One Nice Bug Per Day
EXPECTATIONS
#extradirty
Fai_Ryy
bliss lane
Monterey Bay Aquarium
The Bowery Presents
Cosmic Funnies
RMH
shark vs the universe
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
blake kathryn
Misplaced Lens Cap
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NASA
Love Begins
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cherry valley forever
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@tarasarahsitara
Domestic Violence Resources for Muslims
Unfortunately, resources for Muslims experiencing abuse seem to be few and far between, so Iâll post what I can find here and keep adding to the post as new resources come up. These websites look helpful but as a non-Muslim I canât say for sure, so feedback would be wonderful.Â
TheAmericanMuslim.org
WiseMuslimWomen.org
MentalHealth4Muslims.com
MuslimMatters.org
ProjectSakinah.org
PeacefulFamilies.org
Muslim Women Support Centre
Resources for Male Survivors
I posted last week asking people if they knew of some good resources for male victims of sexual assault. Here is the list people came up with:
www.malesurvivor.org
www.violenceunsilenced.com
www.rainn.org
www.pandys.org
www.1in6.org
www.soulspeakout.org
Thanks everyone!
Anyone know which of these are trans supportive as well? On mobile and havenât gotten a chance to check.
Abortion Care for Undocumented People!
Read More
My mental health nurse just sent me these and i thought they were worth sharing
choose the ones that are proactive and feel healthy & helpful for you :)
I have been doing some research on sex and disability, and thought I would share some of the links I have found. This will be useful for me in the future as a resource, and hopefully to others too.
Disability and Sex General Links
Disability Dharma: What Including & Learning From Disability Can Teach (Everyone) About Sex
How to Meet, Date and Have Sex When Youâre Disabled
Sexual Pleasure & the Disabled Adult
Disability and Body Image
Sex and Disability
Good Sex Positions for Disabled Sex
Letâs Get Physical
Disability and Orgasm: Your Orgasmic Potential
Practical Sex Tips for Disabled People
No Big Deal: Sex & Disability
Self-Advocates Speak Up About Sex
Sexuality and Disability Myths and Facts
Disabled and No Sexual Pleasure
Sex, Disability and the DSP: Ethically Supporting Sexual Choices
Sex and Disability: Impacts of Disability on Sex
Sexual Expression for Adults with Disabilities: The Role of Guardianship
Disability and Sexual Activity: The Mechanics of it All
Contraception for People with Disabilities
Disabled? Discovering Your Sexual Self
Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual
Talking About Sensitive Topics
Personal Relationships and People with Physical Disabilities
Physical Problems and Female Sexual Dysfunction
Talking about Disability on a Date
Lovers with Disabilities Become Liberated with Tantric Sex
My Partner is Scared to Try
Getting Assistance: Having Sex and Using Your Sex Toy
Physical Disability and Sexual Intercourse
A Sexuality Policy That Truly Supports People with Disabilities
Two Lovers With Disabilities Need Help
How to Meet, Date and âDo Itâ When Youâre Disabled
Sex and Disability Webliography
Eli Clare - Challenging Our Differences Sex, Disability and Young People
Sex Education for Physically Disabled Teenagers
Growing Up: A teachersâs guide to Sex and Relationships Education for Young People with Physical Disabilities
Sex and Your Child with a Disability
Talking about sex and relationships: the views of young people with learning disabilities
Sexuality Education for Children and Adolescents with Developmental Disabilities
Sexuality and Persons with Disabilities
Sexuality Meets Intellectual Disability: What Every Parent Should Know
Sexuality and Cystic Fibrosis: Information for Adolescents Medications and Sex
Sexual Side Effects of Medications: How prescription and OTC medications can have sexual side effects Effects of Medications on Female Sexual Response
Researching Sexual Side Effects of Prescription Medications
Sexual Side Effects of Prescription Medications
How To Manage Sexual Side Effects of Prescription Medications
Physical Sexual Side Effects of Medications Disability and Sex Toys
Top 10 Ideas on Adapting Sex Toys
Making Sex Toys Accessible
Sex Toys and Disability
Disability and Sex Toys
Research Before Adapting Sex Toys
Accessible Sex Toys
Adapting Toys for Decreased Sensation
Adapting Toys for Increased Sensation
Fatigue and Sex Toys
Adapting Toys for Mobility and Motor Control
Paraplegic Sex and Quadriplegic Sex: Good Vibrations
Adapting Sex Toys for Privacy
Sex Toy Accessibility Checklist
Adapting Sex Toys for Fatigue
Sex Toys and Allergies Fatigue and Sex
Sex and Fatigue: How Do You Stay Sexual When You Have No Energy for Sex?
Sex and Fatigue
Your Sex Drive With Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
Fatigue and Sex Toys
Sex, Fatigue and Depression
Adapting Sex Toys for Fatigue Multiple Sclerosis and Sex
Multiple Sclerosis & Sex
My husband has MS and doesnât like sex anymore. Why?
My wife has MS and doesnât want to have sex anymore. Why not and what can I do?
Multiple Sclerosis and Sexual Problems
Top 10 Sex Tips for Men with Multiple Sclerosis
Sex and Multiple Sclerosis Arthritis and Sex
Love, Sex and Arthritis
Sex and Arthritis Spinal Cord Injury and Sex
The ABCs of Sex After Spinal Cord Injury
Sexuality in Spinal Injury: The spinal cord injured female: Orgasm
Sexuality in Spinal Injury: The spinal cord injured female: Fertility, Childbirth and Contraception
Sexuality in Spinal Injury: The spinal cord injured female: Sexual Behaviour and Activity
Best Sex Positions for Spinal Cord Injured Women
Userâs Guide to the Paralyzed Penis: Sex after Spinal Cord Injury
Paraplegic Sex and Quadriplegic Sex: Good Vibrations
Sexuality in Spinal Injury: the spinal cord injured male: Erections
Sexuality in Spinal Injury: the spinal cord injured male: Ejaculation, Orgasm and Coitus
Sexuality in Spinal Injury: the spinal cord injured male: Sexual Drive and Activity
Intercourse & Pleasure With a Spinal Cord Injury
Sexuality and Fertility - Impact on Men with SCI
Sexuality and Fertility - Impact on Women with SCI Cancer and Sex
Cancer and Sex: How Cancer Affects Your Sex Life
Intimacy and Sexuality for cancer patients and their partners Diabetes and Sex
Sex and Diabetes
Diabetes and Sex: Does It Have to Doom Your Sex Life?
