#xanderverse

[officeobject]

I don't want a romantic relationship, I don't want sex, and no what I want isn't alterous or a QPR, I want whatever type of friendship that the random 30 year old office worker and I, have, but with a peer.

[charminglyantiquated]

hi is there anywhere on the internet that I can buy a print or comic of yours? (preferably a comic on print paper if that makes sense?)

I’ve got a redbubble with poster-style prints! And one of my projects for this winter is to figure out how to self-publish some of my comics in ?book form!

[officeobject]

Having a squish on a 30 year old while being aroace and significantly younger, starter pack:

Trying to convince yourself and the reader that this is totally a thing and all, and not just basically an oddly specific platonically-hormoned you-vent

On one hand not wanting to be rude, on the other hand is your holy book as you pray they're not getting kids and/or lovers (if you don't know if they have any or if they outright have none

Daring people to invalidate you - like, YES, he is significantly older than me, AND?!

Wondering if it's worse when it's someone "of the opposite sex"

"He's like one trillion, four billion, 10 million, 3 minions, and one hundred and one years older than you!"

If you talk together, there's a 99% chance that they'll be like "and you don't have a crush on me, right?", casually

"I might be a curious - what's your credit card, actually?"

You unironically want their money, nepotism, or something like that, for some reason - like you genuinely care, but also, give job please

You LOVE offices (you know nothing about offices)

"Yeah, I've watched all seasons of friends ;)"

"I know how rotary phones work ;)" (You think you have now achieved The Relatable)

Hoping and trying not to seem like you have a crush

"Daaaaaaamn, those eyebags 😏" (you quite frankly don't know why the f you even like 30 year olds either)

Everything is normal with you and adults, so there is no particular reason that you like - okay, maybe your relationship with your peers as a whole is more shit than diarhea, BUT THAT'S FINE!

You're gonna end up making a shitty joke within the first 10 minutes of talking, man 😐

Staring at their body, not because of sexual attraction, but because pretty and cuddly, and - OH MY GOD THEY JUST COMPLAINED ABOUT THEIR BACK-PROBLEMS, I LOVE 30 YEAR OLDS!

30 year olds are messes and you know that and love that

"WHY WON'T THEY BE FRIENDS WITH MEEEEEEEEEEE?!" - you when literally being a 10 year old

In denial of them having any sexual feelings whatsoever or of being capable of it (kinda gets ruined when they have bio-kids or tell you not to go to their Fanfiction.net because there's smut stories)'

People thinking you have a crush on them

You wanna be close and just have them tower over you

If they ever write to you that they're off to work or something, you think you've become super close friends

Obedient rule-follower (and snitch in regards to anyone you don't like)

You got along with the teachers!

You probably need to get diagnosed

Trying to ask them if they're alone on Valentines Day too and stuff but you need months to write THAT script, man ...

Them having boundaries and all

You worrying often of the potential consequences if you became friends

"Mama, no offense, but how do I get adopted by him?" (you don't even want them as a parent - might be repulsed by that, you're just desparate)

Planning to move as close as possible to that person (you later realize how creepy but well-intentioned, that idea is)

Being aroace while they're most likely not makes you feel even MORE like a child (bonus points if they end up invalidating you)

Ending up phrasing things weirdly

You're probably seen as just some cute kid

"You're so mature for your age!" "Thanks! Also, what was the problem you were dealing with?" "You're too young to know" - type of moments

People saying to get friends your age and how impossible your goal is

Trying to figure out how to platonically "rizz" up an adult without them misinterpreting

Wanting to just watch them work

Your mom is concerned

If you're posic, you probably end up meeting/seeing mostly objects that are 30

I don't know if I should make a part 2 or something. Also, it's tagged with the Manifique Gerald tag because he's inspired by several squishes - real and fictional - he's quite the combination with quite the story, as well.

[officeobject]

Dude, my family tree is already so fecking weird, because I have relatives that have half-siblings (at least 1 relative), and I have my own half-sibling and a step-sibling, and they collectively have a step-sibling without me, and also one has half-siblings, and also all of our parents collectively (except for my dad) have a person they're dating, but then I personally have familial f/os, so no, I do not fecking know what even is friend or family anymore and if I'm normal about my familial f/os or if my intense platonic feelings make things weird and also why people say friends are family but then also differentiate but also relatives exist but also people use terms like "real family", but also I don't know who I'm allowed to call family, and also there's FOUND family, but also some people say they're friends and NOT found family - like what even IS family anymore? Like if you gotta define family, at least make it so that it would make sense to MY life.

[officeobject]

Something you could do that might improve your life, is like - well you know when you scold yourself or something, after thinking that someone could totally be your f/o IRL but "obviously not", and they maybe turned out not to be that, and you repeatedly have moments of thinking that, maybe out of hope or due to minor things? Well, maybe you could then try just EMBRACING it, and (in your head/to yourself), be like "OH MY GOD, JEBEDIAH FROM THE XANDERVERSE?!" - like, it's just a fun thing I do sometimes, but also not enough. Like, "OH MY GOD, YES, BE THAT WAITER, JEBEDIAH! CLEAR THAT TABLE!", and "OMG EVERYONE, JEBEDIAH IS WALKING!", and "GIVE ME AN AUTOGRAPH JEBEDIAH! OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S JEBEDIAH IN REAL LIFE!", and "LIVE ACTION JEBEDIAH!" - but also maybe it makes the thoughts worse sometimes. It's even funnier when I AM friends with an IRL version of a character - an OC of mine and for a year, no less! But anyways, if you reblog this post, you accept that there is a small chance I will reblog, like, your intro or something, and publicly exclaim what character you then remind me of, which will likely be one you don't know (like an OC).

[officeobject]

My celebrity squish is actually just some random office worker who is exactly like my character.

[officeobject]

I love being like "my future boyfriend OF COURSE needs boundaries, as does everyone else, and I will respect them, because I should. It's nothing personal that he and everyone else has things that they happen to be comfortable or not comfortable with, and I will communicate as I should in any relationship, and let him have what he needs." As if I'd ever date anyone who wasn't completely non-sexual and had no boundaries in regards to me.

[officeobject]

"You will, one day, find that special someone :) ."

Nah, but I did find my OC in real life though - you wanna hear about my OC? Wanna hear about how his traits are shown IRL? You know there was this one time -

(Disclaimer: Not a real conversation, but a real thing I've been told, and a true story. Also, we're friends LOL - then again, I wrote him to have the actual capability of liking me and for us to be compatible and stuff).