No title available
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Andulka
š©µ avery cochrane š©µ
romaā
No title available
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Origami Around
Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
The Bowery Presents
taylor price
tannertan36
todays bird
Cosmic Funnies
Not today Justin
@theartofmadeline
KIROKAZE
Sade Olutola
bliss lane
ellievsbear
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from France
seen from Bangladesh
seen from United States
seen from TĆ¼rkiye
seen from Iraq
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Germany
seen from TĆ¼rkiye
seen from South Africa
seen from Malaysia
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Japan
seen from Brazil
seen from United Kingdom
seen from T1
@texasjoshua
sonce the sports are happening big rn where i live i made a handy chart of all the phrases i use to communicate with my loved ones during these trying times. i thought others might find it useful too
ive discovered you can have whole conversations with people using just these phrases and none will be any the wiser that you dont even know what sport it is theyre talking about
okay but imagine how inconvenient the streets of Central City, Amestris, is. Like yeah yeah country wide alchemy circle aside- can you IMAGINE the traffic? Like for the Love of Truth can we add another lane on this road?? The cars are backed up for miles! The urban planning board must be the sorriest people in the world. They got no clue what an alchemist circle looks like BUT the Fuhrer keeps showing up for an ominous visit every time they try to get a modicum of reasonable city layout. The zoning laws have got to be pure evil.
how many accidents do you think there are on the Central Command Roundabout in an average day
The crest of blood in the center was carved over the course of multiple years via traffic fatalities
At that point who even needs a genocide.
PURCHASE "BOARD GAME THAT KILLS YOU" FROM HIT MOVIE "DON'T PLAY THE BOARD GAME THAT KILLS YOU
This is so fucking embarrassing. This is one of the most embarrassing business quips I have ever seen in my entire vile career.
Welcome to my house. how did you get in here. anyways, if you need to use the bathroom, you can pick three sinks but no toilet, one sink but no toilet, or one toilet, a sink we put all the way into the wall, and some strange feature (unlabelled). Choose Carefully.
I love the bedroom which is all cabinets and the empty space labeled GOURMET KITCHEN.
Nurse: āAlright, if you donāt get a call by Friday give us a call on Monday! Or if anything big happensānot that it will.ā
Me: āLike if it bursts open and an alien baby skitters out?ā
Nurse: āYeah definitely give us a call if that happens. Though Iām not sure weāre equipped to deal with alien cyst babies.ā
Me: āIn your professional opinion, if something does burst out, should I try to exterminate it or should I attempt raise it up and teach it the difference between right and wrong?ā
Nurse: āI believe that is your right to decide what happens to it. If you want to teach it to live peacefully alongside humanity, more power to you.ā
Me: āAny suggestions for names if that happens?ā
Nurse: āI will message you on MyChart if I have any ideas.ā
honestly i never thought the phrase āi want that twink obliteratedā was like a sexual thing. like when i read the phrase i imagine āa meteor like the one that killed the dinosaurs is summoned from the heavens and hits the twink in questionā type situation
Wait, it's a sex thing? I've always assumed it was a supervillain giving his henchman orders to destroy the lithe young hero invading his evil lair.
Yes exactly!
wait @explorerrowan have you seen this???
Yeah, they screenshotted me because that was my comment on the original art.
Sometimes the shenanigans that come up in an episode of Stargate make me wonder about SGC HR and payroll.
Like, okay, so in Holiday Machello body-swaps with Daniel and then goes out and buys lunch for a bunch of random people in a diner. With Daniel's credit card. Now, I mean, maybe you can just call up the credit card company and say, "I didn't authorize this purchase," but if it was a large purchase, and it seems it probably was, the diner will probably challenge the chargeback, and they almost certainly have Daniel on camera. So like, how is this handled? Does Daniel just have to eat the cost? Budgeting for his credit card bill while cursing Machello for stealing his body and $500 worth of milkshakes? Or does the SGC have like. Insurance. For that sort of thing. Given the nature of the Goa'uld it's not unreasonable. $10 per paycheck and if your body gets hijacked by some kind of alien malevolence and spends all your money the Air Force will just quietly settle the bill in the event you survive and get your body back.