Sexuality and Diabetes
Erectile Dysfunction Treatments for Patients with Diabetes Fibromyalgia and Sex
Fibromyalgia and Your Sex Life Parkinsonâs Disease and Sex
Parkinsonâs Disease and Your Sex Drive
Parkinsonâs Disease and Sex ALS / Lou Gehrigâs Disease and Sex
ALS & Your Sex Life Learning Disabilities and Sex
Talking about sex and relationships: the views of young people with learning disabilities
Sex and Learning Disabilities
Sexuality Meets Intellectual Disability: What Every Parent Should Know Ostomy and Sex
Sex and the Person with an Ostomy Continence and Sex
Continence and Sex Cystic Fibrosis and Sex
Sexuality and Cystic Fibrosis: Information for Adolescents
Sexuality, Fertility and Cystic Fibrosis: Information for Adults Back Pain and Sex
Sex Tips for Back Pain Sufferers
Ways to Enjoy Sex While Helping Your Back Augmentative and Alternative Communication and Sex
Promoting Healthy Sexuality and Safeguarding in Youth who Use Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC)
Sexual Health Education for AAC Users - Speak Up Findings
Promoting Healthy Sexuality and Safeguarding in Youth who use Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC)
Sexual Health: Knowledge and Skills for People who Use AAC
Sexual Health Issues for People who Use AAC
Huge amazing list of links! Have not read all of them so donât know if there might be some stuff thatâs not so good in there, but reblogging because lots are likely to be useful for people who follow.
do you know of anything on ED recovery for woc, qtpoc, queers, or trans* folks?
Hope any of this helps:
Finding Me: Looking Past the Surface to Discover My Transgender Identity
Eating Disorders in LGBT Populations
Gay Males and Eating Disorders ~ As Seen through a Filmmakerâs Lens
Radically Queer
Gay Men and Eating Disorders
Eating Disorders and People living in poverty and/or Working Class Identity
Latin@ and/or Spanish-speaking Identity
Native, American Indian (AI) or Alaska Native Identity
Asian American and/or Pacific Islander Identity
African American or Black Identity
Exploring race, ethnicity, and eating disorders
Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning (LGBTQ) Identity
Trans People and Eating Disorders
Gender Nonconformity, Transsexuality, and Eating Disorders
Eating Disorders & LGBTÂ
TRANS*FORMED: A safe-space for trans* people dealing with eating disorders
Experience Project
This is an incredibly important list of resources. Thank you, Jack.
Emergencies:
What to do when your friend is talking about suicide
What to do if someone you know is overdosing
What to do if your friend is hurting themselves
First Aid for self harm
Finding Therapy, Doctors, & MedicationÂ
NeedyMeds.org
Something Fishy - How will I pay?
Mental Health America - How do I find treatment?
Free/Cheap Medication
The Medicine Program
Find a Therapist
Good Therapy.org
Insurance Issues
Qualities and Skills of a Good Counselor
The Difference Between a Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Therapist & CounselorÂ
General Recovery:
Extreme Hunger During Recovery
About Water Retention During Recovery
281 Reasons to Recover
Relapse Prevention
Dealing with Bloating in Recovery
Bloating, Indigestion, & Feeling too full
Talking to Others About Your Mental Health Issues
Managing Stress
Why You Must Eat
What is ED Recovery?
You have no obligation to be weighed
Learning to Love Your Body
True Facts Our Abuse-Culture Doesnât Want You to Know
Tips to Overcoming and Eating Disorder from Women Who Have Recovered
How to Eat a Fear Food
16 Baby Steps to Help You Cope with the Pain of Perfectionism
10 Things to Do When You Feel Like Crap
Why You Should NOT Self-Diagnose
Substance Addictions:
Find an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting
About AA
Find a Narcotics Anonymous meeting
About NA
Just for Today
Helpguide: Overcoming Drug Addiction
FInd a detox center
Restrictive Eating Disorders:
Phases of Recovery From a Restrictive ED
Tips to Stop Restricting
Why You Must Regain Weight to Recover
Eating Disorder Support Groups
Gaining Weight After Anorexia: What To Expect
Dealing With Weight Gain
Binge & Compensate Disorders:
Overeaters Anonymous Meeting Finder
Coping with Exercise Addiction
10 Steps to Bulimia Recovery Workbook
10 Signs of Overexercise
Why Laxatives and Enemas Are Dangerous
Eating Disorder Support Groups
Binge ED/Compulsive Eating Disorders
Food Addicts Anonymous Meeting Finder
Overeaters Anonymous Meeting Finder
The âI need to lose weightâ Mindset with BED
Eating Disorder Support Groups
Daily Meditation for Compulsive Overeating/Binge Eating
General Anxiety:
Identifying and Managing Anxiety
Exploring and Coping with Panic Attacks
10 Rules for Coping with Anxiety and Panic
Deep Breathing Exercises
11 Assorted Anxiety Tips for Anxiety Sufferers
Social Phobia/Anxiety
How to Stop Being a People Pleaser
Social Anxiety Self Help
How to Bring Severe Social Anxiety Under Control
10 Tips for Finding Love and Dating With Social Anxiety
Depression:
Coping with Suicidal Thought
10 Tips on How to Work Through Feelings of Social Isolation
8 Tips to Overcome Loneliness
Tips On Dealing With Depression In College
Antidepressants: Selecting one thatâs right for you
What to expect with antidepressants
Family and Friends:
Tips for dealing with an ill loved one
Helping someone with an eating disorder
10 Ways to Cope with an Addict in the Family
AlAnon: Support groups for people who love an addict
If you see this, fucking reblog it. I donât care what type of blog you have. fucking reblog this. If you follow me and donât reblog this, unfollow me.
Woah friend this is a happy support post no need to start swearing and making demands. No one is obligated to reblog anything.
I thought this would just be a simple article about meditation or relaxation which uses disappearance as a metaphor but it turns out this is the heaviest, realest wikihow of them all
holy fuck
Iâm really uncomfortable
Actually, thatâs a pretty on-target information guide. If you need to completely escape, you could do worse than reading through that for tips.
reblogging for folks who may need to escape abusive situations
Movietriggers.com is a (very new) database of triggers in new and old movies, it even has a page specifically for movies currently in theatres. While there isnât a lot of info yet, this website would be really great for a lot of people if we all add to it!Â
Hereâs an example of what a movie looks like on the site:
Be sure to check it out and add to it!
bless this. I have been looking for something like this for ever
Look at what Iâm going to end up spending a lot of time on!
