❛ BACK TO YOU ❜ 𓋰 김용승
❪ 私たちの春 ❫ angst fluff assassin au slight exes/enemies to lovers assassin!yongseung x assassin!f!reader 4563 cw ノ mention of guns and swords, assassin secret alliances, a lot of crying (from yongseung), broken promises, a lot of guilt and self-blame, a little bleeding, kissing, there's prob smth else i forgot, not proofread 〃 ♡ ⸝⸝⸝ this is for @lexeees pookie as a thank you for the gyehyeon fic 🥹 i love u pookie / 𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄
Yongseung sucks in a breath when he hears the click of heeled boots behind him. The sound is unmistakable, and not one he could ever forget. God knows he's tried. Even after years, he can tell from just the echoing sound of those shoes exactly who wears them. He had originally hoped he would get lucky tonight and not run into contact with you. But, of course, you've been following him all this time. You decide exactly where and when you'll meet with him face to face. You're here to finish the job, no doubt.
He grips his gun with one hand and lets a shaky breath leave him before he turns around. It's been a few months since he's seen your face clearly, and it's impossible to not observe how much you've changed in that time. He notices how your cheeks have gotten slimmer. How your eyes look tired but fierce—like you've been waiting for this chance for ages and you'll do everything in your power to put an end to him now. The grip you have on your sword is steady and practiced. Yongseung can tell how many nights you've spent training relentlessly just from a glance.
The sorrow washes over him before he can stop it. This isn't the life he had hoped for you—nor what he had promised you all those years ago. The guilt has honed in on him, ripping him apart piece by piece over the years. He never wanted you to have to fight—not like he did. He never wanted you forced into the same system he was years ago. For years he's been working towards a way out for both of you. He remembers the time it was within his grasp, right before being ripped away again.
"I didn't expect you'd be able to find me this quickly. I didn't do much to cover up my tracks, but you knew I'd be sent up here tonight, didn't you?"
"You expect me to thank you for leaving just enough clues to track you down? If you're fishing for gratitude, you won't get any from me," you quip back quickly, leaving no room for friendly greetings. Your voice comes out cold, but the familiarity of it nearly knocks Yongseung off his feet. You sound angry, incredulous, betrayed; and he knows you have every right to be. In your mind and his, he was the one that failed you three years ago.
That night still haunts his every waking moment. Even though the scars have faded with time, he knows they may never fully heal. Three years have passed, yet Yongseung still hasn't forgiven himself. How could he? He lost everything that night. And if he can't even bear to forgive and forget, how could he ever expect you to?
"I haven't earned your gratitude, so I cannot blame you for withholding it from me. You have every right to want to hunt me down," Yongseung replies, biting back the softness in his tone. The words that come out are calculated and unfeeling, matching the tension in the air, but underneath it all is hesitance. He doesn't know where you stand with him right now, and he feels the need to be cautious.
You are dressed as his enemy, but your past is something he could never forget. You can almost hear the phrase he doesn't dare utter—how the movement of his throat hints at asking you if he still means something to you. But he opts for something more subtle, and you convince yourself you're just making it up.
"Why are you here tonight, Y/n?"
The sound of your name on his lips sends your mind soaring through memories. Every possible emotion a human can render has been felt with your name. Yongseung has said it in surprise, in want, in frustration, in happiness, in fear. He's teased you with it, whispered it in the most intimate moments, practically worshiped the sound of it. But tonight he says it like it means nothing to him; like you really are nothing but a memory of his past. One that he would like to forget.
The mission was high stakes. The margin for error was practically nonexistent. One wrong step and it would all go up in flames. Had things gone as planned, it would have been Yongseung's final task for Onyx. He would have graduated and been able to take you with him. Build a life free of risk and danger.
Sneak in, disarm any threats, tranquilize the guards, and obtain their ringleader as hostage before anyone noticed. The mission consisted of simple steps his team had done a hundred times before. You were sure it would end just like any other, and that the next morning you'd both get the freedom you had longed for. But you also remember how he told you he was nervous. You thought he meant nervous for the future, but whenever you think back to it, you realize it was something else entirely.
