I've literally been unable to do anything productive for over a week. Suddenly got some random hyper focus. Knocked out a realistic portrait in <4h wtf brain?!
I was (am) always really ashamed about how long something this skilled takes me bc getting all my school work done the night before and getting A* did NOT win me any friends and I was already a loner and being bullied. It sucks for other people who find it hard to find out that it looks easy for me - but what looked easy from the outside was me compensating all my life for a brain that wouldn't cooperate when I wanted it to.
This kind of art is one example of my skill masking my neurodivergent brain. Everyone is always impressed with the outcome, but art teachers be like - why can't you do this every time? If you applied yourself... We expected top grades what happend in the exam? Where is your working out?
I've made my peace with never being a consistent creator. That's why I started doing stupid little doodles in the first place. So I didn't place high expectations to produce work like this all the time. So when I had the urge to create I could do small things and still gain the reward from producing art that is 'good' for different reasons. So I could just have fun!
Now I am trying to learn how to trust my skill even when I can't focus like this. It's ok if it takes 8 hours and the outcome is the same. Like thats a normal pace for any human. And it's still fucking impressive.
I want to start being proud of my ability. Like yeah I did this super fast and it's a piece of work I feel proud of.


