Women of Tumblr!!
I present you withâŠ
"The Cure"
Courtesy of one of my favorite webcomic artists (back from when she did Dar) Erika Moen and her good friend Lucy Knisley.
If I was a chick I would totally do this.
If you would like to see more of Erikaâs work go to
http://www.ohjoysextoy.com or http://www.darcomic.com
Both are equally Great!
FYI: Some Americans might be âa little skittish about implants" because "many women on Medicaid in the U.S. and women in the Third World have been refused removal or have been unable to find doctors who can remove [Norplant]." Although Norplant is no longer on the market in the US, implants in general retain eugenic connotations. Finding a medical professional to remove contraceptive implants is still not guaranteed.
21 Tips to Keep Your Shit Together When You're Depressed.
A while ago, I penned a fairly angry response to something circulating on the internet â the 21 Habits of Happy People. It pissed me off beyond belief, that there was an inference that if you werenât Happy, you simply werenât doing the right things.
Iâve had depression for as long as I can remember. Itâs manifested in different ways. I did therapy. I did prozac. I did more therapy. My baseline is melancholic. Iâd just made peace with it when I moved, unintentionally, to a place that had markedly less sunshine in the winter. I got seasonal depression. I got that under control. Then I got really, really sick. Turns out itâs a permanent, painful genetic disorder. My last pain-free day was four years ago.
So, this Cult of Happy article just set me off. Just⊠anger. Rage. Depression is serious â debilitating, often dangerous, and itâs got an enormous stigma. It leaves people to fend for themselves.
Itâs bad enough without people ramming Happy Tips at you through facebook. There is no miracle behaviour change that will flip that switch for you. I know, Iâve tried.
A friend of mine suggested that I write something from my point of view because, surprisingly, I manage to give an outwards impression of having my shit together. I was shocked to hear this. And I find this comical, but I see her point. Iâm functioning. Iâve adapted. Iâm surprisingly okay. I think the medical term is âresilientâ.
So, here it is.
 My 21 Tips on Keeping Your Shit Together During Depression
 1)  Know that youâre not alone. Know that we are a silent legion, who, every day face the solipsism and judgement of Happy People Who Think We Just Arenât Trying. There are people who are depressed, people who have been depressed, and people who just havenât been hit with it yet.
2)Â Â Understand that the Happy People are usually acting out of some genuine (albeit misguided) concern for you, that itâs coming from a good place, even if the advice feels like youâre being blamed for your disease. Telling you these things makes them feel better, even if it makes you feel like shit. (If they insist on keeping it up, see #12.)
3)Â Â Enlist the help of a professional. Â See your doctor. You need to talk about the ugly shit, and there are people paid to listen and help you find your way to the light at the end of the tunnel.Â
4)Â Â Understand that antidepressants will only do so much. Theyâre useful, theyâll level you out and give you the time you need to figure out your own path to getting well. They can be helpful. There are lots to choose from. They may not be for you, and even if they are, they take some time to kick in. Conversely, they may not be for you. Work with your doctor.
5)Â Â Pick up a paintbrush, a pencil, an activity you got joy from in the past and re-explore that. Â Or, sign up for the thing you always wanted to try. There is a long history and link between depression and creativity. Itâs a bright light of this condition, so utilize it to your best advantage.
6)  Eat nutritionally sound, regular small meals. If youâre having trouble eating, try to focus on what youâd like to eat. I went through a whole six week episode of tomatoes and cream cheese on a bagel twice a day. Not great, but it was something â helpful context, Iâm a recovered anorexic. Conversely, if all you want to do is scarf down crap, try to off-ramp it by downing a V-8 and doing #9 for 15 minutes, and see how you feel. Chucking your blood sugar all over hellâs half acre is going to make you feel worse.
7)  While youâre doing #3, get some bloodwork done. If youâre low on iron or vitamin D, or if your hormone levels are doing the Macarena⊠these can all contribute to zapping your energy or switching your mood to Bleak As Hell.
8)  If youâre in bed and the âinsomnia hamstersâ, as I like to call them, are on the wheel of your head, watch Nightly Business News on PBS. This has the effect of Nyquil.  Swap out your coffee for herbal tea. If you just cannot sleep, try the next tipâŠ.
9)Â Â Learn how to meditate. Start by focusing on your breathing. Not sleep, not thoughts. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Meditation is focusing on being present in your body, not careening around in your brain. It may not be as good as sleep but it will give you some rest and recharge you.
10)Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Face a window as often as you can â at work, at home. Look out into the world. Watch. Observe. Try to find something you find pretty or interesting to focus on. And, handily remember that one in five of those people out there feel the way you do.
11)Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Cry. Better out than in. Sometimes itâs not convenient or career-enhancing to cry, so find a private place as best you can and let the tears go. Carry Kleenex and face wipes and extra concealer if you wear makeup. You can always claim allergies.
12)Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Any âfriendâ who resolutely believes that your depression is because youâre lazy, because youâre not trying hard enough, who blames you for not bootstrapping out of it- that friend needs to be cut off. Polite (#2) is one thing, but there is a limit. You donât have to explain, you can just not respond. You feel badly enough, you donât need their âassistanceâ.
13)Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Limit your time with people who drain you. You know who they are. Often you donât have a choice- but you can put the meter on. And, subsequently, be aware of what youâre asking of those close to you.
14)Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Everyone has shit theyâve got to deal with. What you have been saddled with is your shit. Recognize, just as youâre not alone, youâre also not unique. The grass may look greener, you may be jealous or envious of others who donât have to deal with depression, but you likely do not know everything thatâs going on with them. Â
15)                 Let go or be dragged. This is an old Buddhist saying. Itâs a very useful way to frame aspects of depression. Betrayal, anger, fear⊠letting go is a process â often a painful and difficult process - but itâs ultimately going to show you the path out of this terrible place. Repeating the mantra can help when youâre feeling gripped by these feelings.
16)Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Wear clothes that make you feel confident. It takes as much time to put on nice clothes as it does to put on sweatpants. You will want to wear the sweatpants. Fight the urge. The whole âlook good/feel betterâ campaign isnât limited to cancer and chemotherapy. Or women.
17)                 Avoid fictional drama and tragedy like the plague. No Greyâs Anatomy, no to The Notebook, or anything that won a Pulitzer prize. Youâve got enough going on In Real Life. Comedy only. Or trashy stuff. Old episodes of WonderWoman? Iâve got the box set. Mindless drivel, like the latest CGI blockbuster. Or clever, funny books. David Sedaris. Jenny Lawson. Fiction exists to elicit emotion, and the emotion you need to express most right now is laughter.