Yongseung doesn't get nervous. Not for missions. Not for something he could do with his eyes closed. His body knew something would go wrong.
Yongseung remembers the heat of that burning building like it was yesterday. You were beside him, disarming the security system. You were so close he could reach out and touch you. You were right beside him. You were safe.
The alarm that sounded that night had barely touched his ears in the moment. His senses were sent into panic over the sentence that had been transmitted. He had hoped and prayed that his ears had somehow heard it wrong over the muffled in-ear piece. His eyes frantically scanned the smoky room until his suspicions were confirmed. You weren't beside him anymore.
Like a nightmare, he still remembers how the flames caused beads of sweat to gather on his forehead and how the smoke filled his lungs. How he watched them drag you away. Someone had a rough hand over your mouth, silencing any noise you might have let out, and Yongseung was powerless to do anything. Your eyes held pure fear as you grasped the reality of the situation, but also an unmistakable glint of betrayal. Yongseung will never forget that look.
He promised he would protect you. He swore that nothing would happen as long as he was beside you. Yet it was his mistake that cost your safety that night. For a mission like that, Yongseung hadn't counted on the possibility of losing team members. He hadn't considered that Silk Snow was tracking his missions, even ones that didn't cross paths with them. They were waiting for the perfect moment to strike, and when they chose to intervene, they didn't go for him, but for the person holding him together.
They had been hunting for his weak spot for years, crafting a plan that wouldn't just bruise his ego, but shatter his psyche. Ever since Yongseung destroyed one of their bases years ago, killing half their men, Silk Snow has never forgotten his face. He shouldn't have let them even catch mention of your name. Of course they would use you to derail his most important mission in the cruelest way possible. He didn't just lose his renown as a fighter, his status, and his hopes for a safe future that night. He lost you.
He lost you to the other side.
You look good in the enemy uniform, despite its stark reminder of that night. Yongseung silently chastises himself for allowing that to be one of his first thoughts, but he can't stop his eyes from drinking in every inch of you like he's been starved. Silk Snow's armour hugs your figure in all the right spots, but more than it being flattering, you wear it like you've earned it. You may have come in as a hostage, but you built yourself up from there. Your worth was once only considered a useless trophy signifying a decisive victory. No one expected you to be useful. You were only needed for temporary leverage and for a reminder of shame. But that is not how you stayed for long.
You remember those first few weeks in the enemy base. They never let you starve, but your body was still put in survival mode. The fear shook you to your core. If being by Yongseung's side was everything warm and sweet and comforting, then this was the reverse. It felt like one wrong move would end your life in an instant.
You knew Yongseung would come back for you. You knew that somehow he would find a way to save both of you. He wouldn't just let you be taken away into Silk Snow's hands. They needed to use you to lure him there, but he would always be two steps ahead. Your Yongseung would always find a way.
But days turned into weeks.
He never came.
It wasn't long before they started testing your skills, and quickly found out you could do much more than your reputation suggested. You weren't a mere strategist for Onyx. You could hold your own in a fight easily. You could take down five men at once without so much as a tremble in your breath. You started training again a fortnight after your kidnapping, betrayal simmering in your chest. They made it abundantly clear. You would fight for them, or you would die. And they wasted no expense in reminding you that everything was his fault.
You did what you had to. You did what you knew Yongseung would want you to—what he would also choose if he were in your place. Survival was most important. Ensuring a future mattered more than what side you were fighting for.
Everything felt harsher at Silk Snow than it did back home at Onyx. Although both alliances were running similar operations, you could tell these men were desperate. Yongseung had the luxury to quit once he'd reached his job quota, but the ranks here would be stuck for years. Every mission was life or death for them.
You promised yourself you wouldn't let yourself get that desperate. You may have become a stranger in enemy territory, but you knew how to make them trust you—need you. And your inside knowledge of Onyx's operations proved indispensable. You have always been a planner. Perhaps you plan things too well. You plan even for scenarios that would never happened. You've planned for this scenario the longest.
