoned him. Left him. Even so did the very god he had revered, and had worshipped with every breath he exhaled.
Slowly, he opened his eyes, and his gaze fell on the jagged scars wrapping around both of his arms. Both of his palms had vaguely circular scars in the center; those had been from spears, glowing and harsh and terrible.
But... had The Abyss forgotten him? He was still here. He had regenerated, and now laid among...
...grass?
He looked up from his hands with a start, looking at his surroundings for the first time since The Abyss deposited him here. It was true; surrounding him was grass. Tall and a desaturated, yellowish-green color.
His eyes widened as he stared at the beautiful plant, before he grunted, groaning as he shifted and struggled to push himself up. The phantom pain flared in his chest and made his arms tremble, and he cried out, collapsing again. There was more grass underneath him, and part of him felt a deep sorrow for crushing it.
He had never seen so much grass before.... The Jagged Peaks had very little of it, even at the lowest points of the mountain range. He'd never known it was so soft. This grass almost looked like wheat stalks.
He breathed deeply, turning and staring up towards the sky. It was bright blue with the day, clouds drifting overhead. Such a beautiful blue and splashes of white. But those colors didn't belong on his torn, battered canvas.
Tall grass... such a strange thing. The yellowish-green hue was quite the sight to behold. A pleasing color.
Maybe he could borrow this color, instead. Something low to the ground, even if he deserved to be within it instead.
He shut his eyes briefly. He did not know his feelings of The Abyss any longer; those were tangled, complex. For now, he did not care for It. But he acknowledged that It had not forgotten about him as he'd so long believed.
For now, it seemed to be wise to stand. To wander. It seemed he still had an ember of joy for discovery; the grass, being so surrounded by it, fanned that flame. He would stick with this green-ish shade. The grass was new, cradling him as if he had Awakened in it.
And perhaps he had. He was no longer an Abyssalist auxil of the Jagged Peaks. Those pieces were long gone from him, torn from Vataria's battering of his body.
For now, he would cast this shade of grass across himself. He was here, now, in whichever Biome The Abyss had deposited him in. He could keep it, for now.
Even if that paint eventually fell away, and left him blank once again.
“I have these good days, y'know, where I feel invincible, but then there are a lot of bad days, and I remember that nothing… Nothing matters, y'know?” - Bob Reynolds (Thunderbolts*)
@hp-feencraft asked me this in a previous post regarding Kasper, where she asked me if Kasper's cloak, Paul, was able to take control of him as some kinda defense mechanism. I have an answer for that:
YES. That can happen. More about it below.
Kinda like how Sonar has his mega bat form, Kasper has his cloak take over during his bad days, or if he's about to die. It kinda works like a spare life when he fails a call and is about to be downed; however, it mostly takes a bit of his energy and can harm his fellow Z-Teamers if he's not careful.
Kasper also kinda goes all Caine-like, going all "I̶'̶M̶ ̵G̴O̶N̸N̷A̴ ̶P̴U̷T̷ ̶Y̵O̸U̷ ̶F̴R̶E̶A̴K̵S̴ ̷I̵N̸ ̷Y̷O̴U̸R̶ ̸P̵L̷A̶C̶E̴!̵!̸!̵" and "WHY DO YOU PEOPLE TORMENT ME?!?!?!", especially during his fight with Robert and Blazer if Robert decides to cut him instead of Sonar or Coop. His powers also get a massive boost (Even without Red Ring augments), and he can even kill people if he wants.
Inside the cloak, Kasper can heal his wounds, but he has to suffer through his memories as Chris. He's used to it due to having them buried in his head, though, and he can't die in there, unlike the victims that Paul consumes.
And if you're wondering if Paul can take over even when Kasper's not on the job, it can, but Kasper is able to stand up to his "friend" and take Paul off with some help from his other friends, like Punch-Up and Malevola. However, Paul always comes back to Kasper because Paul has been with Kasper's family for years, and Kasper has latched onto his cloak for a good portion of his life... It's somewhat a mix between a parasitic and symbiotic relationship, if you will.
When it came to his design, I got inspiration from Cursa from the Mario/Rabbids games, that one sarcophagus pokemon (IDK its name, but I nicknamed it Mot in Pokemon Go thanks to Persona), a small bit of Ghost Rider and Zarathos' relationship, a bit of Venom, and the Void from Thunderbolts.
Hiyaaa anjdjf im not used to sending asks so sorry if this is weird but my request is a scenario with idia and anyone else ( i wanna leave the rest of them up to you ) with an S/O who is usually a pessimist and one day they just dont show up anywhere cause theyre feeling extra depressed and nihilistic and are camping out in their bed bc of it and they dont have the energy to contact anyone and the whole parade of negative thoughts n stuff r kinda messing w them rn. Yk??? Sorry if that didnt make sense; have a nice day btw i love your writing :)
{hullo anon!! this is a cool request & it made perfect sense to me so dw!! i picked 2 more of The Boys tm, hopefully you like them too!!}
TW for mentions of depression, emotional struggles, and nihilism
Idia Shroud
Idia understands that sometimes his partner can be a bit nihilistic and negative but he didn't expect to not see the for a few days
he found them bundled up in their room, watching videos on their phone with glazed over eyes
he gently nudged them and asked what was going on, surprised when they barely glanced at him from their phone
they explained they were just feeling drained and like they couldn't be around anyone or anything, saying it was all pointless anyway
he didn't know how to respond, so he just stayed with them while they watched videos and napped occasionally
Deuce Spade
Deuce was always a bit concerned with how negative his partner seemed to view the world
he didn't think it was a major issue until he found them locked away in their room, not letting him in for a while
eventually, they unlocked their door and allowed him to enter, letting him see their disheveled form wrapped up in a blanket he'd gifted them
he asks them what's wrong, and when they explain they couldn't bear to be around people his heart sinks a bit
he asks if he can do anything to help, and stays with them and listens to them vent while holding their hand tightly
Cater Diamond
Cater liked that his partner was so different than him on the surface, the two of them being opposites so they must attract
he didn't know what to do when they disappeared for a few days, not even responding to his memes on Magicam
he seeks them out, forcing his way into their dorm and lightheartedly complaining that they didn't love him anymore
when he sees the state they're in, he drops the act and approaches them sweetly, rubbing their tears away with the pad of his thumb
he listens to them while they talk about how hard it's been for them just to exist when they feel like everything is useless and pointless, doing his best to remind them of things that they actually enjoy about the world
red sort of trusts that draxum can get better, along with orange. ofc they know hes kind of a bitch rn but they think he can get better.