18)Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Simple exercise, if you can. It can be something as simple as taking the stairs up a flight, or walking around the block. It doesnât have to be elaborate, it doesnât have to involve climbing a mountain or running a marathon. Baby steps.
19)                 Depression will lie to you. Depression will try to tell you what others are thinking. That you are unloved and unworthy, that others think little of you or donât care â or even wish you harm. You are not a psychic. Keep repeating that. âI am not a psychicâ. Repeat. The only way to know what another person is thinking is to up and ask them.
20)Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â If you are well and truly losing this battle, reach out to someone. Iâve been the random friendly-but-not-close person who has fielded the occasional outreach. I like to think Iâm not judgemental and generally resourceful, and others have thought the same, so they called and asked. You know someone like me. And they will help you.
21)                 Forgive yourself. Iâm writing out all these tips, and I canât always muster the strength to even stick my nose outside, or walk up the stairs, or eat my vegetables. Today, I got outside for ten minutes. I will try again tomorrow. And I will try again the day after that.
 This list will not cure you. This list will not flip on the happy switch. God, I wish it were that easy. The theme here is to not to unknowingly sabotage yourself. All these little things? Like your blood sugar, or watching nonstop episodes of House, or endless Try Harder lectures from your Perpetually Perky sister?
They all make dealing with depression just a tiny bit harder than it needs to be. And itâs hard enough, all on its own.
UPDATE: Wow, guys. Thank you. The feedback has been wonderful - all I wanted to set out to do was something helpful.
For those of you who want to see the original rant, Here it is.. www.diycouturier.com/post/41923259437/to-the-person-who-wrote-21-habits-⊠And hereâs the response to my response (?) - basically, after posting my retort, the happy people came at me with torches all over the interwebs. www.diycouturier.com/post/42465364887/trollin-trollin-trollin#_=_
Also, a few people have mentioned that having a critter is a great thing to keep you on track, that taking care of something and having something rely on you keeps you going. I went back and forth on including that, but for some, itâs just not feasible to have a cat or a dog⊠but my cat is my Prozac.
And, I wrote this in Canada, where we have universal health care. It breaks my heart that people donât have access to professional support. You can sometimes find a community health centre, or sometimes your work benefits will have an employee support or assistance plan as part of your insurance. If youâre without benefits and hitting desperation, phone someone. Friend, family - even your local distress centre.
Stay well, my melancholic interweb friendsâŠxoRR
âPLEASE REBLOG THISâ
This is a compilation of resources for female-assigned-at-birth (FAAB), non-male identified people who want top surgery. This document will include a list of surgeons who are willing to perform top surgery on genderqueer/non-male-identified people, as well as a list of blogs of people who want top surgery or have had top surgery but are not male-identified.
 This information has been collected from a variety of sources. If there is something you see that needs to be added or corrected, please let me know. I want to make this list as comprehensive as possible!
SURGEONS (Those who are italicized do NOT require a therapistâs letter)
Dr. Medalie â Cleveland, OH â http://www.clevelandplasticsurgery.com/transgender-surgery Â
Dr. Garramone â Sunrise, FL â http://www.drgarramone.com/transgenderflorida/ Â â Has been known to operate on explicitly female-identified people
Dr. Raphael â Plano, TX â http://www.ai4ps.com/procedures/transgender/female-to-male-mastectomy/ Â â Has been known to operate on explicitly female-identified people
Dr. Steinwald â Lake Forest, IL â http://www.lfplasticsurgery.com/plastic-surgery/chest-masculinization.cfm â Has been known to operate on explicitly female-identified people
Dr. Fischer â Timonium, MD â http://www.beverlyfischer.com/default.html  â Letter requirements depend on the patient
Dr. Ceber â Melbourne, Australia â Letter requirements unknown
Dr. Mclean â Mississauga, Ontario â http://www.mcleanclinic.com/ftm.php
Dr. Brownstein â San Francisco, CA â http://www.brownsteinmd.com/Â (NOTE: DR. BROWNSTEIN HAS RETIRED. I do not know how Dr. Crane feels about operating on non-male identified people.) â Letter requirements depend on the patient â Has been known to operate on explicitly female-identified people
Dr. Buckley â Minneapolis, MN â Letter requirements unknown
Dr. Mangubat - Seattle, WA - http://www.labelleviecosmetic.com/transgender.shtml
THERAPISTS
Katy Koonce â Katy is willing to do phone sessions with and write letters for people all over the US. Her contact information can be found here: http://katykoonce.com/contact.htm
YOUTUBES
Ceointhe415 â http://www.youtube.com/user/ceointhe415/videos
Weirdopal1 â http://www.youtube.com/user/weirdopal1/videos
Ashtreechill â http://www.youtube.com/user/ashtreechill/videos â A butch who has had top surgery
PerpetualTomboy â http://www.youtube.com/user/perpetualtomboy â A straight, female-identified tomboy who wants top surgery
TUMBLRS
Butchinthesouth - http://butchinthesouth.tumblr.com/tagged/top+surgery
OTHER
How to Bring Your Kids Up Queer â A blog written by Paige Schilt, whose wife, Katy Koonce (the therapist mentioned above), has had top surgery. Check the âgenderâ tag for relevant entries.   http://howtobringyourkidsupqueer.blogspot.com/search/label/Gender
Transbucket â http://www.transbucket.com/ â This site provides pictures of top surgery results. A login is required.
WPATH (World Professional Association for Transgender Health) â This is a link to the new Standards of Care, which has provisions for gender-non-conforming people who want top surgery. Â Â Â Â Â http://www.wpath.org/publications_standards.cfm
http://neutrois.me/tag/top-surgery/ â Blog written by an FTN (female-to-neutrois) individual who has had top surgery
http://perpetualtomboy.me/- Blog by the same person who runs the PerpetualTomboy youtube page.
Hella helpful, but Iâm going to need a DMAB version as well
Resources for FAAB, Non-Male Identified People Who Want Top Surgery
Resources for Male Survivors
letstalkaboutrape:
I posted last week asking people if they knew of some good resources for male victims of sexual assault. Here is the list people came up with:
www.malesurvivor.org
www.violenceunsilenced.com
www.rainn.org
www.pandys.org
www.1in6.org
www.soulspeakout.org
http://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/
Thanks everyone!
reblog for signal boost
Everyone Please be careful when calling the suicide Hotlines.
