#tw psych

[sillyangla]

i hate how the only help and recovery that i can get from being traumatized from the psych system is The Same Exact Fucking System That Ruined Me And Will Likely Do The Same Bullshit Again

[inmensapotentia]

My grandfather is in the hospital. We knew he'd been having hallucinations the last couple months, thought we were handling it and all that. Last night he apparently went from "There are people on the property" to "There are people on the property and I'm gonna shoot them" which thankfully was not actually people, but a couple vehicles got hit before my brother could disarm him. He is now on a psych hold with no visitors for at least a week, possibly 3 weeks, we don't know yet. We know nothing except that they're still waiting on Psych to take him out of the ER. Our anxiety is really bad, its made writing extra hard. Still gonna poke at things but um…I don't know if we're gonna get far. I guess I'm gonna aim for 1 thread per blog instead of multiples. Maybe 3 threads will be possible today. Idk. Brain is just not doing well. Sorry.

[my-heads-gonna-explode]

So, my college's student health and counseling center says they provide mental health services. I was really excited when I first found out, because my anxiety disorder has been a huge problem since I was a little kid (as in, like, some days I don't eat because I'm so nervous and shaky I feel sick), and I thought maybe I could finally get treatment. I tried one medication a while back, but it didn't work at the dosage I had, and getting insurance to cover treatment was a problem so I had to stop. This one is (supposedly) free for students, so that shouldn't be an issue.

... But apparently the only way to schedule an appointment for mental health services is to call on the phone or ask at the counter in person. Every other type of appointment can be scheduled through a form on the website, but for some reason this one can't.

The funny thing is, my inability to make phone calls is part of the reason I want mental health help.

I can't decide whether to laugh or cry. Whose idea was this? "Ah, yes, let's make the anxiety counseling the only thing that you need to make a phone call for. This should present no problems whatsoever."

[debunkingsystemscringe]

r/SystemsCringe users always say stuff like "you can't self diagnose" and "only a psychologist can tell you if you have osdd/did"

But then they dismiss endos that are professionally diagnosed and say that they're "lying", that they're "manipulating psychologists into giving them a diagnosis" and "stealing resources from "actual systems""

They say psychologists who support endos should get their license removed and that they "aren't fit to be a psychologist"

They dismiss official studies done on endos by psychologists [ID: by psychologists], saying that they aren't reliable

And most importantly, they believe that they can say that "cringe endos" for sure don't have osdd/did, despite most of them not being psychologists

[ID: And most importantly, they believe that they can say that they can say that "cringe endos" for sure don't have osdd/did, despite most of them not being psychologists]

Make sense, SystemsCringe

-

(I know that this isn't our usual debunking post, but I lost our stylus and for some reason that means that we can't screenshot anything, so enjoy this post instead)

[mycelium-sys]

Yeah on what I said yesterday I almost definitely do have BPD, my psychiatrist was probably not wrong on that, I think I have quiet or discouraged bpd in that I experience the systems but internally until I can take them out o myself

Might tell the new therapist about that when I meet them

[thetextiwriteiwrote]

False Obits and Overdramaticism

Go ahead? Put anything? Literally? On God? Just like that?

I suppose it's trying to probe my brain for thoughts, which is fair, but I'll divulge them at my own pace, thank you, graphics-interface. I don't need the suggestion to talk about how I'm feeling. If that cauldron happens to be boiling or broiling anywhere near the surface, you'll be the first to know.

I have a funny grip on my hearing that tells me I might very well have a day like that tomorrow, but I'll be in love with the feeling, because I'll be back at work. I'll be able to flex these new people-skrillz that I've picked up in recent days.

There'll be those that I can't help, but I'll try with everyone. I need to try with people or else they might never bother to try with me, and I'm worth trying with-- I'm worth trying out-- and I'm worth taking home. This, I have to prove to myself by proving it to society for a while.

Then, the gym-etiquette will come back to me, and I'll be cycling again like my heart depends on it, and it does. Love or no love, cycling puts distance between me and my emotions as I'm currently feeling them, so that I might be able to process them.