purple and blue on the other hand....not so much lol
WORDS IN CASE YOU CANT READ IT LOL:
P: so, you're back.
P: what'd he do to you?
R: just a reflex test. Nothing to bad.
P: red..
P: do you...
P:do you think...this is all there is to life?
R: ... no...
R: no, i think that there's better.
R: a better place thats waiting for us once e lets us out.
p: Yeah...ok...
Can you explain more about delusions and npd? I don't remember if you've talked about it before
Of course! NPD is actually primarily definable by the delusions commonly associated with the disorder. These are commonly described in general as 'delusions of grandeur'' but there’s a lot more to them than that.
In general, there are several different variants of delusions, including but not necessarily limited to: Erotomanic, grandiose, bizarre grandiose, jealous/infidelity, persecutory, referential, negation/nihilistic, and somatic.
Within NPD, as far as I know, the most common types are erotomanic, (bizarre) grandiose, persecutory, and negation/nihilistic can also show up mixing with grandiose. I suspect somatic could also show up based on what I know about the disorder, but I don't see it commonly spoken about.
Specifics about what each type of delusion means under the cut!
Erotomanic - Delusions regarding someone being in love with them. According to most sources, erotomanic delusions are commonly targeted toward a person of great importance or fame. This type of delusion can often involve reading into the world as giving one 'signs', things like thinking certain gestures are a beckoning or things such as that. May have overlap with grandiose ("Everyone in the world is in love with me").
Grandiose - Delusions regarding being special or having extraordinary talents ("I know how to do everything", "If I were to try to do that I would do it perfectly", "If I were in a position of power the world would be fixed"). These are most the delusions most commonly associated with NPD or ASPD.
Bizarre Grandiose - These are a subtype of grandiose. These often focus around spiritual or religious beliefs ("I am God", "God chose me") but can also focus upon supernatural ability ("I have powers nobody else has"). Again, these are most commonly associated with NPD and ASPD.
Jealous/Infidelity - Delusions regarding the loyalty of those around you/that you may just be being lead along by those in your life, also commonly associated with fear of incoming abandonment, and they must be for little to no reason ("My partner is cheating on me", "My best friend doesn’t actually like me", "I saw my partner with someone, they’re going to leave me"). Commonly seen in disorders like BPD or PPD.
Persecutory - Delusions regarding people in the world intending on harming you ("I'm being watched", "People are tracking me"). Most commonly associated with psychotic disorders or PPD. Can show up in NPD by mixing with grandiose ("People want to hurt me because I’m special").
Referential/Delusions of Reference - Delusions regarding ordinary, everyday experiences having hidden meanings ("I believe this song has a message specifically for me", "the clouds are telling me something"). Most commonly associated with schizo-spec disorders.
Negation/Nihilistic - Delusions rendering life/the world meaningless ("No matter what I try, I cannot affect the world", "nothing is real"). Delusions suffered in this type typically fall under the realm of Cotard’s delusion (delusions regarding being nonexistent or dead). Can have commonalities with bizarre grandiose ("I'm the only person in the world", "Nobody is real except me").
Somatic - Delusions that someone suffers from a disorder or medical issue. Associated with hypochondria.
Unspecific - Delusions not fitting into any particular category.
Mixed - Showing delusions of two or more different types.
Ask about yourself: 6, 16, 18 & 20 (Do you have pets?) 😍
6. favorite band?
"King Crimson", "Emerson, Lake, & Palmer", or "King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard"
16. favorite movie?
47 Ronin. It's a guilty pleasure movie that I watched the first time while having food poisoning. I even own a steelbook blu-ray of it I love it that much.
18. phobia?
Implying I would share a weakness? HA (In reality all my fears are trauma and ptsd, it's quite hard to be afraid of most things when you started accepting your own mortality and hoping death would come and swiftly end you to end your suffering at a young age. Also I like horror games and movies so eh.)
20. anything you want to ask (Do you have pets?)
Yes, I have a chunky kitty who I ADORE, But I sort of have three since everybody in my home has a cat and for some reason they all really like me.
I grew up in a bad household. We were poor, I was abused. Ive been told I dont look at things right, so take everything with a grain of salt? But I was still taught some really important things at a very young age:
Cops only cause more problems.
People who do drugs are mentally I'll. They need help, and not persecuting.
Many women cannot hands the financial burden of giving birth, even to give it up.
Everyone has struggles. There are so many people just like me and you struggling to get by.
Racism makes literally no sense, because all of our lives are already so fragile.
Most of us will be trapped on this planet, and in poverty until we die. We cant do anything about it.
Were all doomed really, so being mean and unloving only makes you and everyone else miserable.
The meaning of life? Is to find what makes you feel happy and wanted. We cant do anything else. Any accomplishments will be forgotten. We should live only to make ourselves and then one another happy.