One of the ones on the Kansas suicide website is a phone number to the Mental Hospital of Kansas. This hospital is the insane asylum. Please do not call that number.
Ive been there once, when I lived in kansas. DO NOT CALL THIS NUMBER: (913) 755-7000
I REPEAT DO NOT CALL THIS NUMBER.
signal boost
sonneillonv:
shorm:
myasphyxiatedmind:
pomegranatehipster:
thearmouredbear:
satanyo:
twinpersonalitys:
bramblepatch:
sumomomochi:
strangeharpy:
hardcorewingsdotcom:
ireallyhatecornnuts:
itisneverlupus:
boysinperil:
patchfire:
thatsnicebutimmarried:
mixedy:
my parents arenât teaching me life lessons.
#i need some adults to TEACH ME SHIT ABOUT LIFE
Some shit about life, from a bonafide adult:
even if you get along great with your family you will get along even better with them after moving outÂ
generic is almost always just as good as name brand. But there are some things you never buy generic, including: peanut butter, ketchup, liquid NyQuil, Chips-Ahoy chewy chocolate chip cookies
just imagine the person on the other end of the phone hates talking on the phone as much as you do. Even a receptionist. I worked as one and I hate talking on the phone
at least once in your life you will go to Wal-mart to buy something under $20 like an ironing board or something and your debit card will get rejected. No one will judge. Everyone at some point in their lives has had $2.98 in their bank account.Â
thrift stores
everyone else is too busy panicking about everyone else noticing every tiny thing that could possibly be wrong about them to notice any tiny thing that could possibly be wrong about you
you will screw up. a lot. you live and you learn. and when you start to think too hard about that embarrassing thing that happened and how you wish you could change it, just tell yourself that whatâs done is done. Thereâs no changing it, so just forget it and move on. Itâs the only way to stay sane.
do the dishes before the sink grows its own ecosystem
you canât put Dawn dishsoap in the dishwasher.Â
if you are the only one in the aisle at the grocery store, and you need to get from one end to the other without even looking at anything in that aisle, then you should totally cart-surf down the aisle. Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional. Hold on to the little things. They make all the difference.
never try to make cake from scratch at 3am. You end up with a topographical map of Middle Earth.
15% tip.Â
the best way to get money for food is to tell your grandparents about how you basically live on microwaved mac and cheese. Their horror may result in twenty bucks and orders to go out and get yourself âa real dinnerâ.
sometimes life sucks, and knowing that it might get better doesnât always make it suck any less, but youâll never get to the non-sucky days without enduring the suckiness.Â
no seriously, NEVER put Dawn in your dishwasher
I would add:
Donât buy generic parmesan cheese, either. Itâs worth the pennies for Kraft.
20% tip. The people that serve you in a restaurant count on the generosity of others. Consider it a form of pay it forward, because there is inevitably a jerk making over $100K a year who leaves a 2-5% tip. I know, because I used to be married to one of them.Â
If you get your clothes out of the dryer and lay them flat, they wonât look wrinkled, but you didnât have to fold them or put them away. Itâs amazing how long itâs possible to get dressed from a stack of clothes that moves from your bed to other flat surfaces repeatedly.
Donât be afraid to be kind and to give help when you can. Does the man holding the sign in the grocery store lot REALLY need food? I donât know. Why not buy him some fresh muffins and fruit anyway?
Donât be afraid to ask for help. Monetary or otherwise. The people that you love and that love youâwhether your family or your chosen familyâneed to know what help you need. They canât read minds.Â
Things Iâd like to add:Â
Buy one good cookbook at the thrift store and learn it until you can do a few decent recipes in your sleep. It makes you look good, and soon youâll realize you can make better mac & cheese from scratch, for cheaper.
If youâve got even the tiniest bit of apartment patio, grow something. Herbs, tomatoes, flowers - make something live.Â
Do one Random Act a week, from paying for coffee for the person behind you to slipping love notes into books. The love you make, people.Â
Other things I would like to add:
Please, PLEASE get insurance. You are too young to be lumped with debt if your toaster accidentally burns down your apartment or you drive your piece of crap car into the back of a Benz. It may seem like an additional expense but hey, itâs piece of mind or paying back a loan you had to get because you had no other choice.
omfg pay your bills FIRST. Budget. Your. Shit. My own motherâs rule of thumb was this: pay your bills first, buy your food, fill your car, put 10-20% into savings and the rest is yours to play with.Â
No one actually gives a shit if you rock up to the gas station in your sweatpants and a grotty hoodie.
Make time for your family. I am 28 and I still have dinner with my parents every week. I write to my grandparents who live four hours away. They LOVE getting handwritten letters and I love getting them in return.Â
And finally.
Donât be a cunt.
I would also add:
Sometimes a kindness from a stranger makes all the difference in the world. Offer to pay the ten cents difference in someoneâs bill if theyâre short and youâre behind them. Buy a homeless person a hot coffee when itâs cold out. Buy your cashier a chocolate bar. Small things like that can make all the difference between a shitty week and a great one.
Maintain your car or else it will blow up on you at the worst possible time. I have had a car drop a drive shaft, explode, and almost any other terrible thing a car can do, and it was all because I didnât take the time to swap out the oil and change the spark plugs occasionally.
Try not to judge other people so harshly. Theyâre having a hard time of it just like you are.
Do not feel ashamed if you have to ask for help (be it from friends or family or by going to apply for welfare). No one can get through this alone.
If a bill collector calls you and you owe $700 and you can only spare $300, make an offer. They bought your debt for pennies on the dollar and are usually glad to make anything off of it. Itâll get the debt of your credit score and stop the people from harassing you.
Do not ever lie to a judge. Judges are human bullshit detectors. If youâve done something bad, even if itâs just a speeding ticket, go before them, âfess up to being wrong, and ask for lenience cuz itâs your first time and you REALLY donât wanna do that again.Â
Ramen noodles can be modified in about fifty billion ways. You can add shit, take shit away, make a stir fry, whatever. Google âRamen Recipesâ because it will change your life.
Additionally, rice is the cheapest and easiest food to make and you can do SO MUCH with it. Pennies per meal.
Do not drink and drive. DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE. Seriously. Donât drink and drive, I donât care how good to drive you think you are.Â
Always keep a portable space heater or a kerosene heater around if you can help it. You never know when youâll be stuck in your apartment freezing your balls off at 3 a.m. with the power out.