In A Matter of Time most of the SGC experiences a single day, but outside, two weeks go by due to the time dilation effects of the black hole. Some scrooge in payroll is patting themselves on the back for months for managing to successfully argue that everyone inside the mountain should only be paid for the time they actually experienced working, instead of the full two weeks of real time that they were at work. They severely regret it when Window of Opportunity rolls around and Jack and Teal'c scrape together the evidence that they experienced work for 2,160 hours in a single day.
Just because one of your chicken eggs hatched a fire breathing dragon people think youāre evil. But youāre still just a regular farmer trying to make a living while dealing with an overprotective dragon, heroes that want to kill you and fanatics who want to worship you as the new Demon Lord.
The thing you need to know about all of this, the thing that got me into all this trouble in the first place, is that chickens will sit on anything when they get broody enough. Anything. Duck eggs, goose eggs, turkey eggs, lizard eggs, egg shaped rocks, anything. Chickens arenāt smart. If it looks vaguely like an egg, theyāll plant their feathery arses on it and wait.
I noticed that there was a bigger egg under one of the broody chickens, when I checked. Of course I noticed, it was twice the size of the others. But I have geese. I figured it was a goose egg sheād found and stolen. It was about the right size, and I didnāt take it out to check the colour because that particular chicken gets very protective of her eggs. Iāve already got a scar on one hand from trying to get eggs away from her. I didnāt want a matched set.
That was a decision I regretted the moment I went out to feed the chickens and found a little blue-and-silver dragonetās head poking out from under a very confused-looking chicken. The poor thing kept shifting around and looking under herself in a bewildered way, like she didnāt know what to do next. This particular chicken is a good mother, and sheās raised clutches of ducks and geese without any trouble ā sheās even resigned to some of her children swimming ā but this was too much. She didnāt object when I carefully reached in and fished out the little dragon.
It was so tiny, then. It fitted in my hand, with its little head peeking out one side and its tail looping around my wrist. Cute, too, with its big eyes and little snout turned up towards me.
That was when I made my second mistake. I decided to feed it before releasing it. Dragons are innately wild creatures, everyone knows that. They canāt be tamed. People have tried. The eggs are abandoned as soon as they are laid, and the dragonets hatch able to hunt, so they donāt even bond with their mothers. So just feeding it a little shouldnāt have been a big deal. It should have gobbled the meat and fled as soon as I loosened my grip on it and it saw the open sky.
It didnāt. As soon as Iād fed it, it fluttered up to a sunny window ledge and went to sleep. I went about my work, figuring that itād leave in its own time.
By noon, it was sitting on my boot, squeaking pathetically. I wondered if maybe it was confused by the farmyard ā they usually hatch in mountains, if the stories are right ā so I took it back to the farmhouse with me and fed it again when I ate, then took some time away from the fences I should have been mending to walk it up to the hills. I found it some nice rocks, with plenty of lizards and beetles and suitable prey for something that size. It pounced on a beetle almost as soon as I put it down, and when I left it was crunching happily.
I hadnāt walked a quarter of the way back before something hit the back of my boot. The little dragon was holding on with all four claws, and when I looked down it squeaked pathetically. If possible, its eyes got even rounder.
Listen, you donāt make it as a farmer if you just let orphaned baby animals die. We hand-raise calves and lambs and ponies, set chickens to sit on abandoned eggs, or put them under the kitchen stove or by a fireplace. You donāt make a success of farming if you donāt value every animal. A good shepherd will spend all night looking for one lost sheep. So despite what was said later, it wasnāt just sentiment that made me sigh and pick up the little thing and carry it back to the farm. Ā I am a good farmer. I donāt let orphaned babies die just because theyāre a little work.
