Gray (she/her)

21 : Lesbian : Occasional Bad Writer/Artist : Can’t Breathe

[that-asthmatic-queer]

⚠️Trigger Warning - Post includes heavy discussions and implied references to child abuse, sexual assault, mental illness and other difficult topics. Do not read if you’re not in the right headspace- it isn’t worth your well-being.

So, last semester I wrote a chapbook (short book of poetry) for a writing class of mine. I don’t know if I’ll ever pursue publishing it anywhere, but I posted quite a few rough drafts here and wanted to share if anyone wanted to read.

Thank you for checking it out if you decide to :)

[that-asthmatic-queer]

Almost two years ago I messaged a girl on here because I liked her blog and now she’s sitting on the same couch I was then watching silly shows with my grandma and I’m so hopelessly in love with her I could cry

The world may be on fire but every time I look at her I remember it’s beautiful too

@let-our-bones-lay-together I love you baby

[that-asthmatic-queer]

The Other Side

I found comfort in the multiverse

A world beyond my grasp where each new wrong had never happened

I clung to its warmth in the periphery

But it always felt so out of reach

And my teeth snapped at its air

Craving a taste of the good

Until 5 pm rolled around yesterday

And there was a small ripple in wind

Something twisting and unraveling

And I’m surprised there wasn’t a flash of light

As I finally pierced the veil

Suddenly on the other side

So to my other selves

I am so sorry for your grief

I can taste it too

Sour

Rotten

A predator

I called on all those forgotten favors

And I wouldn’t begrudge you being bitter

But I hope you find relief in this world’s flavor

Because today

In this world

She is still breathing

[that-asthmatic-queer]

My sisters are mousy brown

My brother is flex seed and gold

But I’ve got a sodden brunette

Almost black as coal

My mothers blood runs hot

Bright and bold

My father is cool tones

In his voice and his soul

I’ve never colored

Without respect for the lines

But I’ve never quite understood

Whatever drew mine

[liquidstar]

Thank god finally

[liquidstar]

Why is every single one of you tagging this saying "oh just like horseshoe crabs" why the hell do you all know how horseshoe crabs mate off the top of your heads?

[liquidstar]

What the fuck do you mean "because of the lesbian horseshoe crabs"

[let-our-bones-lay-together]

I identify as a lesbian horseshoe crab @that-asthmatic-queer

[that-asthmatic-queer]

C’mon babe let’s go make some fossils

[let-our-bones-lay-together]

the yik yaks have evolved into fossilhood

[that-asthmatic-queer]

Some of them got stuck in there and calcified

[let-our-bones-lay-together]

WHEEZING VDKSKWHDJX THEN DO THEY COME OUT LIKE A KIDNEY STONE

[that-asthmatic-queer]

NO YOU GOTTA LIKE GRIND EM INTO A FINE POWDER TO PUSH OUT

[liquidstar]

Thank god finally

[liquidstar]

Why is every single one of you tagging this saying "oh just like horseshoe crabs" why the hell do you all know how horseshoe crabs mate off the top of your heads?

[liquidstar]

What the fuck do you mean "because of the lesbian horseshoe crabs"

[let-our-bones-lay-together]

I identify as a lesbian horseshoe crab @that-asthmatic-queer

[that-asthmatic-queer]

C’mon babe let’s go make some fossils

[let-our-bones-lay-together]

the yik yaks have evolved into fossilhood

[that-asthmatic-queer]

Some of them got stuck in there and calcified

[liquidstar]

Thank god finally

[liquidstar]

Why is every single one of you tagging this saying "oh just like horseshoe crabs" why the hell do you all know how horseshoe crabs mate off the top of your heads?

[liquidstar]

What the fuck do you mean "because of the lesbian horseshoe crabs"

[let-our-bones-lay-together]

I identify as a lesbian horseshoe crab @that-asthmatic-queer

[that-asthmatic-queer]

C’mon babe let’s go make some fossils

[that-asthmatic-queer]

I Wonder

Oh I wonder

In the sonder of the evening

And the waning heat of mourning

If I left with no warning

I wonder

If the news would break like thunder

And if they’d ever cease to hunger

Or if news would pass by the sunrise

Fade with the morning dew

Oh I wonder what they’d do

Oh I wonder

Oh I wonder if you’d miss me too

Or would the lightning crash be too much for you

[flowerytale]

Anne Sexton, from A Self-Portrait in Letters

[spicymochi]

what a distinguished gentleman 🎩

[let-our-bones-lay-together]

little! duck!

@that-asthmatic-queer

[that-asthmatic-queer]

cutest! ducky! ever!!

[internum--urbes]

[that-asthmatic-queer]

I have my fathers’ eyes

But they’re my mothers’ when I cry

I try to say they’re not the same

But they all know that that’s a lie

I’m a sinner

You’re a saint

Thrown and broken dinner plates

This family isn’t for the faint

[let-our-bones-lay-together]

i am chaos

[that-asthmatic-queer]

what does that make me?

[let-our-bones-lay-together]

mule

[that-asthmatic-queer]

mule stronk

[let-our-bones-lay-together]

i am chaos

[that-asthmatic-queer]

what does that make me?

[let-our-bones-lay-together]

my eyes are so heavy and tired, please pull me as close as possible to you and kiss my tears away. please soothe my shaking and hold my hand. please let me fall asleep in the crook of your neck. I love you. please don't let go.

[let-our-bones-lay-together]

I had no idea who I was writing this to when I posted this. I'm so lucky that I do now. I love you @that-asthmatic-queer

[that-asthmatic-queer]

I had no idea what I was missing all my life, only that it wasn’t there. Turns out it was never what, it was who - and it has always been you.

[let-our-bones-lay-together]

I adore you

[that-asthmatic-queer]

[let-our-bones-lay-together]

my eyes are so heavy and tired, please pull me as close as possible to you and kiss my tears away. please soothe my shaking and hold my hand. please let me fall asleep in the crook of your neck. I love you. please don't let go.

[let-our-bones-lay-together]

I had no idea who I was writing this to when I posted this. I'm so lucky that I do now. I love you @that-asthmatic-queer

[that-asthmatic-queer]

I had no idea what I was missing all my life, only that it wasn’t there. Turns out it was never what, it was who - and it has always been you.

[that-asthmatic-queer]

I’m colorblind

Diagnosed at 14

In the middle of art class

I found out there were colors I’d never seen

It never bothered me

Never wanted to see my own eyes

I see the irony

I find it kind of funny

But her eyes have flecks in them

And it keeps me up at night

Knowing that no amount of studying

Will shed enough light

I will never see a sky clearly

Or the ocean and all the seas

But none of that bothers me

Like finding out there’s parts of her I’ll never see

—

@let-our-bones-lay-together I love you so damned much, I promise I will spend the rest of my life memorizing as much of you as I can.