It's all running, at the end of the day. Spiritual and physical cardio, we do these things to clear our heads. We watch TV, we play games, we bob our heads to music and pretend to know what it all means.

But none of us know, we're all learning together, gradually, slowly, gently. It's a process, believe me. As someone who is fighting tooth and nail to be and feel better and better each day, it doesn't get easier, but it shouldn't have to get easier.

It should get harder. That's how leveling up works.

If you're constantly boxing at your skill-level, you'll never get better. Metaphors. I have too much energy to slow down, take my time, and write a periodic draft of this, which is why you're getting the manic ramblings of someone freshly-medicated and freshly-reunited with his family, job, and support-structure. I got my job back! It's all thanks to these little circular white tabs that give me a fighting chance against my psychosis.

One tablet, every night, at 9PM, right before bed.

I'll stay creative. I'll stay content. I'll stay healthy.

[achievement-trash]

buckle up- It’s about to get dark

It’s been one month. One fucking month. My god. Can you believe it? I know I can’t. My other half passed away a month ago. I have lived a month longer in this year than he ever will. And I don’t know what to do about it. Well that’s not true. I think I’m holding myself together fairly well.

I am so FUCKING sick of other people right now. People who think they know how I feel, people who think they know how to handle this situation better than me and try to ‘impart their wisdom’, people who want to talk about how brave I am and Im doing great, or people who walk on eggshells around me because they think I’m going to start crying? I dunno,  people who when I tell them what I feel- they either don’t understand or don’t care and end up just telling me whatever they want. I know most of its my fault. I guess Im not very good at communicating what I need or maybe Im not doing enough to show others what’s happening to me.

 And while its my fault, I feel like it shouldn’t be- I have been through enough so sometimes I feel like I shouldnt have to explain what I need to others. I should just be allowed to live and would hope others would just fucking listen. No advice, no supportive words, not talking about it all the time, no bible quotes. Just fucking listen to me. Maybe if you say anything, tell me that it sucks and that youre sorry. Tell me that you’re here. Make me feel like youre here. 

Haven’t been to the doctor since this happened. Cancelled two appointments. Feel like there’s no reason to go. Maybe Im not really sick at all. He was most of my validation and courage and now that that’s all gone, why the fuck even bother? 

Getting a new psych person- its going to be a dude this time. And he’s cut my sessions in half because he doesnt have time to spend the whole time with me. What the fuck? I mean Im going to give him a shot but if he comes in like hes better than me I am fucking walking out. I dont need a Suit telling me I’m crazy or not listening to me. Fuck no one else will why should I assume he will? The flashbacks are bad, too scared to ask for meds. I had bad panic flashbacks before but nothing like this. It happens all the time now. I always come back crying or screaming or punching whatever’s in front of me. Need help but too scared they’ll lock me away. Fuck it doesnt matter- couldn’t afford the meds anyway probably.

Im so sick of people assuming every emotional response I display is because I’m grieving. NO I’m not hurt because I’m triggered right now- if I was triggered, I’d tell you- I’m hurting because something randomly shitty happened. THE GRIEF AND THE LOSS DOESNT DEFINE ME.  STOP DEFINING ME LIKE THAT! Or Im sick of people asking lots of favors from me- I mean I love helping others and I usually give all I have to those around me. Bur right fucking now I would really like it if someone went out of their way to be helpful to me. But no, everyone just wants to take and take and take from me. And people wonder why Im avoiding them. IM not depressed I just dont want to deal with other peoples’ shit.

I don’t know what to. I honestly don’t know if I’m going to sleep. Its 2:30 am about here. A month ago today he was still alive. I don’t have a supportive support system, I don’t have meds for my physical or psychological needs, I don’t want to hurt anymore. I’m tired. What the fuck am I going to do? I’ve forgotten why I started ranting and Im so sorry if you’ve managed to read this far.

if you have read this far, I am really glad. I dont want to be alone and you reading this means maybe Im not as alone as I think. Thank you. Thank you so much. I am safe. You are far too kind. And as always, I love you all (especially you reading this) with all of my heart. You all are my everything and I’ll strive to be here for you. Know that when I say that, I mean it.

With all of my love, Tia xoxo