You knew exactly how Yongseung would look at you, seeing you again for the first time in months. You knew that he'd catch onto your plans without you having to say anything; that he'd realize you had been following him months before you wanted him to know. You knew that he would still ask you what you were going to do, and that it would be a cover up for a different question. One that felt much more pressing… to both of you.
"Why are you here tonight, Y/n?"
"You know why, Yongseung," you respond, tossing his name out with more repulse than you feel. God, how many nights have you spent repeating it in your head, sometimes even saying it out loud, as if it would make him come back to you? And you knew it would always be a worthless thing to try, but it still made you feel just a little bit better. It always made you twice as determined. Even if Silk Snow was who you fought for, Yongseung was the one you lived for.
"I want you to say it," he says. You watch his grip on his gun loosen and then tighten again. He raises the arm that holds it, points it at you. Well, not really. You can tell the gun isn't targeted entirely on you. If he shoots right now, the bullet would miss you entirely—flying past your shoulder and ricocheting off the wall behind you. But you'll pretend to feel his empty threat. You raise your own sword, knowing you don't have the strength to strike him.
"I came here to ask you a question. And to get an answer."
Yongseung seems to falter for a moment. His eyes are begging you to say more. Ask. Ask me anything. I'll tell you everything.
You continue. "Why didn't you come back? Why did you let this happen?"
You punctuate every word with harsh reality. Yongseung shivers at your stare. It feels like you can see right through him; uncovering every imperfection and insecurity he's hidden away. It feels like you're judging him and are sickened by what you find. It's also far more attractive than he wants to admit. He has to search for an answer for you, though, so he forces his brain to start running again.
"I…" he seems to start to say something before deciding better of it. His next words come out unfaithfully. "You know Onyx's procedures as well as I do. Mission objectives trump everything else. They didn't want personal matters interfering with alliance goals, and Silk Snow's defenses are too strong. Handing myself over would be a death wish, and I'd never make it back out if I decided to sneak in. So… there was no other option. I've stopped thinking about the past now. The future is the only thing that matters."
You hate that answer. God, you hate it. You hate how you know he's lying to your face, and despite your history, you have to stand here across from him and point your sword like you actually want to kill him. And he believes it.
"The future? Who's future?" you ask in angry disbelief. "You already gave up on ours."
You expect that it'll get a reaction out of him, but you're dissatisfied with the one you get. His jaw tightens and his eyelids flutter as he recollects himself. Then he's back to being stone-faced and steady, unwavering even under your stare.
"We're both here on orders. What's the point in useless discus—"
"I waited," you cut him off. "I waited for you to come. I waited for weeks. They tried to get answers from me, but I wouldn't tell them anything. They asked me about your plans. They wanted to know what your weakness was—how to kill you. I could have told them. I could have killed you three years ago. Instead, I waited, and I planned."
You take a stride forward. Yongseung seems stunned to his spot, unable to move. His gun falls to his side. He won't even pretend to aim it anymore. He can only stare as you and your sword draw nearer.
"I spent years earning their trust. Silk Snow is… incredibly stupid. They never doubted me. Not once. I told them I hated you, that you betrayed me, that I wanted nothing more than to get my revenge, and they ate up my story like starving dogs. I was just telling them what they wanted to hear, after all. But I didn't know it would be so persuasive, so convincing, that it wouldn't just fool Silk Snow… it would fool you too."
You step in front of him, sword drawn at his neck. He breathes slowly; a man resigned to his fate. No resistance. Not even an attempt at bargaining. Just pure acceptance.
"You didn't tell me the truth the first time, so let me ask you again, Yongseung," you whisper. "Why didn't you come back?"
"I broke my promise," he breathes. Your sword slightly grazes his skin, drawing a line of blood. You're close to him. So close. Your breath fans his cheek with every exhale, and his brain shuts down when he gets a faint trace of your perfume. You still smell exactly how he remembers. "I was scared, and… I hated myself for it. I convinced myself you hated me too."