Credit cards are a ripoff. Unless you absolutely have to (as in, emergency medical care or something), you really shouldnât bother getting one. Youâre better off saving up hard cold cash for anything you want. Seriously.
Checks will get you into trouble. You should probably stay away from those too.
Cheap conditioner is the best shaving cream. Donât bother with anything else.Â
If you have the money for a Costco (or similar bulk-buying place) membership, GO FOR IT. I save SO much money on eyeglasses and contact lenses, medicine, and coffee beans that the membership basically pays for itself. Plus Costco is actually a really good company and treats itâs employees well.
Always stand up for your rights. If you donât know what rights the law affords you, be an educated person and read up on them. It might screw you over occasionally, but thereâs a reason theyâre called rights.
Sock monkey hats make everything better.
Make time for things you enjoy.
Breathe, nothing is the end of the world, trust me, shit works out.
Be nice to your car, spoil it. That car is your baby.
Donât forget to be awesome
Yo, forreal never put dish soap in the dish washer. Donât do it.
Just want to add here:
Pay attention in algebra. That shit is actually useful once you get out of school, if only because sometimes it shows up on employment applications.
There is a difference between things that you want and things that you need, and figuring out that difference is the biggest step toward managing your money well.
Save money. Even if itâs only $20 a paycheck or something like that, put it in a separate account and pretend it doesnât exist anymore. That way you have a little extra if something unexpected happens. âSomething unexpectedâ is not the release of your favorite bandâs collectorâs edition boxed set. :P (You can save up for those things, too, but keep that separate from yoursavings.)
Speaking of money, try to bank with a credit union. A lot of them will let you join as long as you live in a certain area, and itâs basically a co-op where everyone who is a member is part owner and it exists to serve its members rather than pay dividends to shareholders. They arenât always as convenient as banks, especially in rural areas, but itâs worth it in the end. (My CU charges me $5 when I overdraft. I donât do it often, but itâs a huge difference between my fianceâs bank, which charges $30.)
Seconding Costco so hard. Thirty bucks for fifty pounds of rice that will last you three months easy. A hundred fifty there once a month plus another hundred fifty throughout the month at a regular store will feed four people no problem.
If you can make it yourself, do so. Processed foods are hella expensive and never as good for you as unprocessed foods.
Rice and beans are a complete protein, potatoes and butter are a complete protein. Cabbage is cheap and delicious and can be used as filler in most dishes.
Donât turn on your heat if you can help it. Collect blankets and sweaters instead, or use a space heater to warm the area youâre in.
Christmas lights are your friend, especially white LED ones. They provide a significant amount of light while using hardly any electricity. Theyâre especially great at staving of seasonal depression resulting from low lighting.
Thrift stores and dollar stores have great dishes for really cheap, especially glass wear. Dollar store glasses are hard core.
Ross is a really great place to buy things new.
Donât bother with cable, unless you end up getting a really great deal combined with internet. Netflix and internet is really all you need.
Get twice as many small spoons as anything else. They will disappear. You will not know how all your spoons disappear, but they will.
Plastic sheets over windows, especially single pane windows, help keep heat in.
White vinegar and baking soda will clean anything, without harmful chemicals.
Dawn dish soap will remove grease stains from clothing.
Donât leave big ass messy piles of things places, especially clothes. You will end up with bugs.
Take care of your health. Doctors are expensive as fuck, but go if you need to. Dentists are also expensive as fuck, but go when youâre supposed to go. Bad teeth is a sign of poverty for a reason, and preventative care goes a long way.
Check your mail regularly.
When you move into a new place, especially a cheap one, do a thorough check of all the cupboards and drawers. If thereâs a stash of drugs/jelly beans/dead rodents/something else interesting hidden away that the last person to live there forgot about, you want to know as soon as possible.
If youâre looking for an apartment, try to get an upstairs one near the middle of the building. Youâll stay warmer.
Literally anything you buy as a boxed mix you can make from scratch way cheaper. Rice-a-roni is rice, noodles, and chicken stock.
If you have the time and access to multiple food sources, donât do all your shopping in one place. Itâs worth it to spend a little more on meat and produce, but donât buy dry goods for more than you have to.
Iâm not just talking âbuy generic,â by the way. Buy generic at the bargain places. The warehouse-style grocery storeâs store brand and the slightly more expensive placeâs store brand are the exact same product made by the exact same company, just one has a classier packaging design. Donât pay for classier packaging.
Know where the cheap gas stations are. Know where the slightly less cheap but still affordable gas stations are in case the cheap gas stations go out of business.
Get canvas grocery bags. Not only are they better for the environment, but they can be loaded heavier without ripping or losing their handles so youâll have to make less trips too and from the car to bring in groceries.
get a library card
put money into savings because if the shit hits the fan you will need it
baking soda and vinegar make less expensive cleaners
baking soda is good for skin too if you need a skin cleanserÂ
use dollar stores i mean seriously
no really always have baking soda on hand
learn to bake and cook from scratch
Places like Old Navy sell good clothes that can look professional. A 5 dollar tank top over an 8 dollar long sleeve shirt is a poor manâs sweatervest and looks good for job interviews.
Supercook.com has an application where you put in the ingredients you have in your kitchen and it tells you recipes that you can make with them.
There is no shame in dollar store food. When canned name brands crop up in dollar stores, it means that itâs close to expiration, but canned goods last for a long time after their consume by date.Â
Padmapper.com is a site to help find apartments. It lays out ads from sites like kijiji and craigslist over a map and you can select your rent range and how many rooms you need and shows sublets and room shares etc.
Similarly, check kijiji for furniture, because people will often need to move and need to get rid of a bed or a bookshelf or a dinner table quick.
If you are in college or university, check online for your textbooks first. Especially if there is a possibility that you are going to change your program. There is nothing worse than paying 500 dollars for a text book and trying to sell it back the next month and being told that itâs suddenly out of date and they can only give you 12 dollars.
alluc.org, project free tv, and watchseries.eu are places you can stream tv and movies. Seriously, cable is not worth it.
