That one lemon eater

top 100 water drinker ask me whatever it's not like I got better to do

[thatonelemoneater]

Alright after multiple polls and over a week

My son has been named

Harlem, bringer of plague

Credit goes to @thatdeadmango for the name

[marcilleinrandomplaces]

Marcille in persona 5 X

Marcille doesn't even know what a subway is, let alone a subway slammer

[whoever-uthink-iam]

I love you sbglings’ comments

[nekokotatsu]

Human: I don't get this whole "Earth is a death world" thing. Like, obviously it wouldn't seem like one to us, but why is it one to you guys? Are your home planets *that* much more free of disease and predators and stuff?

Alien: Oh, yes. Earth is far more hostile than our home worlds.

Human: Huh. Wonder why.

Alien: I suspect it's due to Earth's high iron content blocking the fae from disposing of such minor threats.

Human: Yeah, I guess that

Human:

Human: what

Tiny fairy in alien's translator headpiece: Shut up, they think we're mythical, it's *hilarious*.

Alien: I mean... Sure is a mystery, huh?

[hrmnrmpfh]

So you know how human vision is motion activated but hacked via their eyeballs constantly vibrating so they can still see things that aren’t moving

Humans are space orcs idea where other aliens don’t do that so looking at human eyes constantly shaking is real unsettling. Theres a lot of fun to be had about the intensity of eye contact, the almost hypnotic effects of their gaze, the difficulty in ambushing them, ect.

This also mean that The Polar Express, being uncanny to most humans because the eyes aren’t animated with micro-movements, is one of the few human films that can be aired on other planets without a content warning

[prideling]

I keep thinking about the fact that Eridians seem so much stronger and sturdier than humans, so what humans-are-space-orcs thing could Grace even do that would freak Rocky out... and then I remembered humans are persistence predators.

So picture some years in the future when the xenonite suits are so safe that Grace's class can now take field trips into his biodome. Rocky's there because this is a big moment for everyone involved and also he just loves listening to Grace in his element. One of the more mischievous kids tries to sneak off from the group and there are plenty of chaperones but Grace is the first to notice.

His posture changes, goes focused but loose in a way Rocky's never seen before as he peels of from the crowd. Rocky just stands there, stunned, as he watches his sweet, gangly, goofy, clumsy blob of a friend turn into a hunter. Grace circles around the pebble, slightly crouched, head turned and honed in, arms loose to the sides, and maybe the little one notices and does that nervously excited giggle-squeal thing kids do when they're being chased and tries to get away, but Grace expertly corrals them. He doesn't even have to run for it, he just pens the kid in, lunges-

And takes the little pebble by the claw to lead them safely back to their peers. And just like that he's Grace again, smiling and joking and tripping over his improvised shoelaces. Rocky hasn't been scared of Grace since first contact. Have you seen the guy? ... but for a second there his instincts were telling him to run.

[asteroidtroglodyte]

I love a good HFY / Humans Are Space Orks post, and I think one element of Humans we’re sleeping on is an instinctual understanding of ballistics.

I mean, I get why it’s not as popular here on Tumblr dot com, given it’s kinda a jock/military adjacent thing, but like. Our ability to just. Pick up a small, firm object, judge its internal inertia and mass by holding it for a bit, and then flinging it with the kind of accuracy and speed Humans are capable of is.

Like there’s another post about how Humans in an alien zoo would probably be breaking out constantly, since we consider escape rooms to be a fun courtship ritual, but

imagine the aliens who are designing the enclosures just so happen to pick up, say, a devoted amateur baseball pitcher. Not even a legend by any means, just somebody who’s practiced with intention. And one day they’re watching her pass some time and blow off some steam by doing some pitching practice and they realize to their mounting horror that this gal can turn literally anything she can wrap her digits around into a ballistic weapon.

[cuprohastes]

How'd you like it, human?

Entry 72

Humans are so annoying. They want to touch everything. The human on ship keeps touching animals even. Nobody asked them to. They just do it.

Human! Stop touching animals and making weird noises and pick stuff up and do human related things!!

Entry 79

Human is still touching animals and making bizarre vocalizations at every opportunity.

It occurs to me that they'd soon give up if it happened to them.

I have an amazing idea. I wills tart petting the human! They will soon desist in their annoying behavior.

Entry 80

I have made a terrible miscalculation.