"I told you that I would keep you safe," he continues. "That as long as you were by my side, nothing would happen to you. No one would touch you. When we found each other in Onyx, I swore I would give you a way out. I promised we could have a life together away from all of it. But…"
You watch his act crumble before your eyes. His attempts to stay strong and objectively carry out his mission are long forgotten. He stares at you, and as he searches your features, he finds that your walls have also fallen. You got the answer you wanted out of him, and now, you can't bring yourself to keep up with everything else. The deception, the act, the pretend mission you've kept up for years—that you want to kill him—it's all lies you're ready to let go of.
A tear slips down his cheek as you drop your sword. He had been trying to hold it back but failed at his own confession. It's been too long, and he knew he wouldn't be able to last twenty minutes in the same room with you without becoming overwhelmed. How you look at him is the same. How your expression softens the moment you see his tears is the same. You wear the enemy uniform, wield a weapon made to hurt him, swore your mission was revenge, yet you planned for it all to come crashing down at this moment because how you love him is the same.
You reach out, soft, almost scared. It's been three years since you've felt Yongseung's skin under your fingers. Three years since you kissed away his worries and promised him that no matter what, you'd always be by his side. He seems to have forgotten those promises you made, also broken over time. Your thumb brushes away the tear that escaped him. He closes his eyes and lets his shoulders fall. It feels like coming home.
He can't count how many nights he's spent trying to remember what it felt like to be held by you. He could never quite bring himself to imagine it. The thought of you alone, taken away by Silk Snow kept him from that comfort. He blamed himself for not protecting you better. How could he ever let himself enjoy the memories from before then? They only fed his growing guilt, and for three years, he's done nothing to try to stop the cycle.
The simple action of your thumb brushing over his cheek, catching the salty tear as it passes by, forces him out of the pattern he's been drowning in. He leans into your hand, his body craving what his mind never dared to. Like a rubber-band snapping, he sobs and comes undone completely, slumping against you. You catch him by the waist, keeping him upright, and guide his head to rest against your shoulder. His tears soak through the pristine white of your uniform.
You know the truth of what the last three years were like for Yongseung. You've been watching him, just as he's been keeping tabs on you whenever he can. You know every mission he's been sent on. You know that he's tried to bury the past by taking on more dangerous jobs, hoping to convince himself that it wasn't his failing that day that led to him losing you. You know he still keeps pictures of you in a box under his bed. He still has dates memorized in his head—your birthday, your anniversary, the day you said you loved him, the day you were going to graduate together, the day he wanted to propose to you.
You've also watched every time his teammates brought you up, whether on accident or on a mission. How Yongseung tensed before listening extra close. He believed the lies that kept you alive at Silk Snow. Of course he did. It was easy to believe you would hate him the moment he started hating himself.
You feel Yongseung shake against you, sobs racking through him as his knees tremble and he struggles to keep himself upright even with your support. You lead him down to the floor, not letting go of him for a second. As much as he clings to you, weeping inconsolably, you can't bear to let go of him either. You're holding yourself strong, not letting your emotions overwhelm you, but you can feel your control slipping away.
You love Yongseung. Despite it all, the only thing you've wanted these past three years was to get back to him. You never blamed him for what happened, nor could you bear to hold his guilt against him. His earlier spew about Silk Snow's defenses being too strong to sneak in and back out alive were all lies. You know it better than anyone.
There were many times that Yongseung snuck into the enemy base, going completely unnoticed by the entire alliance. You always held out a little hope that he would follow through with it, but each time his own fears prevented him from reaching you. You'd watch him work his way through the base systematically, always stopping a room or two before yours. He'd wait a few minutes before turning back. If you had ever decided to confront him before he left, who knows whether you might have reunited a year or two sooner.
You decided to be patient for precisely the reason now present. Yongseung in ruin in your arms, and you holding onto him like you'll never let go. You stroke his hair, run your hands up and down his back, feel the muscles of his arms. Anything you can reach to compensate for three years away from him. You know you would never have gotten more than a few minutes alone if he found you in Silk Snow's base. Reuniting here is better. You're each on your separate missions, free from the prying eyes of each alliance. No one will interrupt you here, or even know that you hunted down Yongseung not to kill him, but to get him back.