Check places like liquidation world, factory overflow or factory direct stores and dollar stores for things like shampoo and conditioner and soaps. They get good brands in all the time.Â
A bottle of tea tree oil can be found in organic sections at grocery stores or in some drug stores. If you get a bottle of this oil, dab a drop or two on your hand and rub it on your face. It burns like the fires of hell, but it will decimate acne. It also works to heal cuts and such. Use this in conjunction with a regular face wash instead of shelling out for the super expensive face washes promising no acne and never delivering.Â
If you are not in a rush and someone is playing music on the street, stop for a minute and listen. Itâs okay to slow down sometimes.Â
Frozen vegetables are nicer and easier to prepare than you think they are. So are canned vegetables.Â
At some point in your life you are probably going to eat cold ravioli or beans out of a can. Itâs okay, we all do it. Just pretend you are Rorschach from Watchmen or something.Â
Books are expensive. I know you want them, but they are expensive. If you can, download a pdf or epub version of it, and if you really love the book, come back for it and buy it to support the author when you can.
Most libraries have an online system now where you can renew your books. Do not let library fines pile up. They will send library ninjas after you.Â
Use facebook and twitter and google to figure out what kind of things are going on in your city/town. Theatres have cheap nights, or special 2 dollar saturday shows, bars have ladies nights and 2-for-1 Jaggerbomb nights and artsy cafes have poetry slams and sometimes clothing stores have concerts with no cover. There are inexpensive ways to go out and have fun.Â
Megabus.com.
Get a proper bra fitting. Wasting money on an ill-fitting bra because youâre pretty sure youâre a 38C will end in pain and frustration when you realize that a 40D makes your boobs look better and your back hurt less.Â
Kelloggâs make a kind of cereal called Buds, which are all bran and you can mix into museli and yogurt. This is good if you like yogurt but have a texture sensitivity.Â
Peanut butter on pancakes or waffles makes them more filling. Also, you can make a huge batch of palm sized pancakes and freeze them, then heat them in a toaster for a quick pancake breakfast every now and then. Use an empty ketchup bottle for the pancake batter.
If you are a writer, look at your cityâs region on the Nanowrimo site. You can message people and maybe connect with other writers in the area.
When you hand in a resume to a place, ask to talk to a manager, shake their hand and introduce yourself, and give your resume. Say thank you and tell them to have a good day. They will remember you.Â
Job interviews are scary. This is a fact of life, whether you are 16 or 60. It is okay.
Your mental health is worth more than minimum wage. If your job is seriously detrimental to your mental state, quit. There are other jobs and there are likely programs in the area to help you while you are finding a new job.Â
There is no shame in asking for help. There is no shame in asking for help. There is no shame in asking for help.Â
Echinacea comes in vitamin form and tea form and in both forms they can work better than a lot of cold medicine.Â
Everyone else is as scared as you are. You are not alone.Â
The man in the movie holes wasnât lieing when he said onions were good for everything. Those babies are super good for you and can be bought for cheap at most places. They are also super good in beans, soups, salads, stir fry, ect. Just about everything. (with the exception of cake, I would not recommend this)
Rice and beans are your best friends.
Potatoes can be fixed in a million different ways and can be purchased for cheap. They are super good. Also you can bake them in the microwave.
Also buying âseasonalâ fruits and veggies can be a lot cheaper than those that arenât âin seasonâ
THRIFT STORES ARE YOUR BEST FRIEND. I repeat THRIFT. STORES. ARE. YOUR. BEST. FRIEND. You can usually find really good dish sets that have one or two dishes (such as two plates, maybe a bowl. I have found four really awesome âCokeâ cups and some epic plates and a bowl before) which is PERFECT for a college student who really doesnât have the money to spend on cheap plates that you canât microwave. Also they sell blankets, pillows, furniture, clothes, and lots of other cool things for much cheaper than walmart.
Part time work is better than no work at all.
Cats can be very therapeutic and make great companions. If you canât afford one of your own make friends with someone who has one and go visit them.
Christmas lights are always a good idea, all year round, they NEVER go out of style. Especially if they are white on white.
You really only need maybe one piece of school paraphernalia. You wonât be there as long as you think.
 The smell of peppermint is very relaxing and can help you focus.
Remember to take time for you too, just because you may be âbrokeâ doesnât mean that you canât treat yourself to something nice once in a while. Just donât go crazy with it.
Coupons are awesome. Use them.
Just because something is buy two get one free doesnât mean you need to buy two. If you donât NEED the second one, do not BUY the second one. It is mostly a ploy to get you to spend more money.
If you have a certain kind of deodorant that you use, buy at least two or three things of it. Trust me, it runs out sooner than you think and it probably wont get cheaper over time.
If you are in college and you went away to school make sure to keep up with old friends from âback homeâ. They usually know you better than your new friends do and can help you out when you get homesick. Also they miss you.
A hand towel will be more cost effective than using a role of paper towels to dry your hands with.
Prevention is key. Stay well and you wont have to pay the big bucks to a doctor.
Never buy generic NyQuil. It is not worth your time.
Drink lots of water.
I mean it, Drink lots of water, it will help you stay well.
Never forget the importance of a good scarf, hat, and glove set in the winter.
When things start to go awry and your whole day seems to have fallen to pieces, take a deep breath and remember that tomorrow will come sooner than you think, and yes, you can make it through this day, no matter how stressful it is.
Also someone out there loves you more than anything else in the world.
Smile even when you donât feel like it, you will start feeling better after a while.
If you need to get wrinkles out of your laundry but donât have time to/access to an iron, a quick run through the dryer will take wrinkles out of at least some fabrics.
Pour a bit of oil in a frying pan. Chop up a chicken breast, crumble ground beef or turkey, whatever: some form of protein. Put onions in the oil for a couple minutes, then add the meat, and then whatever other vegetables you enjoy (I usually add bell peppers and mushrooms). Add some herbs and spices if you have them on hand (I usually add ginger, hot sauce, and a pinch of nutmeg from a big bag I bought a month ago). Mix it around until everything looks pretty cooked. This can go in pasta, between two slices of bread, or on rice, and itâs equally delicious.
Salads can be really filling and cheap. The cheap sauce isnât quite as good, but itâs still tasty.
If you live in a city, actually go into those little family-owned grocery stores. Half the time theyâre cheaper anyway, and you have the added bonus of contributing to a small business instead of a national superstore.
Ditto for small bakeries. Find one nearby and youâve struck gold. The ones near me sell small buns for ridiculously cheap, and I just quarter them. It costs about the same per slice as wonder bread, but itâs so much more delicious.
Figure out the cheapest place to get everything you regularly use. Go to each place if you have the energy and time.
Also figure out the cheapest place to just grab everything and go. There will be weeks you need groceries but canât go to six stores.
Buy produce every couple days, and buy things when you know what youâre gonna do with them. Produce goes bad really quickly and you donât want that shit in your fridge.Â
Figure out a dozen or so things you can make quickly and easily that you really love. Make sure you keep what you need for those things around. Always eating one thing for dinner gets really old really fast, but if you cycle between five or six things youâll be a lot happier.
