quick
someone draw a bee in a spacesuit
??????????
this is beautiful
u know why the internet is beautiful?
i posted the OP and got a picture of a bee in a spacesuit 8 mins later
what a time to bee alive

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@the-final-cookiecat
quick
someone draw a bee in a spacesuit
??????????
this is beautiful
u know why the internet is beautiful?
i posted the OP and got a picture of a bee in a spacesuit 8 mins later
what a time to bee alive
These are the cutest tweets Iâve ever seen.
he ainât feel like cutting the other guy girl up so he just let it slide tbh
âthere were no cases of autism before 1930âł
Yeah mt Everest wasnât discovered till 1856 but im sure the fucking mountain still existed
any movie that kills a dog is a trash movie
The more things change⊠1976 | 2017
I cant believe this actually happened
someone: so what is your biggest fear?
me, thinking about those times when youâre sat at a window seat on the bus and a stranger sits beside you trapping you there and your stop is coming up but youâre on a seat that isnât near a stop button so youâre going to have to communicate with this stranger to move while the bus is still in motion and navigate to a stop button in time without falling but youâre bad at socialization and maintaining your balance: heights
This speaks volumes to me.
me a year ago: who are you me now: im you but weaker
coming out of my cage and ive been doing just
Youâre in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed. One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself.
Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous.
I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years, and then she wasnât scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters⊠I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying! I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotteâs bed. Across the room underneath Danielâs crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, I reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again. âIâm not afraid of you monster!â She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and⊠She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With. Me. âMove. Over!â Charlotte hisses at me. I do. The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isnât afraid of any of my monsters; sheâs afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. âWhat theâŠâ I cut Francisâs next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. âIf you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity.â I promise to him. As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. âIâll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling.â Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed.
WELL GODAMN, WE HAVE OURSELVES A WINNER
Holy shit Iâm gonna cry thatâs beautiful.
BAREFOOT IN THE BATHROOM I REPEAT BAREFOOT IN THE BATHROOM HE IS BAREFOOT IN THIS BATHROOM THIS IS A CVS NOT A BEACH NOT YOUR HOUSE PEOPLE HAVE PISSED ON THIS FLOOR AND JESUS HAS DIED FOR YOUR SINS AND NOT SO YOU CAN BE BAREFOOT IN THIS BATHROOM
mark went in and took no hostages