[7-inches-of-satanic-panic]

k but imagine Rocky wanting to learn about how humans became the apex predators of their planet so he has Grace “hunt” him in the biodome as an experiment and during it he thinks Grace isn’t trying or taking it seriously which is bad bad bad because this is for research purposes

only for Rocky to get more and more tired as the experiment goes on just to realize that Grace isn’t which makes him panic so he puts as much distance as he can between them and finds a (hopefully) safe spot to sleep and when he wakes up the human is crouching over him like “got youuu” and Rocky has never shrieked so damn loud before in his life

[zmpl]

even if bioessentialism was real and all trans women had some inherent advantage over cis women in sports you could not pay me to give a fuck because sports are made up. they are games people play for fun. even though we as a society invented careers around sport it is still boiled down to the fun made up game where you kick a ball. or dribble a ball. or swim in a pool. or show people how fast you can run. it’s for leisure. fun. not serious. who gives a fuck. fun. #mygame⚽️🏀🏈⚾️

[zmpl]

“b-b-but it’s not JUST a game to some people, it’s their whole careers!!!!!🥺”

don’t care. fake job. just because people have learned how to make money off of playing a game doesn’t make it any less of a game

[the-haiku-bot]

“b-b-but it’s not

JUST a game to some people,

it’s their whole careers!!!!!🥺”

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[jeopardy-official]

What is honesty?

[licensedproldier]

absolutely incomprehensible screenshot

[fizzy-tizzy]

Everyone knows the first day of Friend Grace’s class is nickname day. It’s the day when every pebble is on their best behavior to try and make sure they get a cool nickname, something unique that they can brag to their friends and classmates about.

Sometimes, Grace will do it without thinking. That’s how Kiddo and Buddy got their nicknames. Often, Grace will nickname students after their coloration. Gaia got his nickname because he’s blue and green, and apparently looks a lot like Earth. Violet got hers because she’s purple. (She was initially disappointed since color means nothing to Eridians, but then Friend Grace showed them violet flowers and said that humans often associated purple with wealth and royalty, and she changed her tune.) Most of the time, Grace will give his students what he calls “regular human names” like Abby, Carl, or Martin.

But the most coveted nicknames are ones named after Earthen creatures. When ♩♪♬ 🎵 ♩♪♬ 🎵 first introduced themselves, Friend Grace immediately perked up and shouted “Robin!” After a bit of explaining himself and a few videos of bird calls, Robin was trilling and chirping happily, excited at having a nickname that felt like a 1-to-1 translation of their own.

Even well after Friend Grace is gone, his legacy remains. A hundred years into the future, when humankind finally launches a new ship with the express purpose of properly meeting their Eridian neighbors, one of the first messages exchanged is “Hello! My name Robin.”

[blog-but-its-only-bloodymary]

One last bloodymary before I self destruct

[lum1natriiix]

happy iron lung day to all who celebrate

[tedisfishing]

i love the pitt

[edgebug]

I think it would be funny if most of Grace's eridian students went to him and asked for earth pronoun designations instead of picking for themselves, because they think it's cool to get word-gifts from the coolest teacher in the galaxy

and grace is trying so hard to not accidentally be sexist or assign gender roles to a monogendered species, so like, trying hard not to call someone he/him just because they like sports, or she/her just because they seem caring, or whatever. and he's having a hard time about it because he's like oh man why am I assigning the pronouns I'm assigning, i hope I'm not bringing any of my biases into this. just absolutely eating himself up over it

he tries to fix this by starting to roll a die, or throw darts at a dartboard, but his students immediately throw a fit because the point of the word-gifts is that they are specific, picked deliberately for them, right? and grace tries to explain gender bias and so on, but it becomes clear these kids could genuinely not give less of a shit, they just want to know what their AGAG (assigned gender at grace) is, alright? why is this so hard for him to understand??

eventually grace comes to the conclusion that he's on a different planet, and severely overthinking this, and that his kids really just are having fun--they really don't see the grace-given pronouns as categorization, he figures they see them as something more akin to astrology. or an eridian tiktok trend. when grace learns they call the assigning a word-gift he probably cries tbh

"teacher grace!!! what my pronoun question???"

"hmm. getting big they/them vibes off you"

"HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY. THANK"

[hailed-marys]

how to get out of your own way