Always keep honey and lemon juice around, and preferably ginger. If youâre feeling sick, make yourself honey and lemon (and ginger) tea by pouring a bit of each into a mug of hot water and stirring it together. This also works by adding it to actual tea.
Pouring a tablespoon of hot sauce down your throat often dislodges mucus, which is why your throat usually gets sore. Itâs only treating the symptom, though, so unless you really need to not sound sick for a couple hours itâs better if you donât do this and instead focus on getting better.
Try to get at least some sunlight every day. If you canât, grab a bottle of vitamin D pills.
BANKING ADVICE FROM A BANKER
Rather than avoiding checks and credit cards altogether, use them the RIGHT way.  Get a credit card with your bank or with a grocery store where you often shop - often grocery stores will offer points and rewards on their credit cards that can be used to save on food and gas.  You are looking for anything with NO ANNUAL FEES.  Assign one expense and ONLY one expense to this credit card.  It may be your water bill, your cell phone bill, gas, your monthly allotment of anime⊠whatever.  It needs to be a relatively small expense that you know you can pay.  Use the credit card ONLY for this purpose.  Pay off the entire balance every single month.  If you are careful, you can do this with multiple credit cards, but they must be paid off in full every month to avoid racking up interest.  3 is a good number, 5 looks better to creditors, but you want to get them slowly, not all at once.  This way you will build credit while strictly controlling your spending, you have a line of credit available for true emergencies, and the credit you build will help you with everything from reducing deposits on services and utilities to getting better rates on loans.  Try not to use your credit card online, as this is the easiest way to fall prey to credit card fraud.
Most banks will give you some checks for free, but itâs often cheaper to re-order from third party companies. Â Always spring for the carbon copies - they make it easy to keep track of your payments. Â Restrict your check usage to bills - youâll go through them more slowly and be able to keep better records.Â
EVERY SINGLE CHECK YOU WRITE needs to be noted in your register and subtracted from a running total of your balance. Â EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU SWIPE YOUR DEBIT CARD you need to write it in your register that exact minute. Â Donât assume youâll remember - you wonât. Â Most banks will give you check registers for free. Â We also have services like online banking and text banking with low balance alerts. Â You have more control over your money than any generation in history - use it.
Put your local branchâs number into your cell phone contacts. Â Donât hesitate to call us to ask for balances, or ask whether something has cleared - our records are often even more up-to-date than your online records, which can sometimes be up to 24 hours behind. Â We get these calls all the time. Â You are not bothering us. Â We want you to be diligent with your money. Â If you come see us, we can print out the history of what has cleared on your account since the end of your last statement cycle so you know exactly where you stand.
When you use an ATM that doesnât belong to your bank, your bank will usually charge you fees and the bank that owns the ATM will also charge you fees. Â Thatâs double the fees. Â However, the ATM only needs to disclose the fees for the bank that owns it. Â So it may say you will be charged $2 but in reality you will be charged $4. Â Some banks apply these fees right away, some donât apply them until your statement cycle cuts, so itâs important to track them.
Depositing into the ATM is the slowest way to deposit. Â As a general rule, if you came in the next morning and deposited your check with a teller, you will still get it one day earlier than you would if you deposited it into the ATM the previous night, even though you actually did it one day later. Â This can make a world of difference. Â If you need the money available right away, go to your teller and say âCan you deposit my check as cash?â Â The worst we can say is ânoâ, but if itâs a payroll check, a government check, if you have matching funds, or if itâs a check drawn on our bank, we can often say âyesâ. Â Then you get your money instantly.
Most banks that offer debit cards give you the option to have your card declined if you have insufficient funds for a purchase.  You should take this offer, but keep in mind that checks and electronic payments can still overdraft you.  You can also overdraft by using your card at the gas pump becauseâŠ
⊠Gas stations, convenience stores, and some other business where you swipe your card to make a purchase do not need to apply that amount to your account right away.  Most of them will âtestâ your account - they send a charge through for $0.00 - and even if your account is already overdrafted a charge for $0.00 will not be refused.  The real amount of your purchase may be posted to your account anywhere from a day to two weeks later depending on the business - the bank does not control that.  This is why it is so, so important to WRITE your purchases down and TRACK your balance.  Using cash is also a good option.
If you are in trouble - if you are about to be overdrafted, if you have just discovered that you are overdrafted, if you have discovered fraud on your account, if you have discovered an unauthorized purchase - tell your bank immediately.  We can help, or at least advise you on how to minimize the damage.  Overdraft fees can kill your finances - many banks charge $35 per item even if the item was a $2.28 bag of chips.  Add up your usual debit card activity in a day and things can get out of control FAST.  Call us ASAP - usually if you can get us cash by the end of the business day, you can avoid fees.  Some banks have grace periods.  If you get in the hole, donât be ashamed to come beg your banker for help.  Often we donât reverse fees unless it was bank error⊠but sometimes we can show mercy depending on the situation.  You have to ASK us though.  Having a concrete plan to make things right goes a long way toward earning a little leniency from us.
Post-dating checks doesnât work.  Iâm sorry.  It doesnât.  If you donât get paid until the ninth and you write your rent check and date it for the 10th, and give it to your landlord with the admonishment NOT to try to deposit or cash it until then⊠they still can. Normally if I catch this at the teller line Iâll try to refuse the check, but I actually donât have legal grounds to do so, believe it or not, and the customer CAN insist.  Plus, itâs very likely the post-date wonât get caught and most banksâ item processing department, even if they catch it, will just process the check rather than kicking it back.  Donât try to play that game, youâll get screwed.
If you are in dire need of money you donât have, to make it through the weekend or something like that, and you need to overdraft your account, hereâs the best way to do it (donât tell anyone I told you this): Take as much money as you could possibly need to survive until you get paid from the ATM all at once. Â You need to be allowed to overdraft for this to work. Â You will still get a fee, but you will only get ONE fee, rather than getting a fee on every purchase you make that weekend.
Ask us questions. Â Ask, ask, ask. Â You are not stupid, you are not annoying. Â We will explain anything you need to know. Â We understand people are just starting out, or recovering from bad financial situations, or their parents taught them fuck-all about finances. Â WE DONâT WANT YOU TO FLOUNDER. Â If your bank treats you like an inconvenience, find another bank, because a good bank will answer your questions and help you learn the ropes.