Keep reading
āMany people seem to think it foolish, even superstitious, to believe that the world could still change for the better. And it is true that in winter it is sometimes so bitingly cold that one is tempted to say, āWhat do I care if there is a summer; its warmth is no help to me now.ā Yes, evil often seems to surpass good. But then, in spite of us, and without our permission, there comes at last an end to the bitter frosts. One morning the wind turns, and there is a thaw. And so I must still have hope.ā
ā Vincent Van Gogh
āIf I am worth anything later, I am worth something now. For wheat is wheat, even if people think it is a grass in the beginning.āĀ
- Vincent van Gogh
I saw a post saying that Boromir looked too scruffy in FotR for a Captain of Gondor, and I tried to move on, but Iām hyperfixating. Has anyone ever solo backpacked? I have. By the end, not only did I look like shit, but by day two I was talking to myself. On another occasion I did fourteen daysā backcountry as the lone woman in a group of twelve men, no showers, no deodorant, and brother, by the end of that we were all EXTREMELY feral. You think we looked like heirs to the throne of anywhere? We were thirteen wolverines in ripstop.
My boy Boromir? Spent FOUR MONTHS in the wilderness! Alone! No roads! High floods! His horse died! Iām amazed he showed up to Imladris wearing clothes, let alone with a decent haircut. Iām fully convinced that he left Gondor looking like Richard Sharpe being presented to the Prince Regent in 1813
*electric guitar riff*
And then rocked up to Imladris a hundred ten days later like
Some people have been wondering about the raccoon. Listen. Listennn. Don't ask about the raccoon.
But does the racoon survive the Uruk-Hai? Does he curl up on Aragorn's head, or does he go straight to Faramir? Does he bite Denethor?
My friend. My colleague. My brother my captain my king. I too have been pondering this question, and in my mind there can be only one ultimate outcome.
A few months later
All hail the High Warden of Gondor.
Epilogue: It ADORES Faramir.
Every time I see this post Iām obligated to reblog and make it your problem too!
Leverage (2008) // S02xE01 // "The Beantown Bailout Job"
i like this exchange because depending on how you reverse that statement, you end up with three possible interpretations, each funnier than the last and all equally true:
solving poor people's problems
creating rich people's problems
solving problem rich people
studying ancient history will have you thinking stuff like The 18th century was basically yesterday
i'll never live down the time i was talking with a friend and i said "given recent events". my friend said "what recent events?" and i had to reply "the Protestant Reformation"
My favorite response to āthatās not a wordā is āthen why do you know what it means?ā
Every time someone within 30 miles of me says āthatās a made up wordā I am uncontrollably compelled to respond āALL WORDS ARE MADE UP!ā
In a college language class I took, we talked about the Jabberwocky poem and the professor had us try to explain every word in it. When we got to āoutgrabeā she asked why it was past tense and my response was āCause the present tense is outgribeā. Her response was āThat doesnāt answer the question but that brings up a better one. Why do you know that?ā
In a college language class I took, we talked about the Jabberwocky poem and the professor had us try to explain every word in it. When we got to āoutgrabeā she asked why it was past tense and my response was āCause the present tense is outgribeā.
dragons
DRAGONS LOCATED
Lae'zel's character and her entire situation at the beginning of the game becomes so much more funny when you find out she's 22. It makes so much sense. Imagine you're 22 and you're exposed to this dangerous toxin or chemical or something - but not to worry, you learnt that this can be easily fixed, you just need to dial 911 real quick. Common knowledge. Everyone knows that. You learnt that in kindergarten, it's up there with fire alarm drills.
But the people you're stuck with have no concept of modern medicine and when you say "let's go to the hospital" they will say shit like "i think they kill people at the hospital" and "we should ask this swamp lady" or "this guy over there told me about this homoeopathic healer kind of guy but he got abducted" or "this random bard wants to help" and "I'm not going to dial 911 because I don't want the government to know my home address" or "maybe we should consider a deal with Satan". And then a bunch of them KEEP consuming the chemical because it makes them "stronger". One guy might explode for unrelated reasons. You have a few days before this situation is getting critical and suddenly they're solving crime and doing general charity for the community.
And FOR SOME REASON you still try to help these idiots and you STILL want to help them get the cure even though they all keep insisting the "doctors" at the "hospital" might try to "kill them" and they don't have insurance. And you keep telling them to just. go. to. the. hospital. before the time runs out and you all die very horribly of a very treatable condition.
And also you're 22 in a foreign country and you're responsible for shepherding this gaggle of idiots who are all ranging anywhere from 24 to 240 years old.
And the funniest part of all of it is they were right. You show up and the hospital tries to kill you.
Still one of the best things thatās ever come out of tiktok