"Seung, you're okay," you whisper once you feel that he's been crying for too long, and with no sign of calming down. You cup his tear-stained face and gently wipe away the signs of his distress. His eyes are glassy, soft, guilty. You find him incredibly beautiful like this, as much as you hate the expression.
"Say it again. Please."
You smile and stroke his cheek. "Seung. My love."
You watch the crease between his brows soften and eyes glimmer with fondness and adoration. The past years have worn down you both in different ways. You're ready to patch up the wounds with him.
"I love you," Yongseung says breathlessly. It's your turn to blink back tears. You've waited so long to hear those words from him again. "I love you," he repeats earnestly.
You lean in, grazing your lips against his gently.
"I love you too."
You whisper it against his lips, waiting just enough time for a small smile to form on his face and his heart to flutter in his chest before you kiss him again. It's not as gentle this time. You don't think you can bear another moment without kissing him as hard as you can. So you do, and the minute you start, it's like you flipped a switch in Yongseung. The tears, the guilt, the fear—they all disappear.
Yongseung kisses you with everything he has. The longing and passion of three years apart is almost overwhelming. He still tastes familiar. Not entirely the same as you remember, but still him in enough ways for your head to spin. You remember kissing him just like this. Your hands in his hair tugging him closer while his cup your cheek and waist, pouring everything he has into it. You could cry in relief and happiness at finally having him back.
Your fingers trail down to his neck. You're caught off guard when you brush against something wet. You pull away, realizing it's blood. Your sword cut him while you were trying to get answers. It isn't much. He's barely bleeding, but you hadn't meant to hurt him. You panic for a moment and try to wipe it away. The blood stains your fingertips. Yongseung stops you, catching your wrist and bringing it away from his neck.
"I wasn't done kissing you," he frowns.
"You're bleeding. I didn't mean to hurt you," you start. Yongseung presses his lips to yours before you can continue. You don't fight it, melting into him again.
Yongseung has always been able to kiss you in a way that makes your head spin and stomach turn. You're not sure how he does it. Even short pecks leave your lips buzzing for minutes. The longer kisses—like this one—occupy your mind for hours after. You take some pride in being the only one to have ever tasted his lips. His kisses are only yours to receive. When his tongue tangles with yours and a soft groan of content leaves his throat, you know that it is all for you. Three years of longing, all for this moment when you crash back together.
It's almost an hour later when you've settled comfortably next to Yongseung that you decide the address some of the things left unspoken. His face is nestled in the crook of your neck, and he leaves soft pecks and nips on the skin there while you fiddle absentmindedly with one of his hands; tracing his veins and mapping out the dips of his knuckles.
"I never blamed you for it," you tell him softly, a sad smile on your face as you think back to three years ago. "I was scared, and I wished things hadn't happened like that, but I never thought it was your fault. I thought about our promises a lot. I wondered if they could still come true in the future."
"I was the one who broke them," he mumbles quietly. He nuzzles his nose closer against your skin and you hush him softly.
"I broke mine too. I told you I would stay by your side—that you wouldn't be alone, yet I made you think I hated you for the past three years."
"You had to. You did it to stay alive," Yongseung pulls back, staring at you seriously. "Thank you for staying alive. I wouldn't be able to live if I lost you for good."
"I want to fulfill those promises with you. I don't care that it's three years late. I want to stay with you. It may not be exactly what we had imagined years ago, but we can still make a life together. I still want you, Yongseung. I don't care about anything else."
"What about Silk Snow? They don't let people go like Onyx does. Can you escape?"
"There is a way," you smile slyly. "Silk Snow are powerful, yes, but they can't compete with me. I've been their sole strategist for the last three years. You really think I didn't give myself a way out along the way?"
Yongseung looks at you like you hung the stars in the sky just for him. "I want to kiss you again."
You grin, elated, and tug his collar until his lips crash into yours. Your mission these past three years has finally come to one glorious